I miss my boyfriend a lot… We decided to stay with our own parents during the vacations…. so he went back to cali and I had to stay here because my dad is doing a research and my mom wouldn't stay alone in our house because in my opinion she has dependency problems.

Since I can remember I have always been depressed… until I met my boyfriend. He kind of made all the darkness go away. I've never felt so comfortable with someone before. I can talk to him about everything and that has really helped me a lot.

During my childhood (from since I can remember to high school) I didn't really received much attention from my parents… at least not emotional attention. I mean, they would always try to please me with material things and they would always say "yes"…. but they were never really there for me.

I wanted regular parents… Parents who say "no" sometimes… parents who punish their kids when they do something that's wrong… and I did a lot of bad things.

My parents never had time for me. They were always with their friends laughing, gossiping and drinking pretty alcoholic drinks. … Maybe that's why I hate alcohol. They would always make an excuse to make a party. The holidays were my least favorite days. During the preparations for the parties my dad was always so angry because he is such a perfectionist. He would often say bad words and curse everything … even what is considered holy.

I always thought he was a huge hypocrite because he used to talk so much about religion and criticize people for doing bad things but he was exactly the same.

I hated my dad for a long time because he used to make my mom cry and I hated her for being so submissive and not doing anything. She would just cry…

They were two-faced…. When we were alone my dad would just work, work, work and practically ignore me and my brother…. and my mother did the same… and when she was not working she was gossiping (there were exceptions)….. but when their friends were around they were good loving parents….

Mom was my favorite because she used to tell us stories sometimes before going to bed and she used to be with us during school awards, plays, graduations… etc…. Dad was always too busy. I'm not sure why… I mean he is a biologist but I've seen my biology professors spend time with their family and go to their school activities…

I think they feel guilty now because my mom cries and apologize for "not being a great mother" …. and my dad has a weird way to express the same. I think it is kind of late… I mean I obviously forgive them but I will never be able to have a personal conversation with them. Honestly, I kind of avoid my dad. I love him but ….idk… I just don't like to be with him… it feels awkward.


Anyway, I think that is all. I just needed to express myself because I've been feeling kind of bad lately.

I cannot wait for the classes to start… I miss college, professors, people and my boyfriend.