I do not what to say. My brother committed suicide by gunshot to face on January 6, 2011. The people he left behind will never be the same. Quoting: The Quiet One
I am SO GLAD you survived to tell your story.
I am a bit overwhelmed right now reading your story. Stay strong.
I am sorry for your brother's loss of life...and it's not a pat response. Truly. There was an overwhelming push to silence what happened to me. The small town where I grew up was told, it was an accidental discharge. I was told to keep quiet about it. 1 year after my shooting, a fellow classmate shot and killed himself. My vice principal shot himself as well both died. Each shooting left me reeling in my own moment. I saw the flash, heard the roar and felt the implosion.
I suffered with survivors guilt for years. I struggled with society and their stigma surrounding it. No one cared to understand why I pulled the trigger. They hit the suicide curtain and that was it, no more reason or compassion.
I shared this story 6 months after the shooting. It was a sports bible camp. They had a microphone night. They said, "Hey campers if God has worked in a mighty way in your life come and share." I listened to the other kids share their stories and anecdotes: God helped me with peer pressure, study for a test, win a game etc etc. I thought, "Hey I bet they want to hear what God did for me...I should've died. I prayed for God to deliver my life with an Angel, and boy I am still alive and thankful to him..." I got up and delivered that story. I think I made it back to my seat before the room irrupted in applause, cheers and hugs. Kids confessed to me, they were suicidal. I took them to their sponsors and the sponsor was shocked and dumbfounded. The kids got help. They were pen pals for months after. I repeated this at a few more camps over the span of 18 months.
One day...I was pulled aside and told, "You can't share this anymore." It was to sensitive and controversial. I had been censored.
I was once suicidal. I once tried to take my life and for a few moments in time, succeeded. But, I saw the value in life. I was sorry and wanted my life back. God forgave and restored my life back to me. I pictured my life similar to the thief on the cross. While dying a violent death he pleaded for mercy and God responded. Likewise, He responded to my pleas. I should've died on that night 27 years ago. I don't totally remember how I got out of the woods. I don't know how my voice carried across the field. I don't know why my brother felt something pulling on his shirt and demanding he run towards the woods. I heard something speak to me that night in the woods. I felt it touch my body. It felt like being grounded on a live wire.
I have had some people contact me and they told me they are alive today because of my interaction at community events. I set up a tent and chat with people, hand out bibles and mental health brochures etc. Trying to reach some that are despondent to the point of death