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Message Subject 27 years ago...I took my life with a rifle.
Poster Handle warrior poet
Post Content
i have known a few people who have ended their lives,i too grew up in a very abusive family and i have had my share of problems from it, i tried to end it in the mid 80,s and wound up in the hospital for a couple days . it isnt worth it it WILL get better , life sucks alot especially these days but i just grit my teeth and keep plugging away. too anyone out there comtemplating suicide i say DONT, give time her chance, and find someone whom you can share your life with . people who have weathered a stormy past are beacons of hope to those who are NOW experiencing it for themselves. peace
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 32039162


At one point in my late 20s, I found myself on the street - homeless. I suffer with Post Truamatic Stress Disorder and still the bouts of depression, making keeping a job difficult at times. After looking at my life over the last two decades I understand somethings about suicide and life. One of the fears...you may actually try it again. Every failed attempt supposedly raises odds of future attempts by 40x. I broke a sacred trust when I pulled the trigger.

My own brain wouldn't trust me. I think when I was battling to stay alive, *if* I lived...never again. My brain built a safe vale type switch inside of me. It always monitors my life. When my life started to get overwhelmed it shuts down.

The season when I was homeless...my wife had just had an affair. I was working fulltime and going to college full time. I was devestated by the affair, unable to sleep, concentrate and worried I may turn to my drug of choice, suicide. I didn it once before, and I had desentyzed myself to the fear of it. So I started yanking irons out of the fire. Quit college, quit work, everything.

I paid a price for it. I slept for two years. I worked as a bouncer at night and slept during the day but I was alive. LIfe got better. I picked up the pieces and started over.

This year, I lost my job due to the economy. My family and I are struggling but I continue to count blessings. Take one day at a time and tell the beast I fought...life is worth living. If I have to live under a bridge, so be it. I'll never give up. I'll never quit again. On Friday, one of my friends called me up and asked if I wanted to work with him. I have a job waiting for me in Feb. My wife and I downsized our home to save in housing cost, life always does get better. No storm rages forever. They always have a beginning, middle and an end.

After the round went off...that voice whispered in my ear, "Name a reason to live..." I frantically thought ove my sixteen years of life and heard and felt a wrinkle in time. I heard the sound of a child playing/laughing....I said, "I want to be a dad..." It said, "That's a good reason, crawl now!" When I was homeless and the beast came kicking at my feet and it said, "What's the use of going on?" I remembered back to that day in the woods and told it, "I have a reason to live...get away from me."
 
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