I might get some backlash for this story so be gentle .My birth father took his life last February with a gun to the head (I don't blame the gun). I have mixed feelings as he was never really in my life and made poor choices even though he had a good upbringing. I didn't hate the guy, just didn't really know him as he rarely talked or shared his feelings. He was troubled and truly believe he is happier now, more at peace. Don't get me wrong I do not advocate suicide but somehow I know he is at peace and happy. He was 66 so he wasn't a youngster not that it matters. Your story is very moving and you and I would be close the same age, it would be hard taking that much abuse, but I am glad you found your way.