I go to bed at night and dont want to wake up

I don't mean to be cause for alarm.

I just have this deep emotional pain.

That which makes me ache. I have constant anxiety. I feel the weight of the world in my heart and soul. It's no longer depression as much as it is a longing for a better time.

You see ill get down to the details.

Every day I wake up to a blinding sun, always before the alarm. To the morning guidance of either work or maintenance of material goods, neither of which feel right to me. I step on the same floor. Shower in the same bathroom with the same cleaning supplies. Put on the same clothes. Eat the same bland food. Brush my teeth with the same poison, the same brush. Lock the same door. Start the same, miraculously still working car. Drive to the extent of 3 miles, to and from the same box. Sell the same material shit, and get the same treatment of shit. Make the same terrible pay, or less. Go home and eat. Feel the pain of another day... Repeat.

Now i know glp isn't the place to go for a pity party. That's not what I'm getting at.

Thing is I'm a 20 year old American and this life I'm sure is similar to many of you.

I had it all going for me. An honors diploma, scholarship to a good school, independence, and many more years.

Then I started to live. To actually live. I took up cannabis and it helped me to realize that we are living a play. That even though we may call others sheep and ourselves awake, we are all being suppressed.

I had a massive explosion of self discovery rarely even found in those twice my age. I started to see how docile everything and everyone was becoming.

I started to think about how much we could do but dont. How I'm working a job to hold up a shitty corporation, even though pay is falling with quality of living and they treat me like trash. How the school I was attending was a brainwashing ponzy scheme to get a "degree." A literal label for yourself to do, what else, join the workforce. How tv, facebook, texting not talking, hate, ignorance, greed, compliance... Its what everyone is used to, and we do NOTHING about it.

They say vote. Yeah, bullshit nice try. Why vote? I'm too stupid to know about politics, right? And its a number game in the guise of a popularity contest, which should be bad enough. After all the media seems to comfortably know the outcome of everything. Ill just let them make the decisions.

That's how people are beginning to think.

My sister said it best:

"Its money. Its the banks. Its a power scheme that worked. The bills are a measure of power. You start at the bottom. To get to the top you have to live a life of deceit. If EVERYONE woke up to this... If EVERYONE marched on the capitals of the world and burned these bills and got rid of the idea of power, we could live. That's when humanity truly becomes free again."

Couldn't agree more.

Now ill go to sleep and continue this madness. But I feel as if even god is telling me its time. I can feel it in every bit of my energy. I've been put here for a reason, even if its just for my soul to endure hell.

Night yall!