I go to bed at night and dont want to wake up

Don't try to save or change the world, just change yourself into what you want to be. At least for a start. Now that you've realized that money and status are irrelevant, you're free.

This is the source of your problem. The mind altering drugs invite in the demons. Canabis destroys your drive and in fact causes depression, schizophrenia and demon possession. Altered states = witchcraft, which is communion with demons.

That is why the Bible condemns this activity. Your solution is simple. Drop the dope, take up Christ and stop living for yourself. The joy of the Lord is not far behind.

I don't mean to be cause for alarm.

I just have this deep emotional pain.

That which makes me ache. I have constant anxiety. I feel the weight of the world in my heart and soul. It's no longer depression as much as it is a longing for a better time.

You see ill get down to the details.

Every day I wake up to a blinding sun, always before the alarm. To the morning guidance of either work or maintenance of material goods, neither of which feel right to me. I step on the same floor. Shower in the same bathroom with the same cleaning supplies. Put on the same clothes. Eat the same bland food. Brush my teeth with the same poison, the same brush. Lock the same door. Start the same, miraculously still working car. Drive to the extent of 3 miles, to and from the same box. Sell the same material shit, and get the same treatment of shit. Make the same terrible pay, or less. Go home and eat. Feel the pain of another day... Repeat.

Now i know glp isn't the place to go for a pity party. That's not what I'm getting at.

Thing is I'm a 20 year old American and this life I'm sure is similar to many of you.

I had it all going for me. An honors diploma, scholarship to a good school, independence, and many more years.

Then I started to live. To actually live. I took up cannabis and it helped me to realize that we are living a play. That even though we may call others sheep and ourselves awake, we are all being suppressed.

I had a massive explosion of self discovery rarely even found in those twice my age. I started to see how docile everything and everyone was becoming.

I started to think about how much we could do but dont. How I'm working a job to hold up a shitty corporation, even though pay is falling with quality of living and they treat me like trash. How the school I was attending was a brainwashing ponzy scheme to get a "degree." A literal label for yourself to do, what else, join the workforce. How tv, facebook, texting not talking, hate, ignorance, greed, compliance... Its what everyone is used to, and we do NOTHING about it.

They say vote. Yeah, bullshit nice try. Why vote? I'm too stupid to know about politics, right? And its a number game in the guise of a popularity contest, which should be bad enough. After all the media seems to comfortably know the outcome of everything. Ill just let them make the decisions.

That's how people are beginning to think.

My sister said it best:

"Its money. Its the banks. Its a power scheme that worked. The bills are a measure of power. You start at the bottom. To get to the top you have to live a life of deceit. If EVERYONE woke up to this... If EVERYONE marched on the capitals of the world and burned these bills and got rid of the idea of power, we could live. That's when humanity truly becomes free again."

Couldn't agree more.

Now ill go to sleep and continue this madness. But I feel as if even god is telling me its time. I can feel it in every bit of my energy. I've been put here for a reason, even if its just for my soul to endure hell.

Night yall!

This is the source of your problem. The mind altering drugs invite in the demons. Canabis destroys your drive and in fact causes depression, schizophrenia and demon possession. Altered states = witchcraft, which is communion with demons.

That is why the Bible condemns this activity. Your solution is simple. Drop the dope, take up Christ and stop living for yourself. The joy of the Lord is not far behind.

This is the source of your problem. The mind altering drugs invite in the demons. Canabis destroys your drive and in fact causes depression, schizophrenia and demon possession. Altered states = witchcraft, which is communion with demons.

That is why the Bible condemns this activity. Your solution is simple. Drop the dope, take up Christ and stop living for yourself. The joy of the Lord is not far behind.

You wouldn't wake up if u didn't want to wake up ;) addicted to the drama

I don't mean to be cause for alarm.

I just have this deep emotional pain.

That which makes me ache. I have constant anxiety. I feel the weight of the world in my heart and soul. It's no longer depression as much as it is a longing for a better time.

You see ill get down to the details.

Every day I wake up to a blinding sun, always before the alarm. To the morning guidance of either work or maintenance of material goods, neither of which feel right to me. I step on the same floor. Shower in the same bathroom with the same cleaning supplies. Put on the same clothes. Eat the same bland food. Brush my teeth with the same poison, the same brush. Lock the same door. Start the same, miraculously still working car. Drive to the extent of 3 miles, to and from the same box. Sell the same material shit, and get the same treatment of shit. Make the same terrible pay, or less. Go home and eat. Feel the pain of another day... Repeat.

Now i know glp isn't the place to go for a pity party. That's not what I'm getting at.

Thing is I'm a 20 year old American and this life I'm sure is similar to many of you.

I had it all going for me. An honors diploma, scholarship to a good school, independence, and many more years.

Then I started to live. To actually live. I took up cannabis and it helped me to realize that we are living a play. That even though we may call others sheep and ourselves awake, we are all being suppressed.

I had a massive explosion of self discovery rarely even found in those twice my age. I started to see how docile everything and everyone was becoming.

I started to think about how much we could do but dont. How I'm working a job to hold up a shitty corporation, even though pay is falling with quality of living and they treat me like trash. How the school I was attending was a brainwashing ponzy scheme to get a "degree." A literal label for yourself to do, what else, join the workforce. How tv, facebook, texting not talking, hate, ignorance, greed, compliance... Its what everyone is used to, and we do NOTHING about it.

They say vote. Yeah, bullshit nice try. Why vote? I'm too stupid to know about politics, right? And its a number game in the guise of a popularity contest, which should be bad enough. After all the media seems to comfortably know the outcome of everything. Ill just let them make the decisions.

That's how people are beginning to think.

My sister said it best:

"Its money. Its the banks. Its a power scheme that worked. The bills are a measure of power. You start at the bottom. To get to the top you have to live a life of deceit. If EVERYONE woke up to this... If EVERYONE marched on the capitals of the world and burned these bills and got rid of the idea of power, we could live. That's when humanity truly becomes free again."

Couldn't agree more.

Now ill go to sleep and continue this madness. But I feel as if even god is telling me its time. I can feel it in every bit of my energy. I've been put here for a reason, even if its just for my soul to endure hell.

Night yall!

The bible is in English too.

I can tell you have demons because you became so irritated at the man trying to help you. Marijuana opens doors to demons even if it feels good.

If you ever want peace you know where to find it. Call on Jesus from the heart.

This is the source of your problem. The mind altering drugs invite in the demons. Canabis destroys your drive and in fact causes depression, schizophrenia and demon possession. Altered states = witchcraft, which is communion with demons.

That is why the Bible condemns this activity. Your solution is simple. Drop the dope, take up Christ and stop living for yourself. The joy of the Lord is not far behind.

I don't mean to be cause for alarm.

I just have this deep emotional pain.

That which makes me ache. I have constant anxiety. I feel the weight of the world in my heart and soul. It's no longer depression as much as it is a longing for a better time.

You see ill get down to the details.

Every day I wake up to a blinding sun, always before the alarm. To the morning guidance of either work or maintenance of material goods, neither of which feel right to me. I step on the same floor. Shower in the same bathroom with the same cleaning supplies. Put on the same clothes. Eat the same bland food. Brush my teeth with the same poison, the same brush. Lock the same door. Start the same, miraculously still working car. Drive to the extent of 3 miles, to and from the same box. Sell the same material shit, and get the same treatment of shit. Make the same terrible pay, or less. Go home and eat. Feel the pain of another day... Repeat.

Now i know glp isn't the place to go for a pity party. That's not what I'm getting at.

Thing is I'm a 20 year old American and this life I'm sure is similar to many of you.

I had it all going for me. An honors diploma, scholarship to a good school, independence, and many more years.

Then I started to live. To actually live. I took up cannabis and it helped me to realize that we are living a play. That even though we may call others sheep and ourselves awake, we are all being suppressed.

I had a massive explosion of self discovery rarely even found in those twice my age. I started to see how docile everything and everyone was becoming.

I started to think about how much we could do but dont. How I'm working a job to hold up a shitty corporation, even though pay is falling with quality of living and they treat me like trash. How the school I was attending was a brainwashing ponzy scheme to get a "degree." A literal label for yourself to do, what else, join the workforce. How tv, facebook, texting not talking, hate, ignorance, greed, compliance... Its what everyone is used to, and we do NOTHING about it.

They say vote. Yeah, bullshit nice try. Why vote? I'm too stupid to know about politics, right? And its a number game in the guise of a popularity contest, which should be bad enough. After all the media seems to comfortably know the outcome of everything. Ill just let them make the decisions.

That's how people are beginning to think.

My sister said it best:

"Its money. Its the banks. Its a power scheme that worked. The bills are a measure of power. You start at the bottom. To get to the top you have to live a life of deceit. If EVERYONE woke up to this... If EVERYONE marched on the capitals of the world and burned these bills and got rid of the idea of power, we could live. That's when humanity truly becomes free again."

Couldn't agree more.

Now ill go to sleep and continue this madness. But I feel as if even god is telling me its time. I can feel it in every bit of my energy. I've been put here for a reason, even if its just for my soul to endure hell.

Night yall!

You have NO IDEA what the "bible" says!

You know Hebrew?

Nevermind...

Anyway, the tree of life? Depicted in all ancient cultures, religions, peace offerings...

The plant that we were given BY GOD that daily is proven to treat so many issues and all made up issues about it are being proven false... That's cannabis.

This wasn't a thread about that though, stop digressing.

If all you got from this post was a point that you wanted to criticize, you are part of the problem.

Who are you to tell me what is right for me?

Isn't it YOUR philosophy to follow the word of god?

You sound deeply depressed. I hope you'll go find a therapist to voice some of your ideas and find a medication that will work for you. I don't believe in long term use of SSRIs, but in the short term, they can restore your serotonin levels. You're sound very low from what you wrote.

Unfortunately SSRI's can be highly addictive and side effects can create increased suicidal thoughts, anxiety/nervousness, agitation, feelings of desensitization, a numbing effect on your emotions (good & bad), sexual dysfunction, among other ailments... Withdrawal symptoms can be unpleasant and harmful to the individual as well. From my experience I would make it a point to explore all other options/methods for raising one's mood before even considering psychotropic drugs (SSRI's) that alter/affect your brain chemistry - as they are quite dangerous and as you indicated, never a long term option. By other options I would first recommend - modifying diet/nutrition, exercise, life-style changes, natural/herbal supplements, detoxing, checking for vitamin deficiencies, etc.

OP, you're still too young to break down into pieces, you didn't ever have time to really suffer, LOL. Come back in 30 years when you don't have the health and full of disappointments, THEN you can join the Club being truly burned out.

It's a good thing you wake up so early, as long as you healthy you can do so much. Agree with earlier reply that you could try kendo and beat the crap out of your opponent with a stick. Also, buy a sharpened katana (japanese sword) you could make exercises with it, it's a reminder of many things, pick it up and feel like a warrior.

At the same time, do not change the world too much, it will suck you in. Remember that many people from shitty countries would like to swap with you, you're pretty lucky to live in the great US with amazing geography. If you're cold you could travel to Florida, unlike here in deadly cold Sweden.

You can do so much until you REALLY get tired of everything! lolz