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Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates

 
Got Damn!
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01/23/2013 01:58 AM
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Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Jordan Sargent
It's never a dull day in Florida, our country's most fantastic state. Let's set the scene: It's Monday, January 21, and an unnamed North Fort Myers resident is lying in bed relaxing after a hard day's work. Just after 7 p.m., he hears a noise coming from his roof — he thinks it sounds like thunder. He goes outside to investigate the disturbance, when he sees 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni running on his house. Bruni leaps from the roof, tackling the man. Bruni is naked.

More at link

[link to gawker.com]

Last Edited by SHR on 01/23/2013 08:30 AM
Useless Cookie Eater

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01/23/2013 02:05 AM

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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Idiots gonna idiot.
Anonymous Coward
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01/23/2013 02:10 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
No one killed or raped...

The freak is probably white.
Anonymous Cowherder
FEMA Region IX.

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01/23/2013 02:17 AM

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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
bath salts strike again!
I'm a Libertarian Constitutionalist.

I don't give a shit what you do with your own life, whether you make it a success or a failure, that is the outcome of the choices you make, but please take responsibility for yourself and don't make ME pay for YOUR choices and we're all good.

Repeal the 17th Amendment and the Apportionment Act of 1911!

Thread: First steps down the road to a return to the Constitutional Republic that we were intended to be.

Restore the Republic.

It's a flower, not something to be feared.

cow - Moo!
LittleMissDictator
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01/23/2013 02:21 AM

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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Good grief.


cow
"Start giving, and see the JOY in giving"
Anonymous Coward
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01/23/2013 02:22 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
was it in that order
Anonymous Coward
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01/23/2013 02:29 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
hi, I´m the 50% rule police. Don't make me taze you.
stormer

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01/23/2013 02:35 AM

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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
wtf

Bath salts strike again!

5a
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery - Bob Marley
Anonymous Coward
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01/23/2013 02:37 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Jordan Sargent
It's never a dull day in Florida, our country's most fantastic state. Let's set the scene: It's Monday, January 21, and an unnamed North Fort Myers resident is lying in bed relaxing after a hard day's work. Just after 7 p.m., he hears a noise coming from his roof — he thinks it sounds like thunder. He goes outside to investigate the disturbance, when he sees 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni running on his house. Bruni leaps from the roof, tackling the man. Bruni is naked.

From there, Bruni runs into the house, hellbent on destruction. He sees a "large television" minding its own business and knocks it off its stand. He then spies a vacuum cleaner. How do you terrorize a vacuum cleaner? You don't — you just empty its contents back onto the floor. That's what Bruni does. From there, things finally start to get weird:

Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, where several guns were stored, so the man's wife fired three warning shots from a .38 revolver.

The arrest report says Bruni fell to the floor - but then began pleasuring himself.

He got up off the floor, ran into the son's bedroom and began rubbing clothing on his face.

Police are called, and they apprehend a flailing, babbling Bruni only after Tasering him. "Tase him, bro," a cop almost certainly says. Bruni is taken to a hospital, but doctors there say they can't identify what drug he is on. The answer is either all of them, or one you've never heard of. Or bath salts. Probably bath salts.

Police charge Bruni with two counts of criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence. Everyone else in Florida goes to sleep that night, awaiting their turn.


[link to gawker.com]
 Quoting: Got Damn! 32851282




I will guarantee you one thing...

The perp is a liberal.
Mel Gibson (OP)
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01/23/2013 02:45 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Jordan Sargent
It's never a dull day in Florida, our country's most fantastic state. Let's set the scene: It's Monday, January 21, and an unnamed North Fort Myers resident is lying in bed relaxing after a hard day's work. Just after 7 p.m., he hears a noise coming from his roof — he thinks it sounds like thunder. He goes outside to investigate the disturbance, when he sees 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni running on his house. Bruni leaps from the roof, tackling the man. Bruni is naked.

From there, Bruni runs into the house, hellbent on destruction. He sees a "large television" minding its own business and knocks it off its stand. He then spies a vacuum cleaner. How do you terrorize a vacuum cleaner? You don't — you just empty its contents back onto the floor. That's what Bruni does. From there, things finally start to get weird:

Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, where several guns were stored, so the man's wife fired three warning shots from a .38 revolver.

The arrest report says Bruni fell to the floor - but then began pleasuring himself.

He got up off the floor, ran into the son's bedroom and began rubbing clothing on his face.

Police are called, and they apprehend a flailing, babbling Bruni only after Tasering him. "Tase him, bro," a cop almost certainly says. Bruni is taken to a hospital, but doctors there say they can't identify what drug he is on. The answer is either all of them, or one you've never heard of. Or bath salts. Probably bath salts.

Police charge Bruni with two counts of criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence. Everyone else in Florida goes to sleep that night, awaiting their turn.


[link to gawker.com]
 Quoting: Got Damn! 32851282




I will guarantee you one thing...

The perp is a liberal.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 32850016


It was you! How else wouldja' know????
Anonymous Coward
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01/23/2013 02:51 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
One of the most epic thread titles of all time!
Anonymous Coward
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01/23/2013 02:58 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
milleniums from now, when ancient archeologists come to earth to try and piece together what happened during our decline and ultimate unravelling as a species, I hope they find this article.
*StarMan*

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01/23/2013 03:04 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
chuckdisgust
Light Speed
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01/23/2013 05:34 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Jordan Sargent
It's never a dull day in Florida, our country's most fantastic state. Let's set the scene: It's Monday, January 21, and an unnamed North Fort Myers resident is lying in bed relaxing after a hard day's work. Just after 7 p.m., he hears a noise coming from his roof — he thinks it sounds like thunder. He goes outside to investigate the disturbance, when he sees 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni running on his house. Bruni leaps from the roof, tackling the man. Bruni is naked.

From there, Bruni runs into the house, hellbent on destruction. He sees a "large television" minding its own business and knocks it off its stand. He then spies a vacuum cleaner. How do you terrorize a vacuum cleaner? You don't — you just empty its contents back onto the floor. That's what Bruni does. From there, things finally start to get weird:

Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, where several guns were stored, so the man's wife fired three warning shots from a .38 revolver.

The arrest report says Bruni fell to the floor - but then began pleasuring himself.

He got up off the floor, ran into the son's bedroom and began rubbing clothing on his face.

Police are called, and they apprehend a flailing, babbling Bruni only after Tasering him. "Tase him, bro," a cop almost certainly says. Bruni is taken to a hospital, but doctors there say they can't identify what drug he is on. The answer is either all of them, or one you've never heard of. Or bath salts. Probably bath salts.

Police charge Bruni with two counts of criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence. Everyone else in Florida goes to sleep that night, awaiting their turn.


[link to gawker.com]
 Quoting: Got Damn! 32851282


really?????????????
Slick Vick

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01/23/2013 07:40 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
He was on ass salts... freakin hippie
PIR

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01/23/2013 07:53 AM

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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
milleniums from now, when ancient archeologists come to earth to try and piece together what happened during our decline and ultimate unravelling as a species, I hope they find this article.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14093935


This.

We should erect the "Georgia Tard Stones" and etch this stuff in stone so they see the fall of the last great Tards and maybe prevent future Tard nations.

Last Edited by PIR on 01/23/2013 07:54 AM
PIR
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01/23/2013 07:57 AM

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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
hi, I´m the 50% rule police. Don't make me taze you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 32503414


I was thinking the same thing, although not so creatively! lmao
"May your electricity go out a second before the shit hits the fan." -Conspiracy Theorist's Blessing

”Your work is not to drag the world kicking and screaming into a new awareness. Your job is to simply do your work… Sacredly, Secretly, and Silently … and those with ‘eyes to see and ears to hear’, will respond.”
goodmockingbird
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01/23/2013 08:20 AM

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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Poor, innocent vacuum cleaner.
THE CDC LIES
Anonymous Coward
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01/23/2013 08:33 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Poor, innocent vacuum cleaner.
 Quoting: goodmockingbird


lucky he dont masturbate with that vacuum cleaner.. making it vac-cumm-cleaner.
Tard

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01/23/2013 08:33 AM

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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Why waste bullets on warning shots?
Hawk-02
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01/23/2013 08:38 AM

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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
bathsalt2
WAR INSIDE MY HEAD.
Anonymous Coward
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01/23/2013 08:43 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
I would have been pissed about the vacuum bag. Those things make a big mess! Would have tazed him just for that.redface
natasha77
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01/23/2013 08:45 AM

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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
I'd have emptied my bb gun on his butt.
SPEAK UP. SILENCE IS DEADLY!

I am currently experiencing life at several WTFs per hour.

flatearth
Lime Flavoured Redux

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01/23/2013 09:12 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Only in Florida.

Also, bath salts.
teamglock
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01/23/2013 09:17 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Sounds like a party to me!5abanana2
goodmockingbird
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01/23/2013 09:54 AM

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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
I am green pinning this crowning achievement of Western Civilisation.
THE CDC LIES
Flapping Chicken Little

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01/23/2013 09:57 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Katrina virus?
Flapping Chicken Little
Here for the moment
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01/23/2013 09:59 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
Jordan Sargent
It's never a dull day in Florida, our country's most fantastic state. Let's set the scene: It's Monday, January 21, and an unnamed North Fort Myers resident is lying in bed relaxing after a hard day's work. Just after 7 p.m., he hears a noise coming from his roof — he thinks it sounds like thunder. He goes outside to investigate the disturbance, when he sees 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni running on his house. Bruni leaps from the roof, tackling the man. Bruni is naked.

More at link

[link to gawker.com]
 Quoting: Got Damn! 32851282


The modern day pranksters! Or, was it methamphetamine?
BRIEF
Rebel with morals

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01/23/2013 10:00 AM

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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
bath salts strike again!
 Quoting: Anonymous Cowherder


Yup

"doctors there say they can't identify what drug he is on. The answer is either all of them, or one you've never heard of. Or bath salts. Probably bath salts"
With freedom comes responsibility.

Heterosexual pride!

Briefcut4892
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01/23/2013 10:04 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
GUARANTEED HE WAS A GLP'er
arbrefeu

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01/23/2013 10:13 AM
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Re: Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
he was 'told' to do it to distract.
scopalamine.

gooooood morrrnin GLP

bonghit

oh yeah scopalamine or BS must be great.
last nite on a repeat of house the pt ran out on 10mg iv haldol then was tased repeatedly... turned out to be rabies.

i mean scopalamine. it just sounds beautiful.

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