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I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.

 
eyeDR3
The Third Eye Doctor

User ID: 5754707
United States
01/28/2013 03:50 PM

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I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
The one thing I hate in life is money.

In fact, it had only been recently that I came to the conclusion.

I have always lived small. Growing up the only time any of us kids got new clothes was before school started, and we were lucky to go the first couple of weeks wearing anything new.

We lived in a small town, a small house and had very few material goods at all.

This lifestyle was miserable in a materialistic society. As days would come, I would get on the bus and see people flaunting their gameboys, their new shoes and clothes, their vacation to cancun...

I strived to be wealthy. My pass time was usually playing outside climbing trees, going in the woods, digging, watching animals, hearing sounds of nature, playing with sticks like swords, just generally using imagination and living. But at the time, I didn't appreciate these activities.

I was always a "gifted" child. I flew through all classes without challenge. I was easy to get along with and never really had altercations, other than the common nerdy ones. But when I was picked fun at, I laughed. I was intelligent enough to know what others thought didnt matter.

Then high school hit.

We moved away from this small town and into the city.

Gone were the birds filling the room with sound. Gone were the hikes in the acres upon acres of woodland. Gone were the small things that kept all of the family humble and appreciative.

I flew through high school and by graduation day, I was still in this daze. These thoughts that no matter how bad things got, we would be ok. I also never chased girls because I was a nerd, with zero confidence. In my 18 years I was never once sought after, and to this day have never really been in a relationship.

I got a scholarship to a good state school and went straight into college after high school. I moved into the house i currently reside in and everything was a little better. I noticed privacy, confidence, and enough will to get by.

As time went on, I started to get tired. I started to get feelings of not being noticed again. Like everything I was doing was a waste of time. I actually noticed I had to begin selling things to make it. I had to get credit to pay for groceries because they were getting so expensive. Then gas. Then trying to keep up my car...

I noticed I was slipping into a deep depression. I called myself out for it.

I wasn't too far in debt. I had some things to appreciate.

I then began waking up.

I had a severe headache one night, like my brain was splitting. I cried and played through everything I stand for and what I've done. It was overwhelming. My anxiety hit an all time high.

I took up marijuana and it was a literal godsend. I didn't and still don't use it as a crutch. I noticed that when I was high, i was able to think more clearly and live in the NOW.

I actually thought for myself. Going to college was becoming a disease that was killing me. I remember one of my professors admitting he was a socialist. He said something about people being crazy to question the society we've formed, and even 9/11!

... And the people sat silent and nodded.

I couldn't do it after that. Everything from my job to school to gas... It is all a control mechanism!

It was like I could see the bars of the cage.

I stopped going to school. I started talking about these things with my cousin and we clicked.

We became enlightened.

I watched as he went through a similar life transformation. Quit school, dealt with emotions and feeling crazy.

I just found out my student loans are at $9500 from less than two semesters, because they "disqualified" my scholarship for attendance.

I have 2 cards at just over $1000. I don't use them, they are frozen.

I am 20.

I have a run down car. A corporate job at one of the worst places to work in the US. An older dog who is getting more expensive and the thought of losing her for monetary reasons. And a new hate for all of it.

I want to just leave.

WE want to just leave.

But how? Legally, I'm in debt and have no true transportation.

All money i receive must go to my debts, but half of my yearly income alone goes to rent, and that's only $13k...

I also see the world crumbling.

Its as if all has already died but is being kept animated.

Just need advice.

What do I do from here?

A lot is coming to light about my native American heritage. I was dreaming to go west and everyone I mention it to says I must.

I REALLY want to walk. To run. To drink from a stream. To watch birds, deer, wolves, insects. To climb trees. To be human.

My thought is that I'm getting a head start on an inevitable crash, but this time is different.

How do I fight authority, or the law, over such mundane issues?

How the fuck can I just be left alone?

verysad
Those who extended a hand when I most needed:

Nickadeemus, Bluebird, ItSeesThroughEyes, Rev StarGazer, darkwolf007, Rickster58, ar-15 nut, Chrewman, beeches, ceawaves, Shackles, ANHEDONIC, Shoot straight Johnny, Useless Cookie Eater, Hq okc, AR 15-SPECIALIST, Psi Guy, InTheHood, Abi, Paved in Chaos, sacred energy, AnonymousGirl, Nine's, Dice84, Simple27, justanothergranny, WitchHazel, jdb, Bearwalk9, Geo777, natasha77, TheWayWeWere, curry nosher, homelessguy92, Still Meow..., nah, INK3, Deaf Cat, katharinels, Re_Deek_u_Lus, Dug In and ALL THE AC'S!!!

For every negativity, create two positives!

Karma accepted!

~For wolf and moon


Part of a pack one wolf chose to leave
A life like his dreams this wolf chose to weave

On his own in the dark the wolf could not see
Nobody was telling him what to believe

When he questioned what truly made him free
It was always the moonlight guiding thee

~eyeDR3


The sheep may one day find, there was always a wolf inside.

eyebanner
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26868696
United States
01/28/2013 03:56 PM
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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
this is the ultimate struggle, its very hard to let things go to that extent. i havent yet dont this either, it is my ego holding me back as i hold back my ego
9
User ID: 29759781
United States
01/28/2013 03:58 PM
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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
Enlightened?

Enlightenment is the heaviest burden, is it not?

My advice, quit smoking, finish school. Im 28, i smoked during college. It doesnt mix. If i could go back, it gonna be sober and fing clean.

Get a job, and make money. Youre gonna have to. Face it.

Just do your own path the right way, all will work out.
eyeDR3 (OP)
The Third Eye Doctor

User ID: 5754707
United States
01/28/2013 04:10 PM

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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
Enlightened?

Enlightenment is the heaviest burden, is it not?

My advice, quit smoking, finish school. Im 28, i smoked during college. It doesnt mix. If i could go back, it gonna be sober and fing clean.

Get a job, and make money. Youre gonna have to. Face it.

Just do your own path the right way, all will work out.
 Quoting: 9 29759781


But who says I have to?

Why am I not able to live off the land? To worry not about money or material, but about the world and nature and just life in general?

I TRULY am not trying to offend you, but you are part of the problem.

Why don't we march on Washington and burn our dollars calling for a world that can live again?

Why? Why give all of the power of the people to a fucking idea? A piece of paper!

Wake up.

The banks are the problem. All diseases of the modern era, problems, war, deceit...

It all starts with the banks.

You've only helped cement my decision.
Those who extended a hand when I most needed:

Nickadeemus, Bluebird, ItSeesThroughEyes, Rev StarGazer, darkwolf007, Rickster58, ar-15 nut, Chrewman, beeches, ceawaves, Shackles, ANHEDONIC, Shoot straight Johnny, Useless Cookie Eater, Hq okc, AR 15-SPECIALIST, Psi Guy, InTheHood, Abi, Paved in Chaos, sacred energy, AnonymousGirl, Nine's, Dice84, Simple27, justanothergranny, WitchHazel, jdb, Bearwalk9, Geo777, natasha77, TheWayWeWere, curry nosher, homelessguy92, Still Meow..., nah, INK3, Deaf Cat, katharinels, Re_Deek_u_Lus, Dug In and ALL THE AC'S!!!

For every negativity, create two positives!

Karma accepted!

~For wolf and moon


Part of a pack one wolf chose to leave
A life like his dreams this wolf chose to weave

On his own in the dark the wolf could not see
Nobody was telling him what to believe

When he questioned what truly made him free
It was always the moonlight guiding thee

~eyeDR3


The sheep may one day find, there was always a wolf inside.

eyebanner
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15670285
Canada
01/28/2013 04:10 PM
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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
Enlightened?

Enlightenment is the heaviest burden, is it not?

My advice, quit smoking, finish school. Im 28, i smoked during college. It doesnt mix. If i could go back, it gonna be sober and fing clean.

Get a job, and make money. Youre gonna have to. Face it.

Just do your own path the right way, all will work out.
 Quoting: 9 29759781


^^^ This is not good advice.

Lots of people feel the way you do. You need to stay strong and try to send the message along. More and more people are starting to wake up. We will take our lives back!!
RaXz

User ID: 2557891
Netherlands
01/28/2013 04:13 PM
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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
I don't really know what you're talking about as we are just sacks of meat with a personality thanks to chemical processes, being human is reserved for people with superior blood. We're just sacks of meat attached to their balloons, they'll loose the ballast to reach for the skies and get to be awesome in the clouds, a bit like the obsession Freemasons have with ladders.

But whatever, escapism is escapism, I think it's more important to stay true to yourself no matter how hard it is, but the ratrace is all catered towards people who flee from themselves, and meanwhile finding someone to blame for it.
Instead of a lamb they get a mute rabid demon wolf from hell, what a bummer that must be.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26868696
United States
01/28/2013 04:15 PM
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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
you need to realize that blaming and accepting both perpetuate themselves, choose your path
Artaius San

User ID: 33208228
Germany
01/28/2013 04:17 PM

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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
At least for a few more years.
If this system doesn´t break down earlier.

I hear ya bro.
Keep your chin up.
These are the hardest days, try to find something that will make it worth carry through.
And keep in my mind, you´re not alone.

rose




Enlightened?

Enlightenment is the heaviest burden, is it not?

My advice, quit smoking, finish school. Im 28, i smoked during college. It doesnt mix. If i could go back, it gonna be sober and fing clean.

Get a job, and make money. Youre gonna have to. Face it.

Just do your own path the right way, all will work out.
 Quoting: 9 29759781

There will come a time when you believe everything ends.
This will be the beginning
[Louis L'Amour]

~ A r c t u r u s
Here for the moment
User ID: 14554879
United States
01/28/2013 04:19 PM
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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
The one thing I hate in life is money.

In fact, it had only been recently that I came to the conclusion.

I have always lived small. Growing up the only time any of us kids got new clothes was before school started, and we were lucky to go the first couple of weeks wearing anything new.

We lived in a small town, a small house and had very few material goods at all.

This lifestyle was miserable in a materialistic society. As days would come, I would get on the bus and see people flaunting their gameboys, their new shoes and clothes, their vacation to cancun...

I strived to be wealthy. My pass time was usually playing outside climbing trees, going in the woods, digging, watching animals, hearing sounds of nature, playing with sticks like swords, just generally using imagination and living. But at the time, I didn't appreciate these activities.

I was always a "gifted" child. I flew through all classes without challenge. I was easy to get along with and never really had altercations, other than the common nerdy ones. But when I was picked fun at, I laughed. I was intelligent enough to know what others thought didnt matter.

Then high school hit.

We moved away from this small town and into the city.

Gone were the birds filling the room with sound. Gone were the hikes in the acres upon acres of woodland. Gone were the small things that kept all of the family humble and appreciative.

I flew through high school and by graduation day, I was still in this daze. These thoughts that no matter how bad things got, we would be ok. I also never chased girls because I was a nerd, with zero confidence. In my 18 years I was never once sought after, and to this day have never really been in a relationship.

I got a scholarship to a good state school and went straight into college after high school. I moved into the house i currently reside in and everything was a little better. I noticed privacy, confidence, and enough will to get by.

As time went on, I started to get tired. I started to get feelings of not being noticed again. Like everything I was doing was a waste of time. I actually noticed I had to begin selling things to make it. I had to get credit to pay for groceries because they were getting so expensive. Then gas. Then trying to keep up my car...

I noticed I was slipping into a deep depression. I called myself out for it.

I wasn't too far in debt. I had some things to appreciate.

I then began waking up.

I had a severe headache one night, like my brain was splitting. I cried and played through everything I stand for and what I've done. It was overwhelming. My anxiety hit an all time high.

I took up marijuana and it was a literal godsend. I didn't and still don't use it as a crutch. I noticed that when I was high, i was able to think more clearly and live in the NOW.

I actually thought for myself. Going to college was becoming a disease that was killing me. I remember one of my professors admitting he was a socialist. He said something about people being crazy to question the society we've formed, and even 9/11!

... And the people sat silent and nodded.

I couldn't do it after that. Everything from my job to school to gas... It is all a control mechanism!

It was like I could see the bars of the cage.

I stopped going to school. I started talking about these things with my cousin and we clicked.

We became enlightened.

I watched as he went through a similar life transformation. Quit school, dealt with emotions and feeling crazy.

I just found out my student loans are at $9500 from less than two semesters, because they "disqualified" my scholarship for attendance.

I have 2 cards at just over $1000. I don't use them, they are frozen.

I am 20.

I have a run down car. A corporate job at one of the worst places to work in the US. An older dog who is getting more expensive and the thought of losing her for monetary reasons. And a new hate for all of it.

I want to just leave.

WE want to just leave.

But how? Legally, I'm in debt and have no true transportation.

All money i receive must go to my debts, but half of my yearly income alone goes to rent, and that's only $13k...

I also see the world crumbling.

Its as if all has already died but is being kept animated.

Just need advice.

What do I do from here?

A lot is coming to light about my native American heritage. I was dreaming to go west and everyone I mention it to says I must.

I REALLY want to walk. To run. To drink from a stream. To watch birds, deer, wolves, insects. To climb trees. To be human.

My thought is that I'm getting a head start on an inevitable crash, but this time is different.

How do I fight authority, or the law, over such mundane issues?

How the fuck can I just be left alone?

verysad
 Quoting: eyeDR3


You want to be free. A natural, just and earnest desire. Be encouraged little brother. You are already on the path to a cure. Recognizing the disease is the first step. You are passed that. Find yourself a "special place" in the woods along a stream somewhere. It is salve for the soul and a lot cheaper and more effective than modern medicine. Go there. Relax. You'll know what to do. I guarantee it. Try this and give me some feedback. It won't solve the world's problems, but it will bring clarity to your mind as to what you need be doing to make your life meaningful. A spirit will touch you. Not quite tangible, but close. I am being sincere with you. Not talking about religion or mysticism. I am talking about the natural state of man and placing yourself within that state physically and mentally. Your anxiety will fall away and motivation of sorts will bring joy to your "self."
Balloons
test

User ID: 33189448
Denmark
01/28/2013 04:21 PM

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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
Enlightened?

Enlightenment is the heaviest burden, is it not?

My advice, quit smoking, finish school. Im 28, i smoked during college. It doesnt mix. If i could go back, it gonna be sober and fing clean.

Get a job, and make money. Youre gonna have to. Face it.

Just do your own path the right way, all will work out.
 Quoting: 9 29759781


But who says I have to?

Why am I not able to live off the land? To worry not about money or material, but about the world and nature and just life in general?

I TRULY am not trying to offend you, but you are part of the problem.

Why don't we march on Washington and burn our dollars calling for a world that can live again?

Why? Why give all of the power of the people to a fucking idea? A piece of paper!

Wake up.

The banks are the problem. All diseases of the modern era, problems, war, deceit...

It all starts with the banks.

You've only helped cement my decision.
 Quoting: eyeDR3


Its because you are living in between, you are caught in between fight or flight mode, that's the worst possible
My problem also and lots and lots others, and the future is foggy also on top of that
hmm

Last Edited by Balloons on 01/28/2013 04:23 PM
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eyeDR3 (OP)
The Third Eye Doctor

User ID: 5754707
United States
01/28/2013 04:25 PM

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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
Enlightened?

Enlightenment is the heaviest burden, is it not?

My advice, quit smoking, finish school. Im 28, i smoked during college. It doesnt mix. If i could go back, it gonna be sober and fing clean.

Get a job, and make money. Youre gonna have to. Face it.

Just do your own path the right way, all will work out.
 Quoting: 9 29759781


But who says I have to?

Why am I not able to live off the land? To worry not about money or material, but about the world and nature and just life in general?

I TRULY am not trying to offend you, but you are part of the problem.

Why don't we march on Washington and burn our dollars calling for a world that can live again?

Why? Why give all of the power of the people to a fucking idea? A piece of paper!

Wake up.

The banks are the problem. All diseases of the modern era, problems, war, deceit...

It all starts with the banks.

You've only helped cement my decision.
 Quoting: eyeDR3


Its because you are living in between, you are caught in between fight or flight mode, that's the worst possible
My problem also and lots and lots others, and the future is foggy also on top of that
hmm
 Quoting: Balloons


Exactly.

My heart is always anticipating freedom. Real freedom.
Those who extended a hand when I most needed:

Nickadeemus, Bluebird, ItSeesThroughEyes, Rev StarGazer, darkwolf007, Rickster58, ar-15 nut, Chrewman, beeches, ceawaves, Shackles, ANHEDONIC, Shoot straight Johnny, Useless Cookie Eater, Hq okc, AR 15-SPECIALIST, Psi Guy, InTheHood, Abi, Paved in Chaos, sacred energy, AnonymousGirl, Nine's, Dice84, Simple27, justanothergranny, WitchHazel, jdb, Bearwalk9, Geo777, natasha77, TheWayWeWere, curry nosher, homelessguy92, Still Meow..., nah, INK3, Deaf Cat, katharinels, Re_Deek_u_Lus, Dug In and ALL THE AC'S!!!

For every negativity, create two positives!

Karma accepted!

~For wolf and moon


Part of a pack one wolf chose to leave
A life like his dreams this wolf chose to weave

On his own in the dark the wolf could not see
Nobody was telling him what to believe

When he questioned what truly made him free
It was always the moonlight guiding thee

~eyeDR3


The sheep may one day find, there was always a wolf inside.

eyebanner
Dr. Greenthumb

User ID: 33185047
United States
01/28/2013 04:28 PM

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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
Clearly you are at a much higher plateau than the nincompoops replying to your thread. I too have had all of your realizations, and then some. I took it upon myself to find a solution, and I found that it was simple. Quite strangely, after I started to smoke, I began to see who I was. Perhaps, I thought to myself, I have a destiny to fulfill, and all along it's been my choice if I would fulfill it in this life or the next, such has been everyone's choice. Do I think that god's idea for man is for him to sow seeds so that he may eat, rather than what he's doing now? I believe it is the only way. Their system can only take life away, god's creates life.
DontBeAfraidEVER

User ID: 30524368
Norway
01/28/2013 04:29 PM
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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
My heart is always anticipating freedom. Real freedom.
 Quoting: eyeDR3


Then follow it, at all times!

Theres a road for you, you just have to find it!

First you have to remove ALL of your fears.

Your fears of debt, your fears of what will happen to your country, the fear of the future and so on. All of it.

Until you do that, you will be in survival mode =)

By reading your post it seems you are close to making some big change in your life. But ofcourse,,,you already know this :P

Dr. Greenthumb

User ID: 33185047
United States
01/28/2013 04:38 PM

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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
I've just found a job that pays much better than most jobs people my age have. With the money, I will cut myself from the paper chains of the evil monkey's "society" and get myself a plane to either Sri Lanka, West Borneo, or Papua New Guinea. Upon arrival I trek into the respective rain forest and begin the adventure of a lifetime. My goal is to write a book, grow a large drug and food garden, discover a couple of new species, and of course learn all I can about the plants and animals. This is my dream now, only to be followed up by an even better dream. A society that I can emerge into and perhaps not even NEED to educate, for it is my hope that the marijuana roots will be running much deeper when I'm done playing Tarzan.

Last Edited by there is noledge on 01/28/2013 04:38 PM
tknicker

User ID: 33212849
United States
01/28/2013 04:39 PM
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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
Call me a geek, but your experience reminds me of the scene from the Matrix when Neo wakes up in the "real world" and experiences that initial shock and disbelief to how things are really operating. :)

That being said, you've just crossed the threshold to a new way of looking at things. Embrace it! Like another poster said, you need to choose your path now, because whatever energy you put out into the universe will manifest itself. One thing you should know: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! There are thousands, maybe millions in the country around your age in the exact same boat. We are a gifted generation in that we're young and have access to such an abundance of information, but it's overwhelming at times.

I'm 25, working an 8-5 to pay the bills and barely scraping by. The past few years, I've experienced DEEP bouts of depression as I began to recognize the inherent corruption in our system, feeling like just another worthless cog.

My advice: Just breathe, meditate. Quiet your mind. Go out into nature, where nobody can bother you, and just be. We're all pushed so hard to be somebody, and to make something of ourselves, but we go about it COMPLETELY the wrong way. Instead of expanding our capacity to love, and instead of gaining wisdom from our experiences, we strive toward material gain, monetary wealth, and social acceptance. NONE OF THAT MATTERS!!

We are all transmitters, much like a standard antennae, emitting energies into the Universe consciously and subconsciously. Become a beacon of love. Emit it like a fucking cell phone tower, reaching to every corner of the earth. Smile :) Breath. You seem very educated and well read. Trust in yourself and your abilities - know your competence.

It's not easy, I know. But you're on the right path
DontBeAfraidEVER

User ID: 30524368
Norway
01/28/2013 06:20 PM
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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
bump
eyeDR3 (OP)
The Third Eye Doctor

User ID: 5754707
United States
01/28/2013 06:49 PM

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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
Just found out my roommate is losing his job.

Stuff is crumbling all around.

But you're right.

What is to fear?
Those who extended a hand when I most needed:

Nickadeemus, Bluebird, ItSeesThroughEyes, Rev StarGazer, darkwolf007, Rickster58, ar-15 nut, Chrewman, beeches, ceawaves, Shackles, ANHEDONIC, Shoot straight Johnny, Useless Cookie Eater, Hq okc, AR 15-SPECIALIST, Psi Guy, InTheHood, Abi, Paved in Chaos, sacred energy, AnonymousGirl, Nine's, Dice84, Simple27, justanothergranny, WitchHazel, jdb, Bearwalk9, Geo777, natasha77, TheWayWeWere, curry nosher, homelessguy92, Still Meow..., nah, INK3, Deaf Cat, katharinels, Re_Deek_u_Lus, Dug In and ALL THE AC'S!!!

For every negativity, create two positives!

Karma accepted!

~For wolf and moon


Part of a pack one wolf chose to leave
A life like his dreams this wolf chose to weave

On his own in the dark the wolf could not see
Nobody was telling him what to believe

When he questioned what truly made him free
It was always the moonlight guiding thee

~eyeDR3


The sheep may one day find, there was always a wolf inside.

eyebanner
DontBeAfraidEVER

User ID: 30524368
Norway
01/29/2013 09:21 PM
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Re: I just want to LIVE and be HUMAN.
Just found out my roommate is losing his job.

Stuff is crumbling all around.

But you're right.

What is to fear?
 Quoting: eyeDR3


My roommate is losing his job. The 2 of us have a lot of debt. The lease to our home is up in April.

But I now have no fear!

It may sound extreme, but I truly believe these minor financial issues will soon not matter.

Because of the situation we were put in, the debt had nowhere to go but up.

This is the same for many Americans, including our government.

Soon enough, the string that holds us will be cut by the blade of negativity and fear.

But when you've fallen to the bottom, you can only go up.

A lot has happened. But I just want to live.

To leave.

Again, we really are ahead of the curve here. People will not realize the downfall until its too late. We analyze the downfall beforehand. Even if we do not think we are prepared, we are.

We are prepared in mind and spirit.

My belief is that we should start being thankful for waking up another morning. For a cup of coffee. For the heat or air, the clothing, the walls that stand and protect us...

Its all we have in the physical realm right now.

Soon, balance will be restored. Love will fill the lives of the people. The idea of "power" banished.

I'm not religious. I don't quite like religion. But I'm very spiritual.

I see this now. Its like watching a caterpillar as it makes its cocoon, an ugly dull shell that engulfs it and keeps it captivate for a good deal of its life.

Eventually that caterpillar becomes a butterfly.
 Quoting: eyeDR3


Truth is always within ^^

Last Edited by DontBeAfraidEVER on 01/29/2013 09:21 PM

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