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Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor

 
Anonymous Coward
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01/29/2013 12:15 PM
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Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
from [link to themattwalshblog.com] :

Something happened at Cracker Barrel today that I’d like to discuss.

The lady in the booth next to us actually asked the waitress if the “Mama’s Pancake Special” is “healthy”. Yes, this woman pretended to be concerned about nutrition while sitting in an establishment where the tables double as checker boards and the waffles come standard with whipped cream unless you indicate otherwise. Asking your Cracker Barrel waitress if the food is healthy is like asking your executioner if the guillotine is safe. And I know that sounds like an unflattering comparison but really I say it with affection. Personally, I love the joint. I generally know I’m going to love any place that serves food and has the word “barrel” in its name.

I’m also fond of Cracker Barrel because, for better or worse, it is the quintessential modern American restaurant. Think about it. Before you even get to your seat and your 6 dollar 1300 calorie plate of carbs, pork and sugar, you have to wait for a table while standing in a gift shop. All of us who entered this building are obviously prone to making bad decisions and now we’re left to wander aimlessly around these racks of absurdly expensive novelty mugs and wind up toys, all while our already questionable judgment has been even further fogged by the pains of hunger? God help us. We don’t stand a chance. In fact, I would be the proud new owner of a mechanical chicken that dances and clucks to the tune of a Cee Lo song, if not for the intervention of my wife. I swear, she NEVER lets me blow 39 dollars on dancing toy chickens.

But my favorite thing is the fact that the gift shop actually sells its own Cracker Barrel merchandise. I couldn’t help but imagine the guy who buys the Cracker Barrel t-shirt ending up on the bus sitting next to a dude wearing the t-shirt he got after completing last week’s charity 5k. Do you think the Cracker Barrel t-shirt guy would feel the appropriate amount of shame and self hatred? Probably not. After all, he is wearing a freaking Cracker Barrel t-shirt.

Anyway, all that matters is that when everything is said and done you’re guaranteed to leave the place poorer and fatter than you were going in. Like I said, it’s the quintessential American restaurant. A microcosm of American society. It’s almost poetic.

And now that I’ve become the first person to ever use the word “poetic” to describe a diner, I’ll just wrap this up.

God bless the USA.
Anonymous Coward
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01/29/2013 12:19 PM
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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
Love that place!
Nikola Tesla

User ID: 18230284
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01/29/2013 12:31 PM

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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
Love that place!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 907170


Cracker Barrel is wonderful.
Anonymous Coward
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01/29/2013 12:37 PM
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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
Top Notch Post.

bump
Watching the world
Crypt Watcher

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01/29/2013 12:39 PM

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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
I was a four star waitress there for a few years while paying my way through college.

I can say from experience that the place was spotless in the back (at least our store was) and the food was home made from scratch.

The only things that weren't were the gravy and biscuits which were a premade mix. I can't remember about the mac and cheese - it may have been premade too. I was told by one of the cooks that fillers were put into these items to make you fuller faster.

Ever feel like you need a wheelbarrow after eating there?

I love the place too. I just stay away from the "white stuff"

hf
Ignorance is bliss until reality bites you in the ass.

I bury the dead.
Ricky Retardo

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01/29/2013 12:43 PM

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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
it truely is a wonderful place of smiles and good times. I have never seen a sad person holding a set of lounging frogs salt and pepper shakers, have you?

When I go there I NEED to buy something from the gift shop. I could be banana flavored moon pies or it could be the set of snowman dessert plates that are a must.
Formerly Anita PooporShart & Anderson Pooper.
Anonymous Coward
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01/29/2013 12:46 PM
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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
I thought a Cracker Barrel was where they stuffed a bunch of white people.
Anonymous Coward
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01/29/2013 12:47 PM
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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
Muahaha. I love Cracker Barrel cheese.
Anonymous Coward
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01/29/2013 12:57 PM
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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
Fucking pot roast for the win!
Anonymous Coward
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01/29/2013 01:07 PM
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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
mmmm...buttermilk pancakes!
Old Coot

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01/29/2013 02:25 PM
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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
Cracker Barrel has good food. Just like any other restaurant, just be careful what you eat.

We always try to find one on long car trips. Only have to eat one meal a day if you go there.

The gift shop has items you may not have seen for the last 30 years. Fun to just browse through.

Love the baked apple slices.
HappyGlock

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01/29/2013 02:30 PM
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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
Yup, great little restaurant, good folks all around. They sell some really nice Christmas ornaments every year, and they have a good program for truckers to cycle through audio books for their trips.
"When government fears the people there is liberty. When the people fear the government there is tyranny."
Thomas Jefferson
Nikola Tesla

User ID: 18230284
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01/29/2013 06:15 PM

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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
Yup, great little restaurant, good folks all around. They sell some really nice Christmas ornaments every year, and they have a good program for truckers to cycle through audio books for their trips.
 Quoting: HappyGlock


Hey Thanks to whoever gave me good Karma for liking Cracker Barrel. The place is great.
Anonymous Coward
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01/29/2013 06:28 PM
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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
I think it is a hilarious restaurant, I eat there sometimes and have noticed that only "crackers" eat there.

I'm a cracker myself, and every time I eat there I imagine a barrel shaped building with nothing but white haired baptists that all drive gold buick regals, and when I get there I am displeased that it is a square building, but the parking lot is in fact chock full of buick regals, and the buliding is devoid of any sort of multiculturalism. Just a bunch of whities.

Literally a barrel full of crackers. lol

I usually eat to the point of nausea.
Nikola Tesla

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01/29/2013 09:34 PM

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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
I think it is a hilarious restaurant, I eat there sometimes and have noticed that only "crackers" eat there.

I'm a cracker myself, and every time I eat there I imagine a barrel shaped building with nothing but white haired baptists that all drive gold buick regals, and when I get there I am displeased that it is a square building, but the parking lot is in fact chock full of buick regals, and the buliding is devoid of any sort of multiculturalism. Just a bunch of whities.

Literally a barrel full of crackers. lol

I usually eat to the point of nausea.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17670138


Maybe that is why I like it, I'm a "cracker". I always have lots of black eye peas, greens, corn bread and pork. Your basic Southern diet. Oh and don't forget the sweet tea.
Anonymous Coward
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01/29/2013 09:42 PM
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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
I think it is a hilarious restaurant, I eat there sometimes and have noticed that only "crackers" eat there.

I'm a cracker myself, and every time I eat there I imagine a barrel shaped building with nothing but white haired baptists that all drive gold buick regals, and when I get there I am displeased that it is a square building, but the parking lot is in fact chock full of buick regals, and the buliding is devoid of any sort of multiculturalism. Just a bunch of whities.

Literally a barrel full of crackers. lol

I usually eat to the point of nausea.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17670138


Maybe that is why I like it, I'm a "cracker". I always have lots of black eye peas, greens, corn bread and pork. Your basic Southern diet. Oh and don't forget the sweet tea.
 Quoting: Nikola Tesla


McDonald's serving sweet tea nationwide was gods gift for us refugee southeners
Anonymous Coward
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01/29/2013 10:04 PM
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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
Don't know why but I clicked through because I thought that this was going to be a commentary on this post Thread: Hoodrat gets tasered by security guard.
Anonymous Coward
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01/29/2013 10:06 PM
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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
Don't know why but I clicked through because I thought that this was going to be a commentary on this post Thread: Hoodrat gets tasered by security guard.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2836766


Nice try troll. But you aren't American if you don't know what Cracker Barrel is (my ipad auto capitalized for gods sake).
Nibbers

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01/29/2013 10:16 PM
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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
Love the cracker barrel.. well at least the ones out of town. The one in town doesnt have the same feel to it. But its still good eats.
ANHEDONIC

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01/29/2013 10:22 PM

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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
Muahaha. I love Cracker Barrel cheese.
 Quoting: Booster Gold




"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger"
BxMac

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01/29/2013 10:32 PM
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Re: Cracker Barrel: A Cultural Metaphor
OP, thanks for a great, funny, read. If you aren't writing for a living, you should be.

Good stuff and thanks again.

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