I feel much better for the time, I constantly go through these highs and lows.

I don't even know how to describe it.

Feels like, something is pulling my being toward creation and growth.


But at the same time


Feels like something is pulling my being toward destruction and implosion

Those are the two big players, but there are many other forces constantly testing me. I have complete control over my actions, we all do. But what we have no control over is forces that initiate feelings and emotions. We control how we react to emotions, but we don't control what emotions are felt and at which times.

Because of where I am, I am being tested to the brink of my abilities. I guess thats why I am reaching out for help, I cant recall the last time I thought I might be in over my head.