OP, I have been through the same thing. I am significantly older than you are and it took me years to deal with this issue. I can tell you that the more you keep it in and too yourself, the worse it will be.

I lived a lie most of my early life and was abused. I spent a good portion of my life talking with professionals and working through my issues. Realizing I was a victim!

I felt every emotion possible working through it but I can honestly say that today I see it for what it is, accept it, and forgive...

Trust me it's not easy!!!! I wanted to kill people over this shit. For me it took a lot of empathy and forgiveness!!!

Good luck and you are in my prayers... OH and BTW. I got through it all without MEDS!