Help me. I think I'm suffering from DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder).

absolut. I've gotten my own mother to share stuff with me that brought out blocked memories...it's a very real phenomenon...

I really didn't get this poster's response...most people don't remember things at age 3 (I do, but I'm weird:-)

That said, I can understand the pain of a single molestation or rape, even if both were kids- but we're talking about even more serious stuff here with DID. It doesn't come from just a few repressed memories...it's systematic abuse.

That is not nice, I don't worry about it. I can't do anything about it. I am just to old and the other people are dead. Did isn't all and one thing, some people share.
They don't break the law or anything like that. There has been some times, that it was not good the things that was done. Not one has hurt anyone. I don't think, you would be able to fix us.

Calling people crazy is not nice. I told people they just don't understand. There is parts of puzzles that can find the way the pieces fit. There is no one person, they never grew up.

there....

This. Keep a sense of humor. We're in a messed up world of sin and selfishness that is just a place where we learn about evil and overcoming it. As you see on this thread, there are some deeply disturbed individuals who you would never want to trade places with, right? You're still winning then on a higher level than just best crazy story. Work it out and talk it through. Forgive the family psychos and balance your head again to get ready for the King to return. Leave the vengeance decisions to Him. We just have to love all, including the weirdos and sickos and psychos. But get away from the unhealthy people so you heal.

OP, check out this vision and the thread here where the OP talked more about the message of true hope and contentment despite the deep hurts in our lives. See what you think.

Thread: I am the AC who wrote that vision I had when I was 15. I tuned 44 today. So it begins. Does anyone have any questions or need any encouragement?

Havn't read the entire thread yet, but, as someone with the MPD/DID Label, you really really need to walk carefully on this one..

MPD/DID is at the far end of the scales in terms of what profesionals are willing to deal with.. if you or a therapist thinks this is what you have the therapist might be reluctant to treat you..

Few are qualified to deal with the integration process, if indeed integration is what everyone wants..

I know as I have travel over most of the UK to find help..

The good news is that it is also one of those disorders where some actively seek out those with MPD/DID to treat them.. So therapy can be free, as the therapist gains valuable experience from treating MPD/DID.

Don't forget it is seen as a dangerous disorders, not because you are dangerous, but who knows what type of alters have been created.. If you think what type of defensive alter a young child might be able to conjure up in their mind to deal with extreme levels of abuse, there in lies the risk for everyone.

I would suggest prior to you going down any kind of route, seek out a good support network, friends etc.. I would also seek out any professional that would be willing to support you..

Strangely enough I knew a nurse who happened to be a continence advisor who was willing to support me.. so don't try to be contained by the notions of traditional support, you can find help in the most unusual of places and people.

If what you say about having a long connection with trouble are true, are there any professionals that you know in that area that might be able to help? a lot of survivors have been through the courts..

I have never been within that system but I was once offered help from a prison psychologist.. helping me would help her understand some of the inmates she deals with on a daily basis.. so helping me would help her in her work..

Also see if their is an abuse survivors group/meeting near where you are.. that could helpful, some of those who lead those types of groups are often willing to give one to one support.

If you really want touch on MPD/DID subject I would suggest you read the book called "when rabbit howls" as this is written by a someone with MPD.. there is an inherent risk in reading such a book as it will trigger things for you.. again this is where you need a support network..

There are many other books, but this is the book that helped me the most.. not sure it'll hold true for you..

Good luck.. and best wishes for a safe journey..

Read the book, Power of Intent, by Wayne Dyer.. He covers alot of areas.
Just be yourself, dont depend on anyone but yourself. Be loving. Try the book! The name Power of Intent.. comes from the way God intended us to be.
Maybe on ebay.

Excellent advice right there! Get away.

I wish you well OP.

Maybe it's not relatable to the effect of DID. I understand the difference between systemic abuse and a single event. Granted for me, the event itself was enough and it wasn't the only abuse I suffered growing up. My older brother was bully/asshole on top of that for most of my childhood.

No, my point was the feeling of betrayal, vengance, and loss that I was relating to the OP. It's a terrible mess when you can't trust your own family.

And this is just about me and my brother, I didn't mention that my mother died also when I was five. D.I.D. now that I look at it, is exactly what I was going through leading up to and after I found out the truth. I was trying to deal with an identity that was trapped as a child. This boy that could never come to grip with reality and constantly escaped through weed, video games, books, movies, GLP. Oddly enough though, I learned a few techniques from GLP.

It helped me understand why my life had no direction, like a ship at sea with no compass (hehe, Firefly) and that i never would find my compass as long as I was this boy. Then I had a revelation one night with a reaccuring dream. The dream started as an old memory of getting lost in a grocery store when i was four and I cried and cried until my Mother came and found me. And I had that same dream for about a month straight. Then one day it dawned on me that I could save myself and that night it was same dream, but instead of my mother finding me, it was me. My adult self. And I took my child self in hand and told him that everything was going to be alright. That WE were going to be alright. And since then, I've found a path to enlightenment where the other side of me (my darkside, the child) is as much a part of me as my adult self and WE face the trials of my life together now, allowing me to finally move forward.

I'm not even going to get into this right now but

Grow some mushrooms, eat them, THINK HARD and you'll be able to REMEMBER EVERYTHING! TRUST ME, ITS DANGEROUS BUT ITS THE ONLY WAY TO REMEMBER! PSYCHEDELICS! LSD WORKS BETTER BUT SHROOMS ARE NATURAL, JUST LIKE WEED!

SHROOMS HELPED ME MORE THAN ANY FUCKING MED OR THERAPIST COULD EVER! AND I AIN'T AFRAID TO SAY I GREW THEM MYSELF! FUCK THE GOVERNMENT

Andy,

Many blessings to you, my friend and Brother! Thank you for sharing your story and your walk with me. It was very encouraging, though heartbreaking, yet nonetheless rewarding. See, the reason I felt such a resonance with DID is because, like you said, part of me never grew up out of that Childs Mindset and that is the dominant 'Alter'. However through my early adolescent years and early adulthood I developed a significant internet addiction and with the anonymonity that it brought I created all sorts of different identities for different purposes (Catfish ring a bell? LOL!) and I'm not proud of it but I began to create all these different fantasy lives inside my head and many of them took on a life of their own as I made friends that ended up becoming real life acquaintainces too. This, I feel, created more subpersonalities and alters within my subconscious. I have since done away with most of them and now I really don't spend too much time online (not as much as I used to!). Anyway, it was very comforting hearing your story and it means a lot to me that you took time to help me by sharing.

Love and Light,

MM

@Anonymous Coward 33930963,

Wow, I would love to check out that book "When Rabbit Howls"..I will add it to my list of ones to check out. I really don't have a lot of serious problems with the law. I've never hurt anyone or done anything that would be labeled as 'dangerous' but I've been arrested for possession of marijuana and petty shoplifting charges. I started to realize that a lot of my crimes that I committed in terms of the petty thefts were really a cry for help, as cliche as that sounds. I've never been a troublesome person. I've always tried to keep peace with everyone, to respect all people, to be loving, tolerant and to treat people how I'd want to be treated. I have had several mental breakdowns and a couple dozen suicide attempts that have landed me in psych wards before but I was never there very long because these usually came while I was in what they termed a 'Manic' state and once I snapped out of it I was very calm, rational and level-headed and the doctors didn't know quite what to do with me. You are right that MPD/DID is very difficult and most people would not want to mess with it. I will take your advice and pursue a support network first. Maybe find some forums or social networking groups for MPD/DID survivors? Thank you very much for your advice and wisdom.

@Anonymous Coward 21786419,

You couldn't have said it better. I do forgive them. Like I said before I'm not trying to get revenge or justice or even bother confronting them because quite frankly at this point I have no proof. It's not like I have videos or pictures. It would be like trying to fight a forest fire with a squirt gun. I am concerned because my dad and step mother have four little girls and two little boys all under the age of 9 and that was the age I suffered the most sexual abuse. My grandmother and grandfather have already seen many red flags and signs that they are being molested and they have TRIED to confront my dad and his wife but it's not really getting anywhere. I just pray for their safety. I'm thinking about trying to get a keylogger into his home computer but I also don't want to break any laws but if it would help build a case and expose any illegal activity or abuse going on I might just do it. But it's in G-d's control. I will keep praying that they be surrounded by Angels to watch over them and minister to them. Thank you for your support.

I was just responding to the one post, the one idea. The dreams you mention... I am glad you two found each other, people don't understand this, a lot of stuff was thrown at him on this thread and honestly, my fear was for him, even though he is strong. Because I've seen what can happen, people can shatter when they "integrate"... and become completly helpless... I just care is all. Sorry:)

That really touches my heart, friend. Thank you.

Dont mushrooms grow in cow manure?If you live by a farm with cows,, take a walk after it rains. They grow within hours.

Honestly, I'm really going to catch hell for this one but on top of shrooms one drug that has helped tremendously throughout my life in terms of self-discovery and going within (basically hacking/by-passing these various alters that stand like guards over my Inner Sanctum) has been Dextromethoraphan. Do you know anything about this? People call it Robo-Tripping. I RARELY do this but when I do I always come out with a very rewarding and enlightening experience. I'm curious because I've heard it's a disassociative hallucinogenic drug and since I may possibly have DID I wonder if this could be used clinically, in a controlled environment, to help with therapy.

you also stated he was 6. I mean, I can understand feeling violated, but he hardly knew what he was doing either. I'd say, that if he's still an ass stay away from him- don't be his friend as you've said. If he's violated others as an adult that's quite another matter and prosecutable. I'd say he was old enough to know better, but still...it would be much much harder for me to forgive an adult than a 6 year old kid.

I feel very knowledgable, about the emotional vice grips people, especially family members put on each other, so don't take this the wrong way. I've always felt, and so has my mom, that I was abused at least once (I had many different baby sitters, preschools, etc)...I've had all kinds of problems relating to it, but I'm not DID, for all I can tell...if I am DID at all, I'm quite conscious of it and broke much of my programming years ago, while in the hospital.

You are asking the wrong people. You should talk to a doctor...ASAP

Pray to Our Lord, speak to him of your fears about your life.
Pray every day from now on...

He will help you, send you the needed grace.

Human respect is of no value.

"Repressed Memory" is a CROCK! It ruined a friend's family.
Don't believe such nonsense.


God bless you En Sof,

As for worry about others in jeopardy going forward, it seems like you dropped the dime enough to start some progress to where many more eyes will be open and questions can be asked.

Heck from what I hear these days, a neighbor can see a child on a swing and not see the parent next to them, call CPS and they take the kid away. So it's not difficult if there's some indictation of actual abuse to get the child help. Do your part to maybe be nosy, but don't obsess too much about the unknown.

Imagine a perfectly normal person who does normal stuff with normal friends. What if they might have repressed memories of abuse? They shouldn't care really. Why fire all the neurons trying to dig it up from where the brain locked it in a deep freezer? Probably it's a fine thing since that past doesn't really matter and your brain wasn't too concerned about losing the memory for you.

You're still you - even though you might try on different perspectives to view the world at times. Maybe it's just like a crazy actor does. You can just relax, laugh and BE.

Part two of this thread can now be found here.

Thread: Possible DID/MPD - Victim of Satanic Ritual Abuse & Mind Control - What's Next?

You obviously don't understand how DID effects a person's life, as well as even a single rape/molestation survivor.

^^^^^^^^

THIS

Thank you.

OP, are you sure this isn't part of your Dissociative Identity Disorder self talk?

A history of severe abuse is know to cause DID, but it also causes the person with DID to be paranoid of everyone. You have to trust someone, in order to get treatment. I know that's easier said then done, but only you can do this part.

Seek treatment to learn who is the abuser, or abusers, then work from there. It may not be your entire family, but they could be in denial of the abuse.

Try to stay away from doctors who medicate you. There are alternatives to those harmful drugs most Drs will prescribe. Get a good counselor. It may take some time to find a good counselor. Talk therapy is the best treatment, and encourage your family members to talk to your therapist. If you are one of the lucky ones, you will have a few family members to help fill in the blanks, and assist you by talking with your counselor. Try real hard not to drive away those who are genuinely trying to help you.

Your true friends and family members, may not know how to help you, and will likely benefit not only you, but themselves in your counselings sessions as well.

newsmax.com/FastFeatures/dissociative-identity-disorder-sympt​oms/2010/10/05/id/372682


Signs and symptoms of DID include memory lapses, blackouts, being often accused of lying, finding apparently strange items among one's possessions, having apparent strangers recognize them as someone else, feeling unreal, and feeling like more than one person.
medicinenet.com/dissociative_identity_disorder/article.htm

A few good forums

[link to www.psychforums.com]
[link to dissociativeidentitydisordersupportforum.yuku.com]

If you have some form of faith, or higher power, pray, or meditate to give you strength, and help in the healing process.

Good luck OP.

Thank you so much for the good links and I am not paranoid of EVERYONE. I have came forward to two different people in my family, one on my moms side and one on my dads side..and a handful of very close friends who I trust dearly. I don't have health insurance and I'm still nervous about going to get 'professional' help for that very reason that many will try to medicate me or possibly instituionalize me. It is a very tricky situation but I feel much better than I did when I originally made this post and I am so appreciative for the help from kind people such as yourself.

On candy stripe legs the Spiderman comes
Softly through the shadow of the evenin' sun
Stealin' past the windows of the blissfully dead
Looking for the victim shivering in bed
Searchin' out fear in the gathering gloom
And suddenly a movement in the corner of the room
And there is nothing I can do when I realize with fright
That the Spiderman is having me for dinner tonight

Quietly he laughs and shaking his head
Creeps closer now, closer to the foot of the bed
And softer than shadow and quicker than flies
His arms are all around me and his tongue in my eyes
Be still be calm be quiet now my precious boy
Don't struggle like that or I will only love you more
For it's much too late to get away or turn on the light
The Spiderman is having me for dinner tonight

And I feel like I'm being eaten
By a thousand million shivering furry holes
And I know that in the morning
I will wake up in the shivering cold
And the Spiderman is always hungry