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British newspapers are more fun to read!

 
Alexander

User ID: 15635858
United States
02/07/2013 08:17 PM

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British newspapers are more fun to read!
This is a news article a friend in the UK emailed me.

Swimmer trapped by beach balls

A MAN got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deckchair and found his testicles had become stuck between two slats of wood. Mario Visnjic had been swimming naked off Valalta beach in Croatia and his testicles had shrunk in the cool sea. When he sad down they slipped through the slats and then, as he lay in the sun, expanded back to normal size. He was freed after he called beach maintenance services on his mobile phone and they sent a member of staff to cut the deckchair in half.

Last Edited by Alexander on 02/07/2013 08:23 PM
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.
Winston Churchill
Anonymous Coward
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02/07/2013 08:18 PM
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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
Damn I need some brain bleach after reading that.
Alexander (OP)

User ID: 15635858
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02/07/2013 08:22 PM

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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
In same email from same friend.

British newspapers are more fun to read!

Teatime
love bite

A WOMAN almost bit off her husband's willy as he cooked pancakes for tea - while she gave him oral sex.
In the heat of passion he lost his grip on the pan and spilt boiling oil down her naked back.
She clenched her teeth on his willy and in agony he bashed her on the head with the pan.
Both only admitted how they received their injuries after "intense questioning" by hospital docs in Carloca, Romania.
The man needed treatment to his willy while the wife had burns, two black eyes and a broken cheek bone.

Last Edited by Alexander on 02/07/2013 09:36 PM
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.
Winston Churchill
Alexander (OP)

User ID: 15635858
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02/07/2013 08:28 PM

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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
...and finally

DENMARK:
A patient broke wind while having surgery and set fire to his genitals. The 30-year old man was having a mole removed from his bottom which an electric knife when his attack of flatulence was ignited by a spark. His genitals, which were soaked in surgical spirits, caught fire. The man, who is suing the hospital, said: "When I woke up, my penis and scrotum were burning like hell. Besides the pain, I can't have sex with my wife." Surgeons at the hospital in Kjellerups said: "It was an unfortunate accident."
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.
Winston Churchill
Chef.

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02/07/2013 08:38 PM
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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
...and finally

DENMARK:
A patient broke wind while having surgery and set fire to his genitals. The 30-year old man was having a mole removed from his bottom which an electric knife when his attack of flatulence was ignited by a spark. His genitals, which were soaked in surgical spirits, caught fire. The man, who is suing the hospital, said: "When I woke up, my penis and scrotum were burning like hell. Besides the pain, I can't have sex with my wife." Surgeons at the hospital in Kjellerups said: "It was an unfortunate accident."
 Quoting: Alexander


lolatu
Alexander (OP)

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02/07/2013 09:30 PM

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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
Four Mexicans In A Rowboat

A U. S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a rowboat
inside the 12-mile-limit of California.

The Navy Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts,
"Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts,
"We are invading the United States of America! to reclaim
the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's."

The entire crew of the destroyer doubles-over in laughter.

When the Captain is finally able to catch his breath,
he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?"

The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The rest are already there!"
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.
Winston Churchill
Sloane

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02/07/2013 09:32 PM

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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
In same email from same friend.

British newspapers are more fun to read!

Teatime
love bite

A WOMAN almost bit off her husband's willy as he cooked pancakes for tea - while she gave him oral sex.
In the heat of passion he lost his grip on the pan and spilt boiling oil down her naked back.
She clenched her teeth on his willy and in agony he bashed her on the head with the pan.
Both only admitted how they received their injuries after "intense questioning" by hospital docs in Carloca, Romania.
The man needed treatment to his willy while the wife had burns, to black eyes and a broken cheek bone.
 Quoting: Alexander


Oh my god can that really be TRUE? Hahaha! But not!

hf
Alexander (OP)

User ID: 15635858
United States
02/08/2013 01:25 AM

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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
It's true. They sent copies of the news articles.

Last Edited by Alexander on 02/08/2013 01:27 AM
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.
Winston Churchill
Anonymous Coward
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United Kingdom
02/08/2013 01:35 AM
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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
WTF rag are you reading, sounds like the daily sport.
Anonymous Coward
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02/08/2013 01:40 AM
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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
WTF rag are you reading, sounds like the daily sport.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33887752


Or the Sun, or the Mirror, or the News of the World (Is it still even in print?)....
But Op is right, the rags are fun to read
Esoteric Morgan
...in awe of many things

User ID: 26943919
United States
02/08/2013 02:13 AM

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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
yikes, double yikes, triple yikes!!!

blink
Anonymous Coward
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02/08/2013 02:17 AM
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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
Lmao! This is so much better than reading the American news. "Triple rape homicide downtown"
Alexander (OP)

User ID: 15635858
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02/08/2013 10:07 AM

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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
bump for the laughs
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.
Winston Churchill
Alexander (OP)

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02/08/2013 01:01 PM

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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a warden writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an “asshole” .

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tyres.

Mary called him a “shit head”. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, we got on it and went home.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.

It's important at our age, what do you do?
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.
Winston Churchill
GreenTabasco

User ID: 33973510
Taiwan
02/09/2013 12:10 AM
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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
They have boobies too.
Your day will come...
Esoteric Morgan
...in awe of many things

User ID: 26943919
United States
02/09/2013 02:11 AM

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Re: British newspapers are more fun to read!
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a warden writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an “asshole” .

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tyres.

Mary called him a “shit head”. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, we got on it and went home.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.

It's important at our age, what do you do?
 Quoting: Alexander



5a

News








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