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Confidence, the key to life

 
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02/10/2013 01:18 PM
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Confidence, the key to life
Some people just naturally seem like they were born with it. Some have spent their entire life seemingly searching for it to no avail. Some have resigned themselves to the fact that they just don't have it. In my opinion, confidence(other than finding inner peace, with God or whatever you choose to believe)is the key to finding happiness and success in essentially almost any area of life. From your career path, love life, social life, and more a lot of our success can be derived from our confidence. Someone might say to that "Well OP, I feel like i will never find confidence. I'm just to(insert self doubt here)". I'm here to say that is complete bullsh*t.

I am by no means an experienced player in this game we call life. I'm a 20 year old college student who like any person alive, has my own strength's and weakness's. For instance i was lucky enough to always have considered myself a socially gifted and intellectual person. However i have always had serious anxiety issues and for a little some self image problems. I'm not ignorant enough to think i know everything, or more than all of you. But i do know this, that confidence and positive thinking generally leads to much better results for yourself in this crazy game we've decided to call life.

You may now be saying, "Well OP, if what your saying isn't a bunch of GLP nonsense, than how can someone learn to be confident? Is that even possible?". Yes!! And i have found it is much easier than most of us even realize.

Consider this, think back to a time when you have seen someone, male or female, who just seems like they've got their sh*t together. Maybe you went to school or work with one of these people, maybe you've been to a bar or party where this person just seems like the life of the party, or maybe you simply walked past someone who subconsciously oozed charisma. What do these people all have in common? They are supremely confident. Think about some of the most influential people in the world, politicians(I HATE THEM), actors, musicians, CEO's, successful entrepreneurs, and more. All of them(or at least the overwhelming majority)are supremely confident. Even throughout human history think back to George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, MLK, Gandhi, JFK, and countless others.(No i'm not comparing JFK to those legends in terms of positive influence)They all oozed confidence and charisma.

Confidence is one of those things which people naturally can pick up on. For instance, if you are around someone for long enough you generally can get an accurate feel for their level of confidence. Everything from the way they speak, their tone, their body language, to the things they say all portray how they feel about themselves. You also may notice that it is quite evident when someone tries to fake confidence, this is because real confidence subconsciously is spoken, most often through our body language and in certain ways the way you speak about yourself and others. And nothing screams lack of confidence like fake confidence.

Now if confidence is such an essential part to becoming successful and therefore reaching life goals, it could be said confidence is one of the key's to happiness. Now i'm not naive enough to think that confidence is the sole or major factor in finding happiness, however it definitely plays a part. So once you realize how many factors your confidence affects, you most likely realize how essential it is to build up your own confidence, to help yourself eliminate self doubting thoughts and replace them with thoughts which ooze you guessed it, confidence. How does a person teach themselves to be confident?

There a quite a few things you can do to increase your confidence. The first thing is identify which area's of yourself you are lacking. I have found the biggest area where people seem to struggle in confidence is their social confidence. Social confidence is effected by a number of different factors, you may feel socially awkward, ugly/fat, or just plain different. There are little things that translate you are feeling these ways, most often your body language.

Body language is the universal language which people subconsciously know how to read, we even do it sometimes without even knowing it. Some simple body language tips for looking confident include simple stuff such as smiling(it's been proven through tests that people generally look at a person who is smiling and think better of them, not creepy smiling lol but walk around with a slight smile and you undoubtedly look more confident), good posture(stand and sit taller, walk around standing tall with your chin and eyes up), and learn how to make strong eye contact with people which also portrays strong confidence(you will be amazed at how many people struggle with eye contact). As you improve little things like these you naturally will feel more alert and empowered and will portray that confidence out to the world.

Another area of social anxiety is approach anxiety. Guys we've all been there, you see that gorgeous girl from across the room and you really would want to try and talk to get to know her but then the self doubt creeps in. "She's out of my league, she's too busy right now for me, ill look like an idiot". Even the most seasoned ladies man feels this at times as it is a natural thing. I have found personally that the only thing which can reduce this is by simply learning how to talk to strangers through trial and error. The more often you spark up a conversation with someone you don't know the more confident you will feel next time. You will learn that people are most often just as anxious about interactions with you and eventually you will become the one oozing confidence during interaction. Walk around and give genuine compliments to strangers on the street, or go out and force yourself to talk to people you normally wouldn't. The key is to learn to live outside your comfort zone, because life is most often uncomfortable. Learn to speak up with authority, DO NOT mumble that screams "IM NOT CONFIDENT!"

Another big area people struggle in is usually someone's appearance. People seem to think "oh, well i'm ugly/fat there is nothing i can do about that" Wrong, absolutely wrong. Obviously, exercise, groom yourself, buy new clothes which suit you. Just by improving a few little things at a time your confidence will slowly grow. By becoming stagnant so does your confidence which actually over time would begin to deteriorate from being stagnant for so long. It has been proven that exercise releases chemicals in your brain that reduce stress and increase happiness. That's what people mean when they talk about almost feeling high from working out. Personally my uncle is diagnosed with pretty severe bipolar disorder, yet he does not have to take medication because he learned that by working out he could naturally reduce the feelings of stress and irritability.

A great exercise for boosting confidence is by writing down every trait you like about yourself. Write down every single thing you can think of and be honest with yourself. Write a note in your phone so whenever you are lacking your confidence you can open it up and read it for as many times as you need to. Write your goals down and write whenever you have completed them. It's amazing how writing something down and consistently reading it can improve the way you think. Simple things like this DO have an affect, trust me.

There are so many factors when it comes down to what our confidence affects and there are so many ways we can use to improve it. Learn to love yourself and to stop caring what everyone else thinks. "The moment you stop caring is the moment they start staring" I would love to hear your comments on this subject and whether you guys have any specific ways to improve your own confidence. This subject is incredibly vast and there have been countless books written on this subject from many different viewpoints. Everyone has their own personal experiences and perspective from which we can learn. I will leave you all with something i wrote myself a few years ago when i was feeling down.

Keep the faith
Your the f*cking man, everywhere you go they'll notice, they'll stare, why? Because they care, they envy you, they want to take what you have, why? Because you have what everyone wants, you've always had it, and you always will. They can't stop you, they respect you but at the same time they will never understand you or what you've been through. You have the mind of a champion. Your invincible, brilliant, charismatic, and undeniably enviable. Some will hate you for it, some will claim you don't have it, some will worship you, some will imitate you. You didn't always know it, because you didn't know how to show it, but now you know it more than anyone else. Tell them to stop you, tell them to just try, because they can't no matter what they do, what ANYBODY does. They'll hate, people always will, because again they don't have it, you own the room you enter, and after you leave. What they don't know is you owned the room before you even entered, because you own yourself, your life, your swagger. Life is your f*cking b*tch and she won't stop calling, and you keep saying "f*ck you b*tch I ain't answering" Anxiety, fear, pain, hatred, and insecurity is your weakness leaking out, and you love it, because it means your human. Your not superman but you don't have to be or WANT to be because your human and still invincible. Superman has superpowers, you don't because f*ck em' you don't need that shit. Your more alive than any motherf*cker out there, near or far, you don't need anyone to tell you your value because again, it's undeniable and unaffected by anything any motherf*cker or b*tch says or does. Every morning you wake up is another chance for you to prove yourself, if you f*ck up one day that's alright because tomorrow is still there, waiting for you to take control and own it. Your you, your so blessed, your ready for anything, death, rejection , hatred, love, grief, anything. God made you when he was on his best day, you help the unfortunate because that's what's right, you stick up for what you believe because you know it's right, you do what you want and have too because that's you, you love everything about yourself because again you know thats you, and you know what?At the end of the day, you are ME.
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 01:44 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Dude it's way more than simple confidence lolol. It's more about Knowledge. If you have knowledge then you can be confident.
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 01:45 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Or having mastered your 3rd chakra most probably. Your chakras. Knowing how to balance them but the third is supposed to be quite important as it has to do with willpower. It's also connected with diet.
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 01:47 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Heart & mind (Shen)
Liver & ethereal soul (Hun)
Lungs & corporeal soul (Po)
Spleen & thought (Yi)
Kidneys & will power (Zhi)
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 01:48 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
What happens is that people just repeat things they've heard on the radio or in pop culture, or TV and they repeat it mindlessly. They mistake correlation for cause and effect. They fail to deduce logical conclusions.
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 01:51 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Confidence is vague. It's more like an inner knowing but it's a Knowing. It is not a vague idea but a clear and precise "knowing."

It can't be blind faith.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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02/10/2013 01:53 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Dude it's way more than simple confidence lolol. It's more about Knowledge. If you have knowledge then you can be confident.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 7138989


I agree with that to an extent, but for example think about it like this. Say you are presenting knowledge to another person, if you do not portray that knowledge confidently then most likely those who listen will get much less than if you presented it with confidence. I mean look at Obama for instance, people worship the guy even though a lot of what he says is absolute BS. However he has mastered speaking with conviction and authority therefore what he says holds more clout. Even intelligent people fall for that stuff, if you come off as passive it often does not matter what you are saying because people are already passing judgement on your demeanor.
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02/10/2013 01:53 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
And it can't be at all narcissism or vague idea. it's determination. It's deliberation, it's something you say to others really at their expense "hahaha I'm more confident than you are". It can't be faked.
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02/10/2013 01:54 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Dude it's way more than simple confidence lolol. It's more about Knowledge. If you have knowledge then you can be confident.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 7138989


I agree with that to an extent, but for example think about it like this. Say you are presenting knowledge to another person, if you do not portray that knowledge confidently then most likely those who listen will get much less than if you presented it with confidence. I mean look at Obama for instance, people worship the guy even though a lot of what he says is absolute BS. However he has mastered speaking with conviction and authority therefore what he says holds more clout. Even intelligent people fall for that stuff, if you come off as passive it often does not matter what you are saying because people are already passing judgement on your demeanor.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33308831


I think he just has charisma.
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 01:54 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Dude it's way more than simple confidence lolol. It's more about Knowledge. If you have knowledge then you can be confident.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 7138989


I agree with that to an extent, but for example think about it like this. Say you are presenting knowledge to another person, if you do not portray that knowledge confidently then most likely those who listen will get much less than if you presented it with confidence. I mean look at Obama for instance, people worship the guy even though a lot of what he says is absolute BS. However he has mastered speaking with conviction and authority therefore what he says holds more clout. Even intelligent people fall for that stuff, if you come off as passive it often does not matter what you are saying because people are already passing judgement on your demeanor.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33308831


I think he just has charisma.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 7138989


NLP etc
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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02/10/2013 01:55 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Dude it's way more than simple confidence lolol. It's more about Knowledge. If you have knowledge then you can be confident.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 7138989


I agree with that to an extent, but for example think about it like this. Say you are presenting knowledge to another person, if you do not portray that knowledge confidently then most likely those who listen will get much less than if you presented it with confidence. I mean look at Obama for instance, people worship the guy even though a lot of what he says is absolute BS. However he has mastered speaking with conviction and authority therefore what he says holds more clout. Even intelligent people fall for that stuff, if you come off as passive it often does not matter what you are saying because people are already passing judgement on your demeanor.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33308831


I think he just has charisma.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 7138989


Can you think of a charismatic person who does not appear confident though?
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 02:01 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
As a child I looked at adults as simpletons who needed protection and guidance. It was a soul thing I was born with. I also astral projected as a kid and had some past life memories.

From there I took martial arts. Got a black belt by 12 years old. And continued fighting competatively for years. Being able to kick just about anyone's ass gives you confidence.

Then I read books. Lots of them. Non fiction. Nothing for entertainment. Just knowledge. I'm close to 4000 nonfiction books at 38 yrs old.

There's lots of things you can do to boost your confidence. But I think a lot of it comes from past life experience. If you don't have confidence in this life, then start doing things that challenge your fears.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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02/10/2013 02:05 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
As a child I looked at adults as simpletons who needed protection and guidance. It was a soul thing I was born with. I also astral projected as a kid and had some past life memories.

From there I took martial arts. Got a black belt by 12 years old. And continued fighting competatively for years. Being able to kick just about anyone's ass gives you confidence.

Then I read books. Lots of them. Non fiction. Nothing for entertainment. Just knowledge. I'm close to 4000 nonfiction books at 38 yrs old.

There's lots of things you can do to boost your confidence. But I think a lot of it comes from past life experience. If you don't have confidence in this life, then start doing things that challenge your fears.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23073225


I completely agree positive life experience does breed confidence and in some cases even some negative experiences can make a person stronger. I've always found martial arts to be a great outlet for some people as it is definitely empowering.
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02/10/2013 02:35 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
bump
Philligan
in rainbows

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02/10/2013 02:39 PM

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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Good post OP and very true.

Confidence is an extension of well being.
everything in its right place
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 02:42 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
hf peace
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 02:54 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
If you could just "write" some few words in your brain that you always remember.. It could be so much easier. Then I would actually learn what you wrote

Because I will forget it in a few days
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02/10/2013 02:57 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
If you could just "write" some few words in your brain that you always remember.. It could be so much easier. Then I would actually learn what you wrote

Because I will forget it in a few days
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29081478


It is the will of action, not rememberance, that shall bear learning.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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02/10/2013 03:03 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Good post OP and very true.

Confidence is an extension of well being.
 Quoting: Philligan


I just find it amazing how we naturally can pick up on whether someone is truly confident or not. Reading up on body language has really opened up my eyes to how people without even knowing it, can make inferences about each other. I remember when i got into all this stuff a few years ago it seriously changed my life and i feel like people need to know they hold the key in their own hands. Simple changes that make such a positive difference.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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02/10/2013 06:22 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
bump
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 06:25 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Good read
Thanks.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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02/10/2013 06:27 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Good read
Thanks.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 22065781


Thanks AC, any thoughts on the subject?
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 06:30 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Good read
Thanks.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 22065781


Thanks AC, any thoughts on the subject?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33308831


You are welcome.

I do believe that confidence is essential for success. I also believe that people can be supremely confident in one area of their lives and not so confident in another area.I am also of the opinion that charisma and confidence are something that are innate.In cases where people are willing to work hard enough, it is possible to develop it though.

Only my opinion.
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 06:35 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Thanks for the thoughtful thread OP.

Your posts have left me wondering: how do you define confidence?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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02/10/2013 06:40 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Thanks for the thoughtful post OP.

Your post left me wondering: how do you define confidence?
 Quoting: Parabola


Great question I should of started off with that, to me at least confidence is the positive self value someone has about themselves. A confident person knows who they are and embraces everything about themselves including there faults. They can laugh at themselves and their problems because inside they know those things don't define them. They have the belief that if they try hard enough they can achieve anything. This all may sound corny to a lot of people but the reality is that when someone learns to use this thought process they subconsciously portray this new found confidence to the world even in ways they may not realize.
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02/10/2013 06:57 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
bump
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 07:00 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Good post OP, I completely agree with a lot of this people tend to overemphasize their problems to the point of exaggeration.
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02/10/2013 07:08 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Thanks for the thoughtful post OP.

Your post left me wondering: how do you define confidence?
 Quoting: Parabola


Great question I should of started off with that, to me at least confidence is the positive self value someone has about themselves. A confident person knows who they are and embraces everything about themselves including there faults. They can laugh at themselves and their problems because inside they know those things don't define them. They have the belief that if they try hard enough they can achieve anything. This all may sound corny to a lot of people but the reality is that when someone learns to use this thought process they subconsciously portray this new found confidence to the world even in ways they may not realize.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33308831


I agree, and I don't think it's corny. Seems pretty well-thought out and authentic to me. hf

My working definition runs along the lines of 'confidence is knowing you will be able to persevere in your pursuits and overcome the obstacles you may confront'.

Ive always been curious to understand better the subjective range of definitions for 'confidence' - so variable between people (and within a person over time). Thanks for the food for thought!
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02/10/2013 07:18 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
knowledge is power. Confidence is experience. Or fake.

Confidence is simply how you see yourself. A jack ass can have confidence.

Confidence is found in many ways from feeling attractive to just achieving something.

An idiot can be confident.

If you are worried about your appearance you probably don't take very good care of yourself. I mean really, do you try that hard to be a good representation of your inner self?

There are social obligations/standards that you need to upkeep to stay confident. If you lack confidence, doing things your own way, and standing out may not be the best approach at first.

You have to accept everyone around you has thoughts the same as you. There is a basic human understanding that gives a basic level of confidence. Because you are just being you, that's allowed. What's to be embarrassed about. If you are lying to yourself, or not doing what you know is right for you, this basic confidence can fade.

It depends what you are after, I can fake confidence and get laid if I want to, but what good will that do for the greater picture? ( well, you can fake it and make it but that's another topic)

Take a good look at yourself and ask what you are self conscious about. It isn't hard. If it is something physical that's an insecurity that you should cancel with interests and goals. Hygiene is an exception. Ya gotta be clean in life.

If you are self conscious about your ability to do something, well snap out of it and start doing that thing. Confidence is being comfortable with the now. If you are the not used to what you are doing you won't be confident at first. Such as being social. Speaking and conversation is a skill we develop, not something you are born with.

If you think people are born with the ability to be cool and confident you are wrong. Either they are experienced or they have a clear perspective on values and are confident because its illogical to be otherwise.


So in short, Stop avoiding the things you know you need to do, practice the things you are nervous at, or embarrassed about, and go live life.

Confidence isn't a switch, its a way of living. Basically you guys who aren't confident are just not getting it. This life, this game, is meant to be played. Stop thinking about your confidence and go do the things you want to do. Simple.

No confidence is like the nonathletic kid in gym class. But if the kid just played more sports in his life he may not be athletic, but he would be skilled. And there would be no problem.

It's hard to write about this topic because the human mind is complicated and different. But hopefully this will get you guys thinking the right way, and understanding you are really just missing the point. There is no such thing as confidence ;)

Practice and understanding.

Brings knowledge.

which develops into wisdom.

No wise man was every criticized for not being confident. Because it isn't really relevant.

Like you, you just are. So be. And do it the best you fucking can.
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 07:42 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Most people who were "confident" that you know, are actually so stupid they can convince themselves and others that they are.

Hence why the Saints are humble.
Anonymous Coward
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02/10/2013 07:44 PM
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Re: Confidence, the key to life
Wow, all these posts are amazing.

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