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How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!

 
simultaneous_final
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02/16/2013 04:38 AM
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How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Step 1: Find a wine jug that's been used a lot of times.

Step 2: Fill jug with room-temperature water.

Step 3: Agitate.

Step 4: Serve wine-colored/flavored water to already drunk wedding guests.

Step 5: YOU SAVED THE PARTY! IT'S A MIRACLE!
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Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 04:41 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
.... you know, I was expecting a bullshit thread, but this might just reveal the source of a metaphor that most idiots are not aware is a metaphor in the first place.
simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 04:48 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
.... you know, I was expecting a bullshit thread, but this might just reveal the source of a metaphor that most idiots are not aware is a metaphor in the first place.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34494403


Indeed. Jesus' first miracle was a parlor trick, most likely.

What may surprise you is that I've actually tried this trick. It was a hit. The water tasted like weak wine and it was a deep burgundy color. I used an old Spanish wine skin and not a jug. I would imagine that the results would be similar. The wine skin hadn't been used in 50 or more years. Still, the water tasted like wine.
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simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 04:58 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Awwwww...you poor Christards...giving me 1 star...

What's wrong? Can't face an extremely simple explanantion for your beloved "miracle"?

Can't accept that there was a perfectly normal explanation?
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Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 05:06 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
+1
Azeratel Axo

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02/16/2013 05:06 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Awwwww...you poor Christards...giving me 1 star...

What's wrong? Can't face an extremely simple explanantion for your beloved "miracle"?

Can't accept that there was a perfectly normal explanation?
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


rolleyes

chuckle
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 05:07 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
So why did they say the wine Jesus created was the of superior quality to what they had already been drinking? They may have been drunk, though I am pretty sure they were not that foolish.
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 05:09 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Awwwww...you poor Christards...giving me 1 star...

What's wrong? Can't face an extremely simple explanantion for your beloved "miracle"?

Can't accept that there was a perfectly normal explanation?
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


I have not given it any rating, though I will say I used to believe Jesus was simply a clever trickster. Lol I now know that to be mans way of trying to deal with it.
simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 05:11 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
So why did they say the wine Jesus created was the of superior quality to what they had already been drinking? They may have been drunk, though I am pretty sure they were not that foolish.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34359776


drunk = "not that foolish"?????

NOT WHERE I'M FROM!

Perhaps by "superior", they meant it tasted more of grapes and LESS LIKE ALCOHOL.

Or, more likely, the story was embellished upon in later years when it was written. NO ONE WHO TRIED THE "WINE" WROTE ABOUT ITS FLAVOR.
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RU1IM2

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02/16/2013 05:12 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
You were conceived by a parlor trick!
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 05:12 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Step 1: Find a wine jug that's been used a lot of times.

Step 2: Fill jug with room-temperature water.

Step 3: Agitate.

Step 4: Serve wine-colored/flavored water to already drunk wedding guests.

Step 5: YOU SAVED THE PARTY! IT'S A MIRACLE!
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


Step 6: Smash the bottle over your own stupid head.

Step 7: Go fuck yourself
simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 05:14 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
You were conceived by a parlor trick!
 Quoting: RU1IM2


Sure I was. And you were too, fucktard.
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simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 05:14 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Step 1: Find a wine jug that's been used a lot of times.

Step 2: Fill jug with room-temperature water.

Step 3: Agitate.

Step 4: Serve wine-colored/flavored water to already drunk wedding guests.

Step 5: YOU SAVED THE PARTY! IT'S A MIRACLE!
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


Step 6: Smash the bottle over your own stupid head.

Step 7: Go fuck yourself
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34485885


In other words, "Duuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh"
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Judethz
Israel is Eternal

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02/16/2013 05:16 AM

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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Awwwww...you poor Christards...giving me 1 star...

What's wrong? Can't face an extremely simple explanantion for your beloved "miracle"?

Can't accept that there was a perfectly normal explanation?
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


beacht9 Sure there is, it was a miracle. And it wasn't just 'wine flavored water' either. Read the story, it was wine of the highest quality.

Jhn 2:1 ¶ And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:

Jhn 2:2 And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.

Jhn 2:3 And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.

Jhn 2:4 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.

Jhn 2:5 His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do [it].

Jhn 2:6 And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece.

Jhn 2:7 Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.

Jhn 2:8 And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare [it].

Jhn 2:9 When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,

Jhn 2:10 And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: [but] thou hast kept the good wine until now.
Children of the Atom

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02/16/2013 05:16 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
hmmm

An interesting perspective but there is a logical hole...

They mention filling stone water pots, not wine bottles or wine skins.
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 05:17 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
maybe he showed them fermentation? people were rather ignorant back then. nowadays also.
simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 05:21 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
hmmm

An interesting perspective but there is a logical hole...

They mention filling stone water pots, not wine bottles or wine skins.
 Quoting: Children of the Atom


You mean porous, residue-trapping containers in a time when containers did double-duty?

If I were the Lord, I'd look for the "water pots" that were stained dark purple.

Also, no one who was there wrote about the "miracle".

It was later "believers" who did so. Where did they hear about it? From Jesus?
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<ambiguous>

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02/16/2013 05:22 AM

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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Give not that which is holy to the dogs, nor cast your pearls before the swine, lest they trample them with their feet, and turning round rend you.
simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 05:22 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Awwwww...you poor Christards...giving me 1 star...

What's wrong? Can't face an extremely simple explanantion for your beloved "miracle"?

Can't accept that there was a perfectly normal explanation?
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


beacht9 Sure there is, it was a miracle. And it wasn't just 'wine flavored water' either. Read the story, it was wine of the highest quality.

Jhn 2:1 ¶ And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:

Jhn 2:2 And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.

Jhn 2:3 And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.

Jhn 2:4 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.

Jhn 2:5 His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do [it].

Jhn 2:6 And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece.

Jhn 2:7 Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.

Jhn 2:8 And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare [it].

Jhn 2:9 When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,

Jhn 2:10 And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: [but] thou hast kept the good wine until now.

 Quoting: Judethz


Right...

Wine of the highest quality...
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simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 05:25 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Give not that which is holy to the dogs, nor cast your pearls before the swine, lest they trample them with their feet, and turning round rend you.
 Quoting: <ambiguous>


Some of Jesus' finest words. I certainly agree. But have you ever thought that YOU might be the oinker? Of course not. Swine can't think.
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Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 05:25 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
maybe he showed them fermentation? people were rather ignorant back then. nowadays also.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20425162


The Israeli's called grape juice wine, I highly doubt it was alcoholic, people are more ignorant today then yesterday if they think they can emulate any miracle Christ did,

perhaps opie thinks he can raise the dead, walk on water, feed multitudes with one basket, cast out demons and with a word control the weather too :)

There was power in Christ's blood then and there still is today.
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 05:25 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Awwwww...you poor Christards...giving me 1 star...

What's wrong? Can't face an extremely simple explanantion for your beloved "miracle"?

Can't accept that there was a perfectly normal explanation?
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


:beacht9: Sure there is, it was a miracle. And it wasn't just 'wine flavored water' either. Read the story, it was wine of the highest quality.

Jhn 2:1 ¶ And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:

Jhn 2:2 And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.

Jhn 2:3 And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.

Jhn 2:4 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.

Jhn 2:5 His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do [it].

Jhn 2:6 And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece.

Jhn 2:7 Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.

Jhn 2:8 And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare [it].

Jhn 2:9 When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,

Jhn 2:10 And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: [but] thou hast kept the good wine until now.

 Quoting: Judethz


Blah, blah, blah...with a little girl pic.

Pretty much sums up christianity.

LOL
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 05:25 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Was Jesus, and the Apostles, or whoever wrote that Gospel, trying to promote alcoholism?
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 05:27 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Step 1: Find a wine jug that's been used a lot of times.

Step 2: Fill jug with room-temperature water.

Step 3: Agitate.

Step 4: Serve wine-colored/flavored water to already drunk wedding guests.

Step 5: YOU SAVED THE PARTY! IT'S A MIRACLE!
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


Oh wow, you really opened my eyes I'm so done with this false religion now. 1doh1
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 05:27 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
When I tended bar during grad school I used to water down drinks when I judged someone was suitably tipsy. When I closed up shop, I took home any difference in hard liquor. People who are just barely drunk usually give the best tips, anyway.

Only got in trouble for it once, and I bribed the guy off.
simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 05:28 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
maybe he showed them fermentation? people were rather ignorant back then. nowadays also.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20425162


The Israeli's called grape juice wine, I highly doubt it was alcoholic, people are more ignorant today then yesterday if they think they can emulate any miracle Christ did,

perhaps opie thinks he can raise the dead, walk on water, feed multitudes with one basket, cast out demons and with a word control the weather too :)

There was power in Christ's blood then and there still is today.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5018978


I don't claim that I can perform those other "miracles". BUT I DO, HOWEVER, CLAIM THAT I CAN RECONSTITUTE GRAPE JUICE. WHAT--YOU CAN'T?!
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<ambiguous>

User ID: 22746106
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02/16/2013 05:33 AM

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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Give not that which is holy to the dogs, nor cast your pearls before the swine, lest they trample them with their feet, and turning round rend you.
 Quoting: <ambiguous>


Some of Jesus' finest words. I certainly agree. But have you ever thought that YOU might be the oinker? Of course not. Swine can't think.
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


So you acknowledge the truth of His words and yet deny the truth of the miracle?
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 05:33 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Please unpin this thread because of too much stupidity.
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 05:36 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Actually please delete this thread..

"Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now." - John 2:10
simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 05:43 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Give not that which is holy to the dogs, nor cast your pearls before the swine, lest they trample them with their feet, and turning round rend you.
 Quoting: <ambiguous>


Some of Jesus' finest words. I certainly agree. But have you ever thought that YOU might be the oinker? Of course not. Swine can't think.
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


So you acknowledge the truth of His words and yet deny the truth of the miracle?
 Quoting: <ambiguous>


What-- you can't see truth in SOME words or SOME miracles? It's all or nothing with you?

Well, I've got a proposition for you:

I'm a human being.

I've got ocean-front property in AZ to sell you.

WOW! A truth AND a lie??? Did your head just explode?
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simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 05:46 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Please unpin this thread because of too much stupidity.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34441843


Stupidity? You mean simple everyday explanations?

Also, AC--when you get a paid membership, then maybe you can have some say about what gets pinned. Until then, fuckoff2
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