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How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!

 
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 06:46 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
lolol

how jesus resurrected lazarus? or healed the blind man?

Explain please.
simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 06:47 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
worst thread ever in glp... for a mile.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34475621


right...

DUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH.
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Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 06:48 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Dunno how Jesus did it, takes me much longer, but I always start by watering the grapes first !wine
simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 06:48 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
lolol

how jesus resurrected lazarus? or healed the blind man?

Explain please.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34475621


I didn't say anything about those "miracles". I'm talking about his first "beginner" trick--I mean "miracle".
A subject observes itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself ad infinitum.
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 06:49 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
That's what all the mentally-infirm say. Give up. It's easier to just call me a "troll" than to acknowledge (you don't have to accept it) the VERY SIMPLE explanation for this "unexplainable miracle".
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


Ok... you say you're not a christian but seem quite content to question their beliefs by equating it all to a parlour trick that anyone could do. What is to you what others believe and have faith in? Do you have some deep sense of goodwill towards your fellow man that compels you to do so?

There are those that will agree with you and those that won't so to what extent should we keep discussing it so that one agrees to agree?
 Quoting: <ambiguous>


Translation - I can not debate any point w/ logic so instead of there being a winner or looser lets go P.C. and agree to disagree that way we all get trophys.
That move is getting so stale. See your intelect faulter, put toe in dirt, look down a say 'can't we all just get along?' - NO
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 06:51 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
So why did they say the wine Jesus created was the of superior quality to what they had already been drinking? They may have been drunk, though I am pretty sure they were not that foolish.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34359776


I read somewhere that good wine from Greece was the usual for such weddings and that it was pretty thick at the bottom of the big jars, so when water was added and well mixed with the rich bottom, it turn out to be a good wine.
Jesus having been around new the trick.
He was also a smart guy.
simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 06:52 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
So why did they say the wine Jesus created was the of superior quality to what they had already been drinking? They may have been drunk, though I am pretty sure they were not that foolish.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34359776


I read somewhere that good wine from Greece was the usual for such weddings and that it was pretty thick at the bottom of the big jars, so when water was added and well mixed with the rich bottom, it turn out to be a good wine.
Jesus having been around new the trick.
He was also a smart guy.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33997129


^^^this^^^
A subject observes itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself ad infinitum.
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 06:53 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
lolol

how jesus resurrected lazarus? or healed the blind man?

Explain please.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34475621


Healers can produce Ki to resurrected by send electric current to some places if the man just "died"... electro-shocks?
<ambiguous>

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02/16/2013 06:56 AM

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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
That's what all the mentally-infirm say. Give up. It's easier to just call me a "troll" than to acknowledge (you don't have to accept it) the VERY SIMPLE explanation for this "unexplainable miracle".
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


Ok... you say you're not a christian but seem quite content to question their beliefs by equating it all to a parlour trick that anyone could do. What is to you what others believe and have faith in? Do you have some deep sense of goodwill towards your fellow man that compels you to do so?

There are those that will agree with you and those that won't so to what extent should we keep discussing it so that one agrees to agree?
 Quoting: <ambiguous>


Translation - I can not debate any point w/ logic so instead of there being a winner or looser lets go P.C. and agree to disagree that way we all get trophys.
That move is getting so stale. See your intelect faulter, put toe in dirt, look down a say 'can't we all just get along?' - NO
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1256345


If that is what you ascertain from my last remark so be it. Though I was directing all my remarks at simultaneous_final.

Last Edited by <ambiguous> on 02/16/2013 06:57 AM
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 06:56 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
my english is awful so sorry about that.

But you know, is need more that "electroshocks" to ressurrect someone, medically speaking
Brian Moser

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02/16/2013 06:59 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
I think the interesting thing about this discussion is that many Christians, given some logical explanation that takes away from the more miraculous aspects of the religion, will resort to saying something like "Well, Jesus was a perfect example of what I should be like so I'm just following his teachings."

Does Jesus knowing a few party tricks take away from the standard he set for you to live by?

Anyway, great thread. It reminds me of this Carlin bit - a practical view of who Jesus may have been.

Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 07:00 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
More importantly, how did he feed the 4,000? Or the 5,000?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8282825


Although many less in numbers, I have seen this miracle twice myself in my lifetime and that includes many witnesses!
 Quoting: Ozicell


I'd be interested to hear more about that. Water into wine, healing so called cripples and even appearing to raise the dead are all explainable but feeding the 5000 has always had me stumped. I'm quite sure there is an explanation. Just never been able to find it.
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 07:02 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
my english is awful so sorry about that.

But you know, is need more that "electroshocks" to ressurrect someone, medically speaking
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34475621


It is not because you cannot find the pulse - heart beat that a man is dead... it can beat very slow. the body doesn't give up the soul so easily - or the soul doesn't give up the body - it is instinct to hold on to the body.
What do you think?
there are so much mysterious powers.. the worl is a wonderful place... isn't it?

Peace.
peace
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 07:04 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Many would be amazed at just now many so called miracles boil down to just plain common sense!
 Quoting: Ozicell

Care to expand?

Meanwhile.


 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34359776


You posted the vid now do the maths yourself!

Meanwhile check out just how many time Jesus is reported to have said - YOUR faith has healed you!

So many look to external supernatural powers for help and answers - yet they fail to look inwards! Everything they need they will find there. hf
 Quoting: Ozicell

"But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins."
Jesus said he had come to heal sick and also "They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick."
I needed him and I believe many do more than they currently know, I wish I had true faith before I hit rock bottom.
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 07:08 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
That's what all the mentally-infirm say. Give up. It's easier to just call me a "troll" than to acknowledge (you don't have to accept it) the VERY SIMPLE explanation for this "unexplainable miracle".
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


Ok... you say you're not a christian but seem quite content to question their beliefs by equating it all to a parlour trick that anyone could do. What is to you what others believe and have faith in? Do you have some deep sense of goodwill towards your fellow man that compels you to do so?

There are those that will agree with you and those that won't so to what extent should we keep discussing it so that one agrees to agree?
 Quoting: <ambiguous>


Translation - I can not debate any point w/ logic so instead of there being a winner or looser lets go P.C. and agree to disagree that way we all get trophys.
That move is getting so stale. See your intelect faulter, put toe in dirt, look down a say 'can't we all just get along?' - NO
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1256345


If that is what you ascertain from my last remark so be it. Though I was directing all my remarks at simultaneous_final.
 Quoting: <ambiguous>


Point verafied.
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 07:19 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
I think the interesting thing about this discussion is that many Christians, given some logical explanation that takes away from the more miraculous aspects of the religion, will resort to saying something like "Well, Jesus was a perfect example of what I should be like so I'm just following his teachings."

Does Jesus knowing a few party tricks take away from the standard he set for you to live by?

Anyway, great thread. It reminds me of this Carlin bit - a practical view of who Jesus may have been.


 Quoting: Brian Moser


Awesome, thx lolsign
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 07:19 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Awwwww...you poor Christards...giving me 1 star...

What's wrong? Can't face an extremely simple explanantion for your beloved "miracle"?

Can't accept that there was a perfectly normal explanation?
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


How do you explain him walking on the sea?

And while your at it, may be you can provide actual proof that life came from inorganic matter, as believed by atheists.
Anonymous Coward
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Philippines
02/16/2013 07:26 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Atheists = Mega Troll = All going to Hell unless born again.
simultaneous_final (OP)

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02/16/2013 07:27 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Awwwww...you poor Christards...giving me 1 star...

What's wrong? Can't face an extremely simple explanantion for your beloved "miracle"?

Can't accept that there was a perfectly normal explanation?
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


How do you explain him walking on the sea?

And while your at it, may be you can provide actual proof that life came from inorganic matter, as believed by atheists.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 31324993


I don't know. I'm not an atheist.

As for the other "miracles", I don't know. This thread is about turning water into wine.
A subject observes itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself ad infinitum.
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 07:33 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
I think it is a excellent observation O P!
Food for thought!
Brian Moser

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02/16/2013 07:42 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Atheists = Mega Troll = All going to Hell unless born again.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34441843


Why do you believe that you're either Christian or atheist? The world isn't as simple as that.
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 07:48 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
esoteric christianity - kabbalah -
water into wine equals having holiness enter the sexual waters and turning them to wine -
most people are indeed born via a parlor trick since very few understand this holy connection.
Brian Moser

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02/16/2013 07:50 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Awwwww...you poor Christards...giving me 1 star...

What's wrong? Can't face an extremely simple explanantion for your beloved "miracle"?

Can't accept that there was a perfectly normal explanation?
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


How do you explain him walking on the sea?

And while your at it, may be you can provide actual proof that life came from inorganic matter, as believed by atheists.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 31324993


The burden of proof for walking on water lies on those that make the claim.

As for abiogenesis, there are several hypotheses that are widely accepted in our modern understanding of life. The whole point is that we are here to learn... not to assume "Oh, I don't know the answer so it must be supernatural". If life is a gift, don't you think "God" (whatever that name means to you) would want you to search for answers instead of just accepting that a wildcard can be thrown in to the equation?
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 08:00 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Awwwww...you poor Christards...giving me 1 star...

What's wrong? Can't face an extremely simple explanantion for your beloved "miracle"?

Can't accept that there was a perfectly normal explanation?
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


How do you explain him walking on the sea?

And while your at it, may be you can provide actual proof that life came from inorganic matter, as believed by atheists.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 31324993


The burden of proof for walking on water lies on those that make the claim.

As for abiogenesis, there are several hypotheses that are widely accepted in our modern understanding of life. The whole point is that we are here to learn... not to assume "Oh, I don't know the answer so it must be supernatural". If life is a gift, don't you think "God" (whatever that name means to you) would want you to search for answers instead of just accepting that a wildcard can be thrown in to the equation?
 Quoting: Brian Moser


So if you say life is a gift, do you not think the bestower would want to be included in said equation? hf
ninnie
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02/16/2013 08:04 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
There is nothing that can go so deep as Divine Love can as it is eternal, turning water into wine is 1 + 1 = 2 and you can't even believe something so simple carried out by The Great Creator Who came in disguise to earth as He is Omnipotent, He is what you see, smell, hear, touch and taste, not to be used and abused for your gain or used and abused to discount anyone or the Creator, He came through Mary's womb without sex to confuse the wise and prudent ? The same Jesus also destroys this earth like He is busy doing now, and all the people on it ? Who can argue ? The bottomless pit of evil is removed from His presence to end time as time is sin, there is no such thing as time only eternity, Jesus The Messiah The Creator is Eternal, He is the giver of Life. There is no Love greater than this! The human race may only approach Him by His ways no other ways as it will never be accepted because He is Life and He preserves Life. Doing things our way results in death. People can see, smell, hear, touch and taste and still cannot see Him. Is that dumb? The same One Who Created the universe the Intelligence you were trained to believe does not exist. Is that dumb?
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 08:06 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Step 1: Find a wine jug that's been used a lot of times.

Step 2: Fill jug with room-temperature water.

Step 3: Agitate.

Step 4: Serve wine-colored/flavored water to already drunk wedding guests.

Step 5: YOU SAVED THE PARTY! IT'S A MIRACLE!
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


Step 6: Smash the bottle over your own stupid head.

Step 7: Go fuck yourself
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34485885


lmao...

Looking at the crowd, which numbered about 5,000 men, not counting women and children, Jesus asked his disciple Philip, "Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?" (John 6:5, NIV) Jesus knew what he was going to do, but he asked Philip to test him. Philip replied that even eight months' wages would not be enough to give each person even one bite of bread.

Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, had more faith in Jesus. He brought forward a young boy who had five small loaves of barley bread and two small fish. Even so, Andrew wondered how that could help.

Jesus ordered the crowd to sit down in groups of fifty. He took the five loaves, looked up to heaven, gave thanks to God his Father, and passed them to his disciples to be distributed. He did the same with the two fish.

Everyone—men, women and children—ate as much as they wanted! Jesus miraculously multiplied the loaves and fishes so there was more than enough. Then he told his disciples to gather the leftovers so nothing was wasted. They collected enough to fill 12 baskets.

The crowd was so overwhelmed by this miracle that they understood Jesus was the prophet who had been promised. Knowing they would want to force him to become their king, Jesus fled from them.
Brian Moser

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02/16/2013 08:07 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Awwwww...you poor Christards...giving me 1 star...

What's wrong? Can't face an extremely simple explanantion for your beloved "miracle"?

Can't accept that there was a perfectly normal explanation?
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


How do you explain him walking on the sea?

And while your at it, may be you can provide actual proof that life came from inorganic matter, as believed by atheists.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 31324993


The burden of proof for walking on water lies on those that make the claim.

As for abiogenesis, there are several hypotheses that are widely accepted in our modern understanding of life. The whole point is that we are here to learn... not to assume "Oh, I don't know the answer so it must be supernatural". If life is a gift, don't you think "God" (whatever that name means to you) would want you to search for answers instead of just accepting that a wildcard can be thrown in to the equation?
 Quoting: Brian Moser


So if you say life is a gift, do you not think the bestower would want to be included in said equation? hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34359776


I didn't say that. Please read it again and keep what I did say in context.
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 08:10 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Please explain how Jesus raised himself from being dead.
Anonymous Coward
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02/16/2013 08:10 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
So why did they say the wine Jesus created was the of superior quality to what they had already been drinking? They may have been drunk, though I am pretty sure they were not that foolish.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34359776


Not as foolish as idiots like you who believe such 'miracle' bullshit!
hatch battener
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02/16/2013 08:12 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
How can you diss a guy who turns water into wine?

You must be a real party pooper.
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