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How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34503096
United States
02/16/2013 10:13 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Step 1: Find a wine jug that's been used a lot of times.

Step 2: Fill jug with room-temperature water.

Step 3: Agitate.

Step 4: Serve wine-colored/flavored water to already drunk wedding guests.

Step 5: YOU SAVED THE PARTY! IT'S A MIRACLE!
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


you upset honey??

take a breath and calm down.

you'll feel better tomorrow.
simultaneous_final (OP)

User ID: 10484024
United States
02/16/2013 10:14 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Divine Judgement is at your door, and you shall perish by Famine, Pestilence, and the Sword!
 Quoting: The Cryptic Mole 32690498


Yeah! When monkeys fly out me arse.
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


You'll change your mind when you watch your poor family suffer because of your stupidity!
 Quoting: The Cryptic Mole 32690498


some of them wouldn't just change their minds even when in hell..
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34441843


Yeah! Because Jesus Jesus, Bible Bible!
A subject observes itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself ad infinitum.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34503096
United States
02/16/2013 10:15 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
What about Lazarus?
 Quoting: scimitar


he was just extremely sleepy... zzzz
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34529338
United Kingdom
02/16/2013 10:19 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
how about, its a story of amazing adventures in the desert. Just a story.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34441843
Philippines
02/16/2013 10:22 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
^^^ How about the people getting paid to troll here at GLP?
simultaneous_final (OP)

User ID: 10484024
United States
02/16/2013 10:24 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
^^^ How about the people getting paid to troll here at GLP?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34441843


Like who, AC?
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21903530
Canada
02/16/2013 10:34 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Was Jesus, and the Apostles, or whoever wrote that Gospel, trying to promote alcoholism?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 6539727


If you can't handle your liquor, that is your problem.

Drinking a glass of fermented red grape juice twice a week does not qualify as alcoholism.
Anderson Moshi

User ID: 23236444
Tanzania, United Republic of
02/16/2013 10:38 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Please unpin this thread because of too much stupidity.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34441843


clappa
Andy M.

John 14:6 "Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me'."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 33406666
United Kingdom
02/16/2013 10:40 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Step 1: Find a wine jug that's been used a lot of times.

Step 2: Fill jug with room-temperature water.

Step 3: Agitate.

Step 4: Serve wine-colored/flavored water to already drunk wedding guests.

Step 5: YOU SAVED THE PARTY! IT'S A MIRACLE!
 Quoting: simultaneous_final






Water into Wine trick.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12882975
United States
02/16/2013 10:47 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Show me how to do the Loaves, and the Fishes.

Walk on Water, and raise the dead?

Then you will be a true Moran.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8603178
Russian Federation
02/16/2013 10:47 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Awwwww...you poor Christards...giving me 1 star...

What's wrong? Can't face an extremely simple explanantion for your beloved "miracle"?

Can't accept that there was a perfectly normal explanation?
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


I know how the rain. My hands, I think I have the gift istsileniya.

If you think this is stupid, then you know that it's brilliant.

Events in the Bible is shown on the incomprehensibility of man that he was much of himself does not know about the possibilities of the body and the soul.

I am more convinced that man can walk on the water, only if he knows the wisdom of the device of the molecular world, his consciousness, due to space.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 22427554
Canada
02/16/2013 10:49 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Step 1: Find a wine jug that's been used a lot of times.

Step 2: Fill jug with room-temperature water.

Step 3: Agitate.

Step 4: Serve wine-colored/flavored water to already drunk wedding guests.

Step 5: YOU SAVED THE PARTY! IT'S A MIRACLE!
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


Obvious Fail obvious, OP
stars

User ID: 17867407
United States
02/16/2013 10:49 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Step 1: Find a wine jug that's been used a lot of times.

Step 2: Fill jug with room-temperature water.

Step 3: Agitate.

Step 4: Serve wine-colored/flavored water to already drunk wedding guests.

Step 5: YOU SAVED THE PARTY! IT'S A MIRACLE!
 Quoting: simultaneous_final






Water into Wine trick.

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33406666
Sounds like the life of the party to me.
stars
stars

User ID: 17867407
United States
02/16/2013 10:51 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Awwwww...you poor Christards...giving me 1 star...

What's wrong? Can't face an extremely simple explanantion for your beloved "miracle"?

Can't accept that there was a perfectly normal explanation?
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


I know how the rain. My hands, I think I have the gift istsileniya.

If you think this is stupid, then you know that it's brilliant.

Events in the Bible is shown on the incomprehensibility of man that he was much of himself does not know about the possibilities of the body and the soul.

I am more convinced that man can walk on the water, only if he knows the wisdom of the device of the molecular world, his consciousness, due to space.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8603178


As in a higher plane of exsistance.
stars
simultaneous_final (OP)

User ID: 10484024
United States
02/16/2013 10:53 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Step 1: Find a wine jug that's been used a lot of times.

Step 2: Fill jug with room-temperature water.

Step 3: Agitate.

Step 4: Serve wine-colored/flavored water to already drunk wedding guests.

Step 5: YOU SAVED THE PARTY! IT'S A MIRACLE!
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


Obvious Fail obvious, OP
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 22427554


Awww...is someone butthurt????
A subject observes itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself ad infinitum.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30480289
United States
02/16/2013 10:54 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
.... you know, I was expecting a bullshit thread, but this might just reveal the source of a metaphor that most idiots are not aware is a metaphor in the first place.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34494403


Indeed. Jesus' first miracle was a parlor trick, most likely.

What may surprise you is that I've actually tried this trick. It was a hit. The water tasted like weak wine and it was a deep burgundy color. I used an old Spanish wine skin and not a jug. I would imagine that the results would be similar. The wine skin hadn't been used in 50 or more years. Still, the water tasted like wine.
 Quoting: simultaneous_final



You guys are so retarded....read the Bible. They said the wine Jesus turned into wine was way better than the one they originally had.....
simultaneous_final (OP)

User ID: 10484024
United States
02/16/2013 10:58 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
.... you know, I was expecting a bullshit thread, but this might just reveal the source of a metaphor that most idiots are not aware is a metaphor in the first place.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34494403


Indeed. Jesus' first miracle was a parlor trick, most likely.

What may surprise you is that I've actually tried this trick. It was a hit. The water tasted like weak wine and it was a deep burgundy color. I used an old Spanish wine skin and not a jug. I would imagine that the results would be similar. The wine skin hadn't been used in 50 or more years. Still, the water tasted like wine.
 Quoting: simultaneous_final



You guys are so retarded....read the Bible. They said the wine Jesus turned into wine was way better than the one they originally had.....
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30480289


Evan a magnum 40 tastes good after you've drunk all the wine at the party. Ever think they were just happy to have more "wine"? Or perhaps the "wine" (from consentrated residue) was quite sweet and non-alcoholic and thus tasted "better"?

Either of those explanations is far more plausible than *poof* magic wine!
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12882975
United States
02/16/2013 10:58 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Exodus 7

Aaron cast down his rod before Pharaoh, and before his servants, and it became a serpent.

11
Then Pharaoh also called the wise men and the sorcerers: now the magicians of Egypt, they also did in like manner with their enchantments.

12
For they cast down every man his rod, and they became serpents: but Aaron's rod swallowed up their rods.

13
And he hardened Pharaoh's heart, that he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is this saying?

The power of the Holy Spirit consumes your trivial sorcery, and magic.

Or...

My Weenie is Bigger/Better than Your Weenie?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 31221523
United Kingdom
02/16/2013 11:07 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Awwwww...you poor Christards...giving me 1 star...

What's wrong? Can't face an extremely simple explanantion for your beloved "miracle"?

Can't accept that there was a perfectly normal explanation?
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


I have not given it any rating, though I will say I used to believe Jesus was simply a clever trickster. Lol I now know that to be mans way of trying to deal with it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34359776


The other criminal on the other cross next to Jesus said the very same thing you just said to Jesus. He was the one that didnot make it into Heaven with Jesus and the criminal on the other side of Jesus that spoke truth to Jesus.


Thereare only two things/forces/powers/governments (call it what you please) here on Earth, and theyare truth and lie.

If you love a lie and hate truth, just remember Jesus is the truth and Satan is the lie.- life and death/fire and water.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1259776



Get the behind me.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1580790
United Kingdom
02/16/2013 11:08 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
You'll change your mind when you watch your poor family suffer because of your stupidity!
 Quoting: The Cryptic Mole 32690498


What on earth would inspire you to say such a cruel and spiteful thing? Surely you couldn't seriously wish harm to his/her family over such a menial matter. Your example is why honest, intelligent people are truly disgusted with modern day christianity.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 33250686
United States
02/16/2013 11:11 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Step 1: Find a wine jug that's been used a lot of times.

Step 2: Fill jug with room-temperature water.

Step 3: Agitate.

Step 4: Serve wine-colored/flavored water to already drunk wedding guests.

Step 5: YOU SAVED THE PARTY! IT'S A MIRACLE!
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


c'mon man-HUH ?
read the entire scenario and write back.

Christ created the best wine and the guests REMARKED that WHY was the BEST SERVED LAST ?

not a good idea to twist The Word resulting in blasphemey.



and i bet YOU thought that only theeeeee islamOs ranted on about BLASPHEMY.
where'd ya think they even got THE CONCEPT FROM ?
Sissy Klapperstrohl
User ID: 32728816
United States
02/16/2013 11:12 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Step 1: Find a wine jug that's been used a lot of times.

Step 2: Fill jug with room-temperature water.

Step 3: Agitate.

Step 4: Serve wine-colored/flavored water to already drunk wedding guests.

Step 5: YOU SAVED THE PARTY! IT'S A MIRACLE!
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


Sshhhhh...don't tell nobody.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34441843
Philippines
02/16/2013 11:13 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Okay, how do you suppose the people in bible knowing the mark of 666 RFID chip?
simultaneous_final (OP)

User ID: 10484024
United States
02/16/2013 11:13 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Exodus 7

Aaron cast down his rod before Pharaoh, and before his servants, and it became a serpent.

11
Then Pharaoh also called the wise men and the sorcerers: now the magicians of Egypt, they also did in like manner with their enchantments.

12
For they cast down every man his rod, and they became serpents: but Aaron's rod swallowed up their rods.

13
And he hardened Pharaoh's heart, that he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is this saying?

The power of the Holy Spirit consumes your trivial sorcery, and magic.

Or...

My Weenie is Bigger/Better than Your Weenie?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 12882975


And the big bad wolf said, "I'll huff and puff and blow your house down!"

What is this saying?

Nothing. It's a fairy-tale.
A subject observes itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself ad infinitum.
simultaneous_final (OP)

User ID: 10484024
United States
02/16/2013 11:15 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Okay, how do you suppose the people in bible knowing the mark of 666 RFID chip?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34441843


^^^Most absurd question ever.

rofl
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34538235
Australia
02/16/2013 11:16 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
To the fucking Idiots here:

It's MORON M.O.R.O.N

Not MORAN you stupid fucking MORONS!
simultaneous_final (OP)

User ID: 10484024
United States
02/16/2013 11:16 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Step 1: Find a wine jug that's been used a lot of times.

Step 2: Fill jug with room-temperature water.

Step 3: Agitate.

Step 4: Serve wine-colored/flavored water to already drunk wedding guests.

Step 5: YOU SAVED THE PARTY! IT'S A MIRACLE!
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


c'mon man-HUH ?
read the entire scenario and write back.

Christ created the best wine and the guests REMARKED that WHY was the BEST SERVED LAST ?

not a good idea to twist The Word resulting in blasphemey.



and i bet YOU thought that only theeeeee islamOs ranted on about BLASPHEMY.
where'd ya think they even got THE CONCEPT FROM ?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33250686


No one at the party wrote anything about it.
A subject observes itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself ad infinitum.
simultaneous_final (OP)

User ID: 10484024
United States
02/16/2013 11:17 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
To the fucking Idiots here:

It's MORON M.O.R.O.N

Not MORAN you stupid fucking MORONS!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34538235


grow a brian, moran.
A subject observes itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself observing itself ad infinitum.
stars

User ID: 17867407
United States
02/16/2013 11:22 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Exodus 7

Aaron cast down his rod before Pharaoh, and before his servants, and it became a serpent.

11
Then Pharaoh also called the wise men and the sorcerers: now the magicians of Egypt, they also did in like manner with their enchantments.

12
For they cast down every man his rod, and they became serpents: but Aaron's rod swallowed up their rods.

13
And he hardened Pharaoh's heart, that he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is this saying?

The power of the Holy Spirit consumes your trivial sorcery, and magic.

Or...

My Weenie is Bigger/Better than Your Weenie?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 12882975


And the big bad wolf said, "I'll huff and puff and blow your house down!"

What is this saying?

Nothing. It's a fairy-tale.
 Quoting: simultaneous_final
Toradoes will do that.
stars
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6209152
United States
02/16/2013 11:26 AM
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Re: How Jesus Turned Water Into Wine and YOU Can Too!
Step 1: Find a wine jug that's been used a lot of times.

Step 2: Fill jug with room-temperature water.

Step 3: Agitate.

Step 4: Serve wine-colored/flavored water to already drunk wedding guests.

Step 5: YOU SAVED THE PARTY! IT'S A MIRACLE!
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


Obvious Fail obvious, OP
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 22427554


Awww...is someone butthurt????
 Quoting: simultaneous_final


By your response you are OP, but its OK, brush of your ego and think.

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