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Controlling Parents

 
Mel
User ID: 34593502
India
02/17/2013 04:19 AM
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Controlling Parents
My parents lived in another country for most of my college life and the initial 4-5 years of married life. We visited them once a year, and they were just wonderful. Non interfering, happy to help, and just generally positive. They have always been penny pinchers, but it was something that we didnt focus on.

They retired a couple of years ago, and the first year they lived with my little son, my husband and me. They were a huge pain. We moved out of the master bedroom so they could be comfortable, and slept on a mattress on the floor in the guestroom. They didnt contribute to any expenses. My mum helped out with chores now and then. But they would always hog the TV, the computer and everything else. We both work, and would come back tired, and couldnt even watch TV of our choice. But, we put up with it all, and never said a word. Now they live nearby (about 5 mins walk) and are a constant nuisance. They just pop by unannounced, interfere in matters that don't concern them, expect me to leave everything and chauffeur them every now and then.

To make things worse, my husbands parents live close by too. They are very friendly and like to interact with my parents, but dont impose or pop by unannounced.

What really bothers me is that my in laws have also gone out of their way to help my parents - take them to the hospital when they were unwell, send meals when my mum's arm was broken, and so on. But, my parents make a huge hue and cry if my in laws dont 'formally' invite them for a birthday celebration. I tried to explain this to my mom - we were all seated together at the same table, when we decided where to go out to lunch for my MILs birthday. They were a part of the conversation. Yet the next day, she told me that they werent invited. I reminded her that it was discussed mutually, but she said the same annoying sentence over and over again, that they didnt call and formally invite them. Goodness !!!

Sorry for ranting, but I can't take it any more. I am an Indian, and a Christian, and it's very difficult for us to just up and leave, or to be rude to our parents. I just don't know how to deal with them.
GreenTabasco

User ID: 34592467
Taiwan
02/17/2013 04:41 AM
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Re: Controlling Parents
What does your husband say?
Your day will come...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34572263
United States
02/17/2013 04:45 AM
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Re: Controlling Parents
[link to www.wimp.com]
GreenTabasco

User ID: 34592467
Taiwan
02/17/2013 04:48 AM
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Re: Controlling Parents
t [link to www.proud2bindian.in]
Your day will come...
Mel
User ID: 34670570
02/18/2013 06:19 AM
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Re: Controlling Parents
My husband is also a little high maintenance. But he has put up with them quietly for the year they were with us. Someone's he does get annoyed and it leads to arguments. But I wonder who I'm fighting for ? Because they always put themselves first.

At times, I try not to tell him about certain incidents, like the 'formal invitation' because he would remember that forever and it impact every subsequent meeting. :(

They just shoot their mouths off whenever they want, especially my Dad. He just doesn't remember what good things people do for him, except his own brothers and sisters. He is happy to squeeze every last cent out of my brother. And even my brother has realised this. It's so embarrassing for me that my own parents can be so insensitive, uncouth, unpolished and ungrateful. And they want us to be forever grateful for each and everything.

I try not to be affected by it, but it bothers me SO much !! I wish they never came here :( My BP has been a constant 140 / 110 for more than a year now. I run my own firm which coughs up enough stress, look after my home and my son and this is just so unnecessary and petty, it drives me up a wall.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13250526
Australia
02/18/2013 06:26 AM
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Re: Controlling Parents
up and leave....get your life back. You dont have to move far....just far enough so it takes half an hour to get there.
Mel
User ID: 34670570
02/18/2013 06:31 AM
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Re: Controlling Parents
Thanks for the link about the 'sparrow'. :)

Please understand that I do not yell or shout at my parents. When we were growing up, my parents did not go out of their way for us. They did what was comfortably possible.

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