Deadbeat dads and their kids...

Right, cause this shit never happens to women.

You are playing as much of the victim role as you claim your ex is. Phrase of the year 2013: People, OWN YOUR SHIT. I could tell you some fucking stories bro, you ain't the only mf'er been through some shit. Women aren't the only somebodies that do folks wrong and have twisted motives. I applaud you for what you say you have done for your child. So own that and be proud of yourself for being a father and not a "baby daddy" and let your ex's shit fall where it lay. That's her problems, not yours. If I would have let my ex's shit break me down, I would not have been able to focus on my job when I was deployed and I think we can all agree that would not have been ideal. He was living his life and making choices disrespectful to me as his wife at the time and our son.

I guess that makes me the bad guy to some men here for LEAVING that situation and taking my son out of it with me. Hey, he wants to put his hands on women? Cool, but it won't be *this* woman. Not the shit I want my son seeing. I'm trying to raise a gentleman, not a savage. He wanted to use hard dope? Cool, his life. But, that shit will NOT be in my child's life. How do you work past shit like that? Somebody please tell me...

I kept my mind right because I wanted to come back alive to see my family. Maybe you need a therapist and I mean that from a real and caring place, and it's okay to need help. I find that a lot of men have issues with seeking help when they need it due to ego and pride. I have talked a lot of my battles into going to get counseling for their issues and some of them say it made some difference. You sound super angry at women at the whole. It's like pit bulls, one bites a person...whatever. So do chihuahuas. So do labs. So do poodles. Don't blame a whole group of people for the actions of one to a FEW you have had the displeasure of dealing with. As a brother, you should be able to live that lesson with some grace.

Damn, just saying.

I'm going to explain something to you so you can get a better picture. Her her mom and her sister DO NOT HAVE MEN, HATE their father and do not like themselves. When you are in it, you just say to yourself "wow, they are so unhappy." I tried to help them in their unhappiness. Tried to help diet change, tried to do little stuff to make my time with them help.

PEOPLE ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. I don't do people. I do energy. Energy is honest because it removes personal ties. Energy work is something you probably have NO IDEA of.

Not a victim. Calling a spade a spade. So while they are playing keep away you know what I started doing? DETOXING. 100lbs lost since she kicked me out.

want to know what happened the day she kicked me out? There was a job I saw and it was 5 miles away (by this time of the month I'd given her the rent and paid the electric bill). She was not coming home and staying at her sisters house at this point because I just stopped talking to her and was put in the other room. So I walked there from my place (we lived in this place in Orlando called Avalon Park. Nice place but NOT CLOSE to anything really. It was a call center sales job. Show up sell and see what happens. So I went. I called her on my break and said that I was there. She didn't say much but ok. Before I was on my way home I called her again and told her how it was. Her question "IS IS COMMISSION". I said yeah, but that's not so bad because it's resort sales (Florida has a log of them).

didn't offer to pick me up or anything. I didn't ask. It's cool. I start to walk home and the weather starts changing. I'm realizing I'm stuck and I'm looking for cover. STORM starts, Wind and heavy rain (May is hard times for weather in Florida). I'm stuck in the rain, head to toe soaked and phone water damaged to hell. Couldn't call anybody if I wanted. So I wait for the rain, walk home. When I get there it's her and her mom and she's like YOU HAVE TO LEAVE. I'll drop you off at a hotel but you can't stay here. I gather some stuff and we get in the car. SHE PUTS THE AC ON COLD BLAST. I ask her politely can she turn the air down or just the heat up or something. SHE SAYS SHE IS HOT. I just sit there and take it like a man.

So Do I sound like a victim here? I thought it was just f*cked up. Am I wrong for thinking that? OR am I just a punk? I know psychological warfare very well. You should read some of my posts on it.

Anyway I'm not sad, mad or broken by any means. I'm basically writing a playbook on how to fuse your mind body and spirit to be able to deal with crap by getting it out of your system and rebuilding your body. I haven't asked anybody for help with this. I'm doing it on the fly. When I binder it up, it will be very lucrative. BUT I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MONEY. I'm trying to make myself better so I can be in the position that when or if she decides to go to court I can walk in LOOKING GOOD, with cash to pay the bills and explain to a judge that I believe she is MENTALLY UNSTABLE and I will share some stories and let them decide. I know how this game works. I wanted to be a social worker when I was young and dumb and actually thought I could change the system

I'm not a punk, ok. I just don't play the game. I've been a system buster my whole life. My ancestors were Lumbee Indians. Here is a story so you can see just how much RESPECT and HONOR runs in my family and how when people DON'T treat me with respect, I just let them have whatever they think they are holding over my head. Manipulation is different than just being mad. I don't deal well with manipulation. So story I was raised with that taught me YOU ARE NOT A VICIM

"Hector was the victim of a murder just after the Civil War ended. This following information comes from To Die Game, a book about the Lowery gang.

"Like many Indians, Solomon Oxendine had been conscripted for a time into a labor battalion at Fort Fisher, and had come to sympathize with the cause of the Union. One of his kinsman, in fact, had volunteered as a guide for the Sherman forces. [Lisa's note - this was probably Hector Oxendine] Yet the foragers came also to his own yard and seized his only draft animal. 'I and my wife begged for the mule', he later reported, but the Yankees 'said they were good in this low country ... and they were obliged to have good teams to get out. They took my mule and ... I have not seen him since' (US treasury dept records of the accounting office southern claims, record group 217). "

Once the Civil War was over, many local whites hated the Indians who had helped the Union soldiers, even against their will. From Page 51. "On May 1, 1865, two Indians, William Locklear and Hector Oxendine, were on their way to the house of a white neighbor, who they thought might help them recover some horses "the rebels took from us". But before reaching their destination they were arrested by William Humphreys and some other hostile whites." Hector had helped lead Sherman's men, and the next day William and a few friends killed Hector and buried him. These are depositions on Aug 23 1867 from various people."

would you like to know what his brother did?

"Henderson Oxendine - they're the same photos we have here on this site.

Page 90 says that in 1868 "... there were also some brown Indian faces that had never been seen on the county court of the old regime. James Oxendine, known as "Big Jim," a prosperous Indian merchant and farmer, had been elected one of the county commissioners."

Page 119 is now in 1870 and says that prisoners "were transferred to the solid brick jail in Wilmington, where they were incarcerated with Calvin and Henderson Oxendine, first cousins of Stephen Lowry, both still awaiting trial there." The group escaped. The book goes on to describe the escape. "'We didn't get much to eat,' Henderson Oxendine later remarked, though they had 'knocked over a pig once and cooked it up over a fire - had no bread. It was over four weeks before we got to Scuffletown.'"

A spy, Saunders, tried to infiltrate the outlaws and was caught. Henderson Oxendine was on the "council" to decide what to do with the spy. The spy tried to commit suicide and failed. Page 131 recounts Henderson saying "He got a knife one time and cut a vein in his wrist so he could bleed to death. But it didn't bleed a great deal." (from the Wilmington Carolina Farmer and Weekly Star, Mar 24, 1871).

A raid on the bandit camp on Oct 4 1870 wounded but did not kill the group. The book says on page 139, "In the tall grass they found pools of blood where the outlaw chiefs, George Applewhite, Boss Strong, and Henderson Oxendine, all wounded in the first skirmish, had lain waiting for their enemies to walk into the ambush". (from The Swamp outlaws, Townsend and the Wilmington Star, Oct 6 1870).

By Oct 1870 the government had had enough. Page 154 reports "the legislature offered two thousands dollars for the 'delivery, dead or alive" of Henry Berry as well as one thousand dollars each for Stephen Lowry, Thomas Lowry, Boss Strong, Henderson Oxendine and George Applewhite". This from the NC Public Laws, 1870-1871, chap 68. By 1871-2 this was raised for 12 thousand for Henry and 6 thousand for each of the rest.

By 1871 they were getting desperate. Page 165 shows how Mrs. Apple white was the sister of a Forney Oxendine, and Forney was arrested simply because of that relationship. On May 10, 1871, the gang showed up and freed Forney. Later in 1871, the militia were harassing the locals in their quest to find the criminals. Mary Catherine Oxendine says that the commander "struck her a violent blow on the side of her head with the stock of his gun" (from State vs John S McNeill, Superior Court Robeson Cty, Fall 1872).

On page 223 it reports "only one member of the Lowry band, Henderson Oxendine, was ever captured and executed." It talks about how he'd escaped from jail, been wounded in 1870, and was trapped on Feb 26 1871. He was there with his brother Forney Oxendine, also called "Pop". This came from the Wilmington Carolina Farmer and Weekly Star, Mar 24, 1871. When he was hung, he sang Amazing Grace and died with dignity."

so please save your self righteous talk for somebody who MIGHT have an identity issue ok? I'm good

Let this sink in before you respond, if you decide to ok

That's deep. But the latter part has nothing to do with you or this topic, although it was an interesting read and I made another cup of tea to enjoy with it. So, thank you.

So far as the part about yourself and the situation you faced with your ex, you are the one who said she got into your head and you let yourself go. That's human, and it's a response to emotional pain that you have to resolve. I hope you be alright Ace. I'm not trying to sound like some preachy netizen, but someone helped me when I was in a real bad place for a minute and I hated all men because of what my ex did to me. I see that shit was not productive because I have a son to raise and he will be a man one day. You have a daughter to raise and even if you claim not to talk this kind of way around her about women, kids aren't dumb. They catch the drift and sense where you stand on things tacitly. It's even worse if she is hearing your woman hatred. I'm not saying you do that...

Kids also know what side their bread is buttered on, as my granny used to say. It's been hard for me to own my shit. I tend to be selfish, standoffish, can be provoked to a simmering anger when pissed off enough...and those are just my finer points. It's shit I have to work on and question how my negative traits may be influencing others around me. LOL, you should review some of your posts. You come out the blocks with fangs bared against women like everyday. I'm sure that's healthy. I really wish you the best man. Take care.

no offense taken. I'm fine. I'm just saying that until you're in the shoes, don't speak on what you don't understand. Energy rule 1- don't send out a charge unless you start from = and don't stray from it.

People are people. I'm writing the playbook on this and I believe it will help a LOT of people when I get it in a format I can share. I've been doing sharing this stuff for free for whoever asks.

Peace to you, I know what you mean. Doctors and psychs ask ME questions



People get in our heads only if we make concessions. I'm done with that game. The story indeed does have a lot to do with what I posted about myself. They made concessions against their will and lost their lives because of it. Anything will be used against you if allowed

Last Edited by acegotflows on 02/19/2013 09:41 AM

Just curious and not making a religious point. In reading the posts I see very few people reference God in their lives, before or after their grief.

When selecting a mate what standards were used ? Were the relationships before marriage, or whatever, godly or worldly in the sense of purity or sinlessness? Are the broken relationships continuing pains because of a lack of godly and would godly living help or have helped?

my ex was catholic. I don't practice religion. I know that higher power is real, but I grew up in a church that was more a cult than religion. I learned how to use a concordance and dictionary at a young age . Once you learn how to read root words you can pick thru the Bible honestly. If you can read root words and break down Hebrew ones, you will probably stop reading by Genesis 3.

me and "god" are good. All this other crap that people put to sell a product NOT GOOD. "God" and ego can't share the same space, not enough room

as far as me choosing her, I was in jail because of the results of the cult stuff and the effects of their spell casting and how dark energy will kill light if allowed. I had an ABROSIA experience in 2007 and was on a roller coaster since until recently. so in 2009 I get a letter in the mail and its her (I was her 1st -NEVER get involved with a girl if you're her first unless you're ready to deal with irrational behavior and obsession) . she explained that she looked me up and could not believe what the report said. She had to find out on her own. I wrote back and we corresponded. When I got out we got back together because we both felt maybe we were ready to try it. But then it became more about her WANTING ME and not the person I was. She still thought I was the same person she knew, but she had relatively stayed the same.

So it just became a drift apart.

Last Edited by acegotflows on 02/19/2013 09:56 AM

What is ABROSIA? Do you think a common or even non-cult orthodox religious foundation would have helped?

Hah! My "baby daddy" left me at 17 and 8 months pregnant. He owes 18 grand in child support. My daughter is 13 and I haven't seen nor heard from him in years. All I can say is toughen the fuck up and do what needs to be done.

Lucky for me, I met a nice man, so my daughter has a good father figure in her life. Could have been different, but I would have done what had to be done regardless. People make mistakes, it is how you deal with them that matters.

Problem is a lazy bunch of whiny selfish grown up assholes. Buck the fuck up and do whats right. Quit bitching, bickering and complaining. Spite breeds spite and bad children. Shit, I have worked my ass off to survive and raise my kid. Men have become useless, mostly and women play victim. Bunch of selfish idiots if you ask me.

Well the easiest was to describe it is by these lyrics

"you see heaven isn't some place that we go to when we die
It's that split second in life where you actually feel alive
and until the end of time, we chase the memory of that
hoping the future holds something better than the past"

I was working two jobs at this point and was not getting along with the gf at the time because I was just going about my business and ignoring her bs. Mind control is second nature to people because they will do whatever they can to get you to do what they want (guilt often works). I was sleeping and wound up being taken out to a field (was not an OBE because I was taken). I saw some lights in the sky and they danced around and such and some beings which I later learned were stuff that was on Native American totems (I'm just learning about how this stuff all ties together to my genetics and such NOW. Then just a trippy experience I chalked up to being tired and having experimented with SHROOMS and such)

So I got hit with this energy, felt like warm silk that enveloped me with this violet electricity that felt like the purest LOVE you could ever have in your life. I wept like a baby and woke up face SOAKED. Since then anytime I go AGAINST my gut, stuff usually does not go well.

What warnings would you give young people, males and females, before they get in relationships that will lead to pregnancies they aren't prepared to deal with?

it's becuz wimmin don't know how to take care of a man - period.

I really, really hate when one parent (sorry, usually the mother) uses the kids as leverage or to get back at the other parent not caring that it hurts the kids.

My cousin's son is going through this right now. His wife moved out of state and is not allowing him to see or speak to his little boy. He is a good father and it's killing him. He has a court hearing today.

On the other hand I encouraged my son's dad to see him. Even though he never paid child support (worked off the books to avoid it) I put all of my feelings towards him aside because I knew my son needed his dad in his life.

Dad was too busy whoring around, drinking, etc. and never bothered to see his son. Now my son is 23 and since he was around 16 his dad started trying to get back into his life.

My son has spoken to him but isn't really interested in having a relationship with him. He barely knows him, it's sad.

Seems a lot of the time absent parents show up when kids get older and most of the hard work is already done, now they want to be friends and have relationships with the kid(s) doesn't always work out.

Last Edited by geminilion on 02/19/2013 10:26 AM

So... why do these men either get the "wimmin" pregnant or apparently worse, marry them and get them pregnant?

Are broken/blended families the new norm? If so, why compared to say,100 years ago when it didn't seem to be that way?

What I want to do is open a retreat, a three season camp to build families broken by what is now accepted in this society. Seems a lot of people have no real depth anymore and don't have a set of standards leading to a more fulfilling life. No?

Honestly, I dealt with it well, but my parents were the type to make their kids deal with their own problems, there was no rescue operations for us. If we messed up we generally had to deal with it ourselves. My getting pregnant was a fluke. I was on the birth control pill, I either missed a pill or got a dud pack. I was VERY careful.

For women I would say not to expect anything from their partners, most men feel that they "didn't get pregnant" or they were tricked into it. (especially at 17/18) Also, I think we ought to stop putting such a stigma on young parents, we are strong and instinctual when we are young. There are plenty of really crappy parents that "waited" or got married first. I know more bad parents who have the idealistic life that is perpetuated by society for child rearing, than young "mistake" makers like myself.
Watching your divorced/never married parents bickering over he said/she said bullshit, playing victim or outright using their kids to hurt each other is going to raise children just like yourselves, or worse. Endless cycle. I only ever tell my daughter that I was young when I got pregnant and her father was foolish and totally missed out on all our awesome experiences together. I leave it at that.

Like I said in my previous post, shit happens. Deal with it. We are biologically able to have children at 13 or 14 years old (or there abouts) In the past women were young mothers. Why has society changed to look upon young mothers with disdain? Family has gone to shit and it is time for human beings to depend on each other and practice some sort of tolerance, focus on the family. Children are the next generation of this world. Look at the world, we have to change. Stop the petty squabbling and get shit done.

let me share some of what drove me into madness

My mother didn't know her father until she was 26. She thought it was because it was because of him. Here's the story that I learned later. He slept around and had 3 girls pregnant as the same time as my grandmother (they were still teenagers in Miami in the 40's). My family told him to kick rocks and beat it. Never was allowed to get close. He saw her one day at her job and just walked up and started to ask her questions about how the family was doing. Imagine a COMPLETE STRANGER who knows your family and things about you. She was as confused as you can imagine.

So fast forward to ME being 26 and taking care of him because he's blind and living in our house. I was working over night and came home to help with him during the day so my mom could go about her business still. Eventually I just became a stay at home with him. I listened I observed and such. And you know what he starts to tell me? how he's not my mom's father. Denial to my face, to her face and such. We still took care of him and such but at this time spiritual energy is taking over. When you don't have your mind right, you won't be able to deal. At this point I was barely sleeping for MONTHS because of the working overnight and dealing with him and house construction in the day. I went off, mostly because of my family denying that they had anything to do with it.

Now my grandfather and I had no beef. I loved him. But how would you feel (and he was not senile, ok) if your grandfather starts to tell you why he's not your grandfather and why your mom's a bastard's kid?

How would YOU feel?

I had to swallow that daily until one day everybody who was supposed to love me turned on me THE SAME DAY. So I lost it.

I'm good now, but until you know what that's like you won't get how irrational behavior is mostly because of manipulation of the mind. You have to protect your SANITY first. You can't just go by what society tells you is the right thing to do. YOU are the only person you're responsible for, everybody else is a choice. It sounds messed up, but if you're good with you, then you don't have to worry about things like wives and children because they can't be used against you. I am a good person and a good father. My ex will say as much when she's not on her kick(BTW she's on psych meds most of her life-also something I didn't know the extent of until I looked from an outside perspective)

I'm NOT THE BAD GUY or the CRAZY one in this situation

And men have forgotten how to treat women. There is strength and humilty when men and women work together. There is no one sex to place blame upon. We have been doing things wrong for too long. Children are strong and adaptable when they have a strong foundation. One parent, two parents, step parents. It doesn't matter.

THIS STUPID THREAD STILL GOING? AND I SEE MY ORIGINAL COMMENT WAS REMOVED.


PEOPLE ARE DIVIDED. IN EVERY ASPECT OF LIFE. CERTAIN DOOM ALWAYS FALLS ON A DIVIDED HOUSE.

YUP.

becuz their genes (nature) tells them that and they're unable to not go through with it.

If your original comment was removed... I have no idea how or why it was. You say people are divided. It sure seems worse now more than ever. How come? What can be done to heal this divide?

Turn off the TV. Turn from society and LIVE.

People are people. divided mind is what started this whole madness... Left vs right gets you NOWHERE

And to those who can afford to fight the system to keep their kids - GREAT!!

For the rest of us who were middle-class incomes then destroyed by the ex and courts by being denied equal protections, women like this poster look down the nose of any man who allows himself to be destroyed by the system.

Loser attitude there when you blame the victims again. Rather than blame a MAN for letting the system strip him of his ability to defend himself and keep his kids, why don't you cheer those who have tried and been crushed?

Sadly until attitudes like these two change about laws there will be less and less kids winning by having access to both parents.

Glad you can look down your noses at others who were screwed by a corrupt system.

A real man you say? No - A man who had the finances to win. Rare indeed.

And FO with your cruel attitude.

From all the posts it is clear that REAL MEN and REAL WOMEN do not seek to destroy the other parent.

Also clear if any MAN who expects fairness, loses everything. Lesson for men is if your woman is not happy - she gets it all free of charge and the more you defend your rights the harder the system drains you until you are broke. This is what causes deadbeats, not the feminist view of a man avoiding child support.

It is clear if a man does not have the extreme resources to 'pay the system' then the woman gets the kids and undeserved sympathy 99.99% of the time.

Boys raised without a father learn to cow-toe to a woman, then rebel when they learn the truth though it is too late and they are looked down upon for not cow-towing to the woman.

Problem with all this for the mothers who seek to destroy a man, is the children are used as tools and a means to an end. That may seem to the abusive women as a 'victory' for feminism, but it ruins the kids.

There are fair people everywhere but when it comes to kids and family court all too often we see and hear of one empowered woman standing on top of the rubble left of her ex and kids lives.

The womens movement has swung the pendulum waaayyyy too far the other way at the expense of both the kids and men. Until it swings back to a more fair level everyone loses. Kids lose a parent, men lose everything and are forced into deadbeat status against their will, creating more victims, and then the women, who nobody respects because they fought dirty to win at any cost.

Lessons here? Be fair and put the kids as #1 and do not seek to deny the ex access or poison the kids. False empowerment is easily abused which most angry women use to great victory, then wonder why no man wants them.

Until we start seeing laws force both parents into being fair, not 99.99% one-way, the kids lose and our country goes further down the drain. Way to go there feminazis!

And naturally we have this thread hijacked into a new thread to make women look like the victim again...

This is why the USA has disintigrated into chaos over the last 40 years folks - destruction of the family unit courtesy of double-standard 'all-for-the-woman' courts which show zero fairness. Faminist movement caused it and all they can do is call men 'women-haters' and 'deadbeats'. Like that is going to get any sympathy.

Easiest way to avoid these women is do not date 'liberal' women. Avoid them and let them stew in their own brew as lonely people looking for a reason to achieve something - just not at yours and your childrens expense.

Conservative women hardly ever are this way so there is a message in there somewhere.


Here is the thread that hijacked this one...

Thread: Men need to stop the hate against women

i agree....respect from over here too, sir!

i think the people wigging out on this thread are either deadbeats or have been called that...and are not. but this isn't calling all absent fathers deadbeats....ya know. the law is screwed up and a lot of GOOD dads end up with raped wallets and barely any time with the kids they love dearly. :/ my father and i went through that one. but women aren't just whores either...i tried for so many years to make things okay in my family...and for all my trying feel like i just wasted time and dragged my kids through the experience too. no bueno. :( but its over now. and he's not here, but not a deadbeat. sends money, calls every day. video chats. just wasn't working with US. and thats not good for the kids, no matter what some people want to insist. doesn't mean that the mom has to be malicious and use the law to screw the father.

The mom uses the law in a malicious way for power and sympathy which she clearly did not have before accepting a baby in to her life. Ask any lawyer - it is all about power over a man and money. Thats what these malicious 'moms' do to become 'queen bee'. Thats what caused the 'welfare mom' syndrome where more kids equals more govt money and support at the cost of the kids and the father. This is feminisms doing, not anything else.

A true deadbeat does not care, nor support or visit the kids in any way. Unless there is a Domestic Injunction forcing the man away, which legally is also a way to prevent any child support order too then there is no excuse for him to not care for his children - period.

For those women who file bogus DVI's then file support be aware moany states allow the man to terminate parental rights due to DVI, so if you do get one, make sure it is for prevention of true violence - not to screw the man and get child support afterwards.