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What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?

 
GreadyGeniu$
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02/20/2013 12:38 AM

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What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
So I need some help guys.. Need some advice from either parents or people who have gone through this.

The girl is 19 years old, lives at home with her parents, freshman at community college. She has been secretly drinking on an ongoing basis for the last few months. She has a serious alcohol problem, when she drinks she cant stop and becomes in a "zombie" like state, a total mess, you can see it in her eyes more than I have ever seen alcohol affect ANYONE! She has been this way since last summer, when she went off to a university and binge drank for about 2 months straight before the semester started. She didnt go to any classes and her parents had to pull her out since they were paying for the schooling.

Why does alcohol affect her like this? Is it because she established alcoholism over the summer with the binge drinking? Will she always act like this when she drinks?

Anyway, she started attending online college and her parents thought she was making progress. Instead she started isolating herself and secretly drinking in her room all night and sleeping through the days. She was passing her classes so her parents thought she was doing good but really she was just going through a deep depression and escaping by drinking.

Her parents finally caught onto her behavior and confronted her. She locked herself in her room and packed her bags and ran away with no plans. She has been binge drinking since she left and running around barefoot and completely out of her mind. Hanging with a horrible crowd doing who knows what.

She is totally out of control, but is a smart girl with a bright future. I care deeply about this girl and we need to get her into rehab but she will not want to. What can be done?

Last Edited by GreadyGeniu$ on 02/20/2013 02:46 AM
GG.
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

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02/20/2013 12:41 AM

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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
If she was younger she could be forced into a rehab program, or if she waits she is going to end up getting arrested which would be good, but is there anything that can be done in the mean time before she ruins her life?
GG.
Lilac.Nights

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02/20/2013 12:42 AM

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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Absolutely no advice...but verysad
Dr. AculaModerator
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02/20/2013 12:42 AM

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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
im hurting for ya.

Thats a tough situation.

sending prayers and positive vibes!
Anonymous Coward
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Australia
02/20/2013 12:43 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Its not the alcohol its other problems causing her to do this people often tend to blame alcohol for everything yet its usually just a symptom of something else.
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

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02/20/2013 12:44 AM

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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Absolutely no advice...but verysad
 Quoting: Lilac.Nights


im hurting for ya.

Thats a tough situation.

sending prayers and positive vibes!
 Quoting: Dr. Acula


Thank both of you for your thoughts.
GG.
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2013 12:45 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Absolutely no advice...but verysad
 Quoting: Lilac.Nights


its sad but its life.. if shes meant to learn from it and grow she will if not she will just die doin what she does.. thats life..
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

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02/20/2013 12:45 AM

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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Its not the alcohol its other problems causing her to do this people often tend to blame alcohol for everything yet its usually just a symptom of something else.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33314705


She had a great childhood. No abuse or baggage that a lot of people have to deal with on a daily basis. So I cant really think of what would cause her to drink, other than just feeling like she "needs" it more than anything else at the given moment.
GG.
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2013 12:46 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Its not the alcohol its other problems causing her to do this people often tend to blame alcohol for everything yet its usually just a symptom of something else.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33314705


She had a great childhood. No abuse or baggage
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


You, do not know this, for sure.
You assume it.
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2013 12:46 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
sorry ..not a smart girl... and no bright future
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2013 12:47 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Is she drinking because she is depressed? You need to get her on meds if depression is the cause.

I went through this with my daughter and was stupid and didn't insist on medication. She drank because she didn't like herself. When she drank it felt better for her.
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

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02/20/2013 12:47 AM

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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Its not the alcohol its other problems causing her to do this people often tend to blame alcohol for everything yet its usually just a symptom of something else.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33314705


She had a great childhood. No abuse or baggage
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


You, do not know this, for sure.
You assume it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33314705


I do know this FOR SURE.
GG.
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2013 12:47 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
She needs a holiday, a real friend, a change of scenery and something to live and work for. The problems started before the alcohol and the alcohol is already an excuse for much. It may be too late, only a bribe may bring her back or if she ends up completly alone.

This is a final resort, Tell her she will go to hell. ha ha
snowboardingalien
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02/20/2013 12:47 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
probably bummed about her highschool bubble breaking apart, I know I was.

Did she go from a small town to a huge university?
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2013 12:48 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Is she drinking because she is depressed? You need to get her on meds if depression is the cause.

I went through this with my daughter and was stupid and didn't insist on medication. She drank because she didn't like herself. When she drank it felt better for her.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11249205


No abuse or baggage, uh oh no discipline perhaps shes spoilt and just walking all over everyone using her way through life now, using vagina as currency.
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

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02/20/2013 12:49 AM

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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Is she drinking because she is depressed? You need to get her on meds if depression is the cause.

I went through this with my daughter and was stupid and didn't insist on medication. She drank because she didn't like herself. When she drank it felt better for her.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11249205


She does take clonazepam.

Speaking of which.. is this a good drug to be on?
GG.
ASHA
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Singapore
02/20/2013 12:50 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
So I need some help guys.. Need some advice from either parents or people who have gone through this.

The girl is 19 years old, lives at home with her parents, freshman at community college. She has been secretly drinking on an ongoing basis for the last few months. She has a serious alcohol problem, when she drinks she cant stop and becomes in a "zombie" like state, a total mess, you can see it in her eyes more than I have ever seen alcohol affect ANYONE! She has been this way since last summer, when she went off to a university and binge drank for about 2 months straight before the semester started. She didnt go to any classes and her parents had to pull her out since they were paying for the schooling.

Why does alcohol affect her like this? Is it because she established alcoholism over the summer with the binge drinking? Will she always act like this when she drinks?

Anyway, she started attending online college and her parents thought she was making progress. Instead she started isolating herself and secretly drinking in her room all night and sleeping through the days. She was passing her classes so her parents thought she was doing good but really she was just going through a deep depression and escaping by drinking.

Her parents finally caught onto her behavior and confronted her. She locked herself in her room and packed her bags and ran away with no plans. She has been binge drinking since she left and running around barefoot and completely out of her mind. Hanging with a horrible crowd doing who knows what.

She is totally out of control, but is a smart girl with a bright future. I care deeply about this girl and we need to get her into rehab but she will not want to. What can be done?
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Sounds like something happened OP, if this has happened all of a sudden for no reason then there is you're clue. Try as hard as you can to make her talk to you. She is isolating herself from everyone. I think if she is a danger to herself there are things you can do or her family can do.
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

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02/20/2013 12:50 AM

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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
probably bummed about her highschool bubble breaking apart, I know I was.

Did she go from a small town to a huge university?
 Quoting: snowboardingalien 2230505


Yes she left her group of 2 - 3 friends and went to ASU (Arizona State University, pretty major party school). She has always been desperate to fit in and be popular so I think that fueled it.
GG.
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

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02/20/2013 12:51 AM

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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Is she drinking because she is depressed? You need to get her on meds if depression is the cause.

I went through this with my daughter and was stupid and didn't insist on medication. She drank because she didn't like herself. When she drank it felt better for her.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11249205


No abuse or baggage, uh oh no discipline perhaps shes spoilt and just walking all over everyone using her way through life now, using vagina as currency.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34771596


She does have 0 discipline.
GG.
Anonymous Coward
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India
02/20/2013 12:52 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
i never had alcohol in my whole life !
does this alcohol increase weight
Anonymous Coward
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United Kingdom
02/20/2013 12:53 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
maybe you should leave her to it, treating her like she cant think for herself. They are all in it together there. Sounds like she really respects her parents and people in her life.
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2013 12:53 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
I had a friend like this, though his problems started a bit younger. When he turned 18 his parents kicked him out of the house and told him he can come visit when he gets his shit together, if that's what he wants. He got his shit together, got a stable job in construction and next time saw his parents two years later, after saving enough money to buy a car. Sometimes tough love works.
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

User ID: 25206264
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02/20/2013 12:53 AM

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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
So I need some help guys.. Need some advice from either parents or people who have gone through this.

The girl is 19 years old, lives at home with her parents, freshman at community college. She has been secretly drinking on an ongoing basis for the last few months. She has a serious alcohol problem, when she drinks she cant stop and becomes in a "zombie" like state, a total mess, you can see it in her eyes more than I have ever seen alcohol affect ANYONE! She has been this way since last summer, when she went off to a university and binge drank for about 2 months straight before the semester started. She didnt go to any classes and her parents had to pull her out since they were paying for the schooling.

Why does alcohol affect her like this? Is it because she established alcoholism over the summer with the binge drinking? Will she always act like this when she drinks?

Anyway, she started attending online college and her parents thought she was making progress. Instead she started isolating herself and secretly drinking in her room all night and sleeping through the days. She was passing her classes so her parents thought she was doing good but really she was just going through a deep depression and escaping by drinking.

Her parents finally caught onto her behavior and confronted her. She locked herself in her room and packed her bags and ran away with no plans. She has been binge drinking since she left and running around barefoot and completely out of her mind. Hanging with a horrible crowd doing who knows what.

She is totally out of control, but is a smart girl with a bright future. I care deeply about this girl and we need to get her into rehab but she will not want to. What can be done?
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Sounds like something happened OP, if this has happened all of a sudden for no reason then there is you're clue. Try as hard as you can to make her talk to you. She is isolating herself from everyone. I think if she is a danger to herself there are things you can do or her family can do.
 Quoting: ASHA 1334279


Yes we have all been trying to figure out what caused this. She is in 1 on 1 counselling twice a week.. and everyone in her life, including her, will tell you she had a great childhood and the original cause of this problem is undetermined.
GG.
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2013 12:54 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
is there anything that can be done in the mean time before
she ruins her life?
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Involuntary commitment

but that will remain on her
record as an adult for life
Anonymous Coward
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United Kingdom
02/20/2013 12:55 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
i never had alcohol in my whole life !
does this alcohol increase weight
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34794464


depends, you will gain some weight equal to what you consume then you go to the hole to let it out again. If you want to gain weight, shop at Aldi and become a bum.
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2013 12:56 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
So I need some help guys.. Need some advice from either parents or people who have gone through this.

The girl is 19 years old, lives at home with her parents, freshman at community college. She has been secretly drinking on an ongoing basis for the last few months. She has a serious alcohol problem, when she drinks she cant stop and becomes in a "zombie" like state, a total mess, you can see it in her eyes more than I have ever seen alcohol affect ANYONE! She has been this way since last summer, when she went off to a university and binge drank for about 2 months straight before the semester started. She didnt go to any classes and her parents had to pull her out since they were paying for the schooling.

Why does alcohol affect her like this? Is it because she established alcoholism over the summer with the binge drinking? Will she always act like this when she drinks?

Anyway, she started attending online college and her parents thought she was making progress. Instead she started isolating herself and secretly drinking in her room all night and sleeping through the days. She was passing her classes so her parents thought she was doing good but really she was just going through a deep depression and escaping by drinking.

Her parents finally caught onto her behavior and confronted her. She locked herself in her room and packed her bags and ran away with no plans. She has been binge drinking since she left and running around barefoot and completely out of her mind. Hanging with a horrible crowd doing who knows what.

She is totally out of control, but is a smart girl with a bright future. I care deeply about this girl and we need to get her into rehab but she will not want to. What can be done?
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


You cannot help those who do not seek it.

Expect either a mental institution to pick her up, or worse.

Talk to her when she is sober, explain the situation, cut her financial aid and tell her to sort herself out before she receives a cent more.
Anonymous Coward
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United Kingdom
02/20/2013 12:56 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
So I need some help guys.. Need some advice from either parents or people who have gone through this.

The girl is 19 years old, lives at home with her parents, freshman at community college. She has been secretly drinking on an ongoing basis for the last few months. She has a serious alcohol problem, when she drinks she cant stop and becomes in a "zombie" like state, a total mess, you can see it in her eyes more than I have ever seen alcohol affect ANYONE! She has been this way since last summer, when she went off to a university and binge drank for about 2 months straight before the semester started. She didnt go to any classes and her parents had to pull her out since they were paying for the schooling.

Why does alcohol affect her like this? Is it because she established alcoholism over the summer with the binge drinking? Will she always act like this when she drinks?

Anyway, she started attending online college and her parents thought she was making progress. Instead she started isolating herself and secretly drinking in her room all night and sleeping through the days. She was passing her classes so her parents thought she was doing good but really she was just going through a deep depression and escaping by drinking.

Her parents finally caught onto her behavior and confronted her. She locked herself in her room and packed her bags and ran away with no plans. She has been binge drinking since she left and running around barefoot and completely out of her mind. Hanging with a horrible crowd doing who knows what.

She is totally out of control, but is a smart girl with a bright future. I care deeply about this girl and we need to get her into rehab but she will not want to. What can be done?
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Sounds like something happened OP, if this has happened all of a sudden for no reason then there is you're clue. Try as hard as you can to make her talk to you. She is isolating herself from everyone. I think if she is a danger to herself there are things you can do or her family can do.
 Quoting: ASHA 1334279


Yes we have all been trying to figure out what caused this. She is in 1 on 1 counselling twice a week.. and everyone in her life, including her, will tell you she had a great childhood and the original cause of this problem is undetermined.
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Shes spoilt, nothing compares
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2013 12:56 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
who knows why some people become alcoholic?

i don;t think alcoholism is a sign of weakness, it just seems to trap some people.

alot of amazing clever people go through it as well. 'bruce willis' 'eric clapton' are a couple of famous ones. theu both sorted it out.

amy winehouse? it killed her...& she was considered beuatifull talented & was dearly loved.

i know this will sound like a cliche, but unfortunately this girl is now an independent adult & will have to hit rock bottom before she'll do anything about it.... and even then she'll have to find within herself the will & strength to do something about it.

it's so sad when young people go down such dark paths....you just wish you could shake it out of them & scream at them "CANT YOU SEE YOUR DRINKING IS MAKING YOUR LIFE MISERABLE, AND HURTING YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY"

i hope this story has a happy ending.

i guess as a friend, just always try be there to pick up the pieces when this girl decides she wants to right her life.

unfortuanly alcoholics...burn bridges with loved ones & often people stop caring about themdue to the nasty things they do while drinking.
Anonymous Coward
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02/20/2013 12:56 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Its not the alcohol its other problems causing her to do this people often tend to blame alcohol for everything yet its usually just a symptom of something else.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33314705


She had a great childhood. No abuse or baggage
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


You, do not know this, for sure.
You assume it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33314705


I do know this FOR SURE.
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Are you her shrink? Of course you don't know that FOR SURE! Stop assuming things just because of what you've "Seen" doesn't mean you know ALL about someone.
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

User ID: 25206264
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02/20/2013 12:56 AM

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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
I had a friend like this, though his problems started a bit younger. When he turned 18 his parents kicked him out of the house and told him he can come visit when he gets his shit together, if that's what he wants. He got his shit together, got a stable job in construction and next time saw his parents two years later, after saving enough money to buy a car. Sometimes tough love works.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34532356


Its so hard tho. Nobody wants to kick her out, everyone just wants her home. "Tough Love" isnt going to work.. she is going to end up a victim of something horrible and never be able to recover or going to take her own life because of depression.
GG.
GFX guy

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02/20/2013 12:56 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
It sounds like she needs a purpose in life...

Does she have any passions or desires to do something she deems meaningful? Boredom can be a hard thing to fight.

Is she studying for something she actually wants to do... or is it just something her parents want her to do?

Perhaps just going through the motions for that "higher-education"?

Good luck!
hf