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What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34718577
Mexico
02/20/2013 12:58 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
So I need some help guys.. Need some advice from either parents or people who have gone through this.

The girl is 19 years old, lives at home with her parents, freshman at community college. She has been secretly drinking on an ongoing basis for the last few months. She has a serious alcohol problem, when she drinks she cant stop and becomes in a "zombie" like state, a total mess, you can see it in her eyes more than I have ever seen alcohol affect ANYONE! She has been this way since last summer, when she went off to a university and binge drank for about 2 months straight before the semester started. She didnt go to any classes and her parents had to pull her out since they were paying for the schooling.

Why does alcohol affect her like this? Is it because she established alcoholism over the summer with the binge drinking? Will she always act like this when she drinks?

Anyway, she started attending online college and her parents thought she was making progress. Instead she started isolating herself and secretly drinking in her room all night and sleeping through the days. She was passing her classes so her parents thought she was doing good but really she was just going through a deep depression and escaping by drinking.

Her parents finally caught onto her behavior and confronted her. She locked herself in her room and packed her bags and ran away with no plans. She has been binge drinking since she left and running around barefoot and completely out of her mind. Hanging with a horrible crowd doing who knows what.

She is totally out of control, but is a smart girl with a bright future. I care deeply about this girl and we need to get her into rehab but she will not want to. What can be done?
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Sounds like something happened OP, if this has happened all of a sudden for no reason then there is you're clue. Try as hard as you can to make her talk to you. She is isolating herself from everyone. I think if she is a danger to herself there are things you can do or her family can do.
 Quoting: ASHA 1334279


Yes we have all been trying to figure out what caused this. She is in 1 on 1 counselling twice a week.. and everyone in her life, including her, will tell you she had a great childhood and the original cause of this problem is undetermined.
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


The original cause is society, having no limits and living a life of debauchary. Most young kids have a stable family and are well rooted, but she seems to not have that, and has gone too far.

If she doesn't get rehab, things will spiral into the worst situation you can imagine.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8410120
United States
02/20/2013 12:58 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Just wait for natural selection to take its course.
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

User ID: 25206264
United States
02/20/2013 01:00 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
It sounds like she needs a purpose in life...

Does she have any passions or desires to do something she deems meaningful? Boredom can be a hard thing to fight.

Is she studying for something she actually wants to do... or is it just something her parents want her to do?

Perhaps just going through the motions for that "higher-education"?

Good luck!
hf
 Quoting: GFX guy

Thank you.

How can you force a sense of purpose into someones life though that cannot obtain it by themselves?
GG.
ASHA
User ID: 1334279
Singapore
02/20/2013 01:01 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Maybe try contacting some of her friends from college OP, or college counselor ,see if they know anything..
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

User ID: 25206264
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02/20/2013 01:04 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Maybe try contacting some of her friends from college OP, or college counselor ,see if they know anything..
 Quoting: ASHA 1334279


She is at ASU right now, that is where she ran away to. So she could be with her friends that are going to school there. Her friends wont have anything to do with her now tho because they can see how messed up she is. These were her role models and she expected to be welcomed by them, but instead was exiled and she didnt catch on, she just moved on to the next group of people who would enable her.
GG.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26257191
United States
02/20/2013 01:05 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
It sounds like she may be alcoholic. If she can't stop once she starts, this is a real indicator. It really is a disease. Alcoholic bodies process alcohol differently. I can speak from personal experience.

If the parents are really worried, they should stop enabling her. If this means pulling back financially, not buying into her excuses, confronting her on behavior, etc. She's young so AA would be tough for her. There are young people meetings though where she could meet others like herself. Bottom line is she has to believe she has a problem before she's going to do anything about it.

I had to lose quite a bit before I committed to sobriety. Addiction is a scary path because ultimately all that awaits an addict or alcoholic is hospitals, institutions, or death. It only gets worse as time goes on. There are a long list of celebrities to prove this. Good luck.
Anonymous Coward
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India
02/20/2013 01:05 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
get her out of the college or take her to any peaceful place
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

User ID: 25206264
United States
02/20/2013 01:06 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Is she drinking because she is depressed? You need to get her on meds if depression is the cause.

I went through this with my daughter and was stupid and didn't insist on medication. She drank because she didn't like herself. When she drank it felt better for her.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11249205


She does take clonazepam.

Speaking of which.. is this a good drug to be on?
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Anyone have experience or know anyone taking this?
GG.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 32534973
United States
02/20/2013 01:07 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
sorry ..not a smart girl... and no bright future
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27845479


^this. you're missing something OP, or you're a troll, either way i feel sorry for the 19 year old ADULT.
Earth Daughter

User ID: 33704894
United States
02/20/2013 01:07 AM

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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
probably bummed about her highschool bubble breaking apart, I know I was.

Did she go from a small town to a huge university?
 Quoting: snowboardingalien 2230505


Yes she left her group of 2 - 3 friends and went to ASU (Arizona State University, pretty major party school). She has always been desperate to fit in and be popular so I think that fueled it.
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


What she needs is some positive experiences with something that can make her feel good about herself. A program in which she gets to help others and do something to aid them.

My teenage daughter has been suffering from depression for a long time and all the counciling and medications did not work. But this year she decided to volunteer to help in special ed classes and she absolutely loves it. The kids love her and she feels real good about doing things for them. And now she seems much more at peace with herself.

I think alot of teens tend to get really tied into their friendships. And if those fall apart, or friends start talking badly about them, they tend to believe them and their self esteem can hit an all time low. My daughters depression was due to failing friendships for the most part. Kids and teens can be very cruel to one another.

So, perhaps if you can get her home again, it may be a good idea to discuss with her ways she could begin to feel good about herself again.
"Arrows of hate have been shot at me too, but they never hit me, because somehow they belonged to another world, with which I have no connection whatsoever." - Albert Einstein
Chas

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02/20/2013 01:07 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
GG look into the Emotion code...I believe there is a thread here on GLP...This is very serious and will not go away...most treatments are like a band-aid...One needs to get to the core...Good luck and my prayers go out to this girl and the family...
Chas
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

User ID: 25206264
United States
02/20/2013 01:09 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
sorry ..not a smart girl... and no bright future
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27845479


^this. you're missing something OP, or you're a troll, either way i feel sorry for the 19 year old ADULT.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 32534973


How am I missing something? And I say child because her parents are the ones asking for help, and she is their CHILD!
GG.
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

User ID: 25206264
United States
02/20/2013 01:11 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
GG look into the Emotion code...I believe there is a thread here on GLP...This is very serious and will not go away...most treatments are like a band-aid...One needs to get to the core...Good luck and my prayers go out to this girl and the family...
 Quoting: Chas


Thank you I will look into this.
GG.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34771596
United Kingdom
02/20/2013 01:13 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
sorry ..not a smart girl... and no bright future
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27845479


^this. you're missing something OP, or you're a troll, either way i feel sorry for the 19 year old ADULT.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 32534973


She may be an adult by societies standards and stereotypes but so many never even grow up.
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

User ID: 25206264
United States
02/20/2013 01:13 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
get her out of the college or take her to any peaceful place
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34794464


The college she is in now is University of Phoenix. Its about 2 hours of online classes per day. Very undemanding, light work. The school she wanted to go to was ASU, and thats where she picked up the drinking problem and thats where she ran back to last week.
GG.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
02/20/2013 01:13 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
...


She had a great childhood. No abuse or baggage
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


You, do not know this, for sure.
You assume it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33314705


I do know this FOR SURE.
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Are you her shrink? Of course you don't know that FOR SURE! Stop assuming things just because of what you've "Seen" doesn't mean you know ALL about someone.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33314705


Totally agree.My life looked the same way but my mother was the devil behind closed doors.Even if you live in the house with them you cant really know EVERYTHING that goes on.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11249205
United States
02/20/2013 01:14 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
The volunteer work is a great idea. Anything that will make her feel good about herself.

I used Toughlove on my daughter and it didn't work as a matter of fact it did the opposite it pushed her into experiences she never would've had otherwise.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
02/20/2013 01:15 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Buy her some weed.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34794464
India
02/20/2013 01:15 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
get her out of the college or take her to any peaceful place
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34794464


The college she is in now is University of Phoenix. Its about 2 hours of online classes per day. Very undemanding, light work. The school she wanted to go to was ASU, and thats where she picked up the drinking problem and thats where she ran back to last week.
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


stop giving her pocket money !
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4428411
United States
02/20/2013 01:15 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Here's the deal, and I say this as somebody who worked at a rehab for years:

She won't change until she has hit rock bottom. There is absolutely nothing you can do to speed this up.

You can attempt an intervention, where treatment is offered, but if she isn't ready for treatment it won't work.

Clonazepam is absolutely the WRONG medication for her to be on. It is a benzo and has sedative properties, like the alcohol she is self-medicating with. It is also a controlled substance. She needs to be weened off of this medication ASAP and taken to a new doctor who doesn't prescribe garbage like this!

If she wants change, she needs to find a new focus. Some people have suggested new friends and hobbies, and those are all good, but I think I know exactly what it is.

At her age, she is stuck between being a child and an adult. She was overwhelmed by school, and wasn't ready for it. Maybe get her involved volunteering somewhere? That is slightly less stressful than work, and very rewarding. She isn't ready for college, so don't make her go, but find other ways to slowly work her into her role as an adult.

It may also help to ask her if she has ever considered looking into a religion. That seems to help a lot of people, especially with addiction, to have faith in something other than themselves and that power to heal them.

Those are my words of advice, I wish you good luck. It will be a tough road to follow.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 31907650
United States
02/20/2013 01:17 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Is she drinking because she is depressed? You need to get her on meds if depression is the cause.

I went through this with my daughter and was stupid and didn't insist on medication. She drank because she didn't like herself. When she drank it felt better for her.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11249205


She does take clonazepam.

Speaking of which.. is this a good drug to be on?
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Anyone have experience or know anyone taking this?
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Well, Wiki says a rare side effect is psychosis and longterm use can cause severe depression and debilitation. Is she on it for seizures of panic disorder? How long has she been taking it?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30397426
United States
02/20/2013 01:18 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
This is going to sound random.. But the best way to deal with it, is to not deal with it. I grew up in a household where my parents knew everything we did. When I went to college, I drank, did every drug, smoked,partied like a rock star with rock stars... and the more people wanted or tried to make me stop, the harder I pushed.

Now, a decade later, I'm still a rock star but I'm more like Bono than Jagger, minus the hippy crap. I never regret one thing I did, had done to me, or put inside me. They are memories made, but I not reckless. Poking the bear can have devastating effects.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11249205
United States
02/20/2013 01:18 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
GG look into the Emotion code...I believe there is a thread here on GLP...This is very serious and will not go away...most treatments are like a band-aid...One needs to get to the core...Good luck and my prayers go out to this girl and the family...
 Quoting: Chas


I don't know what this is But I do agree you have to get to the core issues.
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

User ID: 25206264
United States
02/20/2013 01:18 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
...


You, do not know this, for sure.
You assume it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33314705


I do know this FOR SURE.
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Are you her shrink? Of course you don't know that FOR SURE! Stop assuming things just because of what you've "Seen" doesn't mean you know ALL about someone.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33314705


Totally agree.My life looked the same way but my mother was the devil behind closed doors.Even if you live in the house with them you cant really know EVERYTHING that goes on.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30292703


Her counselor figured there was some zero point for all of this. Some event that caused it. We all sat for weeks trying to figure it out. She was somewhat sheltered, very protected, and had everything she could want with no work for it. Very spoiled, but that does not mean she is destined for failure. Again tho, she was NOT abused. Unless she does not know about it, and in that case I dont think it would affect her today?
GG.
Anonymous Coward
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Netherlands
02/20/2013 01:19 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Is she drinking because she is depressed? You need to get her on meds if depression is the cause.

I went through this with my daughter and was stupid and didn't insist on medication. She drank because she didn't like herself. When she drank it felt better for her.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11249205


She does take clonazepam.

Speaking of which.. is this a good drug to be on?
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Anyone have experience or know anyone taking this?
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


No drug is good to be on! Every type of medication with alcohol is a hellish combination. This may be the cause of her acting like this.

From wikipedia:

Use of alcohol or other CNS depressants while taking clonazepam greatly intensifies the effects (and side-effects) of the drug.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34771596
United Kingdom
02/20/2013 01:19 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Here's the deal, and I say this as somebody who worked at a rehab for years:

She won't change until she has hit rock bottom. There is absolutely nothing you can do to speed this up.

You can attempt an intervention, where treatment is offered, but if she isn't ready for treatment it won't work.

Clonazepam is absolutely the WRONG medication for her to be on. It is a benzo and has sedative properties, like the alcohol she is self-medicating with. It is also a controlled substance. She needs to be weened off of this medication ASAP and taken to a new doctor who doesn't prescribe garbage like this!

If she wants change, she needs to find a new focus. Some people have suggested new friends and hobbies, and those are all good, but I think I know exactly what it is.

At her age, she is stuck between being a child and an adult. She was overwhelmed by school, and wasn't ready for it. Maybe get her involved volunteering somewhere? That is slightly less stressful than work, and very rewarding. She isn't ready for college, so don't make her go, but find other ways to slowly work her into her role as an adult.

It may also help to ask her if she has ever considered looking into a religion. That seems to help a lot of people, especially with addiction, to have faith in something other than themselves and that power to heal them.

Those are my words of advice, I wish you good luck. It will be a tough road to follow.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 4428411


After all Ive typed of course this is the answer. SHE ISNT READY TO LEARN AT COLLEGE
GreadyGeniu$ (OP)

User ID: 25206264
United States
02/20/2013 01:20 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
Is she drinking because she is depressed? You need to get her on meds if depression is the cause.

I went through this with my daughter and was stupid and didn't insist on medication. She drank because she didn't like herself. When she drank it felt better for her.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 11249205


She does take clonazepam.

Speaking of which.. is this a good drug to be on?
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Anyone have experience or know anyone taking this?
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Well, Wiki says a rare side effect is psychosis and longterm use can cause severe depression and debilitation. Is she on it for seizures of panic disorder? How long has she been taking it?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 31907650


Anxiety panic attacks. She has been on it for about 6 months since she was pulled from ASU.
GG.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30397426
United States
02/20/2013 01:23 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
This is going to sound random.. But the best way to deal with it, is to not deal with it. I grew up in a household where my parents knew everything we did. When I went to college, I drank, did every drug, smoked,partied like a rock star with rock stars... and the more people wanted or tried to make me stop, the harder I pushed.

Now, a decade later, I'm still a rock star but I'm more like Bono than Jagger, minus the hippy crap. I never regret one thing I did, had done to me, or put inside me. They are memories made, but I not reckless. Poking the bear can have devastating effects.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30397426


She also has issues. Her issues could be very profound, so tred lightly. I had issues, that I never shared with anyone. That I delt with personally for many years. I am a very strong person. This is a tricky one, and I hate to tell you... your damned if you do... your damned if you dont.. there is no way to win this one. You need to treat her like a deer in the forest. Let her come to you, and never spook the deer. If you do, you may never see her again.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 11249205
United States
02/20/2013 01:24 AM
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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
You know everyone is an individual some people can be on antidepressants and still be depressed some aren't on them and you wish you would've put them on them because they did commit suicide.

For some people they get over there drinking and drug taking and and laugh at the crazy things they did. Others off themselves because they can't take it anymore.

If you're scared for her I'd say she's in trouble don't give up on her
Ralph--a house dog

User ID: 25802009
United States
02/20/2013 01:25 AM

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Re: What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?
is there anything that can be done in the mean time before
she ruins her life?
 Quoting: GreadyGeniu$


Involuntary commitment

but that will remain on her
record as an adult for life
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25021844



Sometimes a choice such as this is preferable to jail or the morgue.

Talk to a judge who sees a lot of these types of cases, a psychiatric social worker, a family law attorney or (maybe)an AA counselor. They might be able to suggest a way to reach her and recommend a suitable placement for her.

Personally, I think finding a strong willed family member or family friend who will threaten her, scare the living shit out of her and bully her into getting treatment (it's called 'tough love') is about all that's going to be effective at this point, short of involuntary commitment. Sounds like she is too far gone to reason with, although her parents might try bribery. (PC term is 'behavior modification')

I have seen this unpleasant process work twice among my friends and extended family over the years. But get some practical advice from someone who deals with this frequently.

Last Edited by Ralph--a house dog on 02/20/2013 01:59 AM
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