What to do with out-of-control 19 year old girl?

She hates herself. She makes you think she doesn't care but the truth is that she cares so much that she is beating herself up over how she treats the people she cares about in her life.. And she hates herself for it. She hurts so much that all she can think about is her never ending pain and suffering.. Sure, it's selfish, but when you hurt emotionally don't you usually need some time out to work through it? The problem is that she can't stop hating herself long enough to do enough good deeds to realize that she can be a good person, a better person than she has always been.

If there's one piece of advice I can offer you, get her out of her "comfort zone" and doing good deeds as often as possible. Get her to feel like she's a good person every day. Eventually she'll believe it.

Also, tell her that the past doesn't equal the future.

Have her read that and see what she says, OP. My guess is that she will feel relief at having her feelings written out by someone else who knows what she's going through.. Just confronting the monster head on in all its gory truth might stir her to realize she doesn't want that life..

Anyway, visit that forum for better support than you will find here, OP.

It's amazing how GLP has the answers to everyone's problems.

Who comes here looking for advice?

Hey OP - want her to stop drinking? tell her about all the conspiracies we discuss here!

I mean, she's drinking because the world is a garbage place, she's in school which is an institute to change your way of thinking.

Instead of seeing the shit that makes her unhappy and why she drinks you see them as normal and question her happiness.

Who the fuck can be happy in this horrible, shitty, ugly, hate-filed world?!

The answer is inside, not outside.

what the hell is she on this for?? this is hardcore drug.. she needs to take "natural" care of her body and drinking will depress her mixed with this drug it is hardcore melt down. alcohol raises the estrogen so she will get unbalanced. at the end of the day nothing to do she must hit bottom and is leagal to do so.. most parents would say my way or the highway..tough love...if she won't save herself who can?

If you can get a drug and alcohol therapist to do an intervention, that's the only possibility. She probably wouldn't go for it now -- not down in the gutter enough.

Apart from that, she's over 18 and that's that. Just acknowledge that you care and wish her well and then try to live your own life.

she is being attacked by a "spirit" and drinks till it is able to take full possession of her.
sobriety will save her.

1. Is she your kid op?
You made it sound like it's someone elses kid.

2. WTF is she getting the money to drink, drugs, etc?


Had a friend (a guy) who was the son of a very famous Dr....
He developed a little drinking/ coke habit. Dropped out of school, etc...

His father kicked him the fuck out, cut him off completely.
Told him he could only come back completely clean and with his head on straight.

15 years later the son is a very well respected attorney.

The Dr. didn't care if his son was a garbage man as long as he did it while sober and was happy doing it.

My friend to this day says the best thing that ever happened to him was for his father to kick him out. It's tough love, but shame is one of greatest motivators.

HIT THE ROAD JACK.

Reality of adulthood can hit like a train......out of all addiction devils... .alcoholism is the top dog. Pray for her, change her environment's.....

Limit her access to alcohol.

If anyone is giving her money, stop now. Also, if you know who her Dr. is I would have a talk with him about the meds. Tell him/her that she is abusing them by drinking.

piihb, that'll teach her

She does not think she has a problem tho.. She comes up with the stupidest things to argue her point as well. Makes no sense.



I agree. It is just a funk in my opinion too. But alcohol is a tough thing to let go of once the funk is over. She already falls back on it, I would hate to see it get worse.



She was working in highschool and saved up enough money for a place in Tempe, AZ. She hadnt been drinking before that on a regular basis, but the problem did exist before that because when she would drink she would get in that alcoholic zombie state, and this was before the Benzos as well. She paid for a place for a couple months and paid for the alcohol, it wasnt hard for her to get there. But here I think some gas station must sell her beer or something.

My sister.

Hit her with a truck. Several weeks in a hospital bed should sober her up.

I see a lot of suggestions to cut her off completely, which from a financial aspect, yes I do agree with. If you or anyone you know is supplying her with money, alcohol, parties, drugs, etc. tell them to stop immediately. Don't cut her off at anything more than a financial aspect though.

Obviously she's using alcohol as an escape. It sounds as if she's been doing it for quite some time to escape her depression. This could mean she has an introverted personality or perhaps she doesn't have any close friends to confide in about what's causing her to be depressed. Best thing I can tell you to do is to gain her trust and open up to her. Show her that everyone has vulnerabilities and goes through trials and tribulations. The next step is to talk to her about professional help. Rehab, a phschologist, or whatever depending on how bad her habit is. Unfortunately, at 19 years old, the decision of getting help is hers.

I'm just speaking from my own experiences here. I've dealt with bouts of depression for the past few years. I'm also an introvert and have trouble opening up to others. Only difference is that I've turned to the gym and lifting as a way to control my depression versus alcohol and drugs. All in all though, having a close friend is also vital to me staying sober.

Oh, and when she is cut off, beware. Many people will go to extremes and get involved in even more risky behaviours to sustain their habit. Whether it's stealing, robbery, prostitution, or whatever. If this happens, you should plan a full blown intervention and hope she's willing to heed the advice of others to seek professional help.

Best of luck to you and I'm hoping she gets her life back on track. I've watched drugs and alcohol ruin the lives of what were bright and successful people. It's always hard to watch someone throwing their future away to get their next fix while hurting others in the process.

I'm no psychiatrist but you think it could be a possibility she was sexually assaulted while she was away at school?

.
... why the clonazepam?? ...
.
... just a quick google shows it is nasty! and is probably part of why this gal is having trouble with alcohol ...
.

She started taking it because she would stress herself out really bad with little things she would get anxious about. When she originally got back from her attempt at college she said her anxiety and panic attacks caused by her made her want to drink so she started taking the Clonazepam to deal with that.

Sounds to me like she was one of those who was ALWAYS told how "GREAT" she was; how "SMART" she was; how she was just so "PERFECT" in every way ....

VOILA then she goes away and realizes that she isn't one of the "SMARTEST" people in the room; is NOT PERFECT in every way (particularly looks - other girls are prettier); she is NOT the greatest kid in the room.

VOILA her bubble of self deception was busted and she is having a very difficult time dealing with R-E-A-L-I-T-Y!!

My older son (who was raised by his mother with me excluded virtually 100% opf the time) has had those same issues, though as a male his response was different from that of most females when they go through the shock of learning that they are NOT THE GREATEST thing since sliced bread.

Girls seems to go into a more Passive/Aggressive behavioral pattern than boys when this happens, one element of which is often alcohol and/or drugs, and the other element of which is often sexual wildness.

I have seen a number of girls go through this who in the end came out OK ... and taking her out of that school and bringing her home WAS the first and correct step. The next step is CLOSE MONITORING of her behavior to try to keep the self destructive tendancies in check, or at least put a fence around them (is she on birth control? is she mixing drugs with alcohol? etc.). Intensive "counseling" is also of great help at this stage until she can come to terms with the "REAL WORLD" being very different from what her "MAKE BELIEVE WORLD" is/and hopefully "was".

Good luck!!

OP, not sure if you saw my earlier post ( a bit long so maybe just glossed over) but it's something I think you should try.

It's a practical approach to dealing with addiction.

Either way, best of luck.

molested by her father probably.

Thank you for this.

Sounds like something happened to her at the university. so that's where you start looking and asking questions. Most times it has to do with a boy. So go to the university and start asking her instructors, people her friends, anyone who might have known her. It
s not against the law to ask. If they ask you, then tell them a cover story, something that makes them feel as though you're on the up and up,but you're not a threat to her.

"She does not think she has a problem tho.. She comes up with the stupidest things to argue her point as well. Makes no sense."

That is classic addict behaviour...and believe me. She really doesn't think she has a problem.

If you think she is really a danger to herself I would have her committed. She can't even think clearly with the booze and a very strong drug in her system.

Better her being mad at you then dead. I wish you the best, you got some good advice here.

She's suffering from PTSD.

My guess is rape.


"going to end up arrested which is good"

And so you throw away a human life as if it were less than garbage.

I know this drug is strong and absolutely should NOT be mixed with alcohol. It's dangerous and certainly results in the zombie like effects you mentioned.

Im pretty sure (from memory) that its a benzodiazepine so in the valium family. Very nasty to come of and very easy to get dependant upon.

Throwing away a human life? No just trying to force sobriety for a few weeks.. Not throw away life at all.

Thanks Zeno and Quiet One for your messages as well.

She is 19. She will sort it out. The most you can do is listen, love, and support her. She has deep pain she is running from. You cannot force her to heal, only provide a safe place to do it.

If she's so smart, kick her out. Pray that God will be with her and guide her ways. Let her work to pay her own bills while she's going to school. She knows what's best for herself, and that her parents are so dumb ... let her learn the hard way. She needs to GROW UP!
Nothing like the school of hard knocks to open ones eyes.