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GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!

 
snark

User ID: 27313445
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02/20/2013 12:05 PM

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GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
If you want tears of laughter rolling down your face this morning, read the comments on this. The Brits have taught me several new names for man-bits and this piece gave me an excellent ab workout! My makeup is now ruined and I'm gonna have to start over, but it was so worth it. Enjoy!!

[link to www.amazon.co.uk]
T For Texas, T For Tennessee!


The virtue of courage is a prerequisite for the practice of all other virtues, because otherwise one is virtuous only when virtue has no cost. There are times when something needs to be done, and yet we know that if we step up and do this needful thing, we will pay a heavy personal price. -C.S. Lewis
Doobie
drifting in space

User ID: 29621652
United Kingdom
02/20/2013 12:07 PM

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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
Maybe men won't find this as funny? But me...hahahshahahah!
Earth does not belong to man, man belongs to Earth
snark (OP)

User ID: 27313445
United States
02/20/2013 12:08 PM

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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
I was seriously crying. The mental pictures are priceless!!
T For Texas, T For Tennessee!


The virtue of courage is a prerequisite for the practice of all other virtues, because otherwise one is virtuous only when virtue has no cost. There are times when something needs to be done, and yet we know that if we step up and do this needful thing, we will pay a heavy personal price. -C.S. Lewis
Anonymous Coward
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United States
02/20/2013 12:10 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
Those Brits do have a way with words.. lol.. too funny!
stillhere

User ID: 29204297
United States
02/20/2013 12:13 PM

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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
Extremely funny--here is one of the reviews:

[link to www.amazon.co.uk]

This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...:)

"You can bend it and twist it... You can misuse and abuse it... But even God cannot change the Truth.”
Michael Levy
TheGasManII
GLP's Hank Hill

User ID: 33325379
United States
02/20/2013 12:14 PM

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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
That is freakin' hilarious!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18370350
Canada
02/20/2013 12:14 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
It IS funny, thank you! People are really taking the piss out of these reviews... :)
Anonymous Coward
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United Kingdom
02/20/2013 12:14 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
That's just bloody priceless lmao
rofl
Don't let them get you

User ID: 13934903
United Kingdom
02/20/2013 12:14 PM

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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
good one this,i posted the same awhile ago but it got removed due to me pasting it instead of linking. 5 stars
stargaze
User ID: 27360879
United States
02/20/2013 12:16 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
If you want tears of laughter rolling down your face this morning, read the comments on this. The Brits have taught me several new names for man-bits and this piece gave me an excellent ab workout! My makeup is now ruined and I'm gonna have to start over, but it was so worth it. Enjoy!!

[link to www.amazon.co.uk]
 Quoting: snark



I haven't laughed this hard in weeks! Thanks for that ltana
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34305375
United States
02/20/2013 12:16 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
I guess it's funny if you like potty jokes and gentialia euphemisms.

whatever
euphoni

User ID: 19218677
United States
02/20/2013 12:18 PM

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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
"After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian..."

lol... I get that all the time..
Good > Bad
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1469248
United States
02/20/2013 12:19 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
Don't even want to ask how you found that OP. Hilarious!!
Quantum Anomaly

User ID: 34819755
United States
02/20/2013 12:21 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
Completely lost it here:

"although she did say that the sight of my ringpiece flashing like a brake light was impressive"

tounge
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34305375
United States
02/20/2013 12:22 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
My psychic prediction - this thread will be pinned and will garner a minimum of 12 thread pages.

Which will prove the point that the "non-conformist" glp thinker is still a sheep like everyone else.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28781897
United States
02/20/2013 12:23 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
Gay and not funny.
Lips Of Lucifer

User ID: 13948941
South Africa
02/20/2013 12:25 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
Not funny at all...
snark (OP)

User ID: 27313445
United States
02/20/2013 12:26 PM

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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
Gay and not funny.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28781897


Oh, now, most of these guys were doing it for their wives lol!! Don't let your homophobia get the best of you ;)
T For Texas, T For Tennessee!


The virtue of courage is a prerequisite for the practice of all other virtues, because otherwise one is virtuous only when virtue has no cost. There are times when something needs to be done, and yet we know that if we step up and do this needful thing, we will pay a heavy personal price. -C.S. Lewis
Question EVERYTHING

User ID: 34805541
United States
02/20/2013 12:27 PM

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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
If you want tears of laughter rolling down your face this morning, read the comments on this. The Brits have taught me several new names for man-bits and this piece gave me an excellent ab workout! My makeup is now ruined and I'm gonna have to start over, but it was so worth it. Enjoy!!

[link to www.amazon.co.uk]
 Quoting: snark


That was some funny shit!

Thanks for the laugh.
RIP Dimebag Darrell

"We knew the world would not be the same. Few people laughed, few people cried, most people were silent. I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita. Vishnu is trying to persuade the Prince that he should do his duty and to impress him takes on his multi-armed form and says, "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." I suppose we all thought that, one way or another."

Robert Oppenheimer
Lips Of Lucifer

User ID: 13948941
South Africa
02/20/2013 12:30 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
This is Guy Funny...

[link to bb.bc4x4.com]
Dutch Dyke
User ID: 913721
Netherlands
02/20/2013 12:33 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
I liked this one (LOL) :


1,129 of 1,150 people found the following review helpful

Good results at first interrogation
By
Mr. H. A. Outhwaite


This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)

Excellent product. Most prisoners confessed within five minutes of the first application. Can recommend.

Yours,
Ali Muhabarakah,
Secret Police, Damascus
RockHall

User ID: 33955437
United States
02/20/2013 12:37 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
If you want tears of laughter rolling down your face this morning, read the comments on this. The Brits have taught me several new names for man-bits and this piece gave me an excellent ab workout! My makeup is now ruined and I'm gonna have to start over, but it was so worth it. Enjoy!!

[link to www.amazon.co.uk]
 Quoting: snark


Too much laughter this early in the morning isn't good so I'll finish it later.

I'm a guy so I didn't mess up my makeup, but I did look at it from the OP's point of view. I think that made it a lot funnier.

Last Edited by RockHall on 02/20/2013 12:39 PM
"I think, therefore I am..."
René Descartes

"I don't think, therefore I am not..."
RockHall
Anonymous Coward
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United States
02/20/2013 12:38 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
I truly want to thank you. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard I cried.
tiger1

User ID: 6269153
United States
02/20/2013 12:40 PM

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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
HILARIOUS !!!1rof1
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29802348
02/20/2013 12:49 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
Thanks Snark
I just Read all the reviews to my girlfriend - now my stomach and cheeks are hurting and I can no longer read to her as I start laughing to much!!
10-DUDE

User ID: 33403755
United States
02/20/2013 01:01 PM

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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
That was great
Meow
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 31313630
United States
02/20/2013 01:08 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
If you want tears of laughter rolling down your face this morning, read the comments on this. The Brits have taught me several new names for man-bits and this piece gave me an excellent ab workout! My makeup is now ruined and I'm gonna have to start over, but it was so worth it. Enjoy!!

[link to www.amazon.co.uk]
 Quoting: snark


If it were a woman getting her lady parts burned, would you find it as funny????????????
Anonymous Coward
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Canada
02/20/2013 01:11 PM
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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
gasp
snark (OP)

User ID: 27313445
United States
02/20/2013 01:13 PM

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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
If you want tears of laughter rolling down your face this morning, read the comments on this. The Brits have taught me several new names for man-bits and this piece gave me an excellent ab workout! My makeup is now ruined and I'm gonna have to start over, but it was so worth it. Enjoy!!

[link to www.amazon.co.uk]
 Quoting: snark


If it were a woman getting her lady parts burned, would you find it as funny????????????
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 31313630


If they could describe it as well as these guys did...yes. However, women are more inclined to read the directions, lol.
T For Texas, T For Tennessee!


The virtue of courage is a prerequisite for the practice of all other virtues, because otherwise one is virtuous only when virtue has no cost. There are times when something needs to be done, and yet we know that if we step up and do this needful thing, we will pay a heavy personal price. -C.S. Lewis
Bilbo Baggins
Divine Master of the Unknown

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02/20/2013 01:15 PM

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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
hahaha oh my, those poor bastards. i'll stick to shaving cream and a skilled hand. xD
A machine shouldn't speak for man, so shut the fuck up you mindless drone. - Immortal Technique
snark (OP)

User ID: 27313445
United States
02/20/2013 01:25 PM

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Re: GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!!
"I could of course dwell on the lingering pain but I'm a glass half full (of camomile lotion) kind of chap so now I say goodbye to the scruffy hippy look and hello to Gail Porter's elbow. Not only has it removed my overly vigorous conker follicles but my erectile function also. This benefit alone will save me a fortune over the forthcoming decades of not having children and will therefore enable my inevitable purchase of a Harley Davidson when my mid life crisis comes around; thanks Veet! "
T For Texas, T For Tennessee!


The virtue of courage is a prerequisite for the practice of all other virtues, because otherwise one is virtuous only when virtue has no cost. There are times when something needs to be done, and yet we know that if we step up and do this needful thing, we will pay a heavy personal price. -C.S. Lewis

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