GLP-- My Gift Of Laughter To You Today...Thank Me Later!! | |
Doobie User ID: 29621652 United Kingdom 02/20/2013 12:07 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
snark (OP) Forum Administrator User ID: 27313445 United States 02/20/2013 12:08 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I was seriously crying. The mental pictures are priceless!! T For Texas, T For Tennessee! The virtue of courage is a prerequisite for the practice of all other virtues, because otherwise one is virtuous only when virtue has no cost. There are times when something needs to be done, and yet we know that if we step up and do this needful thing, we will pay a heavy personal price. -C.S. Lewis |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 34797224 United States 02/20/2013 12:10 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
stillhere User ID: 29204297 United States 02/20/2013 12:13 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Extremely funny--here is one of the reviews: [link to www.amazon.co.uk] This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care) After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat. I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned . Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...:) "You can bend it and twist it... You can misuse and abuse it... But even God cannot change the Truth.” Michael Levy |
TheGasManII User ID: 33325379 United States 02/20/2013 12:14 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 18370350 Canada 02/20/2013 12:14 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 14215761 United Kingdom 02/20/2013 12:14 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Don't let them get you User ID: 13934903 United Kingdom 02/20/2013 12:14 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
stargaze User ID: 27360879 United States 02/20/2013 12:16 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If you want tears of laughter rolling down your face this morning, read the comments on this. The Brits have taught me several new names for man-bits and this piece gave me an excellent ab workout! My makeup is now ruined and I'm gonna have to start over, but it was so worth it. Enjoy!! Quoting: snark [link to www.amazon.co.uk] I haven't laughed this hard in weeks! Thanks for that |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 34305375 United States 02/20/2013 12:16 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
euphoni User ID: 19218677 United States 02/20/2013 12:18 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1469248 United States 02/20/2013 12:19 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Quantum Anomaly User ID: 34819755 United States 02/20/2013 12:21 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 34305375 United States 02/20/2013 12:22 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 28781897 United States 02/20/2013 12:23 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Lips Of Lucifer User ID: 13948941 South Africa 02/20/2013 12:25 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
snark (OP) Forum Administrator User ID: 27313445 United States 02/20/2013 12:26 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Oh, now, most of these guys were doing it for their wives lol!! Don't let your homophobia get the best of you ;) T For Texas, T For Tennessee! The virtue of courage is a prerequisite for the practice of all other virtues, because otherwise one is virtuous only when virtue has no cost. There are times when something needs to be done, and yet we know that if we step up and do this needful thing, we will pay a heavy personal price. -C.S. Lewis |
Question EVERYTHING Traveler In The Matrix User ID: 34805541 United States 02/20/2013 12:27 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If you want tears of laughter rolling down your face this morning, read the comments on this. The Brits have taught me several new names for man-bits and this piece gave me an excellent ab workout! My makeup is now ruined and I'm gonna have to start over, but it was so worth it. Enjoy!! Quoting: snark [link to www.amazon.co.uk] That was some funny shit! Thanks for the laugh. First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. ~ Mahatma Gandhi "Always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of victory, the sensation of trampling on an enemy who is helpless. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face—forever." ~ George Orwell "The exact level of tyranny that you're going to live under, is the level of tyranny you put up with." ~Thomas Jefferson "All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent. ~ Thomas Jefferson |
Lips Of Lucifer User ID: 13948941 South Africa 02/20/2013 12:30 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Dutch Dyke User ID: 913721 Netherlands 02/20/2013 12:33 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | 1,129 of 1,150 people found the following review helpful Good results at first interrogation By Mr. H. A. Outhwaite This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care) Excellent product. Most prisoners confessed within five minutes of the first application. Can recommend. Yours, Ali Muhabarakah, Secret Police, Damascus |
RockHall User ID: 33955437 United States 02/20/2013 12:37 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If you want tears of laughter rolling down your face this morning, read the comments on this. The Brits have taught me several new names for man-bits and this piece gave me an excellent ab workout! My makeup is now ruined and I'm gonna have to start over, but it was so worth it. Enjoy!! Quoting: snark [link to www.amazon.co.uk] Too much laughter this early in the morning isn't good so I'll finish it later. I'm a guy so I didn't mess up my makeup, but I did look at it from the OP's point of view. I think that made it a lot funnier. Last Edited by The Deplorable RockHall on 02/20/2013 12:39 PM "I think, therefore I am..." René Descartes "I don't think, therefore I am not..." RockHall "The ONLY hope we have is Donald Trump" ... Should Trump file for a recount in all the states he lost? Absolutely. Fair is fair. Thread: Should Trump file for a recount in all the states he lost? |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 33021572 United States 02/20/2013 12:38 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
tiger1 User ID: 6269153 United States 02/20/2013 12:40 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 29802348 Israel 02/20/2013 12:49 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
10-DUDE User ID: 33403755 United States 02/20/2013 01:01 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 31313630 United States 02/20/2013 01:08 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If you want tears of laughter rolling down your face this morning, read the comments on this. The Brits have taught me several new names for man-bits and this piece gave me an excellent ab workout! My makeup is now ruined and I'm gonna have to start over, but it was so worth it. Enjoy!! Quoting: snark [link to www.amazon.co.uk] If it were a woman getting her lady parts burned, would you find it as funny???????????? |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 31189143 Canada 02/20/2013 01:11 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
snark (OP) Forum Administrator User ID: 27313445 United States 02/20/2013 01:13 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If you want tears of laughter rolling down your face this morning, read the comments on this. The Brits have taught me several new names for man-bits and this piece gave me an excellent ab workout! My makeup is now ruined and I'm gonna have to start over, but it was so worth it. Enjoy!! Quoting: snark [link to www.amazon.co.uk] If it were a woman getting her lady parts burned, would you find it as funny???????????? If they could describe it as well as these guys did...yes. However, women are more inclined to read the directions, lol. T For Texas, T For Tennessee! The virtue of courage is a prerequisite for the practice of all other virtues, because otherwise one is virtuous only when virtue has no cost. There are times when something needs to be done, and yet we know that if we step up and do this needful thing, we will pay a heavy personal price. -C.S. Lewis |
Bilbo Baggins User ID: 25703371 United States 02/20/2013 01:15 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
snark (OP) Forum Administrator User ID: 27313445 United States 02/20/2013 01:25 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | "I could of course dwell on the lingering pain but I'm a glass half full (of camomile lotion) kind of chap so now I say goodbye to the scruffy hippy look and hello to Gail Porter's elbow. Not only has it removed my overly vigorous conker follicles but my erectile function also. This benefit alone will save me a fortune over the forthcoming decades of not having children and will therefore enable my inevitable purchase of a Harley Davidson when my mid life crisis comes around; thanks Veet! " T For Texas, T For Tennessee! The virtue of courage is a prerequisite for the practice of all other virtues, because otherwise one is virtuous only when virtue has no cost. There are times when something needs to be done, and yet we know that if we step up and do this needful thing, we will pay a heavy personal price. -C.S. Lewis |