Tell a woman you care and she treats you like shit

Some of the best advice here.

man up.

Women always say they want men to be sensitive or more emotional. The minute you do, they lose respect for you.

Not to be condescending, but astrology is a psuedoscience that lacks even the science behind it. I don't believe you are qualified to be giving relationship advice in person or on the internet.
I am a licensed psychologist, so you can rest assured I know what I am talking about. Please take the time to read my response to your issue on the precious page. And excuse any typos, I'm at lunch on my iPhone, but the advice is solid, I assure you.

-Dr. Christopher Allen. PHD.

"i would tell her how obvious it was all these guys wanted her, and she was like "pfft yeah right" - she was truly oblivious."

Oh she knows man. She feigns oblivion to cover up the fact that she loves the attention from these poor bastards in her friendzone dungeon. But if she admits it, then she's admitting that she's a narcissist who keeps them around to swell her ego.

Thats because women respect men, not little turds that express their feewings one week into the relationship.

Just be a man.

I know you are hurting, OP, but your title is an emotionally charged generalization. Women are people, they are all different. I don't know what specifically happened between the two of you, just from the little bit of information you gave. But dating is rough, and you can't make someone love you if they don't.

Also consider, you two may not be compatible. If that is the case, better to have broken it off at this point, than after years of holding on to misery.

I admit my statement was harsh but it is the reality in my life. I'm more old fashioned/romantic but no luck yet with a woman I consider marriage material.

I have 2 great female friends and both are friends with benefits. I can tell them anything, they can tell me anything. I remember one time I stayed at one of their houses, drunk and horny but I didn't make a move because she has a boyfriend. I later told her then she goes "what the hell man I'm your best friend, if you want sex just say it I'll take care of you. me having a boyfriend doesn't change that."

I was shocked, really.

Most men these days don't know how to yell at a woman.

They do it in this weak little emo voice.

You need to yell from the pit of your stomach and mean it.

You won't have any problems.

Here it is again. You're welcome, I usually charge for this sort of thing.

The thing about relationships is that people often tend to miss the psychological warfarebeing waged, either consciously or unconsciously. I didn't need a few years of being a psych major to see how clear it is that every single relationship is not only based on some degree of emotional tug of war, but that in the current generation, we are truly seeing the unconscious becoming conscious of this eternal mind game. It's everywhere, from the household you grew up with, to the internet, to whatever adultrelationship you find yourself in when you exit that household. Subsequently, we tend to carry these 'tactics' used to conquer each other emotionally into these adult relationships. So it's no wonder why we feel each other becoming more unpredictable, more volatile, and deeper into their unwitting roles as either victims, or victors.

When I hear of a young couple in the honeymoon phase, having these personal anguishing moments where one feels the other has engaged themselves in a plot to emotionally confuse the other, while reassuring you that everything is completely normal. The uncertain feeling you conveyed, I am afraid is based entirely on you picking up these signals that she may have put out without even understanding why. She may be perpetuating her role as a victor, and her subconscious labelling you the victim. Although,thereisalwaysthechance that she is gearing up fora hard decision about this new relationship.

Women in today's age, have become unmistakingly victims themselves to a subset of standardsprojected onto society by the previous generation, whom were unsuccessful in their love life,and had setaboutto ensure their children would not make similar mistakes. We can see this in the modern set of requirements that women have regarding who they chose as a partner, such as: values, ethics, beliefs ect. This has always been prevalent in society to base decision on requirements, although I see a trend in the requirements amongst women becoming farmore intensive.

There are numerous factors to pay attention to, but apart from my training as a psychologist, I will giveyou my personal opinion basedon thescarce detailsyou provided..

I believeitshould bewithout question at what percentage yourgiveand get- should amount to meaning,there should not be any leverage in a relationship this young, or early. It appears she is categorizing you based on your reactions, texts, phone calls, and you may soon appear more along the lines of someone who could become emotionally unstable, whether she tells you what you'd like to hear or not. You should be able to surmount the level the commitment from the negativeaspectsyou find in her more 'obtuse' replies. I see a counter-wright being set here, where you may find yourself less valuableto her than you find her to be to you. Thisis not a situation I expect you would like to find yourself in, so my advice would be to trust your instinct, and learn to listen to what a potential partner is saying between the lines. Because that is where you are going to find the true feelings of a person. Also, if looking too much into a conversation could hinder the balance, I suggest taking into account the other's reasons for this, whether it was a stressful day or what have you.

Obviously someone did not have a father figure in his life....showing him how to be a man. Maybe she thinks your a limp-wrested pansy? Go listen to some show tunes while downing mimosas....girlie man.

Everyone desires that "new love" feeling...the sexual intensity of newfound attraction. It fades, no matter how much people may be attracted to one another. Our culture is so obsessed with this feeling that it's the most important thing to people--not lasting relationships, but the passion of new attraction.
When that chills, they can't cope with the relationship. That's just the way people have been conditioned in this new age we live in.
Therefore, serial relationships and STD pandemics are the result. Always looking for that big O! the new thrill

Dr. Allen, have you ever actually had one of these relationships yourself? Are you married? What is your actual experience?

Women say their actual requirements are about values, ethics, beliefs, etc. But this is substantially not true. I am not saying the women are lying, they may well be confused, but their actual requirements involve feeling a certain emotion, generally brought about by the release of oxytocin in association with the particular man.

See I'm not a psychiatrist, but I am still telling you this.

You advise OP to delve into this girl's true feelings, but that's not really a good idea. That's beta behavior at this point. He needs to act so that she'll stay with him if her feelings change. Do you realize that he has the power to affect a woman's feelings, possibly this woman's feelings? There are no guarantees, but there are some strong strategies suggested for him in this thread that will get him together with this girl, a different girl, or even both.

Whereas I think following your advice would get him labeled as beta and tossed in the friends pile at best.

jmho

I cant believe what a 180 this woman has done since we started dating.
Would message me at least twice a day to say gm or gn and now im lucky to hear from her once a day. I flat out ask her if im just another guy to her and she adamantly says no. Another thing I dont like is she now says shes not open to pd. Says we shouldnt rush because it will doom us yet when I didnt give a shit it was "I miss you" 3 times a day. I feel led on and deceived

Sorry but I have to disagree, that has never worked for me at least in the past, the only thing that worked for me was to just be myself.

I just act normal.

Everyone desires that "new love" feeling...the sexual intensity of newfound attraction. It fades, no matter how much people may be attracted to one another. Our culture is so obsessed with this feeling that it's the most important thing to people--not lasting relationships, but the passion of new attraction.
When that chills, they can't cope with the relationship. That's just the way people have been conditioned in this new age we live in.
Therefore, serial relationships and STD pandemics are the result. Always looking for that big O! the new thrill

Hello, thank for your response.
I have indeed had similar experiences, although it has been some time, since I have been married now for over fifteen years,
Your take on the true desire of women regarding seeking potential partners is true in some sense. I find that not only women, but most individuals will deploy a false set of motives for any circumstance, not limited to dating, whether casual or long term.
This is a simple truth among people. They are not always truthful, although I do find (in my line of work) speaking to female clients that their true desires fall along the path of seeking somebody who has more substance.. someone who better fits their ideal of what men should be.

I advised the original author to trust his instinct, and that's the best advice one can really give, given the lack of specifics. I'm sure my clinical opinion may differ, having a more complete background of his mental state. It is possible that there is conflict in him as well, although I won't go as far as to say that without the proper relationship with him.

Also at this point I disagree that the proper action would be to attempt to modify a behavior in order to adopt a new one, in hopes of salvaging this relationship. If his admission of her current state is accurate, it would fair to assume that her mind has already been made of. Clear in the way that he states that the more he pushes for something serious, the more detached she becomes. To salvage a relationship this unhealthy, this early almost always ends up in turmoil for one of the parties involved.
I do respect your opinion, and thank you for your comment.

Thats because women respect men, not little turds that express their feewings one week into the relationship.

Just be a man.