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CONTEST! Now Closed, Voting poll now open! (Click to find link)

 
Dom Diputs

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03/01/2013 02:21 PM
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My uncle wept.

(Entry #3, funny only if you read Entry #2)
Lime Flavoured Redux

User ID: 35269821
United Kingdom
03/01/2013 02:22 PM
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300 words isn't much.
whiteangel

User ID: 1775746
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03/01/2013 02:23 PM

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It's Just A Silly Seat Belt

Keep hearing people say it is time to revolt in America. I think it is too late. Should have stood up for our rights when "they" were first trying to make it a law that everyone HAD to wear a seat belt or get a ticket because you broke the law.

Sounds dumb but "they" didn't have a right to tell the people what was best for them. That is the people's choice. Now everyone BELIEVES that "they" are looking out for our well being when the exact opposite is true.

Friends and family have told me I am nuts because I hate the seat belt law when a seat belt does save lives. It isn't the seat belt that I protest, it is that "they" told ME that I have to wear it. Gave up our rights, with a small little thing and that's how it started!

The point isn't whether seat belts are good or bad for you, it is about taking my rights away. By allowing the gooberment to tell YOU what is best for YOU, YOU gave up your rights as a FREE person. We all wear our seat belts in our family, not because of a law but because it is safe, usually. I am a sane rational human being quite capable of making that choice for me and mine.

Wear your seat belt or get a ticket. You must have health insurance or be fined. Give us your guns so violence will stop or we will storm your house. These are all for our own good, right?

p.s. my subscription is up soon, this would help me, right? lol
"If voting made a difference they wouldn't let us do it" -Mark Twain
Watching the world
Crypt Watcher

User ID: 10137056
United States
03/01/2013 02:23 PM

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I take it your wife is a hot fire crotch that walks on all fours? Eh?
 Quoting: Chip


It's wives, plural.
And yes, they're all red rovers, yo.

banana
 Quoting: Dom Diputs


You have beautiful children btw! They have their fathers teeth I see.
 Quoting: Chip


Omg soooo funny!!!


napoleon 1
Ignorance is bliss until reality bites you in the ass.

I bury the dead.
Dom Diputs

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03/01/2013 02:24 PM
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300 words isn't much.
 Quoting: Lime Flavoured Redux


The 10 Commandments is only 307.

tongue
whiteangel

User ID: 1775746
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03/01/2013 02:24 PM

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Oops, never mind
 Quoting: whiteangel


Well it doesn't rhyme and only contains one line but it's short & sweet and to the point!

ericcartman


wink
 Quoting: ANHEDONIC


Cute. Realized I read the post wrong, something that has NEVER ever happened to me before
afro
"If voting made a difference they wouldn't let us do it" -Mark Twain
Dr. AculaModerator (OP)
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03/01/2013 02:26 PM

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300 words isn't much.
 Quoting: Lime Flavoured Redux


no its not a whole lot... but it promotes concentrated cleverness... and etc
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 35331460
Mexico
03/01/2013 02:28 PM
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Ok Dr Acs, I have a story which i wrote here on this very site!!!!

Can you just extend the word count to 549? I just checked it on that wordcount site and it is either too long or the wordcount site doesn't work very well??

I also got two good comments about it so it might be a winner for a years membership prize?

Thanx bud, the prize will really help me and my 29 starving children, 19 wives and my dog.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 35331460


Could you not maybe just cull your story to make it shorter?

For example you could cut out the beginning bit, and the end bit. And also maybe the bit in the middle.

angryface
 Quoting: Shoot straight Johnny


Ya so i just tried that and now that stupid county word broken thing says 0.

Ohhhh i get it, my wives, starving children and dog fart in your general direction....

I know, how about I just post an empty thread and then Dr Ac can use his psychic skillz to telepathically read the story?

Do you accept telepathic stories that you make up as you go along until it wins dr ac?
whiteangel

User ID: 1775746
United States
03/01/2013 02:30 PM

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Ok Dr Acs, I have a story which i wrote here on this very site!!!!

Can you just extend the word count to 549? I just checked it on that wordcount site and it is either too long or the wordcount site doesn't work very well??

I also got two good comments about it so it might be a winner for a years membership prize?

Thanx bud, the prize will really help me and my 29 starving children, 19 wives and my dog.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 35331460


Could you not maybe just cull your story to make it shorter?

For example you could cut out the beginning bit, and the end bit. And also maybe the bit in the middle.

angryface
 Quoting: Shoot straight Johnny


Ya so i just tried that and now that stupid county word broken thing says 0.

Ohhhh i get it, my wives, starving children and dog fart in your general direction....

I know, how about I just post an empty thread and then Dr Ac can use his psychic skillz to telepathically read the story?

Do you accept telepathic stories that you make up as you go along until it wins dr ac?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 35331460


Got a Word program? It counts for you automatically.
"If voting made a difference they wouldn't let us do it" -Mark Twain
Dr. AculaModerator (OP)
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03/01/2013 02:35 PM

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Ya so i just tried that and now that stupid county word broken thing says 0.

Ohhhh i get it, my wives, starving children and dog fart in your general direction....

I know, how about I just post an empty thread and then Dr Ac can use his psychic skillz to telepathically read the story?

Do you accept telepathic stories that you make up as you go along until it wins dr ac?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 35331460


are you even going to create a free account to be eligible to win?
Dom Diputs

User ID: 32844664
United States
03/01/2013 02:36 PM
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Ya so i just tried that and now that stupid county word broken thing says 0.

Ohhhh i get it, my wives, starving children and dog fart in your general direction....

I know, how about I just post an empty thread and then Dr Ac can use his psychic skillz to telepathically read the story?

Do you accept telepathic stories that you make up as you go along until it wins dr ac?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 35331460


are you even going to create a free account to be eligible to win?
 Quoting: Dr. Acula


cruise
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 35331460
Mexico
03/01/2013 03:08 PM
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Ya so i just tried that and now that stupid county word broken thing says 0.

Ohhhh i get it, my wives, starving children and dog fart in your general direction....

I know, how about I just post an empty thread and then Dr Ac can use his psychic skillz to telepathically read the story?

Do you accept telepathic stories that you make up as you go along until it wins dr ac?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 35331460


are you even going to create a free account to be eligible to win?
 Quoting: Dr. Acula


cruise
 Quoting: Dom Diputs


Errrrrrr like Ya? And isn't concentrated cleverness what school is designed for?

So if i submit a blank page will you telepathically be able to invent the story untIl it wins?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34010696
United States
03/01/2013 03:11 PM
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I am not currently logged in due to a big IP ban sweep. I really need a membership!

Here it goes.....

Ode to Bat Shit Crazy Biden

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm schizophrenic and
So am I

Thank you all for your consideration.


crazyjak
Leviticus
User ID: 34010696
United States
03/01/2013 03:12 PM
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I am not currently logged in due to a big IP ban sweep. I really need a membership!

Here it goes.....

Ode to Bat Shit Crazy Biden

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm schizophrenic and
So am I

Thank you all for your consideration.


crazyjak
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34010696


Submitted by Leviticus the User Name field blanked
Wilfred

User ID: 23717838
United States
03/01/2013 03:14 PM
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Heres a thread I started years ago. Pretty original.

*The Franklin Credit Union Child-Sex Ring Scandal: Implicating George Bush and other politicians***UPDATE-Penn State Sandusky scandal connected*

Thread: The Franklin Credit Union Child-Sex Ring Scandal: Implicating George Bush and other politicians***UPDATE-Penn State Sandusky scandal connected
CalmShock

User ID: 5056346
Canada
03/01/2013 03:17 PM

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Being a huge fan of GLP and also a tomato farmer in the rural SW of Alberta has been a difficult journey... Long nights have I spent bringing in all 12212012 plants in an attempt to avert disaster, having to replant them the following day. EAT has been a main contributor to my increasing paranoia and my brian has since become completely unhinged, frequently finding myself huddled naked in a corner...

tomato plant

My family is very worried about my condition. I get calls from them frequently and although I appreciate their efforts, I do believe it only makes my situation worse... Especially when my uncle calls...

uncle

I feel like a complete moran putting all this out there, but my therapist BRIEF says I need to acknowledge my fears. Then blow them up... Most of our sessions end with me huddled naked in the corner again due to my (as described by him "irrational") fear of explosions.

nuclear

damned .... brb...


*gets dressed*

Aside from some minor personality setbacks, I'm a really nice guy. Currently single with a healthy supply of preps for two, I'm a well organized individual with a love for travel. My 11 bug-out-bags are a testament to the fact.
The deep (safe) caves in the Ozarks and the Norway seed bank are my top two travel destinations, although I can only travel by land or sea...

It's not so much that I have a fear of flying... It's more a fear of tall buildings.

I'd just like to thank everyone here at GLP for making me the person I am today. Without your help I wouldn't have such a highly developed work ethic and could very well have ended up married to some reality blind societal sheep woman.

Immediately state your intention for any further correspondence...

hawkanoia

CalmShock
Patience is a virtue I just can't wait to achieve - CalmShock
CalmShock

User ID: 5056346
Canada
03/01/2013 03:29 PM

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calmshockdoom
Patience is a virtue I just can't wait to achieve - CalmShock
Dr. AculaModerator (OP)
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03/01/2013 03:29 PM

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:aaa8:

To counter your one star pallooza you are getting!
 Quoting: J&V


grinning

thankyouweryacul
Dr. AculaModerator (OP)
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calmshockdoom
 Quoting: CalmShock


cruiser
Dr. AculaModerator (OP)
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03/01/2013 03:34 PM

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Being a huge fan of GLP and also a tomato farmer in the rural SW of Alberta has been a difficult journey... Long nights have I spent bringing in all 12212012 plants in an attempt to avert disaster, having to replant them the following day. EAT has been a main contributor to my increasing paranoia and my brian has since become completely unhinged, frequently finding myself huddled naked in a corner...

tomato plant

My family is very worried about my condition. I get calls from them frequently and although I appreciate their efforts, I do believe it only makes my situation worse... Especially when my uncle calls...

uncle

I feel like a complete moran putting all this out there, but my therapist BRIEF says I need to acknowledge my fears. Then blow them up... Most of our sessions end with me huddled naked in the corner again due to my (as described by him "irrational") fear of explosions.

nuclear

damned .... brb...


*gets dressed*

Aside from some minor personality setbacks, I'm a really nice guy. Currently single with a healthy supply of preps for two, I'm a well organized individual with a love for travel. My 11 bug-out-bags are a testament to the fact.
The deep (safe) caves in the Ozarks and the Norway seed bank are my top two travel destinations, although I can only travel by land or sea...

It's not so much that I have a fear of flying... It's more a fear of tall buildings.

I'd just like to thank everyone here at GLP for making me the person I am today. Without your help I wouldn't have such a highly developed work ethic and could very well have ended up married to some reality blind societal sheep woman.

Immediately state your intention for any further correspondence...

hawkanoia

CalmShock
 Quoting: CalmShock


I dont wanna be bias or anything...

but CalmShock just upped the stakes for everyone
Antediluvian

User ID: 31961061
United States
03/01/2013 03:37 PM
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The incessant ringing of the phone woke me at 9:06am. It was my uncle Frankie. He yelled "TELEPHONE POLES WILL BE DAMAGED!" like always. I half laughed and hung up on him.
Lit up a Morley and went out to check on my tomato plants. Looked like there was a storm comin' in so I decided to take them inside. Mailman came by as I was doing that and gave me a package. Inside was the new Fandango Rangers CD, Brokeback Rangers: Liberace Re-imagined. I was about to throw it in the player when I saw a movement out in the yard. It was the neighbor kid going BEZERK! I went out to him but the only thing I could get out of him was "The two witnesses are coming! The two witnesses are coming!". Took a drag from the Morley and just shook my head. Crazy kid. I turned to go back inside and noticed my other neighbor had put up a new flag. It was yellow with the letters B.S. I laughed. He was certainly full of it. He was always babbling about Zetas or the Galactic Federation or something but I never paid any attention. Went back inside and checked my email. Saw newsletters from the Real John Lear and John Titor. I'd read them later. Had to check the World At War thread on GLP first. Knocking interrupted me. It was the father of the crazy kid. "Sorry about Damian. He's really been affected by the chem-trails lately." "It's ok," I said, "life is like a box of chocolates. Empty and filled with brown paper wrappers." I shut the door, turned on the radio and put it on my favorite channel. UVB-76. I sat down, put out the Morley, and smiled. Time for a nap.
"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people." --- Carl Jung
CalmShock

User ID: 5056346
Canada
03/01/2013 03:37 PM

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Lol.. It's my competitive edge... I hear the word contest and my eyes bug out.

;)
Patience is a virtue I just can't wait to achieve - CalmShock
phoenixe

User ID: 34782429
Germany
03/01/2013 03:39 PM

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Being a huge fan of GLP and also a tomato farmer in the rural SW of Alberta has been a difficult journey... Long nights have I spent bringing in all 12212012 plants in an attempt to avert disaster, having to replant them the following day. EAT has been a main contributor to my increasing paranoia and my brian has since become completely unhinged, frequently finding myself huddled naked in a corner...

tomato plant

My family is very worried about my condition. I get calls from them frequently and although I appreciate their efforts, I do believe it only makes my situation worse... Especially when my uncle calls...

uncle

I feel like a complete moran putting all this out there, but my therapist BRIEF says I need to acknowledge my fears. Then blow them up... Most of our sessions end with me huddled naked in the corner again due to my (as described by him "irrational") fear of explosions.

nuclear

damned .... brb...


*gets dressed*

Aside from some minor personality setbacks, I'm a really nice guy. Currently single with a healthy supply of preps for two, I'm a well organized individual with a love for travel. My 11 bug-out-bags are a testament to the fact.
The deep (safe) caves in the Ozarks and the Norway seed bank are my top two travel destinations, although I can only travel by land or sea...

It's not so much that I have a fear of flying... It's more a fear of tall buildings.

I'd just like to thank everyone here at GLP for making me the person I am today. Without your help I wouldn't have such a highly developed work ethic and could very well have ended up married to some reality blind societal sheep woman.

Immediately state your intention for any further correspondence...

hawkanoia

CalmShock
 Quoting: CalmShock


I dont wanna be bias or anything...

but CalmShock just upped the stakes for everyone
 Quoting: Dr. Acula


he really did!
and his 2 .. tomatoes .. are really wonderful to look at !
JimBomB

User ID: 35383922
United States
03/01/2013 03:40 PM

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Why can't we have easier competitions like what is the price of a Big Mac or which is the world'd best cola(coca~cola)?????

I mean writing? Poetry? Drawings? Space shit?

It just aint fair Dr Acs, it just aint.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 35331460


LMAO
fun16
Self delusion can be a grand thing!
MitakuyeOyasin!
TPTB ARE THE MACHINE [link to youtu.be]
[link to youtu.be]
ANHEDONIC

User ID: 26795689
United States
03/01/2013 03:40 PM

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Video submission:



"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger"
Dr. AculaModerator (OP)
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03/01/2013 03:42 PM

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he really did!
and his 2 .. tomatoes .. are really wonderful to look at !
 Quoting: phoenixe


lol
dikkie

User ID: 1328988
Netherlands
03/01/2013 03:42 PM

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Last Edited by dikkie on 03/02/2013 05:09 PM
CalmB4theLight

User ID: 35331460
Mexico
03/01/2013 03:45 PM

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are you even going to create a free account to be eligible to win?
 Quoting: Dr. Acula


'Many moons ago, humans were created by enlightened, spiritual entities, tasked with traversing the universe, seeding life in planets base on their own form. They were part of a Federation of races comprised of love, light and unity.

There were also other races in the Universe that were denied entry into the Federation, as they were negative, deceitful and worked on the lower frequencies. These lesser races were angered at their rejection and decided they would form their own council and destroy all that had been created.

So they took control of planets, creating their own genetic abominations and proclaiming themselves as being the true creators.

The council altered humans by redesigning the brain, so humans lost their way, and the council reigned for thousands of years, forcing humans into slavery, promoting death rather than life, as a way to punish the Federation.

Thinking they had won, the council began a plan to destroy humanity on the planet called Earth, and they did so by influencing humans to follow them, but something happened…

There was one who could not be influenced by the council. They could neither control him, nor destroy him no matter how hard they tried… This caused such fear among them, they were prohibited from speaking his name, referring to him only as;

‘Th
e Nobody

Instead of praying to the council like everyone else, he prayed for help from the Universe, until his voice was finally received by the Federation who were so touched by the pleas of their child, they followed his signal all the way back to Earth.

The approaching Federation were angered by the corruption they saw and sent signs in the form of comets, to let ‘Th
e Nobody’ and the council know they were soon to arrive - for the Mother of all battles….'


dance

Last Edited by CalmB4theLight on 03/01/2013 05:01 PM
You are Godlike unto your domain, did you forget that - or did you just choose to ignore it?...

See you on the other side :)

1...million...souls...
GLP Contest
User ID: 35383646
Poland
03/01/2013 03:46 PM
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GLP. This is the forum where a string of curse words is allowed without a hypocritical veil of morality. When you write fuck - it's fuck.

Nobody plays the **** pussy game on GLP. Nobody is going to kick you out for your lack of vocabulary standards.

Look at all the emoticons. Even if you're a GLP noob, one look at the emoticons and you know this forum doesn't give a damn about political correctness.

Feminists hate that one:

5a

You don't have to write a single word to know how you feel about someone on GLP. All you need is this:

stfuclappabsflagputin

As you can see, pictures are indeed worth a thousand words.

Such a joy to have a conspiracy forum where you can truly speak your mind.

You see, as much of a creative cauldron as GLP is... there's a twist: if you're an AC (mostly), you are going to get banned at some point of your GLP career.

And no, you weren't banned because you'd called someone a cunt, a shill, a doomtard, a fucktard, and many more you can read in the official GLP lexicon.

You're banned, because... it's fun to get banned sometimes and enjoy your cold turkey.

Banning on GLP isn't about punishment.

It's about affection.

This is what makes GLP unique.
CalmShock

User ID: 5056346
Canada
03/01/2013 03:49 PM

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he really did!
and his 2 .. tomatoes .. are really wonderful to look at !
 Quoting: phoenixe


Do you guys play "Show me yours and I'll show you mine" in Germany?

Your turn :)
Patience is a virtue I just can't wait to achieve - CalmShock

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