I like being an AC, but you inspired me to write this gem. So... Here it goes.
I ain’t ever seen a naked man before. That is until last 4th of July when the old man across the road came running out his house, in the buck, hollering about how he just shot an alien creeping in his kitchen. He has always been a little crazy, and had been known for hanging around in nothing but his skivvies or some old waders.
He liked to sit on his porch, brandishing that Remington 1740, eyeing the middle schoolers as they stepped off the buss. He never did no harm, none. Maybe a little cussing now and then, but he’d shut right up when their parents would make a fuss. He’d stair out his front window for hours waiting for that bus’s yellow tint to peak through the corn. We all just thought he was lonely.
You may ask your self, “What does that have to do with him shooting an alien?” Well it don’t. I just thought it’d give you a better sense of who he was, you see, he was an ornery cuss most the time. Not known for showing signs of trepidation. But that morning, boy I tell you, he squealed like a sally getting poked by a rhino.
I looked out just in time to see him haul ass across the road. He was already on my porch when I got to the door, standing there shivering like some shriveled hopped up tweaker. “I just shot a goddamn alien!” he muttered. I yelled to my wife to get him a blanket and we sat and had a cup of coffee while we waited for the police.
The police searched for hours and didn’t find a goddamn thing. Needless to say, he felt a little shamed as he walked back home draped in that old afghan with his head held low. He’s just lonely, is all.