The Nobody has Retired

That’s right - the Nobody has stepped down.

He realized that Benedict had the right idea, and thought “hell, why not, it’s not like I can ever be somebody in this job.” So he retired, rather than mysteriously vanishing like his predecessors.

His Magic Rabbit's Foot Key Fob of Office has been ritually crushed by the back wheels of a Toyota 4x4.

He will no longer wear the Blue Suede Shoes of the Tap Dancer.

He will now be known as the Nobody Emeritus, and wear the latest, coolest Nike Air Max sneakers that come out each year.

As for where he'll live, Vegas is looking good.

In doing this, of course, he has set up the conditions for The Final Nobody, as specified in the Nobody Prophecy.

The last few Nobodies were cryptically adddressed in the Nobody Prophecy, but still understandable.

There was the Smoke Signal Nobody.

Then there was the Telegraph Nobody.

After that, of course, came the Telephone Nobody.

Then the Fax Nobody.

Then the very first Teletype Nobody, followed quickly by the ASCII Nobody.

There was confusion after that with the development of graphics boards, and a profusion of Anti-Nobodies appeared, all with a different font. But at the Emergency Meeting of the Council Of Nobodies (no one attended), it was confirmed that Content would remain King, and so the font argument was quashed.

Then came the AOL Nobody, which was actually a last-ditch Anti-Nobody proliferation effort to multiply via millions of mailed CDs, intended to be the only remaining artifact in the event of the end of the world, so as to win everlasting fame in the galaxy as the only remaining known Nobody. Alas, all the CDs ended up in a garbage scow that is still plying the ocean, looking for a country that will let it dump in its waters. Rumor has it that the Russian meteor was actually an attempt by TPTB to blow the scow up, but the Historical Division of the local ET Surveillance Force shot it down to preserve the record of humanity’s folly.

Finally, the Web Nobody arrived, and was generally translated into the PDF Nobody and even a YouTube Video Nobody (betcha didn’t know that) until he found final form as...

The GLP Nobody.

But now that’s over, because nobody gave a damn.

However, it's not the end.

Because the Nobody Prophecy states that the Final Nobody will, yes indeed, finally become Somebody.

But before that can happen, the Seven Great Server Farms will come under prolonged DNS attack, while the Final Nobody protects his flock (and why wouldn’t he - they’re delicious with mint sauce).

After that, and only after that, It will happen.

Yes - It.

The Real It.

How do I know this?

Let’s just say a little bird crapped on my uncle’s head.

Capiche?