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Sven and Ole

 
Kirk

User ID: 25384388
United States
03/02/2013 10:42 PM

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Sven and Ole
Two Minnesota engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walks by asks what they were doing.

"Ve're supposed to find da height of dis flagpole, " said Sven, "but
ve don't haff a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts,
and laid the pole down on the ground.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement,
announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

Ole shook his head and laughed. "Ain't dat just like a voman! Ve ask
fer da height and she gives us da length!"

Sven and Ole have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently
serving in the United States Senate
Worry is a misuse of the imagination.
Kirk (OP)

User ID: 25384388
United States
03/02/2013 11:10 PM

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Re: Sven and Ole
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Worry is a misuse of the imagination.
Kirk (OP)

User ID: 25384388
United States
03/02/2013 11:11 PM

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Re: Sven and Ole
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Worry is a misuse of the imagination.
Kirk (OP)

User ID: 25384388
United States
03/03/2013 11:14 PM

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Re: Sven and Ole
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology which was explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions".

The husband turned to his wife and said, "That is an absolute bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis."
Worry is a misuse of the imagination.