Attention to all parents; Step-Fathers and Step-Mothers, Fathers and Mothers

I am 22 years old and this thread struck me because I spotted the "step parent" in it, which has been a cause for anxiety up until the last two years of my life, being of parents who divorced when I was nearly 3 years old.

My mother lost her parents at the age of 12 to an aircraft accident, and my fathers parents are still together and still alive together.
My father has had three wives, and my mother has had two.
My first step mother was in my life as early as my memory rightfully serves me, but my memory is also kind of glazed over and dulled down. During her and my father's 3 year marriage, as a result of things I am having to sort through now, I had several spells of dissociative amnesia in which I would be halted completely with the complete loss of any idea as to who and where I was. I was about 7 years old at this time.
After an incident in which I have no recollection, that happened inside of my father's home while he was at work, I ended up phoning my mom around 4-5am in a state of horror and panic, she rushed to get me and hired a lawyer that day in the case that my father would try to fight for any kind of custody while he was still married to her.
Choosing to stay married to her and thus giving up any effort to have me, my father found out 3 weeks later that she had also been cheating on him.
He remarried, and my current step mom and I have had a rough ride, but I love her with all of my being, and I thank God often for bringing her into my father's life.
Still, the main benefactor for the issues had with both of my relationship's with each step mother had to do with some unspoken battle between who's child was better.
And I am not biased in my opinion when I say that at a very early age I came to terms with the fact that any and all of the jealousy the women that my father married felt toward my mom would come down on me in more than one way.
I won't even go into the depth's of the time I've had with my step father, because frankly I don't have a whole lot more energy to put into it. It was been the ultimate battle in my life thus far, as I have always stood as my mother's protector and at as early 12 years old I was having to fight off what appeared to me as an angry drunk toddler yelling and charging at her.

Maybe none of this matters to you at all, but this first caught my eye, and I thought in my head that I should post a reply (my first one on GLP after browsing many months).

I guess I mean that I should point out to you and your heart that you can feel at ease that you are a strong enough man to admit to God and to the world, and do it not hesitating to show your shame or regrets.
Split families and relationships are very rarely easy on anyone involved, and though I do believe as the step parent's many don't take into account the effect they have on the fragile, growing minds looking up to them, it is like anything else in life, here as a lesson.

I hold no grudges or blame for the wrongs done unto me, and I have forgiven these acts and all of the people that played in them.

Find it in your heart how to understand that though you haven't been what you now look back and wish you would have, that this present is a gift, share it friend.

Love Eternal, 444

This matters & I'm pinning it.

If everyone could love all children, as their own there wouldn't be a problem.

I was raise by a whole family that would love any child. If you came to us, you were one of us. The only thing is the pain when they turn on you, but you love them anyway.

This is embedded in our DNA by the universal intelligence/us and you really don't need a book or person to show you. You just need to look inside.

Get to know your "self." Your selfhood is the true holy spirit.

This is a very poignant and powerful message. I have been divorced from the man of life because of his children. We were a blended family with 7 boys between us. My husband put his two littlest boys above me because he felt guilty divorcing their mother. Then, his oldest son, told me when we married that he would make us divorce like he did with his dad's previous marriages. It took 5 years, but he succeeeded. I still love my exhusband, and his boys. I agree with the other poster, blended families are very hard on the kids. I am a writer, and actually wrote a book from the child's perspective about divorce. I have it posted, and the many people who have read it says it is spot on. Funny, poignant, bittersweet, action packed. If you want to see divorce from a kid's point of view, please check it out----I have it posted online. I am trying to get it published, and if anyone should like to help me, then please become a member of the site, and put my book on your bookshelf.

God bless the broken homes, and the children and the parents that must endure them!

That sounds like a very nice idea, unfortunately, it's not the real world.

In the real world when you marry and your spouse has a kid or 2 that are around 5-10 years old it can be a difficult task to love this child/children as you do your own. That is a bond that nature just doesn't allow to happen, usually.

In another scenario if either partner comes into the marriage with a child under 2 it's rather difficult to not fall in love with the child.

What I'm trying to say is that your feelings were neither unusual or wrong, they were perfectly natural and that is something your spouse, who has kids, should know. As for your treatment of this child, that is wrong on so many levels.

Good thing you saw the light and were able to still do something about the situation.

Last Edited by Lilbabez33 on 03/11/2013 07:01 AM

Link to my book:

[link to authonomy.com]

People are different. You are the type who can't see past certain genetic 'paperwork'. Some may say that is worse then racism. I don't care cause I know everyone is different.

With that, let's not tell each other who is wrong/right. Because in the end is that what matters?

My daughter is about to get married. I have known and loved her since she was 5. She and I had rough spots in her mid teens, but what parent doesn't. I just always remembered good advice.. SHE doesn't have a say so in any decision her father and I made. She's the kid. I'm the grown woman(so act like one!). Yeah, sometimes I would have to remind myself not to get upset when she'd say 'you're not my mom!'. She's a kid, I'd tell myself, and she had no say so in all this. I'd still discipline her, but all final decisions were still done by Dad. I think that helped in the end. He showed the same towards my kids. That's what worked best for all of us.

If she needed to cuddle with daddy, I'd move over and let it happen. I never tried to take her own mother's place. I just loved her, and now she calls me mama. Around her own mom, of course, she calls me by my first name. If she'd bitch about her mom, I'd tell her to stop. She was going through a tough time, as most teens do. But that rough spot didnt last long, and now she wants me at her wedding. I am so excited! I am blessed to have her in my life.

OPie is a God bothering delusional loon. Basing child care practice on psychotic mystical experiences only serves to make one an embarrassment to ones offspring.

I think you missed every point I was trying to make. I did not say that you can never love another's child, just that it takes longer to form that sort of bond. On the other had, the younger the kids are the sooner it will happen.

And if the child is an infant, you would fall for the infant as if it were your own child.

I did not say he was wrong or right, I said his "feelings" were normal or perhaps I should say his feelings were not unusual in that situation.

It's human nature.
Hope that explains it better for you.

The trouble is that they don't. Divorce sucks big time for the children involved.

I wish I had been a better stepmother to my husbands two sons. It will be four years ago in May that my stepson ended his life at age 23.

His suicide haunts me. I wonder if he wouldn't have gotten sick (schizophrenia) if I had done a better job and loved him more. He was about eight when his dad and I got together. We had four children together, but I was never able to fully bond with my two older stepsons.

I wish I could do it all over again. Now that I am older I can see that I didn't hug them enough and there was a jealously towards them that made me resent them on some level. I so regret that. I wish I had loved them like my own.

If you are a stepmother or father, love them. Give yourself totally to the relationship to your stepchildren and know that you will reap the rewards in time. Don't end up with regrets for not loving them fully because they aren't "yours".

Well said, short and to the point.

Thanks for the pins guys!!! Glad to see other reading and understanding what truly is important.

Praise and Glory to God!

Good tip Mr Mike.

Thanks be to God.

You hit the nail on the head when you stated that the step-mothers acted out of jealousy for your mother and took it out on you. I have seen that happen many, many times to some really good kids. And I imagine step-fathers do the same.

I'm glad you seem to have figured out that none of it was your fault in anyway but rather all blame to steps. Step-parents suck! I never had one but have observed many amongst family & friends. Their is a lot of jealousy towards step-children and also forced competition between step brothers and sisters. Unfortunately it can damage children for life what stupid adults (who act like infants) do to them.

And to OP: At least you have realized what you did and have remorse. But you may have damaged your step-daughter in ways you can't even imagine such as her confidence, self-worth, trust in others, etc. But nice you posted this for a lesson for others.

I'm a widow but will never re-marry fore this very reason.

Step parents have a UNIQUE relationship with step children that is unique and can be fun and supportive and thoughtful.

It does not have to be the same as ones biological children. If it was, Gods promise to Abraham would mean squat.

Stop being a deluded, Love thy neighbor Christian with no common sense.

Its Christians that have built such a nation in which you have to live side by side with child molesters, etc in their own neighborhood.

Christians have skewed so many things that should be holy, like sex with ones wife teaching that Jesus did not have a wife nor does God. Judaism would have recognized that all young men have to marry and that God has his wife called the shekinah.

You wonder why it is that whenever Christians go to a convention, their pay per view porn consumption is highest than everyone else

Their divorce rate and sexual problems and skewing of pure natural original family is obvious

Stop making everyone your neighbor, have common sense and be cautious,

Love your first wife, and man up and raise your original kids than there would be no problems with stepchildren. What God has put together let no man take apart.. Simple as that.

THIS ^^^

Theres no other way around it, parents will always be selfish and try to sugar coat a divorce.

Accept it as it is, try your best but dont have pie in the sky expectations.

I know first hand how hard it can be on familys when step moms and dads dont connect well with their new step kids.

My bro Brennan and step brother Dale pretty much destroyed my Moms marriage single handedly in record time, because of their inability to adjust to the new family unit, plus it didnt help that they freakin DESTROYED my step dads yacht.

It didnt matter how muched I tried to help, even making 850K, having a six pack, and a great voice couldnt save that marriage, it probably didnt help when they needed me the most I was deep sea fishing with the Cubster, Jeff Gordon, and Bobby Flay, but hey Fuck them , I have a life too!

Anyway sorry for rambling, this thread just really touched me....Im out.

Ohh shut the fuck up with your fables.. That wasn't God, idiot.. That was you! Now if you want to say that you are part of the Godhead, I would be inclined to agree.. But to assume that some external being talked to you, only makes you a fucking lunatic..

Let me explain something to you.. You never talk to God, and God never talks to you... Just as there is no such thing as "Channeling" a spirit.. You are only conversing with your higher self, or higher consciousness.. Nothing exists outside of you, everything exists inside of you..

Stop with the "God is my savior bullshit"... The only person that is going to save you, is YOU! Period.. Now please, be gone with you.. You are a drain on society.. You are one of the reasons why humanity is suffering, you fucking dolt.. FREE YOURSELVES FROM THIS MENTAL BONDAGE... FIND STRENGTH IN "THE CHRIST", not the Jesus Fable.. If Jesus were alive today, one thing he would not be is a fucking Christian...

Answer to above post:

I not sure what your point was as its appears you rambling on about many things, I do not mean to offend you, but really what was your point???

If you were trying to be supportive I thank you, but if you were just trying to ramble on about stuff, then please start your own thread.

Regards

So Apollo, you actually believe that a couple should remain married until the end of time, regardless of how miserable they are? Do it for the children?

Come on dude.. Get with it.. I thought better of you than this.. Everything about organized religion is enslavement of the mind, body and soul.. Stayed married, even if you can't stand eachother, do not commit suicide(we need tax dollars and slaves, besides we want you to suffer), submit to authority(uhmm no fucking way), pay your taxes because it's ordered by God(ROMANS, fucking Romans)...

People have to realize that life is like a book.. Chapters begin and Chapters end.. There is no external heaven, there is no external hell, all is a state of mind.. PERIOD!

Just because I made a vow to stay with someone until death do we part, doesn't mean I have to sit here and deal with an insane bitch who is just dying to put a blade through my spleen.. Seriously.. This world is starting to piss me the fuck off.. Fucking dolts!

Quoting Anonymous coward: User ID 26154537,

You my friend are the f------, moran!

"FREE YOURSELVES FROM THIS MENTAL BONDAGE... FIND STRENGTH IN "THE CHRIST", not the Jesus Fable.. If Jesus were alive today, one thing he would not be is a fucking Christian".

Who other is the Christ, except he be Jesus Christ, now please
do us all a favor, and go shoot yourself in the head. Since you don't use it for anything else anyway.

Exactly the response I expected from a blinded Christian fool!

Jesus is Lucifer... Come to terms with that, then we'll talk.. The Christ is/was never a person, it's a spirit.. A spirit that dwells in each of us.. I am the creator in the flesh, just as you are?


Please, do tell.. How would Jesus be called Jesus over 2,000 years ago when the letter "J" did not even exist until the 15th Century? His name was never Jesus.. Fool!


"THE CHRIST", yes.. "Yahweh", yes.. "Yeshua", yes.. "YHWH", yes..

JESUS?? No fucking way...

Yea it didnt matter that I got my real estate license , for shits and gigs, and waived my fee, so mom and my new step dad could sell their house and start an early retirment, they were just doomed because of my freakin loser bro and step bro.

Its hard being a step parent and having step brothers, I feel ya! Im out.

Death to all Arrogant, Jealous Gods!!!