You're not responsible for anyone else's happiness

Millions of Americans beg to differ

Good advice op.

Wow, thank you.

Exactly. And no one is or was ever responsible to fix other people's sins. that includes Jesus.

But jesus represents Christ , or the inner path towards self healing.

sure but he never claimed that humanity would be free of sins and forgiven for everything bad they ever did once he died on the cross, did he?
people made that up. people who don't want to be responsible for their actions but instead like to follow some dogma blindly.

You are right.

Remember this when a thief breaks into your house and slits your throat in the night because the life you lead means that the life he leads must be on the bottom.

I told my wife that I am not responsible for our 8 children anymore

Thanks OP.

I agree.

Uh yes I am...I am responsible for my young son's happiness...

I'm not gonna move on as you say lol

Lol

You can always guide them to the best of your abilities, there's always a stubborn one though.

What is happiness?

You are only responsible for your kids if you have any, to teach them that being content may lead to moments of happiness.

Maybe you could be kind to your neighbours...pfff

I won't...

the world of me myself and I

"You're not responsible for anyone else's happiness"

True! But you ARE responsible for anyone else's UNHAPPINESS, the moment you stepped in anyone else's LIFE and made mistakes, like being hostile, aggressive, violent, dishonest, treasonous, liar, deceitful, and many other stupid attitudes that humans have to each other.

And by making someone's else life MISERABLE, we not only harden their karmic burden, but we also fuck up ours more and more. That's what's called "COLLECTIVE KARMA". Can't argue with that, can't run away from that, can't hide from that.

Welcome to planet Earth.

I hate having someone in my life think they have some duty or responsibility for my happiness. (I just want to make you happy..- gag.)

I keep saying... Stop. Think for yourself and do whatever it is that makes you happy and leave my happiness out of it.

It's along the same lines as... Don't you dare say you will pray for me... Please don't.
I don't know what entity you have conjured to worship and I do not want a projection of your mental funk on my person...

Seriously.

What makes me happy when involved with other people is witnessing and enjoying them pursuing their version of happiness and I appreciate the same from them, in my pursuits.

Absolutely - we are responsible for what we bring to friends and family - and even strangers. But each and every one of us is responsible for our own happiness.

And I have to agree with Spirit666 - we need to help our kids be happy! :)

Nice post there Ford Prefect.

Exactly, OP sounds like a classic bait and switcher, once someonegets attached to him/her they don't want the responsibility of a relationship so they blame the person they have engaged emotionally and leave them holding the pieces.

Nope. You are only responsible for yourself. Everyone has had bad things happen to them - so, let's just lay all the blame for our lives elsewhere? That's where we need to grow up.

This just shows how selfish and cold you are. To dismiss it as a common experience shows no empathy for what some people have had to go through. When I was 10 my father locked me in a room and was going to murder me for taking $3.25 from his change box to buy my lesson book for music class. Do you have any idea for how many years that put fear and desolation in my heart? It took me forty years In the desert of my life to come out of that captivity. And with that said I pray for Yawehs blessing over your life.

Yaweh Elohim baruch haaretz ruach
Yaweh Elohim baruch haaretz nephesh.

This just shows how selfish and cold you are. To dismiss it as a common experience shows no empathy for what some people have had to go through. When I was 10 my father locked me in a room and was going to murder me for taking $3.25 from his change box to buy my lesson book for music class. Do you have any idea for how many years that put fear and desolation in my heart? It took me forty years In the desert of my life to come out of that captivity. And with that said I pray for Yawehs blessing over your life.

Yaweh Elohim baruch haaretz ruach
Yaweh Elohim baruch haaretz nephesh.



You're referring to child abuse which happened to you when your father did that and that was traumatic.
OP is not referring to child abuse.
OP is referring to the fact that each one of us as an adult has enough self esteem that comes from inside out, not outside in, that we don't need to be defined by someone else's reality.
We as adults have enough tools in that if someone yells or curses or becomes an offender to us, we have the responsibility to take care of ourselves and not rely on that person to change in order for us to feel comfortable.
OP is referring to letting go of the idea that we can only be happy when others behave, think, and act in ways that gives us a payoff.
It's not about them anymore. It's about us having enough of a support system that we value ourselves enough to know what we need and want and how we go about that in order to give ourselves peace and comfort.
So OP is right, the only one responsible for my happiness, and that includes, my misery, my anger, my hate, my joy, is me.

This just shows how selfish and cold you are. To dismiss it as a common experience shows no empathy for what some people have had to go through. When I was 10 my father locked me in a room and was going to murder me for taking $3.25 from his change box to buy my lesson book for music class. Do you have any idea for how many years that put fear and desolation in my heart? It took me forty years In the desert of my life to come out of that captivity. And with that said I pray for Yawehs blessing over your life.

Yaweh Elohim baruch haaretz ruach
Yaweh Elohim baruch haaretz nephesh.



You're referring to child abuse which happened to you when your father did that and that was traumatic.
OP is not referring to child abuse.
OP is referring to the fact that each one of us as an adult has enough self esteem that comes from inside out, not outside in, that we don't need to be defined by someone else's reality.
We as adults have enough tools in that if someone yells or curses or becomes an offender to us, we have the responsibility to take care of ourselves and not rely on that person to change in order for us to feel comfortable.
OP is referring to letting go of the idea that we can only be happy when others behave, think, and act in ways that gives us a payoff.
It's not about them anymore. It's about us having enough of a support system that we value ourselves enough to know what we need and want and how we go about that in order to give ourselves peace and comfort.
So OP is right, the only one responsible for my happiness, and that includes, my misery, my anger, my hate, my joy, is me.


So lets take an example of a family where this is applied

the wife/mother husband/ father would not feel responsable for the happiness of any of its members

thats my idea of a disfunctional nightmarish family

my idea of a family is everyone puts evryone else first, love is shown and shared, lots of hugs and affection and yes others happiness comes first because when you truly love the happiness of your spouse and or children is your happiness

how can you be happy if those you love care about are not happy?

So lets take an example of a family where this is applied

the wife/mother husband/ father would not feel responsable for the happiness of any of its members

thats my idea of a disfunctional nightmarish family

my idea of a family is everyone puts evryone else first, love is shown and shared, lots of hugs and affection and yes others happiness comes first because when you truly love the happiness of your spouse and or children is your happiness

how can you be happy if those you love care about are not happy?

I heard something really inspiring on EWTN the other night..they where speaking about marriage and they said a successful marriage meant death of the Self

Your Self dies in order to place the Self of your spouse in its place

mutually

The husband places the wife first

The wife places the husband first

thats harmony..thats love

Okay, so we are talking about adults now, not children, because with children, they needs nurturing, care, and support while helping them set boundaries and limits through example and direction.

Int he adult world, we are all supposed to be responsible for our happiness so nobody is expecting nor needing another to do something to make them happy.

So if wife wants a hug and expressed she wants a hug, and husband doesn't want to hug her, wife is not going to oblige, and husband has a choice to hug or not hug.
Wife has the responsibility to ask for a hug at a later time and if hubby wants later, then great, but if hubby keeps not wanting to hug, then it is wife's responsibility to see how she can get a hug from (a massage at a spa, her child, her mom, etc) and if that's not enough and she wants a hug from the hubby only, she'll have to see if she trully will be okay with a hubby who doesn't like or want to hug.

So lets say you are my husband and I want you to make love tonight, and you don't want to.
Should i rather you do it for me? even though you don't want to? Isn't that selfish of me to want you to do something you don't want to do?

For what purpose? for my self interest?

I rather you make love to me, when you also want to.

And I guess I will wait until you want to, which I hope is soon.

But if you don't make love to me for months, then we need to talk, but I am still responsible to how I respond and how I feel about it.

You not wanting to make love to me should not determine my happiness.
I will have feelings as a result but I'm still responsible in what my reality is around it.

DO you understand?

ONE MAN CANNOT CHANGE THE WORLD, THAT'S A GIVEN !
BUT
ONE MAN CAN CARRYING THE MESSAGE, COULD ONE DAY HELP CHANGE THE WORLD !!


if one stays silent,one becomes blind and accepting !

If I do something for someone so that I get a good feeling about myself about it, meaning, if I do something good for you, so that I can tell myself "wow, i have so loving I do things for others to make them happy, and I am so good for that"
I call that selfishness to, because it is about getting a hit that "I'm so good". that "I'm so great" feeling.

Thats still to complement yourself by giving someone a compliment or a good feeling.

Now, if I do something and you feel good because of it, and you even get a great feeling of joy, pleasure, or peace, then I don't even realize it nor care much to think I'm so great, I actually call that a selfless act, because there is no payoff for me other than just doing it out of kindness, without a motive.

I don't want to do things for people to get a "happy" or good feelings. That's not my job. That's your job.

I just do what I do and if you like it, great, if not, okay.

I agree. This is a sick world, but we can recover by changing the direction or learning about how truly sick we are.

People who are hostile, aggressive,violent, dishonest, etc, do affect others, especially children, who then become adult children, meaning that you have children who never truly grew up, which is what we have mostly today.
We have adults who look like adult but who are still children on the inside, meaning, they never learned to learn moderation in their thinking, feeling, and acting, never learned containment, self esteem, boundaries, limits, and are completely shame bound or shameless and those are exactly who become offender like the people who mentioned above(violent, aggressive, etc)
When we as people can learn to truly grow up and heal the wounds from childhood and learn what it's like to be an adult, we will not be offenders anymore and we don't trickle the pain onto the following generations.

The problem with being a child in an adult body is that life will not work. Actually it will spiral out of control, and this happens partly because as adult children, we are expecting others to make us happy, etc, and we are expecting the world to give us what we never learned to give ourselves which is a sense of inherent value and worth, and we already know how to meet our own needs and how not to become offenders to others, especially to our children.

You're referring to child abuse which happened to you when your father did that and that was traumatic.
OP is not referring to child abuse.
OP is referring to the fact that each one of us as an adult has enough self esteem that comes from inside out, not outside in, that we don't need to be defined by someone else's reality.
We as adults have enough tools in that if someone yells or curses or becomes an offender to us, we have the responsibility to take care of ourselves and not rely on that person to change in order for us to feel comfortable.
OP is referring to letting go of the idea that we can only be happy when others behave, think, and act in ways that gives us a payoff.
It's not about them anymore. It's about us having enough of a support system that we value ourselves enough to know what we need and want and how we go about that in order to give ourselves peace and comfort.
So OP is right, the only one responsible for my happiness, and that includes, my misery, my anger, my hate, my joy, is me.


So lets take an example of a family where this is applied

the wife/mother husband/ father would not feel responsable for the happiness of any of its members

thats my idea of a disfunctional nightmarish family

my idea of a family is everyone puts evryone else first, love is shown and shared, lots of hugs and affection and yes others happiness comes first because when you truly love the happiness of your spouse and or children is your happiness

how can you be happy if those you love care about are not happy?


You should be responsible for the welfare of those in your care, and do the best you can. However, you cannot be responsible for their happiness, sadness, anything else-ness..unless you want to take responsibility for how they responded to your parenting, and doing so, blame your parents, and their parents, and on and on ...