...actually science is the new mysticism. But really I started out as a mystic, but I have since evolved towards a more honest paradigm...here is a letter I wrote to El Collie's site in 1999:
"I'd like to share my own personal story and theory of kundalini awakening. From the time I was born I was very interested in the spiritual world. I would often catch myself being in a trance-like state when I was young and end up talking to myself and not even being aware that I was in a public place. The term 'space-cadet' or 'absent-minded professor' probably fit me like a glove. I was trying to astrally travel and reading books on such occult things by the time I was seven.
When I was 19 I became hooked on Carlos Casteneda's books on Don Juan, as well as other "classics" such as Barbara Brennan's 'Hand's of Light'. It was this same year that I began experimenting with hallucinogens - mainly LSD and mushrooms. For a person who is interested in outerspace explorations such drugs are the key to a quick advancement. Like most people I felt that I had entered a whole new reality to explore. Probably the 7th or 8th time that I tripped, I started to become aware of myself in a whole new way. I was suddenly able to see that certain aspects of myself needed to grow and change. I became aware that I possessed many undesirable traits. It was as if these realizations were coming from another source than myself - I was not actually seeking them out. Because of these experiences I began to contemplate the realm of human personality - and soon my spiritual path escalated.
Being very young still, and a true believer in spiritual powers, I was very interested in exploration of psychic powers in general. Of particular importance to my spiritual path was the experience of unity consciousness or at least partial unity consciousness - experienced with other friends while tripping on LSD. When two people who are open to feeling states are in each others presence their feeling states will often merge, and soon it is as if they are becoming one person. The effect is increased when you stare into another persons eyes and try to become empty-minded and being completely aware. I will explain the importance of this later in the story.
The other important psychic effect was being able to will various parts of my body to move - without moving them in the normal manner, using pure mental willpower. I found it easiest to start with my feet and then move on up. I found I was also able to make parts of other peoples bodies move by pure mental will just by focusing on that area - usually it would just kind of jump and shake - obviously I needed some practice at acheiving true control. It was probably very similiar to the chinese internal martial artists ability to affect other people in a fight without touching - called nei gung technique. The relevance to the kundalini awakening will also come later in the story.
At a certain point in time, while tripping again (The use of hallucinogens seemed to open me up to these experiences - although I was also able to expereince them normally to a lesser degree [or using more willpower] )I would experience spontaneous movements, also called kriyas, kriya movements, spontaneous yogic movements etc. This is basically where your body moves as if another intelligence is moving it. This would happen especially during times of extreme emotion in myself. The effects during this time period were vague - usually swaying movements very rough in nature. This relates to the above paragraph.
In the next year or two, these movements would increase in complexity, again especially while on hallucinogens. Soon, this force could expertly move my hands and other small parts of me. There was a time that I thought it was my Reiki spirit guides :) Note that this intelligence could also affect my emotions and my thoughts. The more I relaxed and tried to calm my own thoughts and listen intently, the more this force could penetrate my being and affect me on the physical, mental, and emotional level. I noticed that the types of movements usually corresponded to whatever spiritual path I was interested in at that time. For example, when I was initiated into kriya yoga, from Babaji, Yogananda etc., The intelligence would start to perform certain hand mudras and yoga gestures - things that I did not know and had to look up the meaning of afterwards.
I also have to mention that during these years as my contact with this 'presence' was growing stronger I was actively trying to engage it in mental conversation. To hear the words of this intelligence in my head at first was difficult and was basically a meditation in itself. I used the same techniques as any other channeler would use by the way. Eventually as this presence was able to more fully enter into my neurological system, the effects became clearer and I was able to mentally hear specific words on a frequent occasion. I began querying this presence and received usually one word answers - which were mostly complex multi-syllable words which I did not know the meaning of and had to look up in a dictionary.
It was during a 2-3 month period of intense emotional purging through the use of mostly hallucinogens and nitrous oxide that this intelligence was able to completely 'enter' my neurological/nervous system. My theory on this is that these compounds allowed me to completely open up psychically to receive these energies. During 2-3 particular trips I experienced most of the more 'hard core kundalini awakening effects' such as energetic pulses going up and down my spine, strange pressures in all parts of my brain, feeling as if if I was breathing through various parts of my brain which corresponded to chakra locations, rapid body heat changes, visions of such complexity that I knew that my mind wasnt the one making them, times where one or the other of my nostrils would close open, and I would be breathing out of only one, then it would suddenly and quickly switch...I also experienced ecstatic feelings of love and bliss in many different forms, which were far greater than any kind of drug experience I could possibly have had. I am quite sure that I also had various hypertensive effects - rapid blood pressure changes, lots of scary effects that made me think that I was going to faint or have a seizure or something. It was after a particular intense use of mushrooms that it became obvious that this presence no longer needed me to use the hallucinogens to get into contact with it. I was now constantly in dialogue with it and it was continously working in my body 24 hours a day - even influencing my dreams.
After my last trip during this time period, I spent about the next month feeling what I call the 'sparklies' - which felt like intense little shocks throughout my nervous system - most of them small, some of them large and corresponding to major chakra points - especially the muladhara chakra. Also after this major awakening event the intelligence had full access to my nervous system - it could physically move me around just as easily as I could. It could lay on any emotional state or feeling in my body, play any kind of mental imagery across my inner picture screen that it wanted, and a month or so after the 'sparklies' ended it could also talk through my mouth just as easily as I could.
It has been a little over a year since this happened. One of the major effects is that my consciousness is expanding daily. Another unfortunate part of the process is that during this whole time and to a great extent the past 2 years prior to my 'kundalini awakening' it as if I have been depressed. When I say depressed - I mean lacking in feeling and general happiness. This needs to be described more in detail.
Mainly it isn't really being 'depressed' it is more like being 'suppressed'. The feelings that make life so great just aren't there. This is accurately described by Gopi Krishna in his year and a half to two years after his kundalini awakening. Having no interest in life often drains one as one feels nothing. It is hard to maintain interest in activities, relationships, food, sex, or any of desires of humanity. As a result of this a person experiencing this will often find that he will grasp onto anything which provides a feeling arousal. This is very Jungian in effect - that person will dig up all of his childhood traumas and desires which were stifled during their lifetime. For example - if that person secretly was gay, and trying to remain straight - it would come out, if that person hated living where they were living - that feeling would come out to such an intensity that they would move, if that person was in a career or life-style situation which was contrary to their true nature - they would be forced to change it - the feeling would dominate their consciousness at that point. This is why having a full-kundalini awakening pretty much catapults you towards your true self. As most people do not truly represent their true selves - having built up a false persona of who they were, it is often a painful process of growth which they must go through. You will be forced to enter into many situations which you feared (perhaps you feared what people would think of you if you acted 'this' way, or you if you became 'that' kind of person). After having giving in to your true self - especially having worked through all of the past issues, you will not necesarily stay as that person you didnt want to be - you can still grow and change your life style, but you have to allow that true inner self to be.
On an end note I'd like to point out that these kind of occurences are exactly what is supposed to happen in Kriya yoga, Siddha yoga, Sahaj yoga, and advanced Kripalu yoga. Each of these yogas is about allowing the spontaneous yoga movements to occur. Furthermore there are many famous individuals who have written books which describe this intelligence as being the force behind spiritual change. Examples are Sri Aurobindo, who called this force the supermind. KrishnaMurta - who details how a spiritual presence was able to work through him. Joan of Arc - who communicated with what is most likely this same presence. Swami Muktananda - whose experiences perfectly fit into this model. Any of the spiritualists who allowed beings to enter into them and express itself through such things as automatic writing, channelling, speaking in tongues, etc. etc. Swami Yogananda of kriya yoga - obviously was 'in allegiance' with this presence, as is detailed in his books.
Looking back at the spiritual events in my life it is plainly obvious that the guiding force on my whole spiritual path was this presence. As far the unity consciousness is concerned (unity consciousness being one of the goals of the tantric path BTW) I believe that two individuals with this "initiation" would be able to truly experience this state because this spiritual presence would act as a bridge between the two people. So it really wouldn't be a twosome - it's a threesome. I think that is a major blessing for two people who are in union, they each would be able to know eachother so much deeper by being in contact with this go-between presence.
So in short -what I am saying is that the kundalini awakening is not as is commonly believed - coiled around the muladhara chakra three times - instead it is an awakening and connection with a higher spiritual intelligence which moves through mankind and has been for thousands of years - probably the force which is evolving humankind. Traditionally a kundalini awakening has been seen as a separate occurence, but I think it is in fact the motivating force behind all truly spiritual people and spiritual paths. An intelligent presence which may very likely be involved in the evolution of all of the life forms on this planet. There are many terms which may describe this energy - shakti, mahashakti, purusa, shabdabrahman, Tao?, Ain Soph, God?, the companion (sufism), etc. etc.. in all of the various advanced spiritual paths in the world. So anyone who is experiencing this awakening is truly experiencing a connection with a higher (divine?) presence. The question is - is this presence the same one for all of the people? Or are there many different spiritual entities which are contacting people? The latter one may lead to some fear, but it is a possible explanation...In any event I am positive that this occurrence in my life has led to remarkable growth and changes and abilities which I would not have had otherwise."
....so anyways, that was like 14 years ago. So I started out as a mystic of sorts...but after years of research I have updated my belief systems to the most rational. I use a technique called 'Occam's Razor' see: [link to en.wikipedia.org
The problem with mysticism is that it relies too much on anthropomorphism. Kundalini is clearly a noncorporeal intelligence, thus it has no gender, no form, and no limitations by the physical laws as we know them. So like I said, it would not be limited by our physical structure...just as radio waves, x-rays and other portions of the electromagnetic spectrum can pass through our body as if it isn't even there, I am quite sure that the kundalini can too.
The problem with kundalini is that it increases emotionality which can lead to false belief systems which much resemble schizophrenia-like hyper-perception of synchronicities. One becomes very sensitive to stimuli and notes things that other people wouldn't see and one can read too much into them. The Kundalini will not disavow us of our belief, it will leave us alone to form our own opinion, or even support us in a false opinion. That is why it often called, 'the great masquerador' or 'the great trickster' - in a way it plays games, but not really - all it does is take our own belief system and send it back to us magnified until we burn through it.
Funnily enough, I once thought that kundalini entered me through the left foot as you do. When I mentioned being able to move various parts of my body just my willing or imagining it above, I was able to do it most easily to my left toes. But years later, in retrospect, I saw that the kundalini had been with me almost all my life - influencing my dreams and perceptions from a young age. And when i said I could move parts of my body by willing it, I found out later it was the kundalini doing it behind the scenes...so the first area of the body the kundalini was able to affect through stimulation of my motor cortex was the area of my left toes. So you see I know what you are talking about.
What I think happens often is that the kundalini integrates with the right half of the brain first. As you may have heard, the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body. Go to this site real quick: [link to www.pbs.org
] and look at the map of the motor cortex at the bottom left hand side of the page. You'll notice that the area for the toes is the first and closest to the center to to the brain. It so happens that it is quite close to the thalamus, which some scientists believe is the center of consciousness. I believe that it starts in one area of the brain and gradually move about in a progressive manner.
Just a quick explanation about the pre-motor and motor cortex - all movement is initiated from here. When you decide to move something, a rapid relay of information travels back and forth to/from the area you are moving to the correscponding areas of the motor cortex. The pre-motor cortex area senses/receives, and the motor cortex stimulates/sends the commands to the body part. When you feel something touch you, in essence you are not really feeling it at that body part, you are actually feeling it in the brain, specifically in a kind of kinesthetic map which is called the 'homunculus' which is like a miniature model of your body. I have experimented heavily with dissasociative drugs like DXM and ketamine and they can easily alter your sense of shape. I have felt as small as an atom, and as large as a mountain. I have felt my body seemingly morph into different shapes, such as my hand become a mallet. One time in a lucid dream the kundalini changed my entire perception of myself - it made me into a shape of a ficus tree. I felt like my body was shaped like a ficus tree. So you see, sensations are malleable...and they all happen in the brain.
It would make the most logical sense that the kundalini does all this through the brain. Yes, maybe it could modulate the signals coming from a body part at the source, I am sure it could actually...but it makes so much more sense to go to the source of perception and affect it there. I would bet all the money I have ever had and will have that this is the case. Can I prove it? No...but I really have spent tens of thousands of hours contemplating, studying how the kundalini works - its one of my life passions. I'm no dummy, so you might want to keep an open mind if you value knowing the truth.