Godlike Productions - Conspiracy Forum
Users Online Now: 1,359 (Who's On?)Visitors Today: 483,014
Pageviews Today: 623,665Threads Today: 107Posts Today: 2,128
05:01 AM


Rate this Thread

Absolute BS Crap Reasonable Nice Amazing
 

How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 24512322
United States
03/22/2013 11:22 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
I have so many problems. I am sorry I am coming here, but I like the responses. They are most brutally honest.

I realize I might have abandonment issues. Any time a guy will show signs he likes me, I shut down. I shy up. I can't even initiate a hi to him. Is this normal? Usually, I notice he becomes attracted to me, will try to talk to me more, and I tend to shy up even more. Then the guy will stop trying, thinking I'm not interested, when I am. I sick of being in this torture cell. I feel really dumb.

Maybe the guy doesn't like me enough to do anything, so maybe it's in my head they even like me. I get with bouts of self doubt. I hate how I shut down around guys who seem to like me, and I can't shown it back. It makes me feel really dumb.

I am 29, I shouldn't be like this. I really like this new guy, and I have made it become really awkward. He used to joke and sing to me, now I feel like I screwed it up, and it's awkward and tension. We look at each other, I catch him looking a lot, but he stopped talking more b/c I would shut down. I feel so stupid.

I am praying for help.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 24366338
United States
03/22/2013 11:32 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
Start taking care of the inner you. Learn to love yourself. Google "Inner Bonding"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19064248
Australia
03/22/2013 11:47 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
You need to decide what you....

More importantly, why you want that.

Its easy ro assume the worst, even more so when your past seems to reinforce your fear. Its all about your perspective.


And here's a random thought for you.

The "good" ones tend to be hard to catch...which makes the game worthwhile...

Have fun :)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 36409743
United States
03/23/2013 12:23 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
This is basically the reason there is a bar on every corner. You are not alone in your awkward alone-ness. Put on your big girl panties and say 'hi' to somebody. Otherwise only the most persistent assholes will make it through your block and then what will you have...well, not what you want. The guys who respect you enough to leave you alone are the ones who would be less likely to treat you poorly.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 24512322
United States
03/23/2013 05:44 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
This is basically the reason there is a bar on every corner. You are not alone in your awkward alone-ness. Put on your big girl panties and say 'hi' to somebody. Otherwise only the most persistent assholes will make it through your block and then what will you have...well, not what you want. The guys who respect you enough to leave you alone are the ones who would be less likely to treat you poorly.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 36409743


I never even thought it that way. Thank you. I guess I just assumed they weren't into me. And you are right, the ego maniacs and pushy ones are the ones that hurt me the most.

I don't get why I shy up so hard. I know I can do it. I just don't get why I can't push through out my awkwardness. I am just sick and tired of running from guys, when I want a relationship.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 24512322
United States
03/23/2013 05:45 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
You need to decide what you....

More importantly, why you want that.

Its easy ro assume the worst, even more so when your past seems to reinforce your fear. Its all about your perspective.


And here's a random thought for you.

The "good" ones tend to be hard to catch...which makes the game worthwhile...

Have fun :)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19064248


Makes a lot of sense. Thank you...I thought I truly screwed up.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 5331384
Canada
03/23/2013 05:58 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
If you know them well enough, why not just tell them what you've said in here? I've been in similar situations (sort of) where something starts to go really well, but then the guy kind of hints that he wants more (which I also do), but fear of being in a serious relationship shuts me right down. It's like a switch is flipped and I turn right off. However, I'm honest about "why" that happens, and as other people said, the ones who were truly interested, stuck around, were understanding and patient, and worked through it with me.

Honesty is the best policy. And if after you're honest with them, they don't "get it," then you just weeded out someone who would not have been good for you in the first place. :)
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 24512322
United States
03/23/2013 11:03 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
If you know them well enough, why not just tell them what you've said in here? I've been in similar situations (sort of) where something starts to go really well, but then the guy kind of hints that he wants more (which I also do), but fear of being in a serious relationship shuts me right down. It's like a switch is flipped and I turn right off. However, I'm honest about "why" that happens, and as other people said, the ones who were truly interested, stuck around, were understanding and patient, and worked through it with me.

Honesty is the best policy. And if after you're honest with them, they don't "get it," then you just weeded out someone who would not have been good for you in the first place. :)
 Quoting: AnonymousGirl


He hasn't hinted at it. I have only known him for 2 months, and we haven't hung out. I shut down before we even got to know each other. I feel like a moron. We started off good, but when I realize he was paying me more attention, I became more quiet. I can't think of anything to say to him.
Ibrahim

User ID: 29705895
United Kingdom
03/24/2013 05:06 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
what abbandonement issues?
humans will abandon you when it doesnt suit them anymore, get a pet and be realistic.
Ibrahim
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1482838
United States
03/24/2013 05:35 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
You need to decide what you....

More importantly, why you want that.

Its easy ro assume the worst, even more so when your past seems to reinforce your fear. Its all about your perspective.


And here's a random thought for you.

The "good" ones tend to be hard to catch...which makes the game worthwhile...

Have fun :)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19064248


I can't decide if this is good advice for her or bad.

A lot of people don't like to treat their relationships
as a game. Or don't know how to.
This seems a viewpoint more from the realm of men than
women.

Some women make a conscious decision to try to play the
same game as men, thinking this will give them an
advantage. But, it doesn't, not really.

I think women are subject to be conditioned by movies to
think the formula works in real life. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, there is conflict or complications misunderstandings, the girl or guy walks away, the other comes running after and they end up happily ever after.
Watch any Jennifer Anniston movie for concept.
It's the same basic movie over and over.

This is not real life though. We live in a pornified world
where men's expectations of women and women's expectations
of men are skewed.

Women and men are patterning their behavior off of two different movie scripts altogether.

This is the basic problem as I have boiled it down to.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2169888
United States
03/24/2013 05:50 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
The first thing you have to do is insist that your happiness and sense of self-worth is not dependent on another person. You have to feel good in your own skin first.

Talk therapy is very good for this if you get the right therapist. But it may take years you have to stick with it.
Ibrahim

User ID: 29705895
United Kingdom
03/24/2013 06:04 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
Get a pet and stop being stupid.
People are unreliable, once you realize that it wont matter what men do.
The vast majority is complete shit, its luck of the draw.
I waited for my husband for many years now that I have him I wish I was single.
I know its hard when you are single but unfortunately this place is hell.
Depending on your financial situation you may want to get a baby or a pet.
Men come and go.
This is the truth, pets are loyal humans are trash.
If you really want a human companion go for it, then when you realize what a mistake you have made relax and never make that mistake again.
Ibrahim
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 5331384
Canada
03/24/2013 06:15 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
If you know them well enough, why not just tell them what you've said in here? I've been in similar situations (sort of) where something starts to go really well, but then the guy kind of hints that he wants more (which I also do), but fear of being in a serious relationship shuts me right down. It's like a switch is flipped and I turn right off. However, I'm honest about "why" that happens, and as other people said, the ones who were truly interested, stuck around, were understanding and patient, and worked through it with me.

Honesty is the best policy. And if after you're honest with them, they don't "get it," then you just weeded out someone who would not have been good for you in the first place. :)
 Quoting: AnonymousGirl


He hasn't hinted at it. I have only known him for 2 months, and we haven't hung out. I shut down before we even got to know each other. I feel like a moron. We started off good, but when I realize he was paying me more attention, I became more quiet. I can't think of anything to say to him.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


Well look at it this way, sometimes people say way too much meaningless garbage just for the sake of filling up "dead air." Enjoy the silence, maybe he will too. Let things come naturally. Go with the flow.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1033513
United States
03/24/2013 06:27 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
You have abandonment issues? Don't even go there, that is a sure sign of desperation. Look, don't pay these guys any mind, just go on about your business,really. Don't shy up around these assholes and believe me, they are not worth your damn time. If you ever get the chance to get lucky, do like the guys do, hit it and get up, hit the shower and leave.


Word: use a condom. Safe sex is the way to go. Too many assholes out there wanna go giving you a disease or some shit. Fuck these guys, You women need to learn to use them for nothing more than sex! Hell, if you can't do anything, just use them for oral sex. Let him go down on you, get your nut and get the hell up and get out. Most men are terrible at vaginal sex anyway. Why? Cuz they're fucking lazy and quick on the draw. And these bastards know what I'm talking about,too! In their minds, it's always about them and their needs. Fuck that, use that MOFO and get your nut first.

If they can use you, then you can use them,too! It's not just about their BS needs anymore. You girls have to take back your power.

And get a pet, they will love you more than any man ever will.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 24512322
United States
03/25/2013 10:37 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
You need to decide what you....

More importantly, why you want that.

Its easy ro assume the worst, even more so when your past seems to reinforce your fear. Its all about your perspective.


And here's a random thought for you.

The "good" ones tend to be hard to catch...which makes the game worthwhile...

Have fun :)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19064248


I can't decide if this is good advice for her or bad.

A lot of people don't like to treat their relationships
as a game. Or don't know how to.
This seems a viewpoint more from the realm of men than
women.

Some women make a conscious decision to try to play the
same game as men, thinking this will give them an
advantage. But, it doesn't, not really.

I think women are subject to be conditioned by movies to
think the formula works in real life. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, there is conflict or complications misunderstandings, the girl or guy walks away, the other comes running after and they end up happily ever after.
Watch any Jennifer Anniston movie for concept.
It's the same basic movie over and over.

This is not real life though. We live in a pornified world
where men's expectations of women and women's expectations
of men are skewed.

Women and men are patterning their behavior off of two different movie scripts altogether.

This is the basic problem as I have boiled it down to.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1482838


Movies really do fuck your mind up. Agreed. I hate the game, the chase. I am just letting things happen naturally. No rushing...
double_frick

User ID: 30152926
United States
03/25/2013 11:34 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
I have so many problems. I am sorry I am coming here, but I like the responses. They are most brutally honest.

I realize I might have abandonment issues. Any time a guy will show signs he likes me, I shut down. I shy up. I can't even initiate a hi to him. Is this normal? Usually, I notice he becomes attracted to me, will try to talk to me more, and I tend to shy up even more. Then the guy will stop trying, thinking I'm not interested, when I am. I sick of being in this torture cell. I feel really dumb.

Maybe the guy doesn't like me enough to do anything, so maybe it's in my head they even like me. I get with bouts of self doubt. I hate how I shut down around guys who seem to like me, and I can't shown it back. It makes me feel really dumb.

I am 29, I shouldn't be like this. I really like this new guy, and I have made it become really awkward. He used to joke and sing to me, now I feel like I screwed it up, and it's awkward and tension. We look at each other, I catch him looking a lot, but he stopped talking more b/c I would shut down. I feel so stupid.

I am praying for help.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


i wish i turned shy. i turn bitch.

well, i think at first i turn a bit shy and stand-offish....people take offense to that...and then i take offense to their taking offense...and on and on and on.

i'm 28.

perhaps you have experienced enough painful social/love situations to cause you to have that reaction once someone gets too close...and then they must prove it?
i feel like thats where i'm at.

like, i guess if i were in your shoes i would be telling myself that if this guy really cared and wouldn't betray me(like all the others) then he would see my pain in my shyness and shutting down-ness(?) and try to break through that or help me with it. if i'm worth it to him and he won't fuck me over then he won't run away because i'm like this.

does that make sense at all? i don't know if it does, and i don't know if its right....i think its my subconscious' bizarre way of testing whether someone is worth trusting.


maybe you need to work on your trust.
maybe you need to work on discernment.
maybe this guy showed some fraction of a reason for you to wonder if you ought to trust him or be vulnerable with him?
maybe you just need to take more time with people to be sure you can trust them so your subconscious doesn't come in and do it for you......

just my .02 cents.

and also, you aren't alone. i think MOST people are like this in some way and to some degree. ....especially at our age.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 24512322
United States
03/25/2013 11:35 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
I have so many problems. I am sorry I am coming here, but I like the responses. They are most brutally honest.

I realize I might have abandonment issues. Any time a guy will show signs he likes me, I shut down. I shy up. I can't even initiate a hi to him. Is this normal? Usually, I notice he becomes attracted to me, will try to talk to me more, and I tend to shy up even more. Then the guy will stop trying, thinking I'm not interested, when I am. I sick of being in this torture cell. I feel really dumb.

Maybe the guy doesn't like me enough to do anything, so maybe it's in my head they even like me. I get with bouts of self doubt. I hate how I shut down around guys who seem to like me, and I can't shown it back. It makes me feel really dumb.

I am 29, I shouldn't be like this. I really like this new guy, and I have made it become really awkward. He used to joke and sing to me, now I feel like I screwed it up, and it's awkward and tension. We look at each other, I catch him looking a lot, but he stopped talking more b/c I would shut down. I feel so stupid.

I am praying for help.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


i wish i turned shy. i turn bitch.

well, i think at first i turn a bit shy and stand-offish....people take offense to that...and then i take offense to their taking offense...and on and on and on.

i'm 28.

perhaps you have experienced enough painful social/love situations to cause you to have that reaction once someone gets too close...and then they must prove it?
i feel like thats where i'm at.

like, i guess if i were in your shoes i would be telling myself that if this guy really cared and wouldn't betray me(like all the others) then he would see my pain in my shyness and shutting down-ness(?) and try to break through that or help me with it. if i'm worth it to him and he won't fuck me over then he won't run away because i'm like this.

does that make sense at all? i don't know if it does, and i don't know if its right....i think its my subconscious' bizarre way of testing whether someone is worth trusting.


maybe you need to work on your trust.
maybe you need to work on discernment.
maybe this guy showed some fraction of a reason for you to wonder if you ought to trust him or be vulnerable with him?
maybe you just need to take more time with people to be sure you can trust them so your subconscious doesn't come in and do it for you......

just my .02 cents.

and also, you aren't alone. i think MOST people are like this in some way and to some degree. ....especially at our age.
 Quoting: double_frick


That right there is what makes me scared. All the other guys, I knew they were wrong, but I still would like them.

I hate how my past gets in way of my happiness. I want to be happy, I want to be with someone. This guy is fun, makes me smile. I have a sense of comfort with him, but it still scares me.

I guess I should add he recently lost his mother. I didn't know how to respond. I feel like I don't know him well enough to comfort him. I noticed he wanted to talk to me more, but I become so stupid and awkward. I wanted to run up and hug him. I wanted to tell him I'm here for him, but I shut down.

I don't know how to talk to straight guys. I can talk to anybody, but when I realize there's attraction, and it's mutual...I don't know how to proceed.

Thanks for listening. It just sucks.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1430445
United States
03/25/2013 11:46 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
OPen a fishing shop and reel in a good one.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1430445
United States
03/25/2013 11:51 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
I am sorry. That was insensitive. You are experiencing pain. Truly, everyone feels "less than," at some point. You are going to to great --- you see things as they are and are effecting change, good for you. Write again in six months and share how you are doing!
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 24512322
United States
03/26/2013 01:02 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
I am sorry. That was insensitive. You are experiencing pain. Truly, everyone feels "less than," at some point. You are going to to great --- you see things as they are and are effecting change, good for you. Write again in six months and share how you are doing!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1430445


This guy makes me want to overcome it. I just don't know how. I am sick of feeling awkward around guys I like. I know it's normal to some extent, but I completely shut down, and inside, I can sense I want to run away. With this guy, I feel like running away, but I don't as much.

I don't know if I have abandonment issues, per se. I just know whatever I feel and do, it negatively effects relationships from even starting. It sucks.

My dad never showed my love, and he was the only male I knew for most my life. I am only child. I can be outgoing once I get to know someone. But not with people I like or attracted to.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34496689
United States
03/26/2013 01:13 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
I don't get why I shy up so hard. I know I can do it. I just don't get why I can't push through out my awkwardness. I am just sick and tired of running from guys, when I want a relationship.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


are you making this up?
this is very fear based. you said your father was a negative influence in your life? have you confronted him about that do you still speak with him. maybe inside you think you are also not worthy.

if you dont do anything it will just get worse playing it in your head, id speak to your father or try going out with friends and approach random people its easier to get rejected by someone you dont know.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 23554071
United States
03/26/2013 01:24 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
I am sorry. That was insensitive. You are experiencing pain. Truly, everyone feels "less than," at some point. You are going to to great --- you see things as they are and are effecting change, good for you. Write again in six months and share how you are doing!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1430445


This guy makes me want to overcome it. I just don't know how. I am sick of feeling awkward around guys I like. I know it's normal to some extent, but I completely shut down, and inside, I can sense I want to run away. With this guy, I feel like running away, but I don't as much.

I don't know if I have abandonment issues, per se. I just know whatever I feel and do, it negatively effects relationships from even starting. It sucks.

My dad never showed my love, and he was the only male I knew for most my life. I am only child. I can be outgoing once I get to know someone. But not with people I like or attracted to.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322

Did it ever occur to you that maybe your dad has the same problem? This could be hereditary. Is you mom alive? Ask her if he was shy. Have any other close relatives you can talk to who can answer this question? If it is hereditary, you might want to seek professional advice. Being shy is an indication of low esteem. You're only as inferior as you think about yourself.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26620451
Canada
03/26/2013 01:25 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
Adopt a kitty.

Love something which was abandoned too set yourself free.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1561325
United States
03/26/2013 01:32 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
This guy makes me want to overcome it. I just don't know how.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


Why don't you ask him for advice instead of us?

Just walk up to him and say, "Hey, do you ever get so anxious about getting to know someone you like that you have no idea how to go about doing it? What do you usually do in that kind of situation?"

You say that you're sick of feeling awkward around guys you like, but have you actually ever stopped to accept those feelings to learn why they are there?

Or do you just try to ignore them and hope they'll go away?


You don't have to be outgoing, OP. You just have to be yourself. To venture a guess, I would say the only reason you feel awkward is that you feel that if you were to be able to behave perfectly and say all the right things, then that would be a sign that the man you've found is the right one.

If so, your feelings are right on track - but it's not going to work like fucking magic that way. It's going to work that way when you become comfortable in your own skin - when you are so comfortable with yourself that you find yourself talking to a man you are attracted to and simultaneously are not concerned with anything coming out wrong.

It's not about finding the man who will magically erase all of your apprehensions so that you can be you. It's about erasing all of the apprehensions so that you can be you in order to be a turn-off to all of the wrong men.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18681750
United States
03/26/2013 01:33 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
Lots of people are just like you, like another poster said, that's why there are bars. Have a drink with girlfriends and meet some men that way.

I met my husband in a bar, and been married over 20 years.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 36595003
Australia
03/26/2013 01:37 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
You have abandonment issues? Don't even go there, that is a sure sign of desperation. Look, don't pay these guys any mind, just go on about your business,really. Don't shy up around these assholes and believe me, they are not worth your damn time. If you ever get the chance to get lucky, do like the guys do, hit it and get up, hit the shower and leave.


Word: use a condom. Safe sex is the way to go. Too many assholes out there wanna go giving you a disease or some shit. Fuck these guys, You women need to learn to use them for nothing more than sex! Hell, if you can't do anything, just use them for oral sex. Let him go down on you, get your nut and get the hell up and get out. Most men are terrible at vaginal sex anyway. Why? Cuz they're fucking lazy and quick on the draw. And these bastards know what I'm talking about,too! In their minds, it's always about them and their needs. Fuck that, use that MOFO and get your nut first.

If they can use you, then you can use them,too! It's not just about their BS needs anymore. You girls have to take back your power.

And get a pet, they will love you more than any man ever will.
 Quoting: hawk8414


Condoms do NOT stop herpes.

What are you trying to tell this poor woman?

Fucking asshole.

OP ignore this fuckwit.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 24512322
United States
03/26/2013 01:51 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
I don't get why I shy up so hard. I know I can do it. I just don't get why I can't push through out my awkwardness. I am just sick and tired of running from guys, when I want a relationship.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


are you making this up?
this is very fear based. you said your father was a negative influence in your life? have you confronted him about that do you still speak with him. maybe inside you think you are also not worthy.

if you dont do anything it will just get worse playing it in your head, id speak to your father or try going out with friends and approach random people its easier to get rejected by someone you dont know.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34496689


I do still speak to my dad, I don't see how talking to him about it will do anything but make things worst. I am so awkward around him. It's an awkward family relationship. I have never been my true self around him. I wish I was. He is nicer to me now then when growing up. But it feels artificial...too little too late.

I talk to strangers, to get outside my comfort zone. I actually joked with the guy last Sunday when I tried to think he didn't like me. In my mind, I just figured since I am quiet, he probably has given up. Plus, he just lost his mom, I don't want to be a bother.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 24512322
United States
03/26/2013 02:00 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
Lots of people are just like you, like another poster said, that's why there are bars. Have a drink with girlfriends and meet some men that way.

I met my husband in a bar, and been married over 20 years.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 18681750


I feel like such a late bloomer. I am 29...and I have friends already who have been married for 5 years, have kids. I don't regret not going for the guys who I wanted something with. I see how most of them turned out, or once my emotions left, I saw a guy I really didn't like who they were.

But this new guy, I feel like I need help with it. He's kind.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14839519
United Kingdom
03/26/2013 02:03 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
Think you just need a good hump dear! :) :5a:
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 35233389
United States
03/26/2013 02:08 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
If you know them well enough, why not just tell them what you've said in here? I've been in similar situations (sort of) where something starts to go really well, but then the guy kind of hints that he wants more (which I also do), but fear of being in a serious relationship shuts me right down. It's like a switch is flipped and I turn right off. However, I'm honest about "why" that happens, and as other people said, the ones who were truly interested, stuck around, were understanding and patient, and worked through it with me.

Honesty is the best policy. And if after you're honest with them, they don't "get it," then you just weeded out someone who would not have been good for you in the first place. :)
 Quoting: AnonymousGirl


He hasn't hinted at it. I have only known him for 2 months, and we haven't hung out. I shut down before we even got to know each other. I feel like a moron. We started off good, but when I realize he was paying me more attention, I became more quiet. I can't think of anything to say to him.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


Well look at it this way, sometimes people say way too much meaningless garbage just for the sake of filling up "dead air." Enjoy the silence, maybe he will too. Let things come naturally. Go with the flow.
 Quoting: AnonymousGirl


All I ever wanted All I ever needed is herrrrrrrrre in my arms
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17552394
United States
03/26/2013 02:19 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: How do you get over abandonment issues? I have problems where I can't move on. I make things awkward with guys all the time.
Id date you OP, you are just like me.. We'd rarely talk, and thats perfect.. BTW, good luck.. You sound very nice

News