OP, the vibe I'm getting here is that you apparently need to yield to the Laodicean Jebus, whose so-called "victory" consists of successfully harvesting some 1-10% of humanity from Eternal Destruction™. If I understand correctly, you begin this glorious journey by mouthing a "sinners prayer". Also, be aware that it's not religion, but a "relationship", somehow facilitated and maintained by following whatever x number of steps the rest of the hoard is prescribed (varying by region and/or denomination). It sounds like yer taking the whole "love" thing a little too serious - we all need balance, which can be achieved simply by looking for evil and demons around every corner. Be suspicious! Work at it, and don't let up. You want Raptured, dontcha? You miss that escape hatch, and you're fucked.