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Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)

 
miffed

User ID: 37789309
Australia
04/11/2013 02:48 AM

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Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the Staff passed out.

I wonder if I'll have to go along on many more shopping trips?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 36587745
United States
04/11/2013 02:56 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Tom Approves

cruise
miffed (OP)

User ID: 37789309
Australia
04/11/2013 02:57 AM

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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Tom Approves

cruise
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 36587745


hf
Children of the Atom

User ID: 20257839
United States
04/11/2013 02:59 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Spam story, exact same version out there - but only it is titled how to be banned from Target.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 37825319
United States
04/11/2013 03:00 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Bump for an unexpected laugh
miffed (OP)

User ID: 37789309
Australia
04/11/2013 03:09 AM

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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Spam story, exact same version out there - but only it is titled how to be banned from Target.
 Quoting: Children of the Atom


Of course it's not real I put it up for a laugh silly :)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1386821
United States
04/11/2013 03:16 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Fake as shit. Dumb thread.
REND

User ID: 17749104
United States
04/11/2013 03:20 AM

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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
I laughed so hard I cried! Thank you! 5*
Children of the Atom

User ID: 20257839
United States
04/11/2013 03:20 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Spam story, exact same version out there - but only it is titled how to be banned from Target.
 Quoting: Children of the Atom


Of course it's not real I put it up for a laugh silly :)
 Quoting: miffed


cheers

It is funny.
miffed (OP)

User ID: 37789309
Australia
04/11/2013 03:20 AM

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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Fake as shit. Dumb thread.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1386821


s226 meanie
miffed (OP)

User ID: 37789309
Australia
04/11/2013 03:21 AM

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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
I laughed so hard I cried! Thank you! 5*
 Quoting: REND


hf thanks it's good to have a laugh :)
miffed (OP)

User ID: 37789309
Australia
04/11/2013 03:22 AM

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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Spam story, exact same version out there - but only it is titled how to be banned from Target.
 Quoting: Children of the Atom


Of course it's not real I put it up for a laugh silly :)
 Quoting: miffed


cheers

It is funny.
 Quoting: Children of the Atom


hf
Menosgada

User ID: 20489482
Germany
04/11/2013 03:23 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Gonna try some of that shit in our German stores...I'll keep you posted on how it worked out...LOL
Gone bezerkin...
ººOATºº
User ID: 37835477
United States
04/11/2013 03:23 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the Staff passed out.

I wonder if I'll have to go along on many more shopping trips?
 Quoting: miffed




Funny (kind of), but utter bullsheet.


You copied this from the f*cking interwebs!



bsflag
miffed (OP)

User ID: 37789309
Australia
04/11/2013 03:24 AM

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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Gonna try some of that shit in our German stores...I'll keep you posted on how it worked out...LOL
 Quoting: Menosgada


hahaha have fun :)
miffed (OP)

User ID: 37789309
Australia
04/12/2013 02:56 AM

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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the Staff passed out.

I wonder if I'll have to go along on many more shopping trips?
 Quoting: miffed




Funny (kind of), but utter bullsheet.


You copied this from the f*cking interwebs!



bsflag
 Quoting: ººOATºº 37835477


As I said I only posted it for peeps to have a laugh peace
JUST HERE

User ID: 25610447
United States
04/12/2013 03:00 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
lolkit 5stars , good laugh
:glp sign:
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 37903898
Malaysia
04/12/2013 03:06 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
this is sooo fucking old >yawn<
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 886214
United States
04/12/2013 03:08 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Though obviously it's fake and just for laughs, if someone really did this then they deserve their own sitcom or talk show or something 5a
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 37900952
Australia
04/12/2013 03:10 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Thanks for the giggles OP chuckle
miffed (OP)

User ID: 37789309
Australia
04/12/2013 03:12 AM

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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Thanks for the giggles OP chuckle
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37900952


You're welcome hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 37648635
United States
04/12/2013 03:13 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

LOL
BrokenDreamsalive

User ID: 37520468
United States
04/12/2013 03:35 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
I laughed so hard I nearly cried,thanks Op!hf
~~Karma might be a slow train
But she tears some shit up
When she comes through!~~
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30200710
Canada
04/12/2013 03:51 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Are you 12?

Lame joke too..
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17015145
Australia
04/12/2013 04:06 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Lacks originality no Walmart stores in Oz
WeAreOne

User ID: 36614936
United Kingdom
04/12/2013 04:10 AM
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Re: Banned Walmart shopper (LOL)
Very funny, thank you :)
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