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HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.

 
.:*Buttercup*:.
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User ID: 18380705
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05/01/2013 09:52 PM

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HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
i'm a 40 yo woman with a nice little beach house. a 19 year old cousin who i've never met is coming to stay with me until she finds a job. (apparently she didn't realize that college wasn't free). i'm doing this as a favor for my mom who can't take her in. the kid's parents and grandparents are all hot messes and can't take her in either. she was living with her boyfriend all during high school, but he's moving to mexico with his family.

it's been a long time since i was a teenager, and when i was one ,i always had a job and put myself thru college pretty easily.i partied a bit, but in general was a very good kid.
(but the 90's were a TOTALLY DIFFERENT TIME than now)

HOWEVER, I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHAT 19 YO'S ARE LIKE NOW.

what can i expect from her?

all i know about her is that she's not very bright and has been called "hard-headed" more than once by my mom.

please give me all the teenager advice you can give me.
i'm kind of scared.
gasp
HELP!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2255906
Canada
05/01/2013 09:54 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Well OP you are enabling her. Make the little entitled bitch earn her keep. Make a woman out of her.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34982889
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05/01/2013 09:55 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Setup a webcam. The police will want all the evidence they can get.
.:*Buttercup*:. (OP)

User ID: 18380705
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05/01/2013 09:57 PM

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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Well OP you are enabling her. Make the little entitled bitch earn her keep. Make a woman out of her.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2255906


like how?
do i make a list of chores?
give her a cerfew?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28073152
Malaysia
05/01/2013 09:57 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
When she arrived, check her luggage while she's in bathroom if she bring any strap-on.
.:*Buttercup*:. (OP)

User ID: 18380705
United States
05/01/2013 09:58 PM

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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Setup a webcam. The police will want all the evidence they can get.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34982889


can i do that?
i'd totally do that.
she hasn't had parents for years.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12204182
United States
05/01/2013 09:59 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
is she hot
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4726012
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05/01/2013 10:00 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
You are screwed.
ANHEDONIC

User ID: 26795689
United States
05/01/2013 10:03 PM

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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
i'm a 40 yo woman with a nice little beach house. a 19 year old cousin who i've never met is coming to stay with me until she finds a job. (apparently she didn't realize that college wasn't free). i'm doing this as a favor for my mom who can't take her in. the kid's parents and grandparents are all hot messes and can't take her in either. she was living with her boyfriend all during high school, but he's moving to mexico with his family.

it's been a long time since i was a teenager, and when i was one ,i always had a job and put myself thru college pretty easily.i partied a bit, but in general was a very good kid.
(but the 90's were a TOTALLY DIFFERENT TIME than now)

HOWEVER, I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHAT 19 YO'S ARE LIKE NOW.

what can i expect from her?

all i know about her is that she's not very bright and has been called "hard-headed" more than once by my mom.

please give me all the teenager advice you can give me.
i'm kind of scared.
gasp
HELP!
 Quoting: .:*Buttercup*:.


When she finds a job where is she going to live? Is the expectation that she'll move out on her own?

Since you've never met her, she's essentially a stranger to you (as you are to her) and that may result in a lack of respect. Does she have any history of stealing from friends/family/businesses that you know of? Do you have any valuables lying around the house that you feel you should secure until you get a better feel for your level of trust for this individual?

1dunno1

"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger"
Anonymous Coward
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05/01/2013 10:04 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Type a list of rules NOW. Send them to her before she comes.

If you don't have rules, people make up their own (that's why the banks do what they like these days)

So that she knows what the rules are.
Print them out and put on the fridge

eg
You pay for ....

TV is off by ....

MAKE SURE SHE CAN'T USE YOUR PHONE - it's not just teenagers - a man I know who used to stay at rich people's houses ran up a $10,000 phone bill he never paid.

More rules - Let's see...

List of chores for her to do. Seriously.

Think worst case scenario, just in case.
ANHEDONIC

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05/01/2013 10:04 PM

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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
When she arrived, check her luggage while she's in bathroom if she bring any strap-on.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28073152


lol

Thanks for the laugh Malaysia.

"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34982889
United States
05/01/2013 10:05 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Setup a webcam. The police will want all the evidence they can get.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34982889


can i do that?
i'd totally do that.
she hasn't had parents for years.
 Quoting: .:*Buttercup*:.


It's your house, you can do what you want.

I'm not a psychic, but I see trouble in your future, and uncertainty. Some of these girls are amazing liars. When valuable, easily pawned items begin disappearing you will want proof you can rub her nose in.

And watch out for her friends.
Anonymous Coward
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Malaysia
05/01/2013 10:05 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
When she arrived, check her luggage while she's in bathroom if she bring any strap-on.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28073152


lol

Thanks for the laugh Malaysia.
 Quoting: ANHEDONIC


pump2
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39073730
United States
05/01/2013 10:06 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Rules to include when she is to be out by.

If she is not out by then, what rent she will pay.

And when she has to pay 50% for electricity.

How much will she contribute to food?

Will you share food? Or not?

What are the rules about her bringing friends back?

Especially men?

I would suggest that you tell her NO FRIENDS - at least until she is paying rent or you get on okay.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19878189
Australia
05/01/2013 10:07 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Let her know that you are not a push over and in exchange for not kicking her arse out on the street she has to help out regularly around the house. If she complies be gentle and give her some freedom providing she doesnt break the agreement. All should be well.
Lemon

User ID: 5766356
United States
05/01/2013 10:09 PM

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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Well OP you are enabling her. Make the little entitled bitch earn her keep. Make a woman out of her.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2255906


like how?
do i make a list of chores?
give her a cerfew?
 Quoting: .:*Buttercup*:.



lol no.

Treat her like an adult. An adult who needs to pay for rent and groceries and she cooks half the dinners. & tell her you don't mind paying her a little for some housekeeping until she can get on her feet.

& she can go out, as long as she tells you where and when and who - she gets your trust until she breaks it.
THREE LAWS OF TYRANNY
(Could be read as "Three Laws of Bullying" ? )

Tyranny Law #1:
"Any power that can be abused will be abused."

Tyranny Law #2:
"Abuse always expands to fill the limits of resistance to it."

Tyranny Law #3:
"If people don't resist the abuses of others, they will have no one to resist the abuses of themselves, and tyranny will prevail."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38869687
United States
05/01/2013 10:12 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
I'd be happy to have a 19 year old niece to come stay with me.

I'm older than you OP. Give her a chance, I notice other posters are making rude remarks, please don't mind most of those but give the girl a chance.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38869687
United States
05/01/2013 10:13 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Sad all these posters focusing on money instead of humanity but these are the times we live in.
MarkinAZ

User ID: 20006444
United States
05/01/2013 10:14 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
I am a father who raised a daughter by himself.

At 19 she already has her "bad habits" be they sex, or drugs, or men or whatever. She's no kid any longer. You can guide her and maybe help shape her college years a bit. But your chance to make a serious contribution to her character are past now.

Daughters (or cousins) are not easy. You are female and can understand the moodiness and the temper that flares now and then.

Just keep her busy. Do not let this girl be idly. Get her into college or get her working - teach her good values but allow her to make a few mistkes. She'll learn from them. Just make sure the mistakes are not huge ones that ruin her life.

Get communication open and going between you two from the start. If it takes a shrink 2 times a week to facilitate it then do it! If you can build a relationship, not as a parent or a buddy but as a friend - she will come to both love and respect you in time. But above all, talk to her. Keep her busy and keep talking!

Good luck! You're about to embark on one of the most difficult and most thankless of tasks. But it is it's own reward. You'll see.

All the best...

A dad who's been there and done that...
Anonymous Coward
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United States
05/01/2013 10:14 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Sad all these posters focusing on money instead of humanity but these are the times we live in.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 38869687


It's not about money. It's about rules and setting boundaries. That if she doesn't give - she won't get.
Anonymous Coward
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05/01/2013 10:16 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Does she do occult stuff?

If so, that can bring it's own problems with it - like curses objects. Seriously.

So many these days are into black magick etc.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39048049
Australia
05/01/2013 10:17 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
I'd be happy to have a 19 year old niece to come stay with me.

I'm older than you OP. Give her a chance, I notice other posters are making rude remarks, please don't mind most of those but give the girl a chance.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 38869687


It's a cousin
AmadeusAbednego

User ID: 36995169
United States
05/01/2013 10:19 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Crash course her in the real world, let her know the truth about everything.. show her the facts. I won't say if I'm male or female or age but I will say I'm much younger than most would think and I have lived on my own since I graduated high school. It is possible in this day and age.. there is hope!(: Got a car, job, apartment, etc. I learned real quick not to be a friend to the world. Trust no one except God and my spouse. USE DISCERNMENT. She needs to focus on the true meaning of her life and purpose here. The material world doesn't matter. The spiritual world does and is very real. If she doesn't respect herself, you have to influence some good values and moral into her. Sorry, I'm cramping a lot into this! If she anything like me, I was pretty wild and took to loving the world. It's not the way and seem appealing but you will get lost fast being young. I struggle with focusing still so if she's the same, you might need to help her stay on track at first. This is a very distracting world when your new to it. BE STERN and let her know all you expect from her while shes staying. That way no excuses. lol Advise her not to be adulteress, if she is.. Goes back to self-respect. Also, if she's emotionally unstable..get her to eat three meals a day, drink water, and take her to the health food store for some kosher vitamins w/o fillers. That will help with that. If she's not bright seemingly, just believe in her!! That's all people need to get them going.. I did me by my spouse. Much positivity has come from my spouse's belief in me. I could go on and on but (: anyway, hope all goes well and come back here if you need anymore help and we will help you! YOU GOT THIS! Be an inspiration to her!hf
AmadeusAbednego

User ID: 36995169
United States
05/01/2013 10:21 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Well OP you are enabling her. Make the little entitled bitch earn her keep. Make a woman out of her.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2255906


like how?
do i make a list of chores?
give her a cerfew?
 Quoting: .:*Buttercup*:.

If she were your daughter,then what house/property rules would you have? I forgot to add to what I wrote a second ago, but I feel this is a soul lesson from God for you.. thought I'd share that (;
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 23446338
Canada
05/01/2013 10:24 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
dont be a nazi and dont oppress the poor girl, instead use this chance to nurture her so she can be all she can be. its a free country.. if she needs help she will ask for it, just tell her if she needs help dont be afraid to ask, and you can help her get a job, and set goals for the future.. your not her mom so dont try to make up for anything.. rules are gey, as long as she cleans up after herself and doesnt eat your food or make excessive noise things should be okay..

just put a lock on your door in your bedroom and keep all your valuables hidden.. maybe a nanny cam in there..
AmadeusAbednego

User ID: 36995169
United States
05/01/2013 10:25 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
I am a father who raised a daughter by himself.

At 19 she already has her "bad habits" be they sex, or drugs, or men or whatever. She's no kid any longer. You can guide her and maybe help shape her college years a bit. But your chance to make a serious contribution to her character are past now.

Daughters (or cousins) are not easy. You are female and can understand the moodiness and the temper that flares now and then.

Just keep her busy. Do not let this girl be idly. Get her into college or get her working - teach her good values but allow her to make a few mistkes. She'll learn from them. Just make sure the mistakes are not huge ones that ruin her life.

Get communication open and going between you two from the start. If it takes a shrink 2 times a week to facilitate it then do it! If you can build a relationship, not as a parent or a buddy but as a friend - she will come to both love and respect you in time. But above all, talk to her. Keep her busy and keep talking!

Good luck! You're about to embark on one of the most difficult and most thankless of tasks. But it is it's own reward. You'll see.

All the best...

A dad who's been there and done that...
 Quoting: MarkinAZ

^GOOD STUFF^
Little Miss Sunshine

User ID: 39083684
United States
05/01/2013 10:26 PM

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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
OP- If you have no kids of you're own , you REALLY should just send her home .
My kids are 25 & 27. I MADE my Son & Daughter EARN THEIR CURFUE TIMES ...BY EARNING MY TRUST!!!

Truly ...they did! Now, My kids were very good kids & EARNED THE RIGHT at 16 & 17 to have a 2 am curfue on the weekends and midnight on school night b/c they never missed school.

I was a single Mother working my azzzzz off 70-80 a week ( WHEN A PERSON STILL COULD!!!) they knew if they screwed up & I found about it they would be walking with 3 feet...2 of their own and 1 of mine right in their A$$!!!! Because I wasn't dealing with any Bullchit!

So that was how I handled the whole "curfew" thing.
They had to work their way up the ladder so to speak.
First I'd set curfew for 10, and also maybe a few other things and if they proved their reliability to me then we built an even higher level of trust & increased our friendship each time too.
It IS hard work and DEDICATION!!! You will have to work at it just like you work at a job every day. ...BUT IF YOU STICK IT OUT...THEIR ARE REWARDS...just saying.
It won't be easy. In fact , it will be very hard. Hope you fasted & prayed long on this one!
Good Luck! ~ oh Lordy~… LoL
Earth Daughter

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05/01/2013 10:27 PM

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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Type a list of rules NOW. Send them to her before she comes.

If you don't have rules, people make up their own (that's why the banks do what they like these days)

So that she knows what the rules are.
Print them out and put on the fridge

eg
You pay for ....

TV is off by ....

MAKE SURE SHE CAN'T USE YOUR PHONE - it's not just teenagers - a man I know who used to stay at rich people's houses ran up a $10,000 phone bill he never paid.

More rules - Let's see...

List of chores for her to do. Seriously.

Think worst case scenario, just in case.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39073730


^^^this.

She's living on your dime, so she needs to realize that you are not her mama who's going to cook and clean and do her laundry for her.

Best thing you can do is teach her responsibility for herself and helping with the household. Otherwise you'll be coming home to a messy house and a sassy mouth.

Also find out what her goals are and guide her along the path to achieving them. Don't let her slack off with excuses.
"Arrows of hate have been shot at me too, but they never hit me, because somehow they belonged to another world, with which I have no connection whatsoever." - Albert Einstein
Anonymous Coward
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05/01/2013 10:27 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
What general location? She might have the RATCHET virus.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38456447
United States
05/01/2013 10:30 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
I am in a lot of pain right now and so I will keep this short.....your cousin is yet another potential victim of the new "student loan" bubble, and it is real...If you yourself understand what I'm saying, explain it to her...

I like your heart! It seems to be in the right place.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 564592
United States
05/01/2013 10:33 PM
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Re: HELP: Please tell me about modern teenage girls. my 19 yo cousin is coming to live with me.
Well OP you are enabling her. Make the little entitled bitch earn her keep. Make a woman out of her.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2255906


like how?
do i make a list of chores?
give her a cerfew?
 Quoting: .:*Buttercup*:.


Nope. Treat her like a border or a roommate. Make that clear to her up front. You can float her rent, so that she can find a job and save up to get her own place/save for college, but she isn't your child and you shouldn't have to put up with her acting like it. That means she can go out, do what she wants and all that, as long as it doesn't break the law.

Leave it at that. It isn't your job to find her work (though that will be hard right now, so be ready for it not to happen as easily as it might) so don't assume that roll. Make it clear that she needs to do her own dishes, keep the bathroom reasonably clean and not bring a bunch of people into your home without asking.

You don't need to know what kids now are like. You just have to have a bit of tolerance.

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