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If you've ever been abandoned....

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 31128946
United States
05/03/2013 04:45 PM
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If you've ever been abandoned....
If you've ever been abandoned, you know that there is no worse feeling in the world. Whether it was your mother, your father, your significant other, or someone else, that feeling is indescribable, and stays with you forever. Someone who you loved, and who you thought loved you just walked out of your life. It only takes one time to have a universal fear of getting close to anyone no matter who they are, or how genuine they seem. Not only are you terrified of being abandoned again, but your self-esteem is crushed. You may get over it initially, but you will never quite be the same again.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 36981303
United States
05/03/2013 04:48 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
time heals all my friend...

but you must first let go of all that which is out of your control.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18313503
United States
05/03/2013 04:50 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
we all die alone.
QuantumKev

User ID: 632713
United States
05/03/2013 04:52 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
Indeed, it is a very tough thing to go through. But in the end, you may come out stronger, more resilient, more wise and more grateful than you were before.

You may never be the same again, but there's nothing to say you can't be even better than you were! Hang in there - thoughts and prayers :)

gratitude_
"It is better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak up, and remove all doubt." ~ Abraham Lincoln
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38707722
United States
05/03/2013 04:54 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
OMG. That is what happened to me. I have a hard time trusting people and often times when I finally do, they do something like just walk out of my life or stab me in the back or just lie. I've learned to forgive and forget though, its not worth feeling the pain from the experience. Better just to move on. Every once in a while I do meet a quality person who does have a good heart, but mist people just disappoint.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 31128946
United States
05/03/2013 04:54 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
Indeed, it is a very tough thing to go through. But in the end, you may come out stronger, more resilient, more wise and more grateful than you were before.

You may never be the same again, but there's nothing to say you can't be even better than you were! Hang in there - thoughts and prayers :)

:gratitude_:
 Quoting: QuantumKev


Thank you ,but I was reflecting on something that happened years ago. I just felt like someone else needed to hear it, and know that it was normal to feel that way.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21548336
United States
05/03/2013 04:54 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
This is all true.

I think you can eventually learn to trust again. I am not there yet either.

What I did gain from the experience is a heightened ability to empathize with other people's loneliness and pain.

anonstoner
Shoot straight Johnny

User ID: 39218088
United Kingdom
05/03/2013 04:55 PM

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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
Being abandoned doesn't necessarily mean that you are such a bad person.

You must understand that people are fickle. They sometimes make mistakes and bad calls. You just have to carry on, and do it all again if necessary. Don't lower your standards just because some people don't appreciate you.
union

The chariots of God are tens of thousands, and thousands of thousands.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 35432134
United States
05/03/2013 04:56 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
unless you realize that animals always go where the food is.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38707722
United States
05/03/2013 04:56 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
time heals all my friend...

but you must first let go of all that which is out of your control.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 36981303


Time really does heal. Never be afraid to be yourself, op. Hurt people tend to hurt people. But that doesn't mean we need to do the same to others. Pray for them and just know that most people hurt others because they lack love in their lives.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38707722
United States
05/03/2013 05:00 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
This is all true.

I think you can eventually learn to trust again. I am not there yet either.

What I did gain from the experience is a heightened ability to empathize with other people's loneliness and pain.

anonstoner
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21548336


So true. My abandonment gave me greater empathy for others, especially strangers. I go out of my way now to talk with strangers, even just to give them a quick compliment.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38707722
United States
05/03/2013 05:04 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
Indeed, it is a very tough thing to go through. But in the end, you may come out stronger, more resilient, more wise and more grateful than you were before.

You may never be the same again, but there's nothing to say you can't be even better than you were! Hang in there - thoughts and prayers :)

:gratitude_:
 Quoting: QuantumKev


Strength and wisdom... you learn to discern and make better judgement calls on people. Some people trust too freely. I was like that, I always gave people the benefit of the doubt, despite the abuse I endured. In some ways I was in denial. I didn't want to accept the fact of the 'abandonment'.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25758181
United States
05/03/2013 05:10 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
time heals all my friend...

but you must first let go of all that which is out of your control.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 36981303


Time never heals it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38707722
United States
05/03/2013 05:19 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
time heals all my friend...

but you must first let go of all that which is out of your control.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 36981303


Time never heals it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25758181


As someone who has experienced it several times, I can assure you, time does heal. Part of the process involves forgiveness, both to the person who hurt you and to yourself . You have to learn to forget about the pain. I have since mended the biggest abandoner of my life, my dad. Today we have a relationship and I accept him for who he is. I had to learn how to see the world through his eyes and release my pain of my younger years when he was not in my life. It was not easy, still isn't, but I have peace. I am no longer resentful. People are not perfect. For the other people that passed through my life and then simply abandoned our friendship, I cannot control that, you can't force someone to like or love you, not even family. I've simply put the pain in the past. The future is what I must focus on. Lots to look forward to in life, no room for old baggage/pain. :)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 35406953
United States
05/03/2013 05:31 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
time heals all my friend...

but you must first let go of all that which is out of your control.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 36981303


Time never heals it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25758181


Forgiveness does. You don't forgive because you feel like it. You forgive because it releases YOU. The feeling follows...with time.
bilthy
User ID: 38818218
United States
05/03/2013 05:33 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
my whole family once went on vacation, but they forgot to take me, i was left...................home alone!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39083160
Australia
05/03/2013 05:33 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
:gfbfgt:
ajk

User ID: 29024587
United States
05/03/2013 05:41 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
a girl I have gotten real close to has gone through this...the last guy in her life up and left her when he found he couldn't handle her issues, it scarred her terribly. It's made it hard for her to let me in fully, though as time has gone on I think she has slowly started to. Still working on it though.......hoping in time she will give me that chance completely, but can't force it.
No one is perfect. A babe before walking will first stumble and fall many times but NEVER gives up until he succeeds.

Always remember, ultimately, to never follow any person's belief. Your relationship with God is between you and God.

If nothing else, remember this: religion = subservience, control and conformity, the same template as EVERY government

"Most believers would kill truth if truth threatened their religion." L. K. Washburn

"This crime called blasphemy was invented by priests for the purpose of defending doctrines not able to take care of themselves." Robert Ingersoll

"If anyone wants to know how God feels, it's a warm light as if the sun is poking through dark clouds and lifting your spirits with pure joy."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39277258
United States
05/03/2013 06:12 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
Count yourself as one of the Non-Psychopaths.

Psychopaths abandoned their victims and feel absolutely nothing.

Sort of like...So?...What's YOU"RE problem?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39267330
United States
05/03/2013 06:15 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
This is all true.

I think you can eventually learn to trust again. I am not there yet either.

What I did gain from the experience is a heightened ability to empathize with other people's loneliness and pain.

anonstoner
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21548336


Same here but I also learned I can only truly rely on myself and I am stronger and can survive more alone than I was ever aware possible.
Okaru87

User ID: 27903763
United States
05/03/2013 06:26 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
This is all true.

I think you can eventually learn to trust again. I am not there yet either.

What I did gain from the experience is a heightened ability to empathize with other people's loneliness and pain.

anonstoner
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21548336


Same here but I also learned I can only truly rely on myself and I am stronger and can survive more alone than I was ever aware possible.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39267330


^^^You both nailed it.^^^
luckyophelia

User ID: 18046556
United States
05/03/2013 06:52 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
so let me play devils advocate for a second here. lets say theres an abusive situation and a person needed to leave that situation and never look back. then the psychopath goes around gaining fake sympathy from people looking "abandoned," when in fact, they were an abusive person who may have well killed the victim?

this is a tricky situation because then we go into the trauma triangle (or drama triangle, whatever one you wanna call it). There's 3 roles. Victim, perpetrator, and rescuer. A person can be any role at any time. An abusive person may hit their spouse at home and then go to work and be a victim to their boss. They may try to make up for their abusive behavior and try to "rescue" the victim. The victim stays in the victim role saying "poor me i deserve this im s alone everyone always leaves me" and will always feel helpless and seek out a rescuer. The victim may also become a rescuer or an abuser at any time also. A rescuer will sacrifice his or her energy into helping the victim except they're really just sending a message to the victim saying "you can't help yourself" and in the process they're losing a a part of their self. Once you have awareness of these traits in unhealthy relationships and families etc, then you can move beyond them and avoid unhealthy attachments and abandonment issues (in my belief). Here's a good site explaining the drama triangle a bit.
[link to www.angriesout.com]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38707722
United States
05/03/2013 07:04 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
so let me play devils advocate for a second here. lets say theres an abusive situation and a person needed to leave that situation and never look back. then the psychopath goes around gaining fake sympathy from people looking "abandoned," when in fact, they were an abusive person who may have well killed the victim?

this is a tricky situation because then we go into the trauma triangle (or drama triangle, whatever one you wanna call it). There's 3 roles. Victim, perpetrator, and rescuer. A person can be any role at any time. An abusive person may hit their spouse at home and then go to work and be a victim to their boss. They may try to make up for their abusive behavior and try to "rescue" the victim. The victim stays in the victim role saying "poor me i deserve this im s alone everyone always leaves me" and will always feel helpless and seek out a rescuer. The victim may also become a rescuer or an abuser at any time also. A rescuer will sacrifice his or her energy into helping the victim except they're really just sending a message to the victim saying "you can't help yourself" and in the process they're losing a a part of their self. Once you have awareness of these traits in unhealthy relationships and families etc, then you can move beyond them and avoid unhealthy attachments and abandonment issues (in my belief). Here's a good site explaining the drama triangle a bit.
[link to www.angriesout.com]
 Quoting: luckyophelia


Good point. Psychos have a way of twisting everything around to further their agenda with the targeted victim.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 140124
Canada
05/03/2013 07:19 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
What's the cliche? Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39270385
United Kingdom
05/03/2013 07:29 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
Been alone since the age of 9/10, alone no childrens home no mum no dad just me and my wits and humor.

I forgive them for leaving me, it is much harder to forgive yourself for the anger and pain you have dished out to others over the years, I still get pissed off at rich winy mofo's who do not know what it is like to not know where your next meal or where you are going to sleep tonight is coming from, I see it day in day out winy rich bitches who just do not know how lucky they are they were not dealt the hand I was.

Fuck it, it is what it is.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27569673
United States
05/03/2013 07:32 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
If you've ever been abandoned, you know that there is no worse feeling in the world. Whether it was your mother, your father, your significant other, or someone else, that feeling is indescribable, and stays with you forever. Someone who you loved, and who you thought loved you just walked out of your life. It only takes one time to have a universal fear of getting close to anyone no matter who they are, or how genuine they seem. Not only are you terrified of being abandoned again, but your self-esteem is crushed. You may get over it initially, but you will never quite be the same again.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 31128946


I use to look it as being abandoned, now I see it as I am leaving less attachemts to a place I choose not to return.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38707722
United States
05/03/2013 07:42 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
Been alone since the age of 9/10, alone no childrens home no mum no dad just me and my wits and humor.

I forgive them for leaving me, it is much harder to forgive yourself for the anger and pain you have dished out to others over the years, I still get pissed off at rich winy mofo's who do not know what it is like to not know where your next meal or where you are going to sleep tonight is coming from, I see it day in day out winy rich bitches who just do not know how lucky they are they were not dealt the hand I was.

Fuck it, it is what it is.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39270385


hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38845658
Malaysia
05/03/2013 08:33 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
this is how to fix it

for anyone who has been abandoned

go out in to the world

and begin abandoning others

sooner or later

everyone will have this feeling

and it will cease to exist

problem solved
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39013232
United Kingdom
05/03/2013 08:43 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
Abandonment seems to be a theme that runs through my life. My birth mother disappeared when I was 6 months old. My cousin was my best/only childhood friend (we lived in a secluded area) and he died at age 10. My husband died suddenly at a young age.
There is much more and I have no idea if that is the reason I was diagnosed with Asperger's or if I just developed a shield around myself from a very young age so nobody could hurt me.
Everyone can look back and think they have been abandoned at some point but what is abandonment? A particular person decided they no longer wanted/needed or couldn't have you in their life. It doesn't really matter so long as you can be content and happy without the need for anyone else to give a sense of fulfillment
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38707722
United States
05/03/2013 08:44 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
this is how to fix it

for anyone who has been abandoned

go out in to the world

and begin abandoning others

sooner or later

everyone will have this feeling

and it will cease to exist

problem solved
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 38845658


I choose to love others. I won't allow myself to hurt another the way I have been. Love one another as best you can.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38707722
United States
05/03/2013 08:45 PM
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Re: If you've ever been abandoned....
Abandonment seems to be a theme that runs through my life. My birth mother disappeared when I was 6 months old. My cousin was my best/only childhood friend (we lived in a secluded area) and he died at age 10. My husband died suddenly at a young age.
There is much more and I have no idea if that is the reason I was diagnosed with Asperger's or if I just developed a shield around myself from a very young age so nobody could hurt me.
Everyone can look back and think they have been abandoned at some point but what is abandonment? A particular person decided they no longer wanted/needed or couldn't have you in their life. It doesn't really matter so long as you can be content and happy without the need for anyone else to give a sense of fulfillment
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39013232


For me the abandonment was missing the person that left and feeling helpless. Shitty combo of feelings.

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