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WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39883881
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05/15/2013 11:34 PM
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WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
My wife has been changing diets all the time trying to find the healthiest one. Then she got into the cum diet which is to eat lots of semen everyday because it is low cal, high in protein and nutrients and apparently it has anti aging enzymes.

Well she was also told by her alternative health practitioner, that the best time to ingest the semen is in the morning, because it is much better absorbed, because the enzymes in your intestinal tract that break it down are really low.

So she wants me to jerk off into a bowl of lucky charms for her before i go to work and put it in the fridge so she can eat it every morning.

I told her there is no way in hell i am doing that and if she wants my cum she can suck it out of me.

Well she said she isn't going to do that every morning that i was being ridiculous, and that if i loved her I would do this for her so she could stay young and healthy.

I called her a fucking nut job and told her to go fuck herself and get on some fucking meds. She said there better be a bowl of semen covered lucky charms in the fridge by the time she wakes up or she is going straight to a lawyer for divorce....

wtf? anyone else experience something like this? What should I do?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 23406053
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05/15/2013 11:35 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
ill do it for ya
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 5944539
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05/15/2013 11:35 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
File for divorce first ? Get out while you still can.
Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:36 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
LOL
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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05/15/2013 11:38 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
File for divorce first ? Get out while you still can.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5944539


i can't we have 4 kids and a 5th on the way.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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05/15/2013 11:39 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
File for divorce first ? Get out while you still can.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5944539


i can't we have 4 kids and a 5th on the way.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


i think she is bluffing with this divorce. I really don't think she will go through with it over some semen on her lucky charms.

And if she does she can plan on having the children know how nutty their mother is.

she has always been a little bit out there, but I have always loved her a little more for it.
Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:40 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
wtf? anyone else experience something like this? What should I do?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


theres always same sex marriage.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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05/15/2013 11:40 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
ill do it for ya
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23406053


this actually would be a great alternative, find some man willing to do this everyday.

obviously this isn't something i can advertise for on craigslist however...
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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05/15/2013 11:41 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
LOL
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1530344


just thinking about this now, it is so ridiculous I want to laugh. However, it really is serious.

I never know what this woman will do next, and it is possible she will divorce me and find a man willing to do this for her.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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05/15/2013 11:42 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
fuck you one star bandit this is a serious dilemma.

skull_fing
Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:42 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
lol this is a real thing, but it's also apart of sex magick...so tread carefully if you believe in that hoodoo.

I personally would do it..just so I could throw it in her face (hehe) when she finally gets over this fad. it will be the funniest inside joke on her, ever
Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:42 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
best thing ive seen all day, ty <3 good luck
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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05/15/2013 11:44 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
lol this is a real thing, but it's also apart of sex magick...so tread carefully if you believe in that hoodoo.

I personally would do it..just so I could throw it in her face (hehe) when she finally gets over this fad. it will be the funniest inside joke on her, ever
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37488251


yea, she does get into fags all the time. hmm, you could be right. Problem is sometimes her fags last for fucking years...

I don't know if I can jerk off into a bowl of lucky charms everyday for years.

But you are right, this could give me some kind of leverage.
Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:46 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
Tell her they already come that way

Where do you think the frosted part of the lucky charms actually comes from?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34272879
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05/15/2013 11:46 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
girls don't eat lucky charms!
Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:47 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
I thought I heard everything. Not! Is this a Penthouse forum submission?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 16776056
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05/15/2013 11:48 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
It is obvious she no longer wants to have sex with you.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 23406053
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05/15/2013 11:48 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
ill do it for ya
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23406053


this actually would be a great alternative, find some man willing to do this everyday.

obviously this isn't something i can advertise for on craigslist however...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


can i just drop it n her mouth as shes gives me a humma
Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:48 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
OMG! I have been giggling for like 2 minutes now.clappa
Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:49 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
Right...everyone who's trying to improve their health through diet eats Lucky Charms for breakfast.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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05/15/2013 11:52 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
It is obvious she no longer wants to have sex with you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16776056


I know! hence why i want her to suck for it everyday but cleraly she is unwilling to do that.

i barely get laid anymore, sheesh. and now she wants me to work my ass off unloading into a fucking bowl with a little leprechaun staring at me the whole time.

1) I don't have time for this shit.

2) i will get absolutely no sex ever because I won't even have the desire to beg for it after working my ass off every morning

3) the kids might eat it by mistake

4) and most importantly I don't want to do it
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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05/15/2013 11:54 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
Right...everyone who's trying to improve their health through diet eats Lucky Charms for breakfast.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33513954


wtf is wrong with lucky charms? you know general mills makes that with whole grain now?
Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:54 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
get her a horse.

Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:54 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
bsflag

bsmeter2

bsmeter

ttb2

fight

kissup
Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:55 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
3) THE KIDS MIGHT EAT IT BY MISTAKE!!! HAHHAHHAHHA (Sorry 5th glass of wine)dasbier
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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05/15/2013 11:55 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
girls don't eat lucky charms!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34272879


I have 3 daughters and one wife. All of them love luckey charms. I have to buy the bulk boxes at sam's club.
Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:56 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
who cares if its fake its hilarious! rofl
Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:56 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
total bullshit, but funny anyway
Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:58 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
just hope the kids don't see u doing it!
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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05/15/2013 11:58 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
get her a horse.


 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 38982770


don't give her any ideas... next thing i know i will have a back yard full of zebras and i will have to "milk" them every morning for her.
Anonymous Coward
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05/15/2013 11:58 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
ok, well thats is a hell of a problem you got there. hmm, ok lets just say for arguments sake that you agree to her bizarre request and do that for her every morning. with that being said how long do you see her actually going through with that diet before she realizs it's a dumb idea?

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