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WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.

 
Huffster999

User ID: 32105281
United Kingdom
05/16/2013 05:40 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
Tell her you will do it then make fake semen.Here is a recipe

2 coffe cups of water
4 table spoons of flour
1 teaspoon of salt
1 egg white
(corn starch)
Put the water in a pan, add flower + salt + egg, mix till liquid heats up a bit,
maybe add corn starch to thicken it, then you have fake cum

Then every morning pretend to jerk off and throw some of it on
her lucky charms
 Quoting: Huffster999


1rof1
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39885682


The only way this would fail is if she is a connoisseur of sperm and can spot a fake as soon as it hits her throat.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39940926
Brazil
05/16/2013 06:01 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
ask her for a hand.
profit.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39217168
Singapore
05/26/2013 02:46 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
hm, OP sounds to me you need new wife.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6685296
United States
05/26/2013 02:55 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
Just tell her you ARE a jerk-off, and be done with it.



.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1035651
United States
05/26/2013 03:00 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
My wife has been changing diets all the time trying to find the healthiest one. Then she got into the cum diet which is to eat lots of semen everyday because it is low cal, high in protein and nutrients and apparently it has anti aging enzymes.

Well she was also told by her alternative health practitioner, that the best time to ingest the semen is in the morning, because it is much better absorbed, because the enzymes in your intestinal tract that break it down are really low.

So she wants me to jerk off into a bowl of lucky charms for her before i go to work and put it in the fridge so she can eat it every morning.

I told her there is no way in hell i am doing that and if she wants my cum she can suck it out of me.

Well she said she isn't going to do that every morning that i was being ridiculous, and that if i loved her I would do this for her so she could stay young and healthy.

I called her a fucking nut job and told her to go fuck herself and get on some fucking meds. She said there better be a bowl of semen covered lucky charms in the fridge by the time she wakes up or she is going straight to a lawyer for divorce....

wtf? anyone else experience something like this? What should I do?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


Your wife is a fucking nut job. WTF? And all because she's scared of growing old? lmao! You'd better take her to a doctor pronto!
Anonymous Coward
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United States
05/26/2013 04:03 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
I bet she's sick of sex and just wants you to do this to not be after her being afraid what she comes up with next. Like Lucky Charms aren't healthy. Tell her pizza so you can watch she really eats it and supervise your kids don't get it. She could just be going to throw it out when she gets up and make a normal bowl.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 20093181
United States
05/26/2013 04:08 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
she's worried that you might have an affair. she is draining you so you'll be less likely to screw around, when she's not there to watch you. sounds a little like over projection on her part.
BrotherOfJesus

User ID: 40524003
Jordan
05/26/2013 05:17 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
anyone else experience something like this?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


LOL
“We are grateful to the Washington Post, the New York Times, Time Magazine and other great publications whose directors have attended our meetings and respected their promises of discretion for almost 40 years......It would have been impossible for us to develop our plan for the world if we had been subjected to the lights of publicity during those years. But, the world is more sophisticated and prepared to march towards a world government. The supernational sovereignty of an intellectual elite and world bankers is surely preferable to the national autodetermination practiced in past centuries.”

“For more than a century ideological extremists at either end of the political spectrum have seized upon well-publicized incidents such as my encounter with Castro to attack the Rockefeller family for the inordinate influence they claim we wield over American political and economic institutions. Some even believe we are part of a secret cabal working against the best interests of the United States, characterizing my family and me as 'internationalists' and of conspiring with others around the world to build a more integrated global political and economic structure--one world, if you will. If that's the charge, I stand guilty, and I am proud of it.”

- David Rockefeller
egrizzle85
User ID: 40625159
United States
05/27/2013 06:29 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
Why the hell doesn't she just blow you? Tell her you'll dirty up her lucky charms if she sucks you off before bedtime.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 7419205


GOOD QUESTION! This would be best for every one. I would be able to wake up to a bj everyday, and she would get her nutrition.

But she refuses to do it.

1) she says she has a bad jaw and it hurts and the dentist tries cracking it back into place for her.

2) she said she can't wake up that early.

3) it would be too tedious to do everday.

4) she is pregnant and she shouldn't have to do things she doesn't want.

But I think I am going to stand firm on this.

If she wants my semen she will have to get her fat ass up every morning and blow her husband just like every other woman who wants semen for breakfast has to do.

I don't get why she thinks SHE is so SPECIAL.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


Having to jerk it every morning in a bowl of cereal is too tedious!
Euphony

User ID: 36296276
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05/27/2013 06:40 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
So she wants me to jerk off into a bowl of lucky charms for her before i go to work and put it in the fridge so she can eat it every morning.

I told her there is no way in hell i am doing that and if she wants my cum she can suck it out of me.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881



Classic! This is straight Shakespherean writing. I almost facebooked this.
Good > Bad
I'm like, WTF?

User ID: 26756823
United States
05/27/2013 06:42 PM

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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
File for divorce first ? Get out while you still can.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5944539


i can't we have 4 kids and a 5th on the way.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


i think she is bluffing with this divorce. I really don't think she will go through with it over some semen on her lucky charms.

And if she does she can plan on having the children know how nutty their mother is.

she has always been a little bit out there, but I have always loved her a little more for it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


I can hear it now:
You: Your honor, I am requesting a divorce because I absolutely could NOT jerk off into her Lucky Charms on a daily basis.

Judge: In spite of the fact that this is disgusting, irrational and totally over the top? Lucky Charms are magically delicious without you jizzing in them. Divorce granted.

1rof1
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2661555
United States
05/28/2013 06:16 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
1001 ways to eat Jizz. Never mind there are 1000 porn videos showing god knows what but now we have the 1,001 way of eating jixx ROFL!
NEMO666

User ID: 38927495
United States
05/28/2013 06:21 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
I'm having a hard time believing this isn't a troll.
Panhead

User ID: 40182688
United States
05/28/2013 06:44 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
next it'll be Captn Crunch with crunchnerries.....
"Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the American Government take care of him;

better take a closer look at the American Indian."

Henry Ford

"Disappointment is Anger for wimps"

House
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25296929
United States
05/28/2013 06:50 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
This site has gone full retard
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30634868


bump
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 41802573
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06/16/2013 07:17 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
I thought that lucky charms came with jizz already on them...
fcpsp1

User ID: 40450197
United States
06/16/2013 07:26 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
OK...there had to be some signs earlier on that this woman is completely and utterly deranged...that being said, why did you fertilize her huevos not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, but 5 times? You kept knocking her up over and over again...

I would say get ready to be making those Lucky Charms even more magically delicious for a long time to come...or cum...

banana2
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 43692225
United States
07/19/2013 10:43 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
If my wife never had sex with me I would jerk off into her Lucky Charms out of spite.
 Quoting: Drizzt


lol
Jekyl

User ID: 36345932
Australia
07/19/2013 10:45 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
Ew what wtf
Jekyl

User ID: 36345932
Australia
07/19/2013 10:47 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
Right...everyone who's trying to improve their health through diet eats Lucky Charms for breakfast.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33513954


wtf is wrong with lucky charms? you know general mills makes that with whole grain now?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


That cereals disgusting honestly, you can tell its loaded with sugar by the taste of it.
berniemom2012
CatRWall

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United States
07/19/2013 10:49 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
My wife has been changing diets all the time trying to find the healthiest one. Then she got into the cum diet which is to eat lots of semen everyday because it is low cal, high in protein and nutrients and apparently it has anti aging enzymes.

Well she was also told by her alternative health practitioner, that the best time to ingest the semen is in the morning, because it is much better absorbed, because the enzymes in your intestinal tract that break it down are really low.

So she wants me to jerk off into a bowl of lucky charms for her before i go to work and put it in the fridge so she can eat it every morning.

I told her there is no way in hell i am doing that and if she wants my cum she can suck it out of me.

Well she said she isn't going to do that every morning that i was being ridiculous, and that if i loved her I would do this for her so she could stay young and healthy.

I called her a fucking nut job and told her to go fuck herself and get on some fucking meds. She said there better be a bowl of semen covered lucky charms in the fridge by the time she wakes up or she is going straight to a lawyer for divorce....

wtf? anyone else experience something like this? What should I do?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


You're obviously making this up. But still good!
Keneh

User ID: 2482665
United States
07/19/2013 10:51 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
[link to www.sementherapy.com]
Keneh
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 16935898
Australia
07/19/2013 10:56 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
ill do it for ya
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23406053


this actually would be a great alternative, find some man willing to do this everyday.

obviously this isn't something i can advertise for on craigslist however...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


WTF not??

It worked for brief...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 40448168
United States
07/19/2013 10:56 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
SO THATS WHY IT'S "MAGICALLY DELICIOUS"

LMAO
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30743660
United States
07/19/2013 10:57 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
LOL
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1530344


This^
Keneh

User ID: 2482665
United States
07/19/2013 10:59 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
ill do it for ya
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23406053


this actually would be a great alternative, find some man willing to do this everyday.

obviously this isn't something i can advertise for on craigslist however...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


WTF not??

It worked for brief...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16935898


Yes you can.
Keneh
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 3240765
United States
07/19/2013 11:02 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
My wife has been changing diets all the time trying to find the healthiest one. Then she got into the cum diet which is to eat lots of semen everyday because it is low cal, high in protein and nutrients and apparently it has anti aging enzymes.

Well she was also told by her alternative health practitioner, that the best time to ingest the semen is in the morning, because it is much better absorbed, because the enzymes in your intestinal tract that break it down are really low.

So she wants me to jerk off into a bowl of lucky charms for her before i go to work and put it in the fridge so she can eat it every morning.

I told her there is no way in hell i am doing that and if she wants my cum she can suck it out of me.

Well she said she isn't going to do that every morning that i was being ridiculous, and that if i loved her I would do this for her so she could stay young and healthy.

I called her a fucking nut job and told her to go fuck herself and get on some fucking meds. She said there better be a bowl of semen covered lucky charms in the fridge by the time she wakes up or she is going straight to a lawyer for divorce....

wtf? anyone else experience something like this? What should I do?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


I would love too see that cow.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1432123
United States
07/19/2013 11:04 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
File for divorce first ? Get out while you still can.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5944539


i can't we have 4 kids and a 5th on the way.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


You better get to jerkin then homie
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21824909
United States
07/19/2013 11:09 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
lol this is a real thing, but it's also apart of sex magick...so tread carefully if you believe in that hoodoo.

I personally would do it..just so I could throw it in her face (hehe) when she finally gets over this fad. it will be the funniest inside joke on her, ever
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37488251


yea, she does get into fags all the time. hmm, you could be right. Problem is sometimes her fags last for fucking years...

I don't know if I can jerk off into a bowl of lucky charms everyday for years.

But you are right, this could give me some kind of leverage.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39883881


Next thing ...she will invite big black guy....so she can get her evening dose of "nutrients"......just wait.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34584571
United States
07/19/2013 11:10 PM
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Re: WTF? My wife just told me if I don't jerk off into her lucky charms every morning she is divorcing me.
'sweet surprises' & 'magically delicious'
OP don't want to share his Lucky Charms lol


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