Appreciate your honesty OP. All I can say as a Christian is if you really want to see/know if Jesus is real - ask Him to show you. He will show you in a very personal way.
It's that simple. Yeah, what the Roman Catholic Church did way back when was horrible. I left that church when I was 21. I like Martin Luther having discernment and calling the church on all that was wrong. I like Bill Cooper because of his religion.

Take care kiddo.