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Watch the Scots

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User ID: 33732
United States
04/26/2006 04:50 PM
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Watch the Scots
Edward Longshanks (Edward I of England) comes to Scotland to conquer the Scots. He brings 4,000 men with him. As he reaches the battlefield, suddenly on the crest of hill there appears a solitary figure, a little stocky ginger-haired guy in a kilt.

"Hammer of the Scots?" yells the wee Scottish guy on the hill. "Come up here, ya English bastards, and I'll give ye hammer!"

Edward turns to his commander and says, "Take 20 men and deal with that Scottish upstart!"

The commander send 20 men over the hill to kill the Scot.

Ten minutes later, at the crest of the hill, the little Scot appears again. "Ye English bastards!" he yells. "Come on the rest of ye!! Come on, I'll have ya!!"

Edward is getting somewhat annoyed. He turns to his commander. "Take 100 men and kill that little guttersnipe!"

The commander sends 100 men over the hill to do the job. Ten minutes later, the little Scot appears at the top of the hill again, his hair all sticking up, his shirt a bit torn. "Ye English Scum!" he yells.
"I'm just warming up!!!! Come and Get me!!!"

Edward loses patience. "Commander, take 400 men and personally Wipe Him Off The Face Of The Earth!" he yells.

The commander gulps, but leads 400 men on horseback over the crest of the hill. Ten minutes later, the little Scotsman is back. His clothing all torn, his face is covered in blood, snot and Irn-Bru, and yells, "Is that the best ye can do??? You're Bloody Wimmin!!!! Come on, come and have a go ya bunch of Jessies!!!"

Edward turns to his second in command. "Take 1000 men over that hill and don't come back till you've killed him!" he commands.

The second in command gathers the men and they ride off over the hill to their fate. Ten minutes later, one of the English troops appears back at the top of the hill. He's covered in blood and his clothes are all torn.

"Your Majesty!!!" he yells "It's a trap!! There's two of them."

"A true Scotsman"

Old Angus McGregor was on his death bed and his good friend Sean McEwan was by his side.
Angus motioned for Sean to put his ear near so he could here him.
Sean bent closer to Angus.
Angus said to Sean " in the stand here by the bed is a 200 year old bottle of Scotch, I had hoped to drink it with ye on a special occasion, but it seems now it is to late. I want you to take that bottle to my grave after they lay me to rest and pour it over me remains."
Sean says" Aye I can do that for ye but do you mind if I pass it through me kidneys first?"
Memor Miles Militis Templar, pro quos nos pugna!

Non Nobis Domine, Non Nobis, Sed Nomine Tuo Da Gloriam!

Dante said,
‘The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis.

[link to bornatemplar.blogspot.com]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15185
04/26/2006 04:53 PM
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Re: Watch the Scots
lol Scots wa' hae!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 81125
United States
04/26/2006 04:56 PM
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Re: Watch the Scots
Too Funny

Too True

Anonymous Coward
User ID: 73736297
United States
02/15/2017 05:04 AM
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Re: Watch the Scots
aye whad'ye know aboot Mooses on tha Loose in this Hoose?