Never start a relation with a Single Mom !!!

Your a complete idiot, please never reproduce. I would Never date a single father or any man with kids for that matter. I don't want to be second to the kids who despise me and their baby mama drama. This topic applies to single Fathers too because it doesn't go one way..Idiot..We live in a society where over half the population is divorced with kids, boty men and women and single fatherhood isn't as rare as you think. I think it's just as bad when the parents have joint custody.

The Rough Guide to Single Moms!

Author: Zen King

I thought I would set down a "rough guide" for men thinking about starting a relationship with a single mom and what some of the ramifications are of dating and entering into a deeper relationship with a single mom could be. Of course this guide does not apply to all women or all men but it will list the main problems I have observed through over the years.

Contrary to popular media-myth I have yet to meet a single mom who was career driven, carefree, balanced, happy; doing it all type gal as often portrayed in most media outlets. The reality I have seen over the years is usually a stressed out, overworked, debt stricken woman who really had no idea children cost so much in time, effort and money. Their careers are on hold as they need to balance their child with sickness, school activities etc versus moving up whatever career ladder they are on. Most single moms are raising their children with help of an extended family member (usually their mom), a bevy of friends and other single moms they find in support groups. It is usually not a pretty picture at all.

Somewhere along the way, usually quite quickly they come up with the idea that they need a "partner" to help them in their new enterprise of having a child and the sooner they can get one the better. Realizing they have a bit of a disadvantage with having a child and being in the dating scene they resort to several well known strategies to get a partner.

One of the first strategies is to engage men who do not have children of their own. This allows the woman to portray the semblance of having and raising a kid is easy and there will always be a balance between their relationship with their partner and their child. Sometimes they will portray themselves as helpless victims, victimized by an evil and absent father they need saving and you can save them. Another popular scheme is to make themselves look accomplished and together by extending their debt to ridiculous levels to portray they are all right and don´t really need a partner. There are quite a few more, but like I said, this is a rough guide.

One of the strategies is to involve the child with the prospective "partner" almost right away and foster a relationship between the man and her child. This allows a lot of leverage on several levels as time goes by. It allows for huge amount of guilt and shame if the man wants to break off the relationship, allows a bonding to take place that is hard to shuck off and other factors... You will hear phrases such as any man who loves me must love my children! etc.. All designed to appeal to a mans sense of chivalry and protection. This hopefully facilitates a sense of belonging together and in the end marriage.

Most single men are unaware of what is going on when they start to date a single mom. It seems that the child is around, but it is pleasant, there is a clear distinction between adult and child time etc, it seems actually for most men, not a bad time at all. This allows the single mom to get the man closer and farther into the relationship.
What is really going on is a shit-load of help from the single moms friends and other helpers. Tons of babysitting services, tips on dating, comparing notes and plans etc. No matter what you see as a man there is something else going on do not forget that. Her plan is to eventually get a partner one way or another. You are the prize and she is going to earn it.

One trait that seems to come to the forefront with most men who are dating single moms is just how wonderful a woman they really are. Most men cannot for the life of them figure out why another man would abandon a woman like her. It has been stated hat single moms are more caring, compassionate, great lovers, excellent cooks, laugh at all your jokes etc they seem to be ideal mates.

What is actually going on is well planned and orchestrated strategies to get a man into a relationship. I don´t know how many men have loudly complained that after marriage they were suddenly now doing most of the cooking, cleaning, and repairing around the house with zero time like they had before. I don´t know how many have said it was like night and day after they moved in. The kind compassionate woman the men met had some how now been replaced by a truly different woman, it was like another personality type than the one they married. In short a single mom knows she has to work harder to get a man and she will work harder, but for many the act cannot last that long and the real woman reveals herself. Usually his occurs just after marriage.

A lot of men though go for it and involve themselves in marriage with a single mom and do not really know some of the problems they will encounter. Here is a short list of several common problems that begin to creep up:


1. Being a "partner" means you get to pay for half- if not more. I have noticed after marriage a single mom works at dizzying speed to make sure her mans name is on all of the bills. She also will usually demand money also for a huge amount of her child´s expenses. It is also expressed as a part of "loving her and showing it". I have seen men putting money away for college for a kid that´s not his. Buying ridiculous amounts of brand name clothes, expensive homes etc all in an effort to be in a so-called "family".


2. The Family you just got into is by invitation only. In most traditional marriages that produce children, the man, woman and child or children make up he basic family unit. In being a step- parent you are not the basic unit. The mother and child together are the basic unit. You are invited in and can be un-invited whenever mom feels it to be so. No matter what is said or mentioned before marriage, you will never come before her child. You will always be in a family and relationship where you come second, maybe third.


3. No matter what you think her ex is going to be there forever. In just about every case the child´s father does not seem to be in the picture during the dating and courtship stage but seems to suddenly show up after. The reality is he was always there, your partner just never mentioned it. The father will most naturally want to have a relationship with his child and he is going to be quite involved most of the time. Just about every time you will be dragged into the endless bickering and fights they have and you will not be liked by him "its only natural remember" also be sure to take into account the grandparents, uncles and aunts and all the family functions you will be attending with him, his child, his ex (your partner) and his side of the family. Get used to being uncomfortable.


4. Her kid will most likely not like you very much. Let´s face it you´re sleeping with their mom and most of the time the child will see you as a roadblock to his parents getting back together. Most likely the mom has made you the giver of discipline in the relationship, being the man and all which results in the kid hating you. Or after watching the child run amok for weeks after you arrive you change juniors´ schedule to include some discipline and then you also hated even more. An amazing amount of men involved with single mothers report how the child hates them, but he can keep buying gifts to try to win their affection. Some call it the ATM effect of diminishing returns.


5. All that time you had together with your new love will end after marriage. The number one job of a single mom is simply to be a mom. She is not a party girl, hiker, camper, biker, clubber etc. Just be prepared for a frontal assault on your time and money after marriage. You will find your weekdays taken up with homework, PTA meetings, suppers at home, and early bed times. Weekends will be the time for the child´s extra-curricular activities and other activities. If a single man is wondering what happens ask any father of children how their time is spent, it will not be on hobbies. You will hear endlessly the phrase "we are a family now and this is what a family does" of course your idea on family will differ, but it is her family and she will make the choices.


6. You will wonder what happened to all your money. Most men involved with a single mom report that their money seems to dry up. Children are expensive- expensive like most men have no idea. Between school supplies, clothing, vast amounts of food, babysitters if you ever want to go out, medications, fees, sports, supplies, toys and such; well, there will be little left.
As a footnote there is also another ploy by some single moms that men also forget about. The child´s father is paying for a lot of these things. Quite a few men have reported that their wife or girlfriend was getting them to pay for such things as sport fees, equipment, university funds, school supplies and such but at the same time getting the child´s father to pay for these things also. Double billing, also called fraud, is quite common but it does allow the single mom to have almost zero expenses for her child as two men are now paying for junior.
Another ploy that is quite horrific was a man whose wife owned a home and he moved in with her and her child. Although he fixed it up, paid half the mortgage and expenses- she had willed the home to her children. When confronted she said since she would be dead she did not care if he had a home or not, her child came first. So be careful with matters of money. Very careful.


7. You will never really be accepted. I have observed time and time again the heartbreak of a step parent as the child gets older. After putting them through school, providing a place to live, food, getting the child all kinds of gifts and honestly really caring about the child and such I keep hearing this one story over and over. The time comes for a grad or a wedding, the step parent thinks he might be lauded for his sacrifices but instead is shunted to a back seat or not invited as the child invites mom and dad to the party; and thanks them for all their love and work. Usually there is not even an acknowledgment of effort.


8. You will now be part of the single moms´ network. Be prepared to help out all her buddies as they helped her out. Endless weekends and nights of babysitting the other single moms kids so that they too may date and get a man. You will also discover why 75% of all people in jail come from single mother households. Try not to have any expensive items around.


9. Now that the single mom is now married she will need to impress her single mom friends with her new found happiness. Her happiness will usually include a new home in a good neighborhood, new clothing, new items for the home, new car etc; there is an unwritten law it seems among a lot of single moms that they compete ruthlessly with their friends. If she does get married she needs to show them her new found prestige. Be prepared for huge new expenses.


10. You will have no time for errors. A lot of single men get involved with the single mom and her kids when the child is a bit older. Being inexperienced with children becomes a huge burden as the single man has no time to learn parenting skills; and mistakes are not readily forgiven nor forgotten when a kid is 4 compared to 14.


11. You may think it ends, but it never does. I know many men whose single mom wife promised them a completely different life after junior turned 18 or so. At the beginning of the relationship it looked like just a few years and then total privacy and freedom. Then years later they found out that junior is going to go to university for 6 years after taking a gap year off and not worry about a job as he will live at home. After that the story usually is that the child gets married and has kids and needs a ton of babysitting services. The dream of trips abroad, moving to a nicer place etc. evaporates for most men. They just wind up being early grandparents. The other option that happens a lot is the girls have children early and stay at home. Not only is the man taking care of his wife´s child he also has to care for her grandchild now!


12. You will have nothing to show for it. In the end when most men have their own children the work and effort is well worth it. The men did their best and raised a family, continued a line, get grandchildren etc. As a step-parent you have contributed as much but you have nothing. Nobody carries on your name and most men realize they are not even ever thanked for their sacrifice.


13. The legalities can kill you. There have been numerous cases where a man has divorced or left a single mom and then found himself liable financially for her child. Although not the father he will be responsible for child payments, extra fees and most certainly university far after they are 18 check the laws out, it´s a raw deal. Couple that with some alimony and you get the whole effect of being a divorced and homeless dad with not one child of your own.
In the end women have asked for their freedom to make their own choices now for decades. I would advise all single men to let single moms make their choice of having a child by themselves and then live with it. Don´t involve yourself with these women under any circumstances. It can be in many ways, the death of a man.

Well, it´s a rough guide and you were warned.

Take care.

In our society there is so much focus on getting married and starting a family that tons of people jump blindly into the dark waters and the get swallowed whole by the black abyss. Now really why should we get married? I mean there’s obviously a focus on it and we are brought up believing that’s what we’re supposed to do, but why are we supposed to do it? Because society says so? Because there’s a tax break? Well, honestly I don’t know why we’re supposed to get married, but here are 10 reasons why you shouldn’t:

1. Children – Yea kids are great right? Only when you can give them back to their owners. Again this is something society has instilled in our heads from day one. We are supposed grow up get married and breed. Well the fact of the matter is that kids are damn expensive! The average cost of raising a child from birth to age 18 is $250,000, yes you read that number right. And on top of that ridiculous number some people simply shouldn’t be parents.

2. You feel like you’re at that age – So many guys will simply say screw it let’s get married because they feel like they have reached “that age” and it’s “the thing to do.” Well that’s just rubbish! There is no age limit and there is no “supposed” to do at any certain age. You are just throwing away yourself because of what society has implanted in your brain since you were a child.

3. You think it’s a good financial move – Just because there is a bit of a tax break doesn’t mean you’re going to get married and magically become rich. I’m not sure which fools actually think that will happen but believe you me they are out there. In fact marriage can have the exact opposite effect on your bank account. When you factor in your wife using your money to go shopping on top of the bills, the groceries, two cars etc etc you’ll have a better chance of winding up flat broke out on your ass then you will being rich.

4. You think it will complete you as a person – All I can do is point and laugh if you think this is what it takes to fully grow up. Yea yea so many people will be saying “Well you don’t really know what life is all about till you get married.” Haha that is absurd! You can live a very full and fulfilled life without ever being married. Plus if you stay single you can have so many more awesome adventures without having a nagging wife telling you that you need to take the trash out and get back to fixing things around the house. Now, that alone doesn’t sound like fun.

5. The wedding itself – Do you know how stupidly expensive a wedding is? You thought raising a child was expensive? Well, yea it is but to start it all off you have another quarter of a million dollars to deal with to make sure your bride is happy. And yes you have to make sure she is happy, it honestly doesn’t matter how you feel about anything through the whole process. All you want to do is wear something a little more comfortable then a monkey suit and have a damn beer, but that’s not even close the way it goes. You more or less have to ask permission to breathe to make sure it fits into the schedule.

6. The marriage itself – Have you ever had a long time girlfriend? Well then you know how nerve racking it can be at times. Now multiply that annoying nerve racking feeling and then make it last for 40 years! It’s absolutely ridiculous!!! Why would any want to wake up next to the same annoying person day after day while you watch them sleep and plan their demise? It’s baffling how people would want to go through all of that, and even worse they sit there and take it day after day and don’t break it off. Then they tell their friends how awful their wife is, so why not leave? Why not even do it in the first place? DUH!

7. Divorce – In this day and age divorce is a very common thing. Over half the marriages in the U.S. End in divorce after a few years. That means that you don’t even have a 50-50 chance of surviving. You have LESS than 50% chance of making something that actually works for the long run. And guess what, yep more money. Divorces are not cheap by any means, you have lawyer fees, court costs and then of course once it’s over the man still loses half of his assets. Granted a lot of us end up losing our assets the longer we have a girlfriend so by the time you are married you aren’t left with much, but she will gladly take what’s left.

8. The ridiculous notion that women are the relationship – There’s no other way to put it and you know exactly what I mean. The entire relationship becomes about the woman, now a relationship is supposed to be two people sharing a life together but somewhere along the line you get completely shut out of the picture. It doesn’t matter what you like, what you want to do, nothing about you matters anymore. You have to cater to the woman and make sure she is happy 24-7 or you are going to end up less happy than her.

9. The absurd thought that how she feels rules your world – Now don’t get me wrong you should care about other people’s feelings other than your own but they shouldn’t rule your life. Once you’re married there’s nothing you can do if she isn’t happy. She will pout around the house, give you the cold shoulder, skip out on your dinner and just overall make you feel like crap. You shouldn’t ever have to worry about every little aspect of someone’s inner workings just so you can get a glimpse of happiness.

10. Loss of sex – This is a big part of an intimate relationship and for whatever reason women all of a sudden lose their sex drive as soon as they are married. Like what happened to the thongs and heels and hour long rough screaming sex?! They act like they have forgotten how to do anything from oral sex to intercourse and they stick firm to it as though they came down with some odd illness that prevents them from remembering how to screw. And then to make things worse they actually turn around and use it as a weapon against us. “Hun if you go mow the lawn and pick up the groceries we can go back to the bedroom.” Dangling the carrot in front of your face just to pull it away at the last second.

There are many people out there who have gotten married and divorced and they keep on looking for the next special someone. Why does everyone look around and say “Is this the line to lose half my shit? Awesome!” and jump in line like someone is giving away a Ferrari. Society has twisted our views and made us believe this is what we are supposed to do, but I ask you, why are we supposed to do it? Well I just gave you ten reasons you shouldn’t, so take THAT society!

(Not written by me)

-citing Joshua Daniels-

Women have laid a minefield between themselves and Men. I will not cross it. I see the bodies of the foolish and foolhardy on the ground ahead of me, and I know better. I can see the other side, and there are NO survivors. Not only that, I know that if I brave the obstacles, and so win fair maiden, she will not be my wife: I'll be hers.

That's just not an arrangement I'm interested in.

The legalities of marriage are a brazen affront to my manhood and would strip me of the authority necessary to fulfill my responsibilities as husband and father.

I'm a Man, not a boy, not a guy, not a featherless biped: I'm a Man. By my very nature as a Man, I have the right and the authority to bind myself by my signature or given word on any matter.

The States of the Union and of Europe, though, claim that I can bind myself in every matter except my own life. I can sign a contract to pay twenty million dollars for a house, and it's valid and binding, and the State will enforce it with guns and clubs, whether I actually have the money or not, but if I sign a commitment to be Husband and Father, it means nothing to the States without their permission, and they would refuse to acknowledge my rights as Husband and Father in their courts. Only the signature of some state-authorized "dignitary" has the authority to grant meaning to my signature on that marriage license; without that official's signature, legally, I didn't make any commitment at all.


What I'm describing here is the legal concept of "solemnizing," that is, for a state official to make my agreement "solemn," or, in plain English, "serious." No man or woman's signature on any marriage license anywhere in the US means anything unless a state official solemnizes it, or "makes it serious." Read the law in your state; it says exactly that.


You couldn't make this stuff up.

How about the fact of licensing itself? A license is official permission. This is true perversity. I need no one's permission to make an illegitimate child except the woman involved. I need no one's permission to join Big Brothers and be a surrogate father to someone else's child except the Big Brothers organization. But to make and raise my own sons and daughters, and to give them my name and cover them with my wing while they learn to fly, which is their birthright and beyond any government's right to deny them, the state thinks I need its permission.

Sheer fantasy. Utter arrogance, backed with weapons wielded by over-age boys who fear Men. They fear Women, too, while we're on that subject. Look at how they treat them.

But the real problem here is that women have believed this lie, and insist that a marriage be "legal." Are you more honest or committed because you got the state's permission to say "Yes?" Really? Then go away. You just admitted that your word is worthless without a gun to your head. "Let your Yes be Yes and your No be No. Anything more is of the evil one." - Jesus

Legal marriage also brings me under a family court. I have never, ever, heard of a just decision from a "family court," nor will I. I have seen only devastation and destruction wrought by these family meat grinders. In law, marriage is a business. I am not making this up; it's written in the statutes. The children are the "produce" of that business, and are owned OUTRIGHT by the state, because the state licensed the business. I am also not making that up; check your own state laws on it; they're on Findlaw.com.


The State thinks it owns my relationship with my wife and children. The State thinks that it owns my children outright, and that it has the right to dismember my family, to strip me of authority while saddling me with impossible financial responsibilities, and imprison me if I refuse this theft and humiliation.

The State is wrong. It has the power to inflict evil on me, as do any group of men who are better armed than I, but never, ever, will it have the right.

Because I know these things, I understand that I'm guilty of sin against myself if I participate in my own castration. I would be guilty of sin against my family if I subject them to these wolves in black dresses who call themselves Family Judges. I would be guilty of sin against God if I yield the authority He delegated to me.

I won't do that.

Today's American woman wants a man who'll take responsibility without authority. Absolutely every time I've set down with a woman who was interested in marrying me for a serious discussion about it, she refused to address the issues. Simple questions about who would have what authority and which responsibilities belong to whom, as she sees it, have been ducked, ignored, or countered with angry changes of subject. Really. That means they want the normal arrangement, in which the husband has all the responsibility but no authority whatsoever.

When you have responsibility without authority, you are a scapegoat, pure and simple.

I am no one's scapegoat, nor shall I ever be.

American women look to the Government to be their protector and provider. The one that a woman looks to for protection and provision when she's no longer under her father's care is her husband in her heart. The man she's sleeping with, even with a marriage certificate, is the Other Man.

I'm no one's Other Man. Please notice that that sentence ends with a period.

I've saved the worst for last.

American women have repudiated the contract of marriage at its most basic level. The contract is this: he gets children, and she gets to be part of a family lineage. If the couple is infertile, the relationship takes on a different character, sometimes good, sometimes bad, but the contract, at its heart, is children for membership.

American women have declared, with the backing of men in black dresses who control sheriff's deputies, that the children are theirs no matter what, and they'll keep the name and the money and property, too. They take, but do not give, and what should be given, they claim the right to take back, with government backing, so the husband and father is always under a sword.

So, since there's nothing in it for me from any white woman I've ever met, and I won't mess with a DNA formula that's been top-notch for at least six thousand years, I'm not married.

Let me be clear, women: you have changed the arrangement so that there is NOTHING in it for me.

You've even made the "love" and "acceptance" that should come with a wife into worthless words lacking substance by the stance you've taken on the matters that weigh more.

Given the choice between dying castrated and without lineage versus frustrated and without lineage, I will choose frustrated and without lineage, every time. Other men may make other choices; that is their business, and the women who choose them will forever whine about the lack of real Men in their worlds. You harvest what you plant.

The reason women's harvests are empty of commitment is because at planting time, they planted none. They always held in reserve the right and power to steal back what they were "giving." "Giving" is in quotes there because the thing they do isn't really giving, no matter how much they whine about it being so much, all the best years, all their heart, etc.

I won't even be friends with a woman any more, though I enjoy their company tremendously, because they assume that time spent equals marriage interest, and fall hard for me, while insisting on keeping me in Other Man status and rejecting the basic marriage contract. My basic integrity prevents me from putting more women in that position of falling hard without hope, and my responsibility to God for the position and authority He's given me keeps me from settling for anything but Husband and Father status.

When, and if, I ever meet a woman who understands these things, has renounced her Government Husband-Father, and who is still of childbearing age, and who is attractive enough that I don't cringe when she reaches for me, I will consider her a candidate for Wife. Women who endorse the evils listed here are alone, or lonely, and with good reason. They are afraid of Men, and insist on attempting to join with over-age boys who accept the castration and humiliation of the system those women endorse. They wish they had Men, but fail to realize that only Women get Men.

To sum up marriage :

1. Find business partner with a multiple personality disorder
2. Sign a binding contract that risks all of your assets but none of theirs(include your children). Make sure to include a clause that sends you to prison if they dissolve the contract and you fail to keep up with business expenses.
3. Run up as much debt as you can, consider borrowing money from leg-breaking loan sharks
4. Take all of your aspirations, dreams and goals and bury them in the backyard with your dignity
5. Hover above the floor in a house full of eggshells until one of them cracks and your partner needs an exorcist to calm down.

/

and people put down the promiscous gay that flitters from nectar to nectar like a butterfly in sunshine

Brutal honesty time:

I have been sexually active since I turned 16. I have always used birth control. No matter what. I acknowledge the fact that, as a man, it is my responsibility to make sure my seed doesn't go where it shouldn't. If it does, and I knock someone up, it is then my responsibility to raise my child to the absolute best of my ability. I also try not to sleep with women who I know would make shitty mates... don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for a wife with every date, but I also don't pick up trash just to get laid. I wouldn't sleep with a woman if I would be embarrassed by the fact later.

Now, all that being said... I am responsible enough to take care of my own mistakes... why should I (literally) pay for someone else's?

I agree,
I am 35 and dont have kids for a reason,
Its because i made it my responsibility not to throw my juice in the woman i bang and I always wear a rubber...

I never want kids,
I wont date women with kids,
I will never get married,

these are the best decisions i have ever made in life...
I dont regret it for one second and i never will...

It depends on the women but most of them are nuts. I dated a single mom and she begged me to move in with my kids. Soon she demanded that I pay her for child care,I was already paying all of the house expenses. When I told her that it wasn't working out she told me if I try to leave she would tell the cops I molested her daughter. FN bitches man.

I like the simplicity v. complicated poster!
But face it, with divorce rates at 50%, well, lots of single parents out there, and the baggage comes with.
After living in a step-family, being a step-parent, I told my kids, and step-kids, first time around, don't marry someone (or date) with kids, NOT the first time around :)

Now, with that said, if you end up divorced, find someone very similar to you in financial standing, education, beliefs, and preferably # of children, if you have 1, find someone with 1. The more equal the relationship, the more similarities the better.

Have a contract going into the marriage as to whom is paying for what (just like a business relationship, because it IS an economic relationship supporting EACH OTHER, it's not just lust/love...that fades, the economic aspect remains...so figure this *hit out before hand as well) as what role the stepparent is going to have, down to DETAILS on who disciplines, how and when, vacations with/without children, how many, when, hobbies, who has to give WHAT up, or NOT, etc., which parent/step-parent/bioparent attends which functions, school activities, who has legal rights and what are those rights and how do they affect you, the family unit (business unit). etc. It's a long list.

You gotta get this worked out and agreed upon before you marry and stick to it, then it can work and neither is taken advantage of, you're helping each other out, you are aware of that, both sides are aware of their contributions to the relationship (or lack of) so basically, you flush (man or woman) the skunk out before YOU marry.

Obviously I personally nor my DH did this at first, but I still had boundaries as we dated, lived together (for 10 years) prior to marriage. Kept everything separate for a very long time; still doesn't fix the step dynamics, but it sure helps on the "business" side of things.

Anyway, rambling again, if you go into a marriage, sorry, the kids don't come first, the marriage comes first, without it, you have no foundation to raise functional children, you raise spoiled brats that think (and will try) to destroy you and your marriage, and guess what? It is the parent's fault for allowing this!

Doesn't mean you don't take care of the kids/step-kids, means you take care of YOUR marriage first, just like a little business arrangement, if employer can't keep the business running, employees don't have job...if mom/dad can't keep the marriage running, it's NOT good for the children in the long run, it's better they (children) wake up to reality sooner than later, yes, they have a stepparents, yes, this is the way it is, get used to it darlings.

Not all single moms are as stated, not all single dads are bad, just trying to survive and totally confused about their roles in these types of relationships, and the books that are out nowadays, oh geez, all they do enable the children to run the damn household...and make the step-parents feel/act like monsters out of frustration.
Does not have to be this way if both parties agree on how they are going to handle the relationship/roles/finances/inlaws/bio parents WAY ahead of time (before marriage).

Anticipate the worst, plan for it, deal with it, and expect the best, it can work, but you have to establish FIRM boundaries from the get-go and not let those rose-colored glasses filter out potential problems. IF one or the other can't agree/abide go along with what is healthy for the relationship (which ends up healthy for the kids) then don't get married.

You're not saving anyone (the poor little kids) if all the stepkids/new partner have learned by your generosity is how to USE/exploit someone for a paycheck/lifestyle/cleaner/cook/sex, etc. with no or very little real respect or consideration given in return. IF that's the case, RUN, single mom OR single dad; both are capable of less than desirable human traits.

Flush the skunks out FIRST before marrying.

It depends on the women but most of them are nuts. I dated a single mom and she begged me to move in with my kids. Soon she demanded that I pay her for child care,I was already paying all of the house expenses. When I told her that it wasn't working out she told me if I try to leave she would tell the cops I molested her daughter. FN bitches man.

then why dont your daughter go find someone better?

BECAUSE THIS PERSON DOESNT EXIST.

thanks for editing out all the bullshit Mr. predator

The Rough Guide to Single Moms!

Author: Zen King

I thought I would set down a "rough guide" for men thinking about starting a relationship with a single mom and what some of the ramifications are of dating and entering into a deeper relationship with a single mom could be. Of course this guide does not apply to all women or all men but it will list the main problems I have observed through over the years.

Contrary to popular media-myth I have yet to meet a single mom who was career driven, carefree, balanced, happy; doing it all type gal as often portrayed in most media outlets. The reality I have seen over the years is usually a stressed out, overworked, debt stricken woman who really had no idea children cost so much in time, effort and money. Their careers are on hold as they need to balance their child with sickness, school activities etc versus moving up whatever career ladder they are on. Most single moms are raising their children with help of an extended family member (usually their mom), a bevy of friends and other single moms they find in support groups. It is usually not a pretty picture at all.

Somewhere along the way, usually quite quickly they come up with the idea that they need a "partner" to help them in their new enterprise of having a child and the sooner they can get one the better. Realizing they have a bit of a disadvantage with having a child and being in the dating scene they resort to several well known strategies to get a partner.

One of the first strategies is to engage men who do not have children of their own. This allows the woman to portray the semblance of having and raising a kid is easy and there will always be a balance between their relationship with their partner and their child. Sometimes they will portray themselves as helpless victims, victimized by an evil and absent father they need saving and you can save them. Another popular scheme is to make themselves look accomplished and together by extending their debt to ridiculous levels to portray they are all right and don´t really need a partner. There are quite a few more, but like I said, this is a rough guide.

One of the strategies is to involve the child with the prospective "partner" almost right away and foster a relationship between the man and her child. This allows a lot of leverage on several levels as time goes by. It allows for huge amount of guilt and shame if the man wants to break off the relationship, allows a bonding to take place that is hard to shuck off and other factors... You will hear phrases such as any man who loves me must love my children! etc.. All designed to appeal to a mans sense of chivalry and protection. This hopefully facilitates a sense of belonging together and in the end marriage.

Most single men are unaware of what is going on when they start to date a single mom. It seems that the child is around, but it is pleasant, there is a clear distinction between adult and child time etc, it seems actually for most men, not a bad time at all. This allows the single mom to get the man closer and farther into the relationship.
What is really going on is a shit-load of help from the single moms friends and other helpers. Tons of babysitting services, tips on dating, comparing notes and plans etc. No matter what you see as a man there is something else going on do not forget that. Her plan is to eventually get a partner one way or another. You are the prize and she is going to earn it.

One trait that seems to come to the forefront with most men who are dating single moms is just how wonderful a woman they really are. Most men cannot for the life of them figure out why another man would abandon a woman like her. It has been stated hat single moms are more caring, compassionate, great lovers, excellent cooks, laugh at all your jokes etc they seem to be ideal mates.

What is actually going on is well planned and orchestrated strategies to get a man into a relationship. I don´t know how many men have loudly complained that after marriage they were suddenly now doing most of the cooking, cleaning, and repairing around the house with zero time like they had before. I don´t know how many have said it was like night and day after they moved in. The kind compassionate woman the men met had some how now been replaced by a truly different woman, it was like another personality type than the one they married. In short a single mom knows she has to work harder to get a man and she will work harder, but for many the act cannot last that long and the real woman reveals herself. Usually his occurs just after marriage.

A lot of men though go for it and involve themselves in marriage with a single mom and do not really know some of the problems they will encounter. Here is a short list of several common problems that begin to creep up:


1. Being a "partner" means you get to pay for half- if not more. I have noticed after marriage a single mom works at dizzying speed to make sure her mans name is on all of the bills. She also will usually demand money also for a huge amount of her child´s expenses. It is also expressed as a part of "loving her and showing it". I have seen men putting money away for college for a kid that´s not his. Buying ridiculous amounts of brand name clothes, expensive homes etc all in an effort to be in a so-called "family".


2. The Family you just got into is by invitation only. In most traditional marriages that produce children, the man, woman and child or children make up he basic family unit. In being a step- parent you are not the basic unit. The mother and child together are the basic unit. You are invited in and can be un-invited whenever mom feels it to be so. No matter what is said or mentioned before marriage, you will never come before her child. You will always be in a family and relationship where you come second, maybe third.


3. No matter what you think her ex is going to be there forever. In just about every case the child´s father does not seem to be in the picture during the dating and courtship stage but seems to suddenly show up after. The reality is he was always there, your partner just never mentioned it. The father will most naturally want to have a relationship with his child and he is going to be quite involved most of the time. Just about every time you will be dragged into the endless bickering and fights they have and you will not be liked by him "its only natural remember" also be sure to take into account the grandparents, uncles and aunts and all the family functions you will be attending with him, his child, his ex (your partner) and his side of the family. Get used to being uncomfortable.


4. Her kid will most likely not like you very much. Let´s face it you´re sleeping with their mom and most of the time the child will see you as a roadblock to his parents getting back together. Most likely the mom has made you the giver of discipline in the relationship, being the man and all which results in the kid hating you. Or after watching the child run amok for weeks after you arrive you change juniors´ schedule to include some discipline and then you also hated even more. An amazing amount of men involved with single mothers report how the child hates them, but he can keep buying gifts to try to win their affection. Some call it the ATM effect of diminishing returns.


5. All that time you had together with your new love will end after marriage. The number one job of a single mom is simply to be a mom. She is not a party girl, hiker, camper, biker, clubber etc. Just be prepared for a frontal assault on your time and money after marriage. You will find your weekdays taken up with homework, PTA meetings, suppers at home, and early bed times. Weekends will be the time for the child´s extra-curricular activities and other activities. If a single man is wondering what happens ask any father of children how their time is spent, it will not be on hobbies. You will hear endlessly the phrase "we are a family now and this is what a family does" of course your idea on family will differ, but it is her family and she will make the choices.


6. You will wonder what happened to all your money. Most men involved with a single mom report that their money seems to dry up. Children are expensive- expensive like most men have no idea. Between school supplies, clothing, vast amounts of food, babysitters if you ever want to go out, medications, fees, sports, supplies, toys and such; well, there will be little left.
As a footnote there is also another ploy by some single moms that men also forget about. The child´s father is paying for a lot of these things. Quite a few men have reported that their wife or girlfriend was getting them to pay for such things as sport fees, equipment, university funds, school supplies and such but at the same time getting the child´s father to pay for these things also. Double billing, also called fraud, is quite common but it does allow the single mom to have almost zero expenses for her child as two men are now paying for junior.
Another ploy that is quite horrific was a man whose wife owned a home and he moved in with her and her child. Although he fixed it up, paid half the mortgage and expenses- she had willed the home to her children. When confronted she said since she would be dead she did not care if he had a home or not, her child came first. So be careful with matters of money. Very careful.


7. You will never really be accepted. I have observed time and time again the heartbreak of a step parent as the child gets older. After putting them through school, providing a place to live, food, getting the child all kinds of gifts and honestly really caring about the child and such I keep hearing this one story over and over. The time comes for a grad or a wedding, the step parent thinks he might be lauded for his sacrifices but instead is shunted to a back seat or not invited as the child invites mom and dad to the party; and thanks them for all their love and work. Usually there is not even an acknowledgment of effort.


8. You will now be part of the single moms´ network. Be prepared to help out all her buddies as they helped her out. Endless weekends and nights of babysitting the other single moms kids so that they too may date and get a man. You will also discover why 75% of all people in jail come from single mother households. Try not to have any expensive items around.


9. Now that the single mom is now married she will need to impress her single mom friends with her new found happiness. Her happiness will usually include a new home in a good neighborhood, new clothing, new items for the home, new car etc; there is an unwritten law it seems among a lot of single moms that they compete ruthlessly with their friends. If she does get married she needs to show them her new found prestige. Be prepared for huge new expenses.


10. You will have no time for errors. A lot of single men get involved with the single mom and her kids when the child is a bit older. Being inexperienced with children becomes a huge burden as the single man has no time to learn parenting skills; and mistakes are not readily forgiven nor forgotten when a kid is 4 compared to 14.


11. You may think it ends, but it never does. I know many men whose single mom wife promised them a completely different life after junior turned 18 or so. At the beginning of the relationship it looked like just a few years and then total privacy and freedom. Then years later they found out that junior is going to go to university for 6 years after taking a gap year off and not worry about a job as he will live at home. After that the story usually is that the child gets married and has kids and needs a ton of babysitting services. The dream of trips abroad, moving to a nicer place etc. evaporates for most men. They just wind up being early grandparents. The other option that happens a lot is the girls have children early and stay at home. Not only is the man taking care of his wife´s child he also has to care for her grandchild now!


12. You will have nothing to show for it. In the end when most men have their own children the work and effort is well worth it. The men did their best and raised a family, continued a line, get grandchildren etc. As a step-parent you have contributed as much but you have nothing. Nobody carries on your name and most men realize they are not even ever thanked for their sacrifice.


13. The legalities can kill you. There have been numerous cases where a man has divorced or left a single mom and then found himself liable financially for her child. Although not the father he will be responsible for child payments, extra fees and most certainly university far after they are 18 check the laws out, it´s a raw deal. Couple that with some alimony and you get the whole effect of being a divorced and homeless dad with not one child of your own.
In the end women have asked for their freedom to make their own choices now for decades. I would advise all single men to let single moms make their choice of having a child by themselves and then live with it. Don´t involve yourself with these women under any circumstances. It can be in many ways, the death of a man.

Well, it´s a rough guide and you were warned.

Take care.

Don't even give them a blink ... I went walking my dog in a park. I drive a small car, this broad with an expensive Audi Jeep pulls up. As soon as she sees I'm walking my dog alone, she starts frantically pacing with a new born child in her arms, like she's suffering. But at the same time, you could see through all the melodramatic horseshit she was pulling off to sucker a young, lonely, hardworking dweeb like myself into the Golddigger's aisle to clean op her fucking mess.

I had to turn my heart into a stone, because I've lived through that shit before with a blonde from work with a black kid she had with somekind of pimp (as a found out after the facts)

Their fucking secrets, lies and manipulation are revolting, much more than a stupid, lonely dweeb would ever cause by wanting sex, because he likes her. It's not about liking with women, it's about genetics and narcissism.

Interesting that the mod erased the OP.

Yes, because it wasn't linked back to the source. The mods have to protect the site from potential litigation over copyright issues.

At least the thread was not deleted completely so that discussion could continue.

And still written by me, the Zen King.

One of my many writer's names.

Even on GLP I have many different names instead with the same User ID

OP mentioned in another thread that he's the author of the text.

I agree,
I am 35 and dont have kids for a reason,
Its because i made it my responsibility not to throw my juice in the woman i bang and I always wear a rubber...

I never want kids,
I wont date women with kids,
I will never get married,

these are the best decisions i have ever made in life...
I dont regret it for one second and i never will...