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Anybody here like to edit papers?

 
Anonymous Coward
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06/24/2013 11:28 AM
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Anybody here like to edit papers?
I've written a two-ish page paper on life for a project I'm working on....

Any takers?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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06/24/2013 11:29 AM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
Here's a tease.... If you like it I'll post more....
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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06/24/2013 11:30 AM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
Life. Part 1

Heaven and Earth, but no Hell…

Let’s begin by imagining a new fantastic world. Imagine this novel planet is split in two along its equator, the northern hemisphere being one giant, complete continent with rushing rivers and mighty mountains. One unified land of endless variety, forever sustaining harmony but more on this a little later on. The southern hemisphere, therefore, is a bottomless ocean and the entire equator- a stretch of mysterious beaches. You see, the grand continent we could consider Heaven in all its glory and the ocean deep to be our realm, the realm of Earth. And not too deep but rather just far enough to question the shoreline, struggling in the waves, we find humanity-

“Today I chose love over fear, chose hard over easy, and chose compassion over confusion. Today I reached the beach.

My journey began the same as all others. It began in sea. I awoke in confusion but upon breaching the surface and gasping for air I realized I was not alone. There was a man floating a little ways away from me so I swam over and called out. I asked him where we were and what was going on. With little effort, but none the less kindness, he said that all he knew was what he had heard from others for he did not care to find out for himself. He was given encouragement that shallow waters led to the light, led to the beach and that if one wished for a better life, the place to find it is surely the beach.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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06/24/2013 11:31 AM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
But he was also given a stern warning: Don’t be tempted to venture the deep. There are many dangers in the darkness that often lead to one to his very own demise. The deeper you go, the easier it is to sink and those who sink simply fade away.

I thought long and hard about this to make sure I understood what was said before asking if he had ever seen the beach, to which he replied “Of course not. Its too hard to swim against the tide, I’d rather let it take me where it may.”
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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06/24/2013 11:32 AM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
Ok let me know what you think, please be nice. And if you want more I have the rest of pt.1 I can post. Oh and ALL grammar ans spell help is greatly appreciated.
Anonymous Coward
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06/24/2013 11:33 AM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
I love fixing people's grammatical fuck-ups and making their writing more accessible to more perspectives as long as they ask me to without me offering to do so.

Please post the whole 2 pages; I'll start right away hf
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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06/24/2013 11:34 AM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
I love fixing people's grammatical fuck-ups and making their writing more accessible to more perspectives as long as they ask me to without me offering to do so.

Please post the whole 2 pages; I'll start right away hf
 Quoting: Blooregard Q Kazoo


THANK YOU!!!- Here is the whole thing top to bottom-

Life. Part 1

Heaven and Earth, but no Hell…

Let’s begin by imagining a new fantastic world. Imagine this novel planet is split in two along its equator, the northern hemisphere being one giant, complete continent with rushing rivers and mighty mountains. One unified land of endless variety, forever sustaining harmony but more on this a little later on. The southern hemisphere, therefore, is a bottomless ocean and the entire equator- a stretch of mysterious beaches. You see, the grand continent we could consider Heaven in all its glory and the ocean deep to be our realm, the realm of Earth. And not too deep but rather just far enough to question the shoreline, struggling in the waves, we find humanity-

“ Today I chose love over fear, chose hard over easy, and chose compassion over confusion. Today I reached the beach.

My journey began the same as all others. It began in sea. I awoke in confusion but upon breaching the surface and gasping for air I realized I was not alone. There was a man floating a little ways away from me so I swam over and called out. I asked him where we were and what was going on. With little effort, but none the less kindness, he said that all he knew was what he had heard from others for he did not care to find out for himself. He was given encouragement that shallow waters led to the light, led to the beach and that if one wished for a better life, the place to find it is surely the beach.

But he was also given a stern warning: Don’t be tempted to venture the deep. There are many dangers in the darkness that often lead to one to his very own demise. The deeper you go, the easier it is to sink and those who sink simply fade away.

I thought long and hard about this to make sure I understood what was said before asking if he had ever seen the beach, to which he replied “Of course not. Its too hard to swim against the tide, I’d rather let it take me where it may.”

I needed to know more than this man could teach me so I decided to begin my swim. All of a sudden, with great speed and determination, out from the deep came a man was swimming towards us. When he got closer I called out to him, but he did not stop. Instead he yelled out, “Care to join me for a swim?” I quickly caught up and then asked where he was going. He told me he was following the shallows to the beach. I asked him how he could be so certain it would be there and he replied one word, “Faith.”
A few moments later he said, “Let me impart to you some wisdom I’ve learned. There are at least three basic kinds of people: those who sink, those who float, and those who swim. The ones that sink sink at the result of their own consequences either as a direct result of their own actions or by choosing to give into temptations that in the end lead them astray and into negativity. The ones that float simply choose not choose either way, positive or negative. Some simply enjoy a simple life of trying to be the best person they can be and overall make more positive decisions and negative ones, just enough to stay afloat though. Others are just too lazy to ever attempt to swim. Those that float are very common, for they’re usually around the longest being that until they decide to decide, they continue to float. Then of course there are the swimmers. Those who have chosen to begin and maintain their hard, adventurous journey towards a better life.”

Upon hearing this, I now know exactly want I want and how to get it. I wanted the beach, and I needed to keep swimming. No one is holding me back. I have chosen my path. I passed by many people, and the more I came across the easier it was to define each one. Those that chose negativity were constantly struggling to stay above the surface, or they were already drifting down towards the abyss. The last person I passed by in the water was a woman. She was calmly floating but I could tell deep down she was really sad, scared her dreams would never come true on their own. I’d feel sorry for her if only I hadn’t the understanding that she about by her own design. So I continued.

Over the waves, under the sun I swam and swam. I was distracted by the seabed which I could now clearly see, a pat on the back in a way of its own, when became curious if I was getting close. A look ahead brought unbelievable relief, the BEACH! As hard as it was being the last stretch, the fact that it was the last laid waste to my pain. The sand beneath my feet, I stood for the first time. There was a man on the beach in a white robe and although I could not see his face I knew he was smiling, I knew he was proud.

But after all that effort, and all that determination, I still felt compelled to relieve my curiosity so I asked the man, “Why, why are we born in the tide between good and evil, instead of on the beach of Harmony?” After a chuckle he explained: “Son this is how it goes: in all of creation there is heaven and there is earth. Heaven is a place where all creatures can live in eternal harmony with each other if they chose. It is not a place for evil. Earth is simply the place life begins. Earth is a realm of balanced good and evil, giving new people with free will an equal opportunity to choose for themselves whether they wish to be good or evil. Earth can then be thought of a filter- new beings go in, and only good beings by choice come out. ”
I smiled in gratitude before walking once more to the edge of the waters. Today I chose love over fear, chose hard over easy, and chose compassion over confusion. Today I reached the beach.”
TOTRhombus

User ID: 38804434
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06/24/2013 11:35 AM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
Sure, I'll edit it for you. I'm very good at proofreading, but you can't get offended if I suggest a lot of revisions (I won't try to edit content, just make it more readable).
I don't know where you get your delusions, laser brain.
Anonymous Coward
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06/24/2013 11:36 AM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
nah, i just watch youtube vids


Anonymous Coward
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06/24/2013 11:42 AM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
Life. Part 1

Heaven and Earth; no Hell.

Begin by imagining a new-born, fantastic world. Imagine this novel planet split in two along its equator. The northern hemisphere is a giant, complete continent with rushing rivers and mighty mountains. It is a unified land of endless variety, forever sustaining harmony as one of many facets. The southern hemisphere, however, is a bottomless ocean (and the entire equator) - a stretch of mysterious beaches. See if you may, the grand continent one could consider Heaven in all of its glory and the ocean depths to be the realm in which we reside, the realm of Earth. Our realm is not consumed by the deep but is rather just far enough away from the shoreline that we find ourselves questioning what could be found upon it, struggling in the waves, finding humanity within-

“Today I chose love over fear, the difficult road over the easy one, and compassion over confusion. Today I left the deep of the ocean to walk upon the beach."

My journey began the same as all others. It began in the sea. I awoke in confusion but upon breaching the surface and gasping for air I realized I was not alone. There was a man floating a short distance away from me, and so I swam over and called out. I asked him where we were and what was going on. With little effort and genuine kindness, he said that all he knew was what he had heard from others for he did not care to find out for himself. He was given encouragement that shallow waters led to the light and to the beach and that if one wished for a better life, the place to find it is surely the beach.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 40434436


(and the entire equator)

Please help me to understand this visual. It just doesn't make sense to me, so any other way you can express the idea will help.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 40434436
United States
06/24/2013 11:42 AM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
Sure, I'll edit it for you. I'm very good at proofreading, but you can't get offended if I suggest a lot of revisions (I won't try to edit content, just make it more readable).
 Quoting: TOTRhombus


OK THANKS!! and I promise I won't be offended, and feel free to give whatever comments you feel like.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 40434436
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06/24/2013 11:43 AM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
Life. Part 1

Heaven and Earth; no Hell.

Begin by imagining a new-born, fantastic world. Imagine this novel planet split in two along its equator. The northern hemisphere is a giant, complete continent with rushing rivers and mighty mountains. It is a unified land of endless variety, forever sustaining harmony as one of many facets. The southern hemisphere, however, is a bottomless ocean (and the entire equator) - a stretch of mysterious beaches. See if you may, the grand continent one could consider Heaven in all of its glory and the ocean depths to be the realm in which we reside, the realm of Earth. Our realm is not consumed by the deep but is rather just far enough away from the shoreline that we find ourselves questioning what could be found upon it, struggling in the waves, finding humanity within-

“Today I chose love over fear, the difficult road over the easy one, and compassion over confusion. Today I left the deep of the ocean to walk upon the beach."

My journey began the same as all others. It began in the sea. I awoke in confusion but upon breaching the surface and gasping for air I realized I was not alone. There was a man floating a short distance away from me, and so I swam over and called out. I asked him where we were and what was going on. With little effort and genuine kindness, he said that all he knew was what he had heard from others for he did not care to find out for himself. He was given encouragement that shallow waters led to the light and to the beach and that if one wished for a better life, the place to find it is surely the beach.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 40434436


(and the entire equator)

Please help me to understand this visual. It just doesn't make sense to me, so any other way you can express the idea will help.
 Quoting: Blooregard Q Kazoo


ok will do
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30742855
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06/24/2013 11:47 AM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
He was also, though, given a stern warning: Do not be tempted to venture back into the deep. There are many dangers in the darkness that often lead one to one's very own demise. The deeper one goes, the easier it is to sink and those who sink will surely fade away.

I thought long and hard about this to be sure I understood what was said before asking if he had ever seen the beach, to which he replied, “Of course not; it is too tiring to swim against the tide. I would rather let it take me where it may.”

I needed to know more than this man could teach me so I decided to begin my swim. Suddenly, with great speed and determination, out from the deep came a man who was swimming towards us. I called out to him as he approached, but he did not stop. He yelled out, instead, “Care to join me for a swim?” I quickly caught up to him and asked where he was going. He told me that he was following the shallows to the beach. I asked him how he could be so certain it would be there and he replied with a mere word of, “Faith”.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 40434436
Anonymous Coward
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06/24/2013 12:04 PM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
A few moments later he said, “Let me impart on you some wisdom I have learned. There are at least three basic types of people: those who sink, those who float, and those who swim. (Those who sink do so as a result of their own actions. By choosing to give into temptations that lead them astray and into negativity, they face the only consequence of such a choice - to sink back down into familiar waters. They who are floating atop of the waters have simply chosen just to be, positive or negative. They enjoy a simple life of trying to be the best person they can be and overall make more positive decisions than negative ones, in close balance so as to barely stay afloat.) Some are too lazy to ever attempt to swim. Those that float are very common, for they are usually around the longest being that until they decide to make a choice, they continue to float. Then, of course, there are the swimmers. They are the ones who have chosen to begin and maintain their hard, adventurous journey towards a better life.”

Upon hearing this, I now know exactly want I want and how to get it. I wanted the beach, and I needed to keep swimming. No one is holding me back. I have chosen my path. I passed by many people, and the more I came across the easier it was to define each one. Those that chose negativity were constantly struggling to stay above the surface or they were already drifting down towards the abyss. The last person I passed by in the water was a woman. She was calmly floating but I could tell that deep down she was very sad, scared that her dreams would never come true on their own. I would feel sorry for her, if only I had not the understanding that she about by her own design. Keeping the temptation of sorrow for another at bay, I continued onward.

Over the waves, under the sun, I swam and swam. I was distracted by the seabed which I could now clearly see, a pat on the back in a way of its own, when curiosity begged the question if I was truly getting close. A single look ahead brought unbelievable relief, the BEACH! As hard as it was having come to the final stretch, the fact that it was the last laid waste to my pain. Feeling the sand beneath my feet, I stood for the first time. There was a man on the beach in a white robe, and although I could not see his face I knew that he was smiling. I knew he stood proudly upon the beach.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 40434436


The part in () in the 1st paragraph here I did much re-wording on. Just suggestions, of course, and I would expect you to want to change some of it around further some way or another :)

On to the last paragraph...
Anonymous Coward
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06/24/2013 12:09 PM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
Oddly enough, after all of that effort and spent determination, I still felt compelled to relieve my curiosity so I asked the man, “Why? Why are we born in the tide between good and evil, instead of on the beach of Harmony?” After a chuckle he explained, “Son, this is how it goes: in all of creation there is heaven and there is earth. Heaven is a place where all creatures can live in eternal harmony with each other if they so choose. It is not a place for evil. Earth is simply the place one's life begins. Earth is a realm of balanced good and evil, giving new people with free will an equal opportunity to choose for themselves whether they wish to be good or evil. Earth can then be thought of as a filter - new beings go in, and only good beings by choice come out.”
I smiled with gratitude before walking once more to the edge of the waters. Today I chose love over fear, chose hard over easy, and chose compassion over confusion. Today I reached the beach.”
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 40434436


I like the ending here the way you have written it and will leave it be :)

Thank you for this opportunity, OP.

It's a wonderful story and I hope I've done it justice in trying to adapt the wording to how it would make better sense to me :)
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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06/24/2013 12:43 PM
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Re: Anybody here like to edit papers?
Oddly enough, after all of that effort and spent determination, I still felt compelled to relieve my curiosity so I asked the man, “Why? Why are we born in the tide between good and evil, instead of on the beach of Harmony?” After a chuckle he explained, “Son, this is how it goes: in all of creation there is heaven and there is earth. Heaven is a place where all creatures can live in eternal harmony with each other if they so choose. It is not a place for evil. Earth is simply the place one's life begins. Earth is a realm of balanced good and evil, giving new people with free will an equal opportunity to choose for themselves whether they wish to be good or evil. Earth can then be thought of as a filter - new beings go in, and only good beings by choice come out.”
I smiled with gratitude before walking once more to the edge of the waters. Today I chose love over fear, chose hard over easy, and chose compassion over confusion. Today I reached the beach.”
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 40434436


I like the ending here the way you have written it and will leave it be :)

Thank you for this opportunity, OP.

It's a wonderful story and I hope I've done it justice in trying to adapt the wording to how it would make better sense to me :)
 Quoting: Blooregard Q Kazoo


hf Thank you, comment more later, sorry got caught up for the moment. Really do appreciate your help!