This is, uh, kind of personal, so I hope that you'll keep what I am about to reveal confidential, you know, just between all of you and me. I was walking in the desert and it got really, really hot; and I know this is against conventional wisdom, but I stripped off my clothes, because, you know, 130 degrees. Anyway, so I was walking nude through the desert and I noticed that my testicles were hanging kinda funny, a little off to one side. It made it very difficult to walk straight, and I began to list to one side, starboard, if it matters. This went on for miles. I came to an oasis and then it stopped, my balls returned to center, which was quite a relief. A couple of Bedouins approached me. They offered to sell me a horse, but it had no name. I passed on the horse and bought some cool robes instead, put them on and kept walking. There was sand and dirt and rocks and things. Gradually, my testicles began to weigh heavily again I noticed this time that my testicles were attracted to, they were swinging in the direction of, they were pointing the way towards this water fountain I found in the middle of freakin' nowhere. There was a 'No Loitering' sign posted next to it so I took a drink and pressed on, dragging my sore testicles along. Strange, right? So my genitals, it seems, are acting like some sort of dowsing rod. My question: Is it safe for me to go on an ocean cruise for my anniversary?