Tony's favourite bonk, the succubus from hell. Lol. You deserve each other and keep other miserable. :)
To those who don't know...my last blog was referencing the fact that I have an unhealthy addiction to..."lustful activities." So if you didn't know...you know now. You may now all look at me with pity and disgust.
It's just another uneventful day, sitting outside smoking a cigarette and thinking of things. Of course, as usual, my thoughts race faster than I have a chance to pick my brain of them, so there was a lot of...me being lost. I found myself gazing at the sky as if to let my soul wander the ocean of stars, planets, and huge chunks of death matter that make up space. Since I believe that souls transmigrate to new bodies through time (you know, if you die, your soul goes on vacation for a while...get's laid...drinks 40s...waiting for its turn to possess another body), I was wondering what I was like in my past lives. I mean...there has to be a reason why I am seriously NOT run of the mill guy material. I honestly think I am very very different from most people I know and will ever know. Anyway, because of the way I am (lazy, laid back, easily enticed, irritable, perverted, lustful, martyr like, overly logical, overly critical, extremely moody...etc) I think that I had quite a few...eventful past lives. I was a warrior in one life, terror of the battlefield...and in another, I gave my life for a cause...like a religious zealot or a revolutionary...and in another, I was the village idiot. Combine that with modern day testosterone levels and epic boobs (loving...not actually on my chest...I'd never leave the house otherwise)...you have me. I'm sure that I just made all this up in a matter of 2 minutes and 28 seconds...but I've honestly seriously thought about this. But enough on this topic...more analysis later...
One thing that has boggled my mind as of late is the fact that I've tried to use mathematical equations to define human emotion. Yes, I know, I've done this before...I wound up in a hospital. Shut up. I'm doing it again. Why? BECAUSE IT CAN BE DONE! There are probably 839850982312948903 variables for EACH emotion, but given 175 years of extensive research, lonely nights in a van down by the river, and Dr Pepper (because I will keep it in business until I die), it can be done. While human emotions are on a constantly changing spectrum and for each person there are different triggers for different emotions...there is definitely a constant...somewhere in there. Like how women are the root of all evil (yes you are...women and money are in the same equation...I actually looked it up. NO FLAMING). However, there is an equal constant of a man drooling with his tongue hanging out when bare female skin is seen (in most cases...I mean...guys drool over naked women...for real for real). So even with many many variables...there is always a constant. For example, it always costs $250 to buy a vowel (when in actuality...it nets me a few points on Scrabble). Basically what I want to say is, even with a wide spectrum of variables, when a constant is found, the equations to human emotion can be broken down mathematically.
It is quite disgusting to know that cats can give humans a Dirty Sanchez. Enough said, next topic.
I've been told by a colleague of mine that I should teach a sex class. Whoa, what? I may talk a lot of shit, but I am no porn star. Nor am I a sex story author, nor an eloquent master of the platinum tongue (and in this case that is NOT a cunniligus joke, nor a reference to GAY SPOONY BARDS OF DOOM!!!)
In other news...for my next performance...I will sing the doom song.
"Doom doom doom, doom doom doom doom...(6 hours later)...doom doom doom doom doom doom..."
And now that I have completely killed your libido and possibly 8 brain cells of my own...I'm going to bed. Good night!
*Disclaimer* No cunnilingus jokes, brown bears, tomatoes, brain cells, gay bards, or GIRs were harmed during the making of this blog.