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My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 42196696
United States
07/25/2013 11:57 PM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
I hate to break it to you op.

Women can be very good at hiding stuff!
 Quoting: fireman2013


Why depress the OP?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33317905


I'm a realist. This stuff needs to be sorted. You don't let your wife go on vacation by herself.

I hope to god that she hasn't done anything.

In addition to that, notice how incredibly eager he is to show her his love in order that she not run off again perhaps?

This is in some cases a sign of something unequal happening, her going away, and him trying to find a way to express his love....

That kind of thing is all too familiar to me.
 Quoting: fireman2013


Seriously, who in their right mind allows an American woman to do that while married?
Where did they go?
Lemme guess? What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 37157663
China
07/25/2013 11:59 PM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
My wife went on vacation to visit some of her girlfriends back where she grew up. She left 2 weeks ago and will be returning this weekend. I have been cleaning the house from top to bottom, doing all the laundry (even the clothes left in the back of the laundry room). When she gets back I want to show her how much I love her and missed her. I was thinking about getting her some flowers and a card. I also want to show her some "special attention" that night fulfilling her needs (she loves oral). So I was wondering what else I should do for her to WOW her. Doesn't need to be sexual just something to show her I care and love her more than she knows. Please help me folks
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37356622


OP,

You sound like a beta-male and it looks like your wife went back home for some ALPHA-MALE.

just my .02 cents

 Quoting: Juggalo


How many .02 cents does it take to make 2 cents, Juggalo?
 Quoting: DrSalt


Dumbie,

.02 = 2 cents
.20 = 20 cents
1.20 = 1 Dollar & 20 Cents

Dam, you got dumbies big time

 Quoting: Juggalo


.02 cents sounds like .02 of a cent... .02 dollars would be two cents though
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38427070
07/26/2013 12:00 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
My wife went on vacation to visit some of her girlfriends back where she grew up. She left 2 weeks ago and will be returning this weekend. I have been cleaning the house from top to bottom, doing all the laundry (even the clothes left in the back of the laundry room). When she gets back I want to show her how much I love her and missed her. I was thinking about getting her some flowers and a card. I also want to show her some "special attention" that night fulfilling her needs (she loves oral). So I was wondering what else I should do for her to WOW her. Doesn't need to be sexual just something to show her I care and love her more than she knows. Please help me folks
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37356622


OP,

You sound like a beta-male and it looks like your wife went back home for some ALPHA-MALE.

just my .02 cents

 Quoting: Juggalo


TOTALLY THIS^^^^^^^^^
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44061977
United States
07/26/2013 12:01 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
...


OP,

You sound like a beta-male and it looks like your wife went back home for some ALPHA-MALE.

just my .02 cents

 Quoting: Juggalo


How many .02 cents does it take to make 2 cents, Juggalo?
 Quoting: DrSalt


Dumbie,

.02 = 2 cents
.20 = 20 cents
1.20 = 1 Dollar & 20 Cents

Dam, you got dumbies big time

 Quoting: Juggalo


.02 cents sounds like .02 of a cent... .02 dollars would be two cents though
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37157663


You're on the ball, Chinaman.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 43996352
United States
07/26/2013 12:02 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
My wife went on vacation to visit some of her girlfriends back where she grew up. She left 2 weeks ago and will be returning this weekend. I have been cleaning the house from top to bottom, doing all the laundry (even the clothes left in the back of the laundry room). When she gets back I want to show her how much I love her and missed her. I was thinking about getting her some flowers and a card. I also want to show her some "special attention" that night fulfilling her needs (she loves oral). So I was wondering what else I should do for her to WOW her. Doesn't need to be sexual just something to show her I care and love her more than she knows. Please help me folks
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37356622


THE WAY YOU SOUND LIKE A NICE BOY, I AM SURE YOUR WIFE WILL FIND A LOVER ON THE SIDE.

YOU SHOULD RUB YOUR DICK WITH OLIVE OIL, AND BUY A BOTTLE OF WINE.

WHEN SHE COMES HOME, AND PEES AND REFRESH HERSELF, BRING OUT THE BOTTLE OF WINE AND TWO GLASSES, THEN WHEN SHE HAS THE BUZZ TELL HER HOW MUCH YOU MISS HER, AND PROCEED TO FUCK THE DAY LIGHTS OUT OF YOUR WIFE.

YOU DON'T DO IT, SOME ONE ELSE LIKE ME WILL DO IT.
TidesofTruth

User ID: 40082295
United States
07/26/2013 12:03 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
Get Epsom Salts.

Get some bubble bath sweet smelling stuff.

Get oil or body lotion.



Get Candles

Draw her a bath 2 cups Epson salts.
The Epsom is most important but they like the smell of the other stuff so use that too.

Light the candles.

Take her and bathe her.

Slip out and place a towel in the oven at 180 degrees. for 5 minutes.

When she is done have the towel ready.

Dry her off.

Take her to bed.

Lotion her up and give her a massage not sexual at first.

Work everywhere. Concentrate on her shoulders, middle back, feet, butt and then you can get sexual but take an hour.

See how that goes.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38427070
07/26/2013 12:04 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
how about a good clubbing for you?

when she comes in hand her a club and say, I really need a clubbing because i am a whiney little bitch, that cleans your house for you while youre off at the orgies for two weeks.
Sirpipsalot
User ID: 40318346
United States
07/26/2013 12:06 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
Dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are you for real?

Your wife goes away for 2 weeks to hang with her girls she grew up with??
Shes honest with you???? she wants to talk for hours????

If we can tell that you're a pussy and are missing 1 1/2 balls , what the fuck do you think she sees, a nice guy?

Ahhh , Hellooooo every guy over the age of 14 knows that nice guys get second hand pum pum .

To save your marriage you have to plant a spent condom
under the bed and a thong that's used (you can get those online) make sure its a woman's one because I am sure she would think you were fucking a guy unless she has proof, otherwise and then she would expect that from you and not give a shit.

After that investigate hormone replacement with your doctor
because you need some male hormones because you seem to be overloaded with estrogen.

Mess up the house and demand that she clean it the day after
(in a nice way of course) Have sex with her with no consideration of her pleasure ( she wont be thinking of you anyway) , and enjoy the fact that while you were being Mr.
PUSSYGOODBOOTS she was probably getting dped and enjoying it.

Good day to you Oh gullible one.

dubyapigcheflmaojerkit
pool
Netizen Ribbonmind

User ID: 38052225
United States
07/26/2013 12:07 AM

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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
Change the sheets on the bed.
 Quoting: pool


Hands down, this is the best answer so far.
 Quoting: ElusivePisces 11156436


sheets
"The earth is mother of us all, for she is just; but you, because you are unjust have pretended that she is your mother alone; and if you do not stop, I will not permit you to remain upon her."

[link to www.livius.org]
fireman2013

User ID: 34384926
Australia
07/26/2013 12:08 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
My wife went on vacation to visit some of her girlfriends back where she grew up. She left 2 weeks ago and will be returning this weekend. I have been cleaning the house from top to bottom, doing all the laundry (even the clothes left in the back of the laundry room). When she gets back I want to show her how much I love her and missed her. I was thinking about getting her some flowers and a card. I also want to show her some "special attention" that night fulfilling her needs (she loves oral). So I was wondering what else I should do for her to WOW her. Doesn't need to be sexual just something to show her I care and love her more than she knows. Please help me folks
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37356622


THE WAY YOU SOUND LIKE A NICE BOY, I AM SURE YOUR WIFE WILL FIND A LOVER ON THE SIDE.

YOU SHOULD RUB YOUR DICK WITH OLIVE OIL, AND BUY A BOTTLE OF WINE.

WHEN SHE COMES HOME, AND PEES AND REFRESH HERSELF, BRING OUT THE BOTTLE OF WINE AND TWO GLASSES, THEN WHEN SHE HAS THE BUZZ TELL HER HOW MUCH YOU MISS HER, AND PROCEED TO FUCK THE DAY LIGHTS OUT OF YOUR WIFE.

YOU DON'T DO IT, SOME ONE ELSE LIKE ME WILL DO IT.

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 43996352


Don't threaten him with fornication with his wife

putin
Alive In Jesus Christ
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 43982104
United States
07/26/2013 12:08 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
Dont worry Op her high school boyfriend fulfilled all her needs when she was on vacation... probably just best to let her rest... she will probably be worn out...
90Rocky

User ID: 8158394
United States
07/26/2013 12:10 AM

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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
Dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are you for real?

Your wife goes away for 2 weeks to hang with her girls she grew up with??
Shes honest with you???? she wants to talk for hours????

If we can tell that you're a pussy and are missing 1 1/2 balls , what the fuck do you think she sees, a nice guy?

Ahhh , Hellooooo every guy over the age of 14 knows that nice guys get second hand pum pum .

To save your marriage you have to plant a spent condom
under the bed and a thong that's used (you can get those online) make sure its a woman's one because I am sure she would think you were fucking a guy unless she has proof, otherwise and then she would expect that from you and not give a shit.

After that investigate hormone replacement with your doctor
because you need some male hormones because you seem to be overloaded with estrogen.

Mess up the house and demand that she clean it the day after
(in a nice way of course) Have sex with her with no consideration of her pleasure ( she wont be thinking of you anyway) , and enjoy the fact that while you were being Mr.
PUSSYGOODBOOTS she was probably getting dped and enjoying it.




Good day to you Oh gullible one.

dubyapigcheflmaojerkit
 Quoting: Sirpipsalot 40318346


You forgot piss all over the toilet and floor.

Last Edited by Boris the Cat on 07/26/2013 12:10 AM
Sloane

User ID: 43701846
United States
07/26/2013 12:17 AM

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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
Make a nice dinner, set the table, candles. hf
fireman2013

User ID: 34384926
Australia
07/26/2013 12:18 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
Dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are you for real?

Your wife goes away for 2 weeks to hang with her girls she grew up with??
Shes honest with you???? she wants to talk for hours????

If we can tell that you're a pussy and are missing 1 1/2 balls , what the fuck do you think she sees, a nice guy?

Ahhh , Hellooooo every guy over the age of 14 knows that nice guys get second hand pum pum .

To save your marriage you have to plant a spent condom
under the bed and a thong that's used (you can get those online) make sure its a woman's one because I am sure she would think you were fucking a guy unless she has proof, otherwise and then she would expect that from you and not give a shit.

After that investigate hormone replacement with your doctor
because you need some male hormones because you seem to be overloaded with estrogen.

Mess up the house and demand that she clean it the day after
(in a nice way of course) Have sex with her with no consideration of her pleasure ( she wont be thinking of you anyway) , and enjoy the fact that while you were being Mr.
PUSSYGOODBOOTS she was probably getting dped and enjoying it.

Good day to you Oh gullible one.

dubyapigcheflmaojerkit
 Quoting: Sirpipsalot 40318346


You are being way too extreme. There is no need to put used condoms and wet thongs around the house.

also, no use messing the house up just to clean it again.

It's good to be dominant but not that much of a jerk. There is little point in being an ass about it unless you enjoy disaster.

you will attract a tattoo girl.
Alive In Jesus Christ
Sloane

User ID: 43701846
United States
07/26/2013 12:20 AM

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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
Dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are you for real?

Your wife goes away for 2 weeks to hang with her girls she grew up with??
Shes honest with you???? she wants to talk for hours????

If we can tell that you're a pussy and are missing 1 1/2 balls , what the fuck do you think she sees, a nice guy?

Ahhh , Hellooooo every guy over the age of 14 knows that nice guys get second hand pum pum .

To save your marriage you have to plant a spent condom
under the bed and a thong that's used (you can get those online) make sure its a woman's one because I am sure she would think you were fucking a guy unless she has proof, otherwise and then she would expect that from you and not give a shit.

After that investigate hormone replacement with your doctor
because you need some male hormones because you seem to be overloaded with estrogen.

Mess up the house and demand that she clean it the day after
(in a nice way of course) Have sex with her with no consideration of her pleasure ( she wont be thinking of you anyway) , and enjoy the fact that while you were being Mr.
PUSSYGOODBOOTS she was probably getting dped and enjoying it.

Good day to you Oh gullible one.

dubyapigcheflmaojerkit
 Quoting: Sirpipsalot 40318346


You are being way too extreme. There is no need to put used condoms and wet thongs around the house.

also, no use messing the house up just to clean it again.

It's good to be dominant but not that much of a jerk. There is little point in being an ass about it unless you enjoy disaster.

you will attract a tattoo girl.
 Quoting: fireman2013


'A tattoo girl' ahaha! I tell you fireman, some of your posts really make me laugh - in a good way :)
fireman2013

User ID: 34384926
Australia
07/26/2013 12:24 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
Dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are you for real?

Your wife goes away for 2 weeks to hang with her girls she grew up with??
Shes honest with you???? she wants to talk for hours????

If we can tell that you're a pussy and are missing 1 1/2 balls , what the fuck do you think she sees, a nice guy?

Ahhh , Hellooooo every guy over the age of 14 knows that nice guys get second hand pum pum .

To save your marriage you have to plant a spent condom
under the bed and a thong that's used (you can get those online) make sure its a woman's one because I am sure she would think you were fucking a guy unless she has proof, otherwise and then she would expect that from you and not give a shit.

After that investigate hormone replacement with your doctor
because you need some male hormones because you seem to be overloaded with estrogen.

Mess up the house and demand that she clean it the day after
(in a nice way of course) Have sex with her with no consideration of her pleasure ( she wont be thinking of you anyway) , and enjoy the fact that while you were being Mr.
PUSSYGOODBOOTS she was probably getting dped and enjoying it.

Good day to you Oh gullible one.

dubyapigcheflmaojerkit
 Quoting: Sirpipsalot 40318346


You are being way too extreme. There is no need to put used condoms and wet thongs around the house.

also, no use messing the house up just to clean it again.

It's good to be dominant but not that much of a jerk. There is little point in being an ass about it unless you enjoy disaster.

you will attract a tattoo girl.
 Quoting: fireman2013


'A tattoo girl' ahaha! I tell you fireman, some of your posts really make me laugh - in a good way :)
 Quoting: Sloane


If a post makes you laugh its well worth it :)
Alive In Jesus Christ
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1440233
United States
07/26/2013 12:36 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
Have something ready to eat that can wait, even if you buy it, like cold cuts and potato salad, then have a bottle of wine chilled and sit down and visit with her and ask her about her trip. That's all. hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15170057


Have something ready to eat that can wait, even if you buy it, like cold cuts and potato salad, then have a bottle of wine chilled and sit down and visit with her and ask her about her trip. That's all. hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15170057


Yep, yep, yep...

After traveling no one wants to cook.

Your flowers, AND all of your fantastic household doings, wine, beer, and food...an awesome "welcome home honey" treat! Good for you!

Glad you're in a happy relationship marriage...may you have many, many years of happiness.

We've been married almost 34 years...since '05, it's been really, really hard living in the uss...I mean...USA...job, house, ugh...but...we're still together. Peace.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44064065
United States
07/26/2013 01:07 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
learn a song and sing it to her.

pick something heartfelt

her mouth will drop and she'll prolly start cryin
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44026695
United States
07/26/2013 01:59 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
Why didnt you go on a vacation together?
Something isnt on the up and up here OP.
Zippy
User ID: 17714598
United States
07/26/2013 04:37 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
When mine went away for two weeks, I spent my last night of freedom with my tongue buried in a strippers asshole.
fireman2013

User ID: 34384926
Australia
07/26/2013 05:01 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
Why didnt you go on a vacation together?
Something isnt on the up and up here OP.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44026695


unless it's a joke thread to get a stir.....

How can someone have a wife and........This is just not making sense lol.

Surely you would think what she has to do for 2 weeks without you.

If it's real op time for a massive confrontational talk with her soon.
Alive In Jesus Christ
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44071321
Greece
07/26/2013 05:51 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
My wife went on vacation to visit some of her girlfriends back where she grew up. She left 2 weeks ago and will be returning this weekend. I have been cleaning the house from top to bottom, doing all the laundry (even the clothes left in the back of the laundry room). When she gets back I want to show her how much I love her and missed her. I was thinking about getting her some flowers and a card. I also want to show her some "special attention" that night fulfilling her needs (she loves oral). So I was wondering what else I should do for her to WOW her. Doesn't need to be sexual just something to show her I care and love her more than she knows. Please help me folks
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37356622


OP,

You sound like a beta-male and it looks like your wife went back home for some ALPHA-MALE.

just my .02 cents

 Quoting: Juggalo


Greet her proprely, be genuine. That will suffice.
 Quoting: Korats01


If I do that, she says I'm acting, but not real. I need to do something that will blow her mind.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37356622


So you are telling me you need to lie to her to impress her bc if you are real for her, she think you are lying.
 Quoting: Korats01


Yes, no matter how much I try to show her true love, she always says I fake it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37356622


this x2 !!! and op i have a psychology degree and let me tell you something , her behavior means that she has trust issues with you because she fakes it all the time so she expects the same from everyone else! sorry to say htis but she got fucked this two weeks probaly by some ex bf, get her cehcked for stds or divorce her, instead of talking on the phone for hourse why not skype? so you can see whats going on ? or did you call her aat random hours and she pick up imedialty? DONT DO ANYHTING FOR HER , see her reaction , if shes still is horny for you seeing a messy house then shes loyal , but if she would ratehr get mad and nitpick on the small stuff then she got it going on the side!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44072946
South Africa
07/26/2013 06:04 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
Holy Fuck!!! You've done enough! She's been off with her friends sucking dicks and getting it up the pooper...and you want to do something nice for her????
Go on your own vacation with your mates and leave her to clean up the motherfucking mess...
CMcC

User ID: 44024850
United States
07/26/2013 07:07 AM

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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
A clean house is always a good start...in addition to that get some flowers. Flowers are always a fail safe token of love and appreciation.

Last Edited by CMcC on 07/26/2013 07:08 AM
Fear God and Dread Nought.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 43954859
Australia
07/26/2013 07:25 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
When mine went away for two weeks, I spent my last night of freedom with my tongue buried in a strippers asshole.
 Quoting: Zippy 17714598


shit eh?
WitchBoard

User ID: 39164599
Germany
07/26/2013 07:26 AM

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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
My wife went on vacation to visit some of her girlfriends back where she grew up. She left 2 weeks ago and will be returning this weekend. I have been cleaning the house from top to bottom, doing all the laundry (even the clothes left in the back of the laundry room). When she gets back I want to show her how much I love her and missed her. I was thinking about getting her some flowers and a card. I also want to show her some "special attention" that night fulfilling her needs (she loves oral). So I was wondering what else I should do for her to WOW her. Doesn't need to be sexual just something to show her I care and love her more than she knows. Please help me folks
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37356622


OP,

You sound like a beta-male and it looks like your wife went back home for some ALPHA-MALE.

just my .02 cents

 Quoting: Juggalo


Ha!
"In the beginning there was nothing then god created light...In the end there was still nothing but you could see it..."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8542186
United States
07/26/2013 07:31 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
aww how cute

buy her a new car
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 35233389


spoken like a true whore
Phillip J. Fry

User ID: 22941969
United States
07/26/2013 07:44 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
2 questions...

Why does She need a vacation away from You?

What did You spend the money on?
"Don't do anything that affects anything. Unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case for the love of God. Don't not do it!"
nah

User ID: 39685812
United States
07/26/2013 07:45 AM

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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
Dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are you for real?

Your wife goes away for 2 weeks to hang with her girls she grew up with??
Shes honest with you???? she wants to talk for hours????

If we can tell that you're a pussy and are missing 1 1/2 balls , what the fuck do you think she sees, a nice guy?

Ahhh , Hellooooo every guy over the age of 14 knows that nice guys get second hand pum pum .

To save your marriage you have to plant a spent condom
under the bed and a thong that's used (you can get those online) make sure its a woman's one because I am sure she would think you were fucking a guy unless she has proof, otherwise and then she would expect that from you and not give a shit.

After that investigate hormone replacement with your doctor
because you need some male hormones because you seem to be overloaded with estrogen.

Mess up the house and demand that she clean it the day after
(in a nice way of course) Have sex with her with no consideration of her pleasure ( she wont be thinking of you anyway) , and enjoy the fact that while you were being Mr.
PUSSYGOODBOOTS she was probably getting dped and enjoying it.

Good day to you Oh gullible one.

dubyapigcheflmaojerkit
 Quoting: Sirpipsalot 40318346


This. Your wife is mentally delayed to think she still needs "girl time" or "me time" or what ever the fuck those poor excuses for wives call it.
we went to the moon not because it was easy but because it was hard and the right thing to do
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38280492
United States
07/26/2013 07:48 AM
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Re: My wife is returning from vacation, what should I do?
My wife went on vacation to visit some of her girlfriends back where she grew up. She left 2 weeks ago and will be returning this weekend. I have been cleaning the house from top to bottom, doing all the laundry (even the clothes left in the back of the laundry room). When she gets back I want to show her how much I love her and missed her. I was thinking about getting her some flowers and a card. I also want to show her some "special attention" that night fulfilling her needs (she loves oral). So I was wondering what else I should do for her to WOW her. Doesn't need to be sexual just something to show her I care and love her more than she knows. Please help me folks
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37356622



Clean the porn history off the computer?

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