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19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man

 
FooledMeOnce
Fandango Stripper

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08/06/2013 01:34 PM

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19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
I made this as a joke in response to DrSalt's "19 Ways to know you're a woman".

19 Ways to know you're a man:

1) You're an asshole

2) You're always late picking up your girlfriend

3) You throw a temper tantrum over something really small, like your favourite TV show is cancelled.

4) You buy your gf gifts she doesn't want and then you complain about how much you spend

5) You expect food to magically appear in the fridge

6) You don't do dishes or laundry - because they'll clean themselves.

7) You need to be told to brush your teeth

8) You need to be forced out of bed in the morning

9) You say women are only good for one thing but you also expect a girlfriend who can hold a conversation

10) You fold the toilet paper, leaving it to clog the toiled - then you complain when you have to plunge it.

12) You dont communicate your feelings

13) You think girls are sluts for having sex, yet it's acceptable for males to sleep around

14) You snore

15) You hate cats

16) You need someone to budget your money

17) You are impatient

18) You do one good deed and expect to be rewarded for the rest of your life

19) You can't use the microwave without blowing it up!



stoner
sigsig3
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08/06/2013 01:36 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
That's why they own everything.

I didn't see on the list - Can expel air out of his ass longer than breathe out of his lungs!
Anonymous Coward
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08/06/2013 01:37 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
Thread: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Woman
MaybeTrollingU

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08/06/2013 01:38 PM

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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
I made this as a joke in response to DrSalt's "19 Ways to know you're a woman".

19 Ways to know you're a man:

1) You're an asshole

2) You're always late picking up your girlfriend

3) You throw a temper tantrum over something really small, like your favourite TV show is cancelled.

4) You buy your gf gifts she doesn't want and then you complain about how much you spend

5) You expect food to magically appear in the fridge

6) You don't do dishes or laundry - because they'll clean themselves.

7) You need to be told to brush your teeth

8) You need to be forced out of bed in the morning

9) You say women are only good for one thing but you also expect a girlfriend who can hold a conversation

10) You fold the toilet paper, leaving it to clog the toiled - then you complain when you have to plunge it.

12) You dont communicate your feelings

13) You think girls are sluts for having sex, yet it's acceptable for males to sleep around

14) You snore

15) You hate cats

16) You need someone to budget your money

17) You are impatient

18) You do one good deed and expect to be rewarded for the rest of your life

19) You can't use the microwave without blowing it up!



stoner
 Quoting: FooledMeOnce


Injustice! I don't hate cats!
eekers
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08/06/2013 01:39 PM

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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
5a
"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." - T. S. Eliot
Anonymous Coward
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08/06/2013 01:39 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
reasons why it's better to be a man
You can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If you meet a guy who is wearing the same shirt, you might become lifelong friends.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals will never trap you with, "So, notice anything different?"
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
Your same hairstyle lasts for years … maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below the neck.
One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can do your nails with a pocketknife.
The world is your urinal.
You can take a leak in the woods without getting your socks wet.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work, more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
An occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Dry cleaners and barbers don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
If you are 35 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. Socks are optional.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
You can make decisions without a support group.
You never have strap problems in public.
Other people don't mooch off your dessert.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Molon Labe 2013

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08/06/2013 01:39 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
You forgot #20:

Scratch and Sniff
Thread: Why do guys scratch and sniff?
Molon Labe 2013
Crock
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08/06/2013 01:40 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
That's the largest crock of shit I've read in my life.

Not even remotely humorous!


At least the Womens thread touched on reality.
Anonymous Coward
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08/06/2013 01:41 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
20. You get moody and depressed if your favorite sports team losses and snap at everyone around you.
21. You think taking out the garbage is the chore that makes up for all the other chores you don't do. And you want to be thanked profusely for doing it.
22. You fart under the covers.
23. You fart in the car and pick your nose there too.
24. Your insecure about your performance in bed and always want to have your woman tell you it was the best she ever had.
Anonymous Coward
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08/06/2013 01:45 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
13) You think girls are sluts for having sex, yet it's acceptable for males to sleep around

Correct because it takes actual skill for a man to bang lots of women but all a woman has to do is spread her legs and she could have a line of guys ready to bang her. You get no respect because it is so easy for you to get sex.
Anonymous Coward
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08/06/2013 01:46 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
20. You get moody and depressed if your favorite sports team losses and snap at everyone around you.
21. You think taking out the garbage is the chore that makes up for all the other chores you don't do. And you want to be thanked profusely for doing it.
22. You fart under the covers.
23. You fart in the car and pick your nose there too.
24. Your insecure about your performance in bed and always want to have your woman tell you it was the best she ever had.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 9007345


What's the difference between the words "losses" and "loses"? Do you know?

What's the difference between the words "your" and "you're"? Do you know?
Dr. AculaModerator
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08/06/2013 02:07 PM

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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
Thread: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Woman (Page 2)
Anonymous Coward
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08/06/2013 02:10 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
1) You're an asshole

Yeah, and you love it.

2) You're always late picking up your girlfriend

Late because we were buying a gift that she ends up not wanting and being a bitch about. See No. 4.

3) You throw a temper tantrum over something really small, like your favourite TV show is cancelled.

Hey now! Fox's time-travel killer dinosaur sci-fi series 'Terra Nova' was bad ass! Those bastards cancelled that shit!

4) You buy your gf gifts she doesn't want and then you complain about how much you spend

Ungrateful bitch!

5) You expect food to magically appear in the fridge

No. We expect you to go buy some with the fuckin' money we make and give you to go buy some damn food.

6) You don't do dishes or laundry - because they'll clean themselves.

That's right. Women and fags do dishes and laundry. Duh.

7) You need to be told to brush your teeth

That's ridiculous. Coca-Cola cleans teeth.

8) You need to be forced out of bed in the morning

That's silly. We get up and follow that jiggle ass of yours into the shower.

9) You say women are only good for one thing but you also expect a girlfriend who can hold a conversation

She need not be able to hold a conversation. Just don't talk about dumb shit.

10) You fold the toilet paper, leaving it to clog the toiled - then you complain when you have to plunge it.

You ladies use twice as much paper by wadding. THAT'S what clogs the pipes.

12) You dont communicate your feelings

Yes we do. Contempt. Ridicule. Dissatisfaction. Humor. Pride. Lust. Arrogance. Hubris.

13) You think girls are sluts for having sex, yet it's acceptable for males to sleep around

Girls are mothers or mothers-to-be. We don't want our progeny coming out of a snatchy cunt.

See here:

Thread: Women absorb and carry living DNA and cells from every male they have sexual intercouse with

14) You snore

Like a manly beast, baby! RAWR!

15) You hate cats

No we don't. We hate boxes of their shit in the fuckin' house.

16) You need someone to budget your money

Only after you get done pillaging the bank account shopping for dumb horseshit you don't need because "It was on sale..."

17) You are impatient

Life's short, honey. Let's go already!

18) You do one good deed and expect to be rewarded for the rest of your life

No no. Not one good deed. One legendary, historic, GREAT deed.

19) You can't use the microwave without blowing it up!

So not true. The microwave is the one device in the kitchen we are masters with.
eekers
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08/06/2013 02:12 PM

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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man


aww you're a good man, Dr. A!!

smile_kiss
"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." - T. S. Eliot
FooledMeOnce (OP)
Fandango Stripper

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08/06/2013 02:14 PM

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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
19) You can't use the microwave without blowing it up!

So not true. The microwave is the one device in the kitchen we are masters with.
 Quoting: DrSalt


1rof11rof1
sigsig3
BRIEF
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08/06/2013 02:16 PM

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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
I made this as a joke in response to DrSalt's "19 Ways to know you're a woman".

19 Ways to know you're a man:

1) You're an asshole

2) You're always late picking up your girlfriend

3) You throw a temper tantrum over something really small, like your favourite TV show is cancelled.

4) You buy your gf gifts she doesn't want and then you complain about how much you spend

5) You expect food to magically appear in the fridge

6) You don't do dishes or laundry - because they'll clean themselves.

7) You need to be told to brush your teeth

8) You need to be forced out of bed in the morning

9) You say women are only good for one thing but you also expect a girlfriend who can hold a conversation

10) You fold the toilet paper, leaving it to clog the toiled - then you complain when you have to plunge it.

12) You dont communicate your feelings

13) You think girls are sluts for having sex, yet it's acceptable for males to sleep around

14) You snore

15) You hate cats

16) You need someone to budget your money

17) You are impatient

18) You do one good deed and expect to be rewarded for the rest of your life

19) You can't use the microwave without blowing it up!



stoner
 Quoting: FooledMeOnce


Injustice! I don't hate cats!
 Quoting: MaybeTrollingU


I do, but I can budget money...
With freedom comes responsibility.

Heterosexual pride!

Briefcut4892
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08/06/2013 02:20 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
Good list OP! But too short. It just scratches the suface of truth. :)
Dr. AculaModerator
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08/06/2013 02:22 PM

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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
I made this as a joke in response to DrSalt's "19 Ways to know you're a woman".

19 Ways to know you're a man:

1) You're an asshole
2) You're always late picking up your girlfriend
3) You throw a temper tantrum over something really small, like your favourite TV show is cancelled.
4) You buy your gf gifts she doesn't want and then you complain about how much you spend
5) You expect food to magically appear in the fridge
6) You don't do dishes or laundry - because they'll clean themselves.
7) You need to be told to brush your teeth
8) You need to be forced out of bed in the morning
9) You say women are only good for one thing but you also expect a girlfriend who can hold a conversation
10) You fold the toilet paper, leaving it to clog the toiled - then you complain when you have to plunge it.
12) You dont communicate your feelings
13) You think girls are sluts for having sex, yet it's acceptable for males to sleep around
14) You snore
15) You hate cats
16) You need someone to budget your money
17) You are impatient
18) You do one good deed and expect to be rewarded for the rest of your life
19) You can't use the microwave without blowing it up!

stoner
 Quoting: FooledMeOnce


lol

well i could break this list down like i did in the other thread.

but it would be easier to just say it once...

If a "man" is having these issues... he needs to:

growthefuckup
FooledMeOnce (OP)
Fandango Stripper

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08/06/2013 02:31 PM

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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
I made this as a joke in response to DrSalt's "19 Ways to know you're a woman".

19 Ways to know you're a man:

1) You're an asshole
2) You're always late picking up your girlfriend
3) You throw a temper tantrum over something really small, like your favourite TV show is cancelled.
4) You buy your gf gifts she doesn't want and then you complain about how much you spend
5) You expect food to magically appear in the fridge
6) You don't do dishes or laundry - because they'll clean themselves.
7) You need to be told to brush your teeth
8) You need to be forced out of bed in the morning
9) You say women are only good for one thing but you also expect a girlfriend who can hold a conversation
10) You fold the toilet paper, leaving it to clog the toiled - then you complain when you have to plunge it.
12) You dont communicate your feelings
13) You think girls are sluts for having sex, yet it's acceptable for males to sleep around
14) You snore
15) You hate cats
16) You need someone to budget your money
17) You are impatient
18) You do one good deed and expect to be rewarded for the rest of your life
19) You can't use the microwave without blowing it up!

stoner
 Quoting: FooledMeOnce


lol

well i could break this list down like i did in the other thread.

but it would be easier to just say it once...

If a "man" is having these issues... he needs to:

growthefuckup
 Quoting: Dr. Acula


cheers
sigsig3
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08/06/2013 02:52 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
I made this as a joke in response to DrSalt's "19 Ways to know you're a woman".
 Quoting: FooledMeOnce


My thread has way more views and replies. Ha ha! Suck it!
Anonymous Coward
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08/06/2013 02:53 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
That's the largest crock of shit I've read in my life.

Not even remotely humorous!


At least the Womens thread touched on reality.
 Quoting: Crock 44629371


20. you don't like it when someone holds a mirror up
Anonymous Coward
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08/06/2013 02:57 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
Well I do hate cats..
eekers
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08/06/2013 02:59 PM

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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
Well I do hate cats..
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44459205


but i bet you loooove pu$$y!!

churchlady
"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." - T. S. Eliot
*Evan

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08/06/2013 03:01 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man


"You totally wimped out man!"
-Lloyd Christmas
Anonymous Coward
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08/06/2013 03:06 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
bounceb
BadMoonRisen

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08/06/2013 03:08 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
I qualify for # 12 and 14

Does that make me a wimp?
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.

[link to www.inmomsbasement.com]

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.
Anonymous Coward
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08/06/2013 03:10 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
Stop. This thread is embarrassing you.
Anonymous Coward
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08/06/2013 03:14 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
I made this as a joke in response to DrSalt's "19 Ways to know you're a woman".

19 Ways to know you're a man:

1) You're an asshole

2) You're always late picking up your girlfriend

3) You throw a temper tantrum over something really small, like your favourite TV show is cancelled.

4) You buy your gf gifts she doesn't want and then you complain about how much you spend

5) You expect food to magically appear in the fridge

6) You don't do dishes or laundry - because they'll clean themselves.

7) You need to be told to brush your teeth

8) You need to be forced out of bed in the morning

9) You say women are only good for one thing but you also expect a girlfriend who can hold a conversation

10) You fold the toilet paper, leaving it to clog the toiled - then you complain when you have to plunge it.

12) You dont communicate your feelings

13) You think girls are sluts for having sex, yet it's acceptable for males to sleep around

14) You snore

15) You hate cats

16) You need someone to budget your money

17) You are impatient

18) You do one good deed and expect to be rewarded for the rest of your life

19) You can't use the microwave without blowing it up!



stoner
 Quoting: FooledMeOnce


There is no man that has the above issues. Any male human that does have issues as listed above are either a boy (child) or a eunuch because he's been castrated by his wife or girlfriend.
Anonymous Coward
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08/06/2013 03:15 PM
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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
number 12 that's me!!
Astral Goat
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08/06/2013 03:16 PM

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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
I made this as a joke in response to DrSalt's "19 Ways to know you're a woman".

19 Ways to know you're a man:

1) You're an asshole

2) You're always late picking up your girlfriend

3) You throw a temper tantrum over something really small, like your favourite TV show is cancelled.

4) You buy your gf gifts she doesn't want and then you complain about how much you spend

5) You expect food to magically appear in the fridge

6) You don't do dishes or laundry - because they'll clean themselves.

7) You need to be told to brush your teeth

8) You need to be forced out of bed in the morning

9) You say women are only good for one thing but you also expect a girlfriend who can hold a conversation

10) You fold the toilet paper, leaving it to clog the toiled - then you complain when you have to plunge it.

12) You dont communicate your feelings

13) You think girls are sluts for having sex, yet it's acceptable for males to sleep around

14) You snore

15) You hate cats

16) You need someone to budget your money

17) You are impatient

18) You do one good deed and expect to be rewarded for the rest of your life

19) You can't use the microwave without blowing it up!



stoner
 Quoting: FooledMeOnce


sofunny!!!!!

cruiser

laugh

Last Edited by Astral Goat on 08/06/2013 03:16 PM
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Astral Goat
From the deep space petting zoo...

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08/06/2013 03:20 PM

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Re: 19 Ways To KNOW You're A Man
I made this as a joke in response to DrSalt's "19 Ways to know you're a woman".

19 Ways to know you're a man:




3) You throw a temper tantrum over something really small, like your favourite TV show is cancelled.




15) You hate cats




stoner
 Quoting: FooledMeOnce


lolatu
[link to nextgenfmradio.com] Radio for weirdos
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