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What's the best joke you've ever heard?

 
Person445
The West Coast Truth

User ID: 41756472
Canada
08/18/2013 09:35 PM

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What's the best joke you've ever heard?
I'll start it off with one of my favorites:

The first time I had sex was a frightening experience... it was dark and I was all alone
Anonymous Coward
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08/18/2013 09:36 PM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
Why isn't there gambling in the jungle?

TOO MANY CHEETAS!!!

Hahahaahhahahahah.
The Lump Under the Carpet

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United Kingdom
08/18/2013 09:39 PM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
They hate us for our freedom.
BxMac

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08/18/2013 09:40 PM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
Pressure Cooker Terrorists.
Person445 (OP)
The West Coast Truth

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Canada
08/18/2013 09:41 PM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
They hate us for our freedom.
 Quoting: The Lump Under the Carpet


LMAO...good one!

applause2
Anonymous Coward
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08/18/2013 09:44 PM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
Ladies and gentlement, our newly elected president, Barack Obama!!
Anonymous Coward
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08/18/2013 09:46 PM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
What is a Hooker with a runny nose called?...Full
Anonymous Coward
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08/18/2013 09:47 PM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
what do you get when you cross a mexican and an african american (PC Police)?










A lawn mower that doesn't work.

Bahaha
Anonymous Coward
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08/18/2013 09:48 PM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
How do you use a rubber twice?
You shake the fuck out of it.
Anonymous Coward
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08/18/2013 09:49 PM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
What did the buddest say to the hot dog vendor?
One with everthing.
calx
SoHm

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08/18/2013 09:50 PM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender notices this big steering wheel sticking out of the front side of the pirate's pants. He says "Hay man isn't that uncomfortable?" And the pirate replies, "ARRRR! It's drivin' me nuts!"

captain
He whose face gives no light shall never become a star. - William Blake
Person445 (OP)
The West Coast Truth

User ID: 41756472
Canada
08/18/2013 09:52 PM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender notices this big steering wheel sticking out of the front side of the pirate's pants. He says "Hay man isn't that uncomfortable?" And the pirate replies, "ARRRR! It's drivin' me nuts!"

captain
 Quoting: calx


lolsign
Anonymous Coward
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08/18/2013 09:53 PM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
There was once a road named Chuck Norris, but the name was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives..
Anonymous Coward
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08/18/2013 09:58 PM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
Ask a wise guy/gal IF they EVER figured out WHY the asylum NEVER reported them missing !
abeliever

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08/18/2013 10:06 PM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
My father used to say when the chimes are ringing on the ice cream truck, they're out of ice cream!
Anonymous Coward
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08/18/2013 10:27 PM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
A biker gang was going across a bridge when the leader seen a girl standing on the guard rail. He pulled over and and the rest did too. He asked what she was doing, she said "Im going to kill myself". He replied "Ok, its a free country...do what you want" he sat there for a moment and said "well, if your going to kill yourself, why dont you suck me off first?" She thought about it, climbed down and started sucking him off. After she finished she climbed back up. Then he said "Hey, why not suck all my buddies off too?" She thought about it...climbed down and sucked off everyone else. When she was done she climbed back up and was about to jump when the leader asked "Why is a pretty girl like you that can suck dick so good going to kill yourself?" She replied "Because my parents cant accept that I dress like a girl"

eyebat 1rof1
Kinga
You talkin' to me....?!!!

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08/18/2013 10:43 PM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
Did you hear about the man who went to the doctor and asked him for advice on how to improve his sex life?

The doctor told him to jog ten miles a day, for seven days. Then call him. A week later, the man telephoned.

"Well," asked the doctor, "Has jogging improved your sex life?"

"I don't know," said the man. "I'm seventy miles from home."

chuckle
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss
Rigel

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08/18/2013 11:55 PM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
When is bedtime in Neverland?


When the big hand touches the little hand.
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2013 12:06 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
What is BIG and PURPLE and plays in the ocean?


Moby Grape
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2013 12:09 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
Founders Fan

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08/19/2013 12:10 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
we're from the Govt and we're here to help
If something can corrupt you, you're corrupted already.

Bob Marley

“The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.”
THOMAS PAINE (1737-1809)

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. Bruce Lee
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2013 12:15 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on the bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.




How do you get him down?

Tell a bunch of Mexican kids he's a piñata.
Jekyl

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08/19/2013 12:19 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
My father used to say when the chimes are ringing on the ice cream truck, they're out of ice cream!
 Quoting: abeliever


Lol chuckle
Shadowy_Planet

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08/19/2013 12:19 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
The one that got my old username banned.
Water Flower

User ID: 39802072
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08/19/2013 12:23 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
an elderly man and his wife went on a trip to israel. his wife fell ill and died. when he went to the funeral home, he was told that it would cost $5000 to ship her to their homeland or $150 to bury her in the holy land. the man chose to ship her back home for burial. the funeral director was surprised. he asked, 'why do you want to spend all that money to send her back home when she can be buried here for only $150 in the holy land?' the man then said, 'well, i heard that a famous guy that was crucified 2000 years ago resurrected 3 days later. i don't want that to happen to my wife.'

rimshot
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2013 12:33 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
"Stick a pencil in Grandma's ear and see if she gets the point."

1rof1
Useless Cookie Eater

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08/19/2013 12:34 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
What's the best joke you've ever heard?
 Quoting: Person445


Hope and Change
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2013 12:36 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?

My father used to say when the chimes are ringing on the ice cream truck, they're out of ice cream!
 Quoting: abeliever


Dad, why are they always out of ice cream when they get to OUR neighborhood tissue
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2013 12:36 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
an elderly man and his wife went on a trip to israel. his wife fell ill and died. when he went to the funeral home, he was told that it would cost $5000 to ship her to their homeland or $150 to bury her in the holy land. the man chose to ship her back home for burial. the funeral director was surprised. he asked, 'why do you want to spend all that money to send her back home when she can be buried here for only $150 in the holy land?' the man then said, 'well, i heard that a famous guy that was crucified 2000 years ago resurrected 3 days later. i don't want that to happen to my wife.'

rimshot
 Quoting: Water Flower


That's pretty funny lol
Rev StarGazer

User ID: 37891955
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08/19/2013 12:37 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
What does an agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac do?














Lays awake all night wondering if there is a dog!
“If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson

revstargazer (at) hotmail.com
mrmuffins69
ban all the things

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08/19/2013 12:38 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
We Have to Pass the Bill So That You Can Find Out What Is In It

1rof1

News








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