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What's the best joke you've ever heard?

 
dookie stain
User ID: 15483798
United States
08/19/2013 12:39 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
How come elephants don't smoke?




Cuz their butts don't fit in an ashtray....
Rev StarGazer
Just a little bit batty

User ID: 37891955
United States
08/19/2013 12:41 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
What do you get when you put Hillary Clinto and Barak Obama together?






A hilarious obamination

hillary
“If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson

revstargazer (at) hotmail.com
Kinga
You talkin' to me....?!!!

User ID: 43203580
Canada
08/19/2013 12:43 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
we're from the Govt and we're here to help
 Quoting: Founders Fan


1rof1
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss
Rev StarGazer
Just a little bit batty

User ID: 37891955
United States
08/19/2013 12:43 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
What is the definition of politics?

poli- as in the Greek 'poly', meaning 'many'

and tics as in blood suckers
“If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson

revstargazer (at) hotmail.com
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 45364790
United States
08/19/2013 12:44 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
"we told them the wealth would trickle down"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12737722
Australia
08/19/2013 12:44 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
I always forget the good ones but I made a joke (albeit very bad)...

Why did Vladimir divorce his wife?
Because his wife stopped Putin out!

Boom-tish
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15483798
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08/19/2013 12:45 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
Tell me if you heard this one before...



A baby seal walked into this club......
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2013 12:47 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
US Government.
Rev StarGazer
Just a little bit batty

User ID: 37891955
United States
08/19/2013 12:49 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
OK, here's a nonPC one....



A doctor, lawyer and a priest are the only survivors of a sinking ship.

The doctor sobs, "Oh! I wish we could have saved the children!"

The lawyers scoffs, "FUCK the children!"

to which the priest replies, "You think we could get away with it?"
“If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson

revstargazer (at) hotmail.com
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12762865
Australia
08/19/2013 12:50 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
a horse walks into a bar..
bartender asks, why the long face..



a mushroom walk into a bar and asks for a drink..
bartender says- we don't serve your kind in here..
mushroom replies- why not, i'm a fun guy..
mrmuffins69

User ID: 45103538
United States
08/19/2013 12:51 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
OK, here's a nonPC one....



A doctor, lawyer and a priest are the only survivors of a sinking ship.

The doctor sobs, "Oh! I wish we could have saved the children!"

The lawyers scoffs, "FUCK the children!"

to which the priest replies, "You think we could get away with it?"
 Quoting: Rev StarGazer


cruise
Rev StarGazer
Just a little bit batty

User ID: 37891955
United States
08/19/2013 12:54 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
A guy walks into a bar and notices a hideously ugly dude in the corner, surrounded by beautiful girls. He asks the bartender what's up. The bartender replies, "I don't know. All he does is sit in the corner all day licking his eyebrows"
“If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson

revstargazer (at) hotmail.com
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 45321321
United States
08/19/2013 01:01 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
OK, here's a nonPC one....



A doctor, lawyer and a priest are the only survivors of a sinking ship.

The doctor sobs, "Oh! I wish we could have saved the children!"

The lawyers scoffs, "FUCK the children!"

to which the priest replies, "You think we could get away with it?"
 Quoting: Rev StarGazer


Good one, LOL!
Rev StarGazer
Just a little bit batty

User ID: 37891955
United States
08/19/2013 01:02 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
A father is on a walk through the park with his curious three year old who is asking about everything. As they turn a corner, the father sees two dogs stuck together. He tries to distract his son but too late and the kid asks, "Daddy, what are those two dogs doing?" "Well," the father answers, "you see the dog on top has hurt his paw and the dog on the bottom is helping him out." The little boys shakes his head and says, "Isn't that how it always is? Try and help a friend and they'll fuck you every time!"
“If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson

revstargazer (at) hotmail.com
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1259453
United States
08/19/2013 01:06 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
Hillbilly walks into the bedroom holding a sheep.


Hillbilly: "Look baby, here's that pig i've been fucking!"

Wife: "That ain't a pig you stupid ass, that's a sheep!"

Hillbilly: "I wasn't talking to you bitch!"


sheep
Rev StarGazer
Just a little bit batty

User ID: 37891955
United States
08/19/2013 01:08 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
Hillbilly walks into the bedroom holding a sheep.


Hillbilly: "Look baby, here's that pig i've been fucking!"

Wife: "That ain't a pig you stupid ass, that's a sheep!"

Hillbilly: "I wasn't talking to you bitch!"


sheep
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1259453


LOL
“If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson

revstargazer (at) hotmail.com
deathpossum

User ID: 24013362
United States
08/19/2013 01:13 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
dadstartrek
"Never attribute to stupidity what can easily be explained by ignorance."
- Robert A. Heinlein c.1941
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 45385146
Ireland
08/19/2013 01:14 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
has to be the ''Yes we can'' slogan

Wiretap you etc
Sikhed
Cat herder

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08/19/2013 01:15 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
What's the difference between a blond man and a blonde woman?

The woman has a higher sperm count.
doom360
Rev StarGazer
Just a little bit batty

User ID: 37891955
United States
08/19/2013 01:19 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
why don't blondes in San Francisco wear mini skirts?


because their nuts would show!
“If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson

revstargazer (at) hotmail.com
deathpossum

User ID: 24013362
United States
08/19/2013 01:21 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
why don't blondes in San Francisco wear mini skirts?


because their nuts would show!
 Quoting: Rev StarGazer


Only on Polk St I think.
"Never attribute to stupidity what can easily be explained by ignorance."
- Robert A. Heinlein c.1941
Rev StarGazer
Just a little bit batty

User ID: 37891955
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08/19/2013 01:36 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
why don't blondes in San Francisco wear mini skirts?


because their nuts would show!
 Quoting: Rev StarGazer


Only on Polk St I think.
 Quoting: deathpossum


LOL! You know SF pretty well. Haven't been there since 2001, is Sukker's Liquors still there? ;)


I remember watching the news one night - mid '80s I believe - and they said the police department was recruiting on Folsom because they already knew how to use handcuffs. chuckle
“If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson

revstargazer (at) hotmail.com
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2013 01:42 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
A priest an Ute Indian and Jimi Hendrix are sitting at a bar.
The Indian won't stop looking at Jimi. An hour passes and the Indian is still staring at Jimi.
The priest notices this and a asks the Indian what he's sees in Jimi.
The Indian says to the priest many moons ago I fuck buffalo, he 5ahidingiamwithlook like son.
Creepy-Ass Cracker

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08/19/2013 01:51 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
Blacks built the Great Pyramid.
Creepy-Ass Cracker, the next best thing to a Super Hero!
Rev StarGazer
Just a little bit batty

User ID: 37891955
United States
08/19/2013 01:55 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
Have you heard about the new Jewish sushi bar?


It's called Sosueme
“If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson

revstargazer (at) hotmail.com
HI.Lander

User ID: 40407688
United States
08/19/2013 02:01 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
Ever have sex while camping?

It's fucking in tents!
"Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one." -- Marcus Aurelius

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
08/19/2013 02:03 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
Wjy did Hellen Keller wear tight fitting clothes?


So you could read her lips.
Rev StarGazer
Just a little bit batty

User ID: 37891955
United States
08/19/2013 02:03 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
Ever have sex while camping?

It's fucking in tents!
 Quoting: HI.Lander


chuckle
“If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson

revstargazer (at) hotmail.com
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12741808
United States
08/19/2013 02:05 AM
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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
I've always thought this was funny

Say to someone "hey I have a good joke," they'll say what is it and u say "it's a knock knock joke.. U start." They say knock knock, u say who's there and the look on their face is priceless
Rev StarGazer
Just a little bit batty

User ID: 37891955
United States
08/19/2013 02:11 AM

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Re: What's the best joke you've ever heard?
time to poke fun at the hippies now....


what do you call a hippy that just broke up with his girl friend?



homeless!





two hippies and a nun with a broken leg are waiting at a bus stop. the first hippy asks the nun, "how'd you break your leg sister?" the nun replied, "oh, I slipped in the bath tub." the second hippy turns to his friend and whispers, "what's a bath tub?" his friend answers, "how should I know? I'm not Catholic!"
“If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson

revstargazer (at) hotmail.com

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