What's the best joke you've ever heard? | |
Rev StarGazer User ID: 37891955 United States 08/19/2013 02:12 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I've always thought this was funny Quoting: Anonymous Coward 12741808 Say to someone "hey I have a good joke," they'll say what is it and u say "it's a knock knock joke.. U start." They say knock knock, u say who's there and the look on their face is priceless Oh! I like that one! “If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.” Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace "But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8 "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson revstargazer (at) hotmail.com |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 9196576 United States 08/19/2013 01:31 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Person445 (OP) User ID: 41756472 Canada 08/19/2013 01:36 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
deathpossum User ID: 24013362 United States 08/20/2013 03:27 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | why don't blondes in San Francisco wear mini skirts? Quoting: Rev StarGazer because their nuts would show! Only on Polk St I think. LOL! You know SF pretty well. Haven't been there since 2001, is Sukker's Liquors still there? ;) I remember watching the news one night - mid '80s I believe - and they said the police department was recruiting on Folsom because they already knew how to use handcuffs. I left that cesspool in 2001 also. However, I still miss my coffee shops on Haight that are now John Fluvog and whatever the fuck happened to Jammin Java on waller and cole. That was the best place evar. Cafe Abir is just too cold and no crowd like GLP (jammin java was GLP incarnate) [Your rights are] "wherever we're willing to draw a line and say 'you cannot come across this line or I'll kill you.' That's where our rights are. If you don't understand that, folks, then it's beyond my capability to explain it to you. They will get away with whatever you let them get away with. And until you draw the line and you're willing to die for what you believe in, they will keep taking and taking and taking and taking, until there is no more left to take. Then, it's all gone, and you're a slave." -bill cooper |
Rev StarGazer User ID: 37891955 United States 08/20/2013 03:32 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | why don't blondes in San Francisco wear mini skirts? Quoting: Rev StarGazer because their nuts would show! Only on Polk St I think. LOL! You know SF pretty well. Haven't been there since 2001, is Sukker's Liquors still there? ;) I remember watching the news one night - mid '80s I believe - and they said the police department was recruiting on Folsom because they already knew how to use handcuffs. I left that cesspool in 2001 also. However, I still miss my coffee shops on Haight that are now John Fluvog and whatever the fuck happened to Jammin Java on waller and cole. That was the best place evar. Cafe Abir is just too cold and no crowd like GLP (jammin java was GLP incarnate) Cafe Trieste on Grant was my addiction :) “If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.” Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace "But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8 "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson revstargazer (at) hotmail.com |
deathpossum User ID: 24013362 United States 08/20/2013 03:38 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | [Your rights are] "wherever we're willing to draw a line and say 'you cannot come across this line or I'll kill you.' That's where our rights are. If you don't understand that, folks, then it's beyond my capability to explain it to you. They will get away with whatever you let them get away with. And until you draw the line and you're willing to die for what you believe in, they will keep taking and taking and taking and taking, until there is no more left to take. Then, it's all gone, and you're a slave." -bill cooper |
deathpossum User ID: 24013362 United States 08/20/2013 03:40 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | LOL! You know SF pretty well. Haven't been there since 2001, is Sukker's Liquors still there? ;) I remember watching the news one night - mid '80s I believe - and they said the police department was recruiting on Folsom because they already knew how to use handcuffs. I left that cesspool in 2001 also. However, I still miss my coffee shops on Haight that are now John Fluvog and whatever the fuck happened to Jammin Java on waller and cole. That was the best place evar. Cafe Abir is just too cold and no crowd like GLP (jammin java was GLP incarnate) Cafe Trieste on Grant was my addiction :) It seems I did hear of that place once...I dunno...I stayed always in the haight and sunset. haight had the best weirdos of course. I only drank at Zeitgeist though. [Your rights are] "wherever we're willing to draw a line and say 'you cannot come across this line or I'll kill you.' That's where our rights are. If you don't understand that, folks, then it's beyond my capability to explain it to you. They will get away with whatever you let them get away with. And until you draw the line and you're willing to die for what you believe in, they will keep taking and taking and taking and taking, until there is no more left to take. Then, it's all gone, and you're a slave." -bill cooper |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 40124937 Canada 08/20/2013 03:41 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Rev StarGazer User ID: 37891955 United States 08/20/2013 03:43 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Zeitgeist!!! I got really really stoned with the Princess of Romania there twas '97 I believe ... Quoting: Rev StarGazer LOL! You know SF pretty well. Haven't been there since 2001, is Sukker's Liquors still there? ;) I remember watching the news one night - mid '80s I believe - and they said the police department was recruiting on Folsom because they already knew how to use handcuffs. I left that cesspool in 2001 also. However, I still miss my coffee shops on Haight that are now John Fluvog and whatever the fuck happened to Jammin Java on waller and cole. That was the best place evar. Cafe Abir is just too cold and no crowd like GLP (jammin java was GLP incarnate) Cafe Trieste on Grant was my addiction :) It seems I did hear of that place once...I dunno...I stayed always in the haight and sunset. haight had the best weirdos of course. I only drank at Zeitgeist though. Last Edited by Rev Woo-Woo on 08/20/2013 03:44 AM “If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.” Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace "But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8 "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson revstargazer (at) hotmail.com |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 40124937 Canada 08/20/2013 03:43 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Two turtles go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener. The first turtle turns to the second and says, "You've gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer." "No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food." "I promise I won't," says the turtle. "Just hurry!" Nine full days pass and there's still no sign of the second turtle. Exasperated and starving, the first turtle digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, the second turtle pops out from behind a rock and yells, "I knew it! I'm not f-cking going!" |
miserkocho2 User ID: 43076206 Australia 08/20/2013 03:45 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
deathpossum User ID: 24013362 United States 08/20/2013 03:47 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Zeitgeist!!! Quoting: Rev StarGazer I got really really stoned with the Princess of Romania there twas '97 I believe I got creamed by an ambulance in front of that place on my bike one night in Jan 2001. Honestly, I was going to cafe Abir to study for CCSF and just got flattened...got free drinks there for the longest time since they all betted I was dead. The garten was the bomb for sure! [Your rights are] "wherever we're willing to draw a line and say 'you cannot come across this line or I'll kill you.' That's where our rights are. If you don't understand that, folks, then it's beyond my capability to explain it to you. They will get away with whatever you let them get away with. And until you draw the line and you're willing to die for what you believe in, they will keep taking and taking and taking and taking, until there is no more left to take. Then, it's all gone, and you're a slave." -bill cooper |
Rev StarGazer User ID: 37891955 United States 08/20/2013 04:03 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Zeitgeist!!! Quoting: Rev StarGazer I got really really stoned with the Princess of Romania there twas '97 I believe I got creamed by an ambulance in front of that place on my bike one night in Jan 2001. Honestly, I was going to cafe Abir to study for CCSF and just got flattened...got free drinks there for the longest time since they all betted I was dead. The garten was the bomb for sure! there used to be a string with a bell on the wall - ring to get weed from a guy living upstairs - he would lower it down in a basket “If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.” Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace "But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8 "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson revstargazer (at) hotmail.com |
deathpossum User ID: 24013362 United States 08/20/2013 04:15 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Zeitgeist!!! Quoting: Rev StarGazer I got really really stoned with the Princess of Romania there twas '97 I believe I got creamed by an ambulance in front of that place on my bike one night in Jan 2001. Honestly, I was going to cafe Abir to study for CCSF and just got flattened...got free drinks there for the longest time since they all betted I was dead. The garten was the bomb for sure! there used to be a string with a bell on the wall - ring to get weed from a guy living upstairs - he would lower it down in a basket LOL! That doesn't surprise me. I didn't go there much in the day...was on a moto trip in 2007 and managed to have a few on Duc bike night. I was glad to see some things stay the same in SF. [Your rights are] "wherever we're willing to draw a line and say 'you cannot come across this line or I'll kill you.' That's where our rights are. If you don't understand that, folks, then it's beyond my capability to explain it to you. They will get away with whatever you let them get away with. And until you draw the line and you're willing to die for what you believe in, they will keep taking and taking and taking and taking, until there is no more left to take. Then, it's all gone, and you're a slave." -bill cooper |
Rev StarGazer User ID: 37891955 United States 08/20/2013 04:26 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Zeitgeist!!! Quoting: Rev StarGazer I got really really stoned with the Princess of Romania there twas '97 I believe I got creamed by an ambulance in front of that place on my bike one night in Jan 2001. Honestly, I was going to cafe Abir to study for CCSF and just got flattened...got free drinks there for the longest time since they all betted I was dead. The garten was the bomb for sure! there used to be a string with a bell on the wall - ring to get weed from a guy living upstairs - he would lower it down in a basket LOL! That doesn't surprise me. I didn't go there much in the day...was on a moto trip in 2007 and managed to have a few on Duc bike night. I was glad to see some things stay the same in SF. A funny bit of trivia for you - The owner of Zeitgeist is also the owner of The Rainbow Cattle Company in Guerneville in Sonoma - definitely NOT a biker bar or a cowboy bar...;) “If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.” Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace "But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you." - Job 12:7,8 "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson revstargazer (at) hotmail.com |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 31555330 United States 08/20/2013 05:00 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Lonely guy on beach is tired of not having anyone speak to him. He goes up to Popular guy and asks his secret. "Put a Potato in your shorts" he says. Loner follows advice but women now run away from him instead of ignoring him. Goes back to Popular guy who says "Put the Potato in the FRONT of your shorts". |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 42309393 Australia 08/20/2013 05:06 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 44958246 Australia 08/20/2013 09:45 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | 3 old middle eastern ladies having coffee in the afternoon . one says - 'my mohammed would have been 22 today . its been 3 years since he was martyred ' . another says ' my achmed martyred only 18 months ago ' . the third sighs and says ' such a shame , they blow up so fast ' |
Nos : ) User ID: 39679640 United Kingdom 08/20/2013 09:55 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Nos : ) User ID: 39679640 United Kingdom 08/20/2013 10:05 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Jane wakes up from her vaginal tuck op with 3 bunches of flowers by the window, 1st from her husband with a card saying "get well soon", 2nd from the surgen also with a card saying "all went well", 3rd from billy on the burns unit, card said "thanks for the new ears". :D |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1303612 United States 08/20/2013 10:14 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | A husband walks into Marcy's to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs the wife (she's no dummy) thinks, 'I have an idea. so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.' She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, 'Good grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!' He never heard the shot, followed by 14 other shots. Funeral on Thursday at noon. Closed coffin. |
Molon Labe 2013 User ID: 30407302 United States 08/20/2013 10:26 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | A priest and rabbi were on the lake fishing...and not having much luck. The priest, bored to tears, turns to the rabbi and says, "We should have brought an alter boy." The rabbi responds, "Why?" The priest says, "So we could screw him." The rabbi thought for a moment and said, "Out of what?" Molon Labe 2013 |
Person445 (OP) User ID: 41756472 Canada 08/20/2013 10:32 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | A priest and rabbi were on the lake fishing...and not having much luck. Quoting: Molon Labe 2013 The priest, bored to tears, turns to the rabbi and says, "We should have brought an alter boy." The rabbi responds, "Why?" The priest says, "So we could screw him." The rabbi thought for a moment and said, "Out of what?" now that's funny! Follow me on Twitter: @RussellScott202 |
Harry Palms User ID: 45308908 United Kingdom 08/20/2013 12:55 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Jetpack42 User ID: 40582332 United States 08/20/2013 01:02 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 75 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand. but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands, and her mouth too, but nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the damn jar open!" |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 38706893 United States 08/20/2013 01:15 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Person445 (OP) User ID: 41756472 Canada 08/20/2013 01:28 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm Quoting: Jetpack42 count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 75 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand. but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands, and her mouth too, but nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the damn jar open!" Very funny. Follow me on Twitter: @RussellScott202 |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 45238281 United States 08/20/2013 01:38 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.” The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out.” |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 35780720 United States 08/20/2013 01:52 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1277891 Netherlands 08/20/2013 01:56 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | An old fart is sitting in the train when a georgeous woman is taking place across his seat. This woman looks at the old man and sees that all the wrinkles in his face dissapears. She says: Sir, what happened, all your wrinkles in the face dissapeared! He says: Yeah, I need the skin now somewhere else. |